I messaged him for closure

[Howaheartbreaks]

My boyfriend of 4 years and best friend of 8 broke up with me back in February. He couldn't see us as being the happiest people we could be together, and he said that although he loved me so much that he couldn't continue.

 

I decided after 6 months of missing and thinking about him all time that I would just lay all my feelings out. We hadn't spoken since the breakup (he messaged me once, I didn't reply then had a tiny conversation about an mutual event). I know he had a new girlfriend but I just needed to tell him, if not just for me.

 

I poured out my heart. I told him how hard it was for me, how I still loved him and missed him but that I was working on myself to become happier. I told him how amazing I thought he was and how I hoped he was happier now, because despite all the hurt and heartbreak I still wish for him to be so happy, though I wish that happiness could be with me.

 

He told me he was happy. More happy than he'd been in a long time, supported and able to express himself which he didn't know he was missing before. He said he was happy that I was working on myself, but that one day I'd find happiness too, with someone else. We were friends for 4 years and then in a relationship for 4 years after that, and he described it as "something familiar that we built together". That hurt me so much.

 

I expected this. But dumb and stupid me was still hoping he'd turn around and say that he loved and missed me too. I guess his new relationship isn't a rebound. I needed this for closure but all I keep thinking right now is how I am so pathetic to be so in love with a guy who had moved on with his life.

[Jagged100]

I'm really sorry you're hurting. I hope that you can use this in a positive way. Yes it absolutely sucks that he's moved on and happy with out you, but at least you know now that you have to move on. You deserve someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them.

[kfey]

all I keep thinking right now is how I am so pathetic to be so in love with a guy who had moved on with his life.

 

I don't think it's pathetic, especially given your history, and you're not pathetic. Lots of people feel this way and aren't pathetic. It's natural to feel this way.

[Len31]

I don't think it's pathetic at all. Sometimes we need the other person to really tell us it's over for it to be really over. Sometimes we wish they would change their mind. But I guess his latest reply to you indicates that he doesn't feel the same. Don't be too hard on yourself. What's more important is that you know it now. Now you can move on knowing you did everything you could.

[diddilybop]

oh, girl. i just want to give you hug right now.

 

anyway, i don't think what you did was pathetic at all. it's actually really brave to allow yourself to process and express how you feel. i'm sorry that you're hurt too. as cliche as it sounds, time really does heal all wounds. with that said, this is a great time to reflect and take care of yourself.

[ExpatInItaly]

You're not pathetic, OP, you're human.

 

Take his response as your closure. He's moved on, and now you can truly begin the process for yourself too.

[d0nnivain]

You got your closure but it didn't come the way you were expecting. It came from you, when you finally realized that this was over.

 

Understand your EX was mature about this. He let you talk & then had words to end things with finality. Many people aren't that mature or articulate which is why these types of conversations rarely work.