SilverCup Posted August 11, 2017 Share Posted August 11, 2017 So we broke up about 3 months ago. Circumstances always seem to arise where I end up breaking NC. Yes maybe it's me finding excuses for it, other times it's legitimate reasons. Thing is that we both don't want to act like an ass to each other. Whenever I would message her, she would answer even though I know sometimes she didn't want to so I've been doing the same. I decided to start a new NC 8 days ago and to not reply to her no matter what, to which she's sent me messages twice since then and I just ignored them. Thing is, her son's birthday is coming up in 2 days. While I do want to keep NC going, her son means the world to her and if I just ignore that day, she's probably going to take it as a slap in the face which would pretty much ruin any chance at re conciliating or possibly even just being friends down the road. At this point, I'm not sure what I want so I don't want to burn those bridges. So my question is, would it be acceptable to break NC that day to wish her son a happy birthday? (We're not in the same cities so it would just be a text to her) I'm not saying to have a long conversation or anything like that. Just a quick happy birthday text. Or would this just set me back where I then have to start NC from scratch again? Link to post Share on other sites
1fish2fish Posted August 11, 2017 Share Posted August 11, 2017 How old is her son? Instead of texting her, can you mail her son a birthday card? And how will it affect you if you don't receive any acknowledgement for it (text OR card?) Right now your healing should be your priority, and it does seem like another excuse to reach out. It's hard, I know - especially when it comes to birthdays. But at what point are you going to be able to completely move on? If you don't reconcile down the road, do you expect to maintain a relationship with her son? Link to post Share on other sites
kortz Posted August 11, 2017 Share Posted August 11, 2017 So we broke up about 3 months ago. Circumstances always seem to arise where I end up breaking NC. Which means its not actually no contact and you're doing it wrong. which would pretty much ruin any chance at re conciliating or possibly even just being friends down the road. At this point, I'm not sure what I want so I don't want to burn those bridges. Who broke up with who? You're talking as though you hold all the cards here and can just decide what happens in the future between you two. If you're broken up then you're broken up and you either make your mind up about what you want and tell her and accept whatever respond you get, even if that is a no. If she broke up with you then you then you need to accept its over and move on! So my question is, would it be acceptable to break NC that day to wish her son a happy birthday? No it wouldn't be acceptable, that isn't NC and you'll just continue setting yourself back. You're broken up and you should be out of each others lives completely. If she doesn't want to get back then how are you going to feel when you find out she's with someone else? Because it WILL happen. And forget about being friends...a lot of time needs to pass before this can happen and that is time apart, many months, maybe years. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 11, 2017 Share Posted August 11, 2017 NC is a guide not a mandate. If you can interact & not set yourself back to day one of your heartbreak after the break up, it's fine to be civil. Personally I think reaching out to say happy birthday to her child is a bad idea & will just confuse the kid. To use a child as a pretext is disgraceful. He has been told that you & his mom broke up. That means you are gone out of his life unless you are bio dad. If you are bio dad you better be doing way more then sending a text. If you are not bio dad did you ever think that the best thing for her son is NC? He doesn't need to be confused about your place in his life going forward. Every adult needs to be clear that you are gone & have no place in life any more. Stop thinking about what you want & start thinking about what is in the best interests of the child. Also get mom's permission before you text her kid. If she has a lick of sense & finds out you were contacting her child behind her back she will be furious. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted August 11, 2017 Share Posted August 11, 2017 Yes maybe it's me finding excuses for it Yes, and this birthday is another excuse to break NC. What do you expect her to do when she receives your text? Tell the kid, "Hey, SilverCup says happy birthday"? Do you think it's appropriate for her to tell her kid that her ex-boyfriend says happy birthday? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SilverCup Posted August 11, 2017 Author Share Posted August 11, 2017 NC is a guide not a mandate. If you can interact & not set yourself back to day one of your heartbreak after the break up, it's fine to be civil. Personally I think reaching out to say happy birthday to her child is a bad idea & will just confuse the kid. To use a child as a pretext is disgraceful. He has been told that you & his mom broke up. Therein lies the problem that's been confusing for me. In response to kortz, technically, I broke up with her but it was because she pushed me away to the point that I was essentially forced to do it so in my mind, she broke up with me. When discussing the possibility of getting back together, she's been standing firm that it's not a possiblity yet her actions seem to say differently, one of which being that she hasn't even told her son we're not together. She's only told him that I've been busy which is why I haven't been around. And no, I'm not the bio dad. They're actually going through a custody battle at this time which is one of the things that messed up our relationship because she couldn't handle all the stress and pushed me away. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 11, 2017 Share Posted August 11, 2017 Still what she tells her kid is up to her. If she's lying to her son & telling him you are away, she will most likely lie & tell the kid you said Happy Birthday. If you really want to talk to the kid, I still think you need to get the mom's permission especially if he is under 12. Link to post Share on other sites
Bastile Posted August 11, 2017 Share Posted August 11, 2017 So, both the girl and the kid aren't yours? Stay no-contact until you have some other women on the go. Focus your attentions on that, and be more productive. If you still want to contact her about her child that isn't yours when you have 2 other very sexy girls in a rotation, then I'll eat my hat. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted August 11, 2017 Share Posted August 11, 2017 I think you need to tell her that you two should not be in contact any more for the foreseeing future because you can't just be friends right now and that way you won't feel bad for ignoring her. Her words do match her actions as she has told you she doesn't want to reconcile and sounds like she is going through a tough custody battle. She doesn't want a romantic relationship with you. You two can't just be friends at this point. At this point you need to do what is best for you. You can't control anything on her end. She knows how you feel. You want to try again and she doesn't. Leave her be and let her work through her issues, without you. Doesn't mean you can't ever contact her again, but right now you need to focus on you because she is not ready to be in a relationship with anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
JS84 Posted August 11, 2017 Share Posted August 11, 2017 He's not your kid and he's going to have to get used to you not being around. He's going to have another Birthday next year. Will you feel the need to reach out then? How about the year after that?? Whether you break NC is up to you. But like I said in another thread just a few minutes ago, the best way to deal with break ups is to stick to NC. Believe me, I'm sure her kid will be fine if you don't wish him a Happy Birthday. His mother can figure out how to deal with the situation if he does, it's no longer your concern. NC will also help her son move on from you faster as well. But if you keep sporadically popping into his life, you're not doing him, your ex, or yourself any favors. I think you need to tell her that you two should not be in contact any more for the foreseeing future because you can't just be friends right now and that way you won't feel bad for ignoring her. He doesn't even need to tell her that much. They broke up. He doesn't need to explain anything to her. They don't need to be friends. They don't need to be contacting each other. Link to post Share on other sites
springy Posted August 11, 2017 Share Posted August 11, 2017 Do as you wish but remember this: "Circumstances always seem to arise where I end up breaking NC." You will always find reason to contact her, and will always find a way to justify it. Totally up to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Frostedflake Posted August 12, 2017 Share Posted August 12, 2017 You guys broke up, therefore, you have no future in this kids life. It's not worth breaking NC over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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