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I live with my girlfriend. I've decided I can't take her behaviors anymore. I need to break up with her. We have split furniture, etc.

 

Any ideas on how to break up? I'll need to break a lease and move out, maybe financially figure out how to settle split furniture.

 

All advice is welcome. Thank you in advance.

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You can't just break a lease. If the landlord can't re-rent the property you could still be on the hook for the rent for the length of your rental contract. If the landlord lets you out fine but understand they don't have to. If there isn't a waiting list to get into your building this could be a problem.

 

 

If your GF is willing & can afford to assume the whole lease when you move out, get that in writing with written approval from the landlord. Just because she promises to pay the landlord still has a contract with you & if she doesn't pay they will sue you for the money.

 

 

Other than that, you break up any old way, like a non-living together relationship. Since you are the one who is leaving / breaking her heart / hurting her, be a bit more generous about the furniture split. You can offer a few options: you keep the bedroom & I'll take the couch or vice versa or ask if you can buy her out or she wants to buy you out of all the furniture. Not that you asked, but this BTW is why it's a bad idea to make expensive joint purchases with a non-spouse.

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Where I am we cannot break a lease but we can sub-lease. If you find someone else to rent your apartment you can sublease the remaining of your lease OR maybe you owner will be open to break your lease to sign with the new tenant.

 

As for splitting furniture you'll have no choice but to negotiate. Where you move you may not need appliances so why start a war over them, just leave them to her. Offer her to keep all the furniture and pay you your half, or the other way around. l I would not fight over furniture.

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Where I am we cannot break a lease but we can sub-lease. If you find someone else to rent your apartment you can sublease the remaining of your lease OR maybe you owner will be open to break your lease to sign with the new tenant.

 

As for splitting furniture you'll have no choice but to negotiate. Where you move you may not need appliances so why start a war over them, just leave them to her. Offer her to keep all the furniture and pay you your half, or the other way around. l I would not fight over furniture.

Ya I hear there is a "Lease Day" or "moving day" in Quebec my friend has told me about. It's law, and IMO it's a silly law because it's the landlords property, it's a business and should be his.her responsibility, not the tenant. I sure as hell would not trust a tenant to find a proper replacement, especially if they are desperate.

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This is where a prenup agreement should have come into play. For next time it would be wise to go over the arrangements as per if one has to end the relationship or have to move. People never think of that tho lol.

 

There is never a good way to depart. I suggest prearrange a few friends and a truck before Saturday and have then on standby. Break the news to her and start moving your stuff out promptly. Pay up for the month, break the lease. OR you can move out what you think is a fair split without her there, and break the news to her after you get your stuff out if it's going to be a sticky situation.

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Where I am we cannot break a lease but we can sub-lease.

 

Sorry if this is off-topic, but you can always break a lease. Literally, there is no such thing as a contract that you simply cannot exit from. The contract (or the law itself) will specify the price for exiting the contract, and the price may be high, but there's always a price.

 

In the case of leases, broadly speaking, if you end a lease early, your landlord has the right to continue collecting rent from you until the termination of the lease, except the landlord must also make a diligent and timely search for a new tenant.

 

We all have a duty to mitigate our damages. For example, if there's a leak upstairs that comes through your ceiling, you have an obligation to move your things. Your landlord is liable for your damages up to the moment you discovered the leak, but having discovered the leak, you can't just allow your property to continue being damaged on the grounds that the landlord will pay for it. Nope. He's only liable for the damage up to the point where you discovered the leak.

 

It's the same with leases. The landlord must mitigate his damages. He can't just sit back and keep collecting rent from you. Further, you may bring qualified prospective replacement tenants to him, and he has the obligation to consider them in the same light he would consider any other tenant. He cannot legally refuse an otherwise qualified tenant just to continue collecting rent from you.

 

On the other hand, if it works for you to sublease, that's great! ;)

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I live with my girlfriend. I've decided I can't take her behaviors anymore. I need to break up with her. We have split furniture, etc.

 

Any ideas on how to break up? I'll need to break a lease and move out, maybe financially figure out how to settle split furniture.

 

All advice is welcome. Thank you in advance.

 

I'd sit her down and tell her that things aren't working out for you as you'd planned and give her until the end of the lease to make some concrete changes before moving out because it would 1. be unfair of you to saddle her with the lease when your name is on the lease, too and 2. not fly with your landlord because you can't just break a lease because you can't take your roommate's behaviors anymore.

 

Now if this is more about you've found a new girlfriend and want to go be with her, then no... responsibilities are what they are and there are serious legal consequences when you've signed your name to a contract and then arbitrarily decide you want to break it. That's not how life works.

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You'll either have to pay the lease off yourself and get your name off the lease or have her sign something to take over the lease herself, which she isn't going to want to do. To get out, if you can afford it, pay off the lease, get your name off the lease, and let her figure out her own living arrangements.

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Mind if I ask what those behaviors are? Curious mind wants to know. :D

 

A combination of things...

 

I recently (6 months ago) moved from Florida to New York to be with her. We were long distance up to that point. Right after I moved up she said to me one night "I ****ed someone from work" so I shockingly responded "what?" And she said "don't worry it was a month before we got together. " I thought this was a very strange thing to do. Why would I want to know that if it were before we got together? Right? Other similar things like this have happened. She once told me, out of the blue, about how she cheated on her ex boyfriend. Told me the story. I'm sitting there thinking to myself ("why is she telling me this story out of no where it's so weird") another time shortly after I moved up to live with her, she told me "I'll never cheat on you- unless I find someone I have a better emotional connection with. I'd never do it out of only lust" again I'm thinking, "this is very weird"

 

I've noticed when we're out socializing, she can be very touchy and flirty wjth other men. It's just all adding up. I can do better than this disrespectful behavior. What are your thoughts?

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What are your thoughts?

 

 

I'd sit her down and tell her that things aren't working out for you as you'd planned and don't break the lease because it would 1. be unfair of you to saddle her with the lease when your name is on the lease, too and 2. not fly with your landlord because you can't just break a lease because you don't like what your girlfriend said to you.

 

I'd let her know that you no longer consider her your girlfriend and that she's free to live her life as your roommate and you'll do the same til such time as you're legally free to leave.

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She's a man lover. She's always open, looking touching flirting , they can't help themselves they just love men and they love the ego boost of it all too, even if they're in a relationship.

 

sorry man but l think your doing the right thing, even the way she told you that when you moved in, and later says wtf , unless she finds somebody she has a better connection with , gee, thanks for telling me.

you'll never be able to trust her and she doesn't feel right anyway.Your spot on to be wanting out of it.

 

As far as the lease , yeah , dunno. People here are in your country , they know the drills much better than me there.

Spose you could try talking to her and go separate rooms if she won't let you out of it.

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I think she got what she wanted....a place to live and a roommate to pay half of the rent in one of the most expensive cities to live in.

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Sorry if this is off-topic, but you can always break a lease. Literally, there is no such thing as a contract that you simply cannot exit from. The contract (or the law itself) will specify the price for exiting the contract, and the price may be high, but there's always a price.

 

You explained it better but that was my point. thr1986 -- you don't have to continue living there but there might be financial consequences

 

A combination of things...

 

I recently (6 months ago) moved from Florida to New York to be with her. We were long distance up to that point. Right after I moved up she said to me one night "I ****ed someone from work" so I shockingly responded "what?" And she said "don't worry it was a month before we got together. " I thought this was a very strange thing to do. Why would I want to know that if it were before we got together? Right? Other similar things like this have happened. She once told me, out of the blue, about how she cheated on her ex boyfriend. Told me the story. I'm sitting there thinking to myself ("why is she telling me this story out of no where it's so weird") another time shortly after I moved up to live with her, she told me "I'll never cheat on you- unless I find someone I have a better emotional connection with. I'd never do it out of only lust" again I'm thinking, "this is very weird"

 

I've noticed when we're out socializing, she can be very touchy and flirty wjth other men. It's just all adding up. I can do better than this disrespectful behavior. What are your thoughts?

 

I can see why you want to break up. Nobody was telling you to stay in a relationship where you are unhappy. My only point is make sure you understand the financial consequences of breaking a lease. If you moved in with her & your name isn't on the lease, you can just get up & leave.

 

Your story also illustrates why it's never a great idea to go straight from an LDR directly to living together

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She's a man lover. She's always open, looking touching flirting , they can't help themselves they just love men and they love the ego boost of it all too, even if they're in a relationship.

 

sorry man but l think your doing the right thing, even the way she told you that when you moved in, and later says wtf , unless she finds somebody she has a better connection with , gee, thanks for telling me.

you'll never be able to trust her and she doesn't feel right anyway.Your spot on to be wanting out of it.

 

As far as the lease , yeah , dunno. People here are in your country , they know the drills much better than me there.

Spose you could try talking to her and go separate rooms if she won't let you out of it.

 

I have brought these things up to her. She usually says it's weird that I hold a grudge and hold on to things for so long. She tries to turn it around on me like it's strange that I'm bringing something up from 6 months ago. She gets nervous that I will leave her and says she loves me more than she's loved anyone before and begs me not to leave. Says I'm her soul mate. She tells me she so in love with me. These things make it hard for me to decide what to do. It makes me think, "am I thinking of leaving someone who really does love me"

 

But is it normal to tell your boyfriend who just moved across the country for you that you would never cheat on him, unless you have a better emotional connection with someone?

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Also there have been several times that we have seen other guys out and she on her own says "oh this is awkward, I slept with him" leaving me feeling like wow this is weird- why would you tell me that.

 

If it were reversed, I wouldn't say anything to her about it. Right?

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Also, I'm not sure if anyone can speak to this or if this helps explain her behavior or not, but she is bipolar type 2. So is her father. She is medicated.

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Also, I'm not sure if anyone can speak to this or if this helps explain her behavior or not, but she is bipolar type 2. So is her father. She is medicated.

This illness, compounded with being a narcissist (and yes she is), a master manipulator, gaslighting, and emotionally blackmailing you, lies lies lies, to only benefit her. Again you got conned/bamboozled. There's a sucker born every min.

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This illness, compounded with being a narcissist (and yes she is), a master manipulator, gaslighting, and emotionally blackmailing you, lies lies lies, to only benefit her. Again you got conned/bamboozled. There's a sucker born every min.

 

So what does she want from life then? She tells me she wants to marry me and spend her life with me. What's her plan? She will just marry someone and then cheat on them when she can or something? Why wouldn't she just be single?

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I live with my girlfriend. I've decided I can't take her behaviors anymore. I need to break up with her. We have split furniture, etc.

 

Any ideas on how to break up? I'll need to break a lease and move out, maybe financially figure out how to settle split furniture.

 

All advice is welcome. Thank you in advance.

 

You take out what you've brought in.

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A combination of things...

 

I recently (6 months ago) moved from Florida to New York to be with her. We were long distance up to that point. Right after I moved up she said to me one night "I ****ed someone from work" so I shockingly responded "what?" And she said "don't worry it was a month before we got together. " I thought this was a very strange thing to do. Why would I want to know that if it were before we got together? Right? Other similar things like this have happened. She once told me, out of the blue, about how she cheated on her ex boyfriend. Told me the story. I'm sitting there thinking to myself ("why is she telling me this story out of no where it's so weird") another time shortly after I moved up to live with her, she told me "I'll never cheat on you- unless I find someone I have a better emotional connection with. I'd never do it out of only lust" again I'm thinking, "this is very weird"

 

I've noticed when we're out socializing, she can be very touchy and flirty wjth other men. It's just all adding up. I can do better than this disrespectful behavior. What are your thoughts?

 

A perfect example of why oversharing can only get you in trouble. Bravo for you for thinking what happened before you met is none of your beeswax. If only she thought the same. It's as if she was warning you that she always has her eyes open. But at the same time, I believe her when she says she wouldn't leave someone just for physical attraction. If we're honest, a LOT of us would leave a relationship for someone we just felt was more right for us.

 

Sounds like you're more restrained than her and I can see why this isn't a good fit.

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So what does she want from life then? She tells me she wants to marry me and spend her life with me. What's her plan? She will just marry someone and then cheat on them when she can or something? Why wouldn't she just be single?

 

People like this live to defeat and bring down others. She could just be single.

But she won't. She will do everything in her power to bring another down, if she is truly a narc.

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