Jump to content

My ex's Grandma


Recommended Posts

We'll not his Grandma, but his very old Aunt who acts as his grandma, will not stop calling me.

 

I was supposed to get married to said ex in 2016, but we decided to call the wedding off and separated. I haven't spoken to him since a message relayed to my dad accidentally sent to him as well (I wonder who got in my phone and merged those two contacts). It was a message about changing my locks on my apartment (which I did) and getting my keys back. It was an AWEFUL relationship privatley, but publically it was wonderful. It was all so confusing, until I decided this was narcissistic behavior. After confronting him about several issues, and having no response, or playing the blame game, I finally had to pay him t leave my apartment ($700 +300 for our STD testing). I paid for all of that, knowing I had not cheated or slept with anyone. We listened to the results by phone together. After many many accusations made on my behalf, I was the one who was clean and he was the one with a ding on his std chart. SOOOOO there went the wedding.

 

I sold the dress on ebay, I sold all of the decorations, told all of the important people personally, and then I even told his Aunt over the phone. I haven't spoken to him in months, and it has almost been a year since breaking up.

 

She calls. She persists. Did I mention, that he lives in their extra bedroom?

 

I asked my brother about it and he said they could be nice and want to know how you are doing, or they could be looking for an out for him and hoping you will take him back. No effing way on that.

 

Anyway, this is the 3rd time she has called that I haven't responded, and before that I would respond with You guys are wonderful people, but we dont want any contact with the ex. At which point, she said "Oh, well we all live here together."

 

So, what do I do?

 

Do I continue to not answer, or do I kindly respond with a 'no' to whatever they are asking?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

She and her husband are such wonderful people though. They are a very sweet old couple.

 

I don't really want to talk with her, but they are people who truly care.

 

I feel bad blocking her number, but I also don't really care to have any information relayed back to my ex, given the circumstances of the break up.

 

I did not respond, I don't think I am going to. But it begs the question, is it ever appropriate to stay friends with your ex's relatives.

 

 

I have done some research on narcissistic behavior, and what I went through with that relationship was classic narcissism.

 

There was love bombing in the beginning. He sent me flowers and candies every week, he focused his time and energy on me. It did get to a point to where I wanted to have more alone time in the beginning, but I figured it came with the territory.

 

Then I started noticing some things were off, and when I questioned him about it - he never did anything wrong. I even found bobby pins in our apt. I don't wear bobby pins, and it send out huge red flags.

 

I stayed with him for a while longer, and then boom he proposed. I accpeted reluctantly. After it was all said and done, I knew I should have never accepted, but I did anyway. And then suddenly - the tables turned and he was focusing all of the accusations on me. It was all my fault he cheated, I had trust issues, I was "keeping him from his friends."

 

I remember once telling him "Hey!, if you want to go, I am not holding you here! Go see your friends! Do what you want to do!" But then he would stay home and blame me. Saying I had "alterior motives." I had none. I honestly just wanted some alone time!

 

So, I could expect that maybe he is fishing for information, given all of the information I have read about Narcissistic Supply......

 

I won't respond, but I like to talk myself through things given I do not want to experience this again, and hope to learn from it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Take one last phone call & ask her why she continues to bother you. Make it clear to her that her continued contact is unwelcome. In essence be blunt almost to the point of rudeness, then block her.

Link to post
Share on other sites
We'll not his Grandma, but his very old Aunt who acts as his grandma, will not stop calling me.

 

I was supposed to get married to said ex in 2016, but we decided to call the wedding off and separated. I haven't spoken to him since a message relayed to my dad accidentally sent to him as well (I wonder who got in my phone and merged those two contacts). It was a message about changing my locks on my apartment (which I did) and getting my keys back. It was an AWEFUL relationship privatley, but publically it was wonderful. It was all so confusing, until I decided this was narcissistic behavior. After confronting him about several issues, and having no response, or playing the blame game, I finally had to pay him t leave my apartment ($700 +300 for our STD testing). I paid for all of that, knowing I had not cheated or slept with anyone. We listened to the results by phone together. After many many accusations made on my behalf, I was the one who was clean and he was the one with a ding on his std chart. SOOOOO there went the wedding.

 

I sold the dress on ebay, I sold all of the decorations, told all of the important people personally, and then I even told his Aunt over the phone. I haven't spoken to him in months, and it has almost been a year since breaking up.

 

She calls. She persists. Did I mention, that he lives in their extra bedroom?

 

I asked my brother about it and he said they could be nice and want to know how you are doing, or they could be looking for an out for him and hoping you will take him back. No effing way on that.

 

Anyway, this is the 3rd time she has called that I haven't responded, and before that I would respond with You guys are wonderful people, but we dont want any contact with the ex. At which point, she said "Oh, well we all live here together."

 

So, what do I do?

 

Do I continue to not answer, or do I kindly respond with a 'no' to whatever they are asking?

 

You've told her, so now it's time to just block her number. If you have a land line, you can do that with the right tools from the provider. If you are on smartphone look on google and see how to do it. I know for sure you can get an app called Mr. Number that will block it even if your phone or phone service provider doesn't offer any way besides taking it automatically to voicemail. Some phones you can block. If not, get Mr. Number for your Android and put her number on there and forget about her. She wants him out of her house, no doubt.....so that tells you all you need to know.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
You've told her, so now it's time to just block her number. If you have a land line, you can do that with the right tools from the provider. If you are on smartphone look on google and see how to do it. I know for sure you can get an app called Mr. Number that will block it even if your phone or phone service provider doesn't offer any way besides taking it automatically to voicemail. Some phones you can block. If not, get Mr. Number for your Android and put her number on there and forget about her. She wants him out of her house, no doubt.....so that tells you all you need to know.

 

I get that. I just feel bad.

 

When we lived together he did not pay any bills. He paid only his half of the rent, and would claim it was ours. He would be angry with me for telling him "My car, My life, etc." He would say "I want everything to be ours."

Which would be ideal, except he did not have anything and did not contribute to things at home financially after we moved in together.

 

He paid his half of the rent only, and did not contribute to any bills or groceries, unless I asked him to and even then it was a fight.

 

 

This woman did some very nice and important things for me. I just feel bad being rude to her.

 

Is there a way I can say it nicely? I can't think of one.

Link to post
Share on other sites

No. She just wants to get rid of him because he's doing the same thing to her as he did to you.

 

Let her think your phone number just changed. I don't think she's calling out of real love, just wants him out of there. You've already told her and she didn't respect your wishes. So quietly block her every way you can, including social media.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Today I am feeling alot better and I just can't even.

 

I m not responding.

 

I do have to say his family are wonderful peoples, but we need to move on from that. They are the kind of people who touch your heart. They do not deserve that either.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...