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A last chance to salvage respect..


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 17th August 2017, 2:37 PM   #31
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Just tell her, I don't hate you, but I need to move on and it will be easier if we don't communicate with each other.
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Old 17th August 2017, 3:18 PM   #32
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Thank you dumbass2 (what a name, haha) 1fish2fish said thats the best idea right now. I think it may help, I just need to think about how capable I am at remaining silent.. I think i'm just lonely.

1fish2fish, That type of training is a really great tip, i'm going to try every time I think of her i'll drink a cup of water! Putting in my mind that I can stop thinking about her is a great start, I just need to believe it. I feel better from earlier, thank you.
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Old 17th August 2017, 11:22 PM   #33
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Great advice here lad. You know what you have to do but it's another thing to go against your own heart. I've been there. Family and friends are so important. Hang out with lads. You need to move on without her. It will be tough.

It actually feels good though to control yourself and not to be lead on by your emotions!
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Old 17th August 2017, 11:26 PM   #34
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A good sentence I found for this situation is.

I don't hate you for not loving me, I hate myself for loving you.
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Old 18th August 2017, 7:48 AM   #35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by breadbin View Post
A good sentence I found for this situation is.

I don't hate you for not loving me, I hate myself for loving you.
Wow, I really like that. Thank you for your advice.

Last night I got a text from her friend, reiterating "She has some of your things" things I need to pick up. I blocked the friend.
I will not be going back to get one cord or a couple paint brushes.. It seems so petty, she knows i'm not responding for a reason, one cord and some paint brushes are the last thing I care about..

Last edited by Growing_Changing; 18th August 2017 at 9:26 AM..
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Old 18th August 2017, 9:46 AM   #36
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Originally Posted by Growing_Changing View Post
Wow, I really like that. Thank you for your advice.

Last night I got a text from her friend, reiterating "She has some of your things" things I need to pick up. I blocked the friend.
I will not be going back to get one cord or a couple paint brushes.. It seems so petty, she knows i'm not responding for a reason, one cord and some paint brushes are the last thing I care about..

You are doing so well and have made a ton of progress. Good for you!

And I agree. It is petty. My ex reached out back in June asking if I was going to come get my stuff - hundreds of dollars of workout equipment. as much as I hate buying replacements, it wasn't worth it to engage with him.
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Old 18th August 2017, 10:19 AM   #37
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Originally Posted by Growing_Changing View Post
Wow, I really like that. Thank you for your advice.

Last night I got a text from her friend, reiterating "She has some of your things" things I need to pick up. I blocked the friend.
I will not be going back to get one cord or a couple paint brushes.. It seems so petty, she knows i'm not responding for a reason, one cord and some paint brushes are the last thing I care about..
Indeed she does. Your strength within you has absolutely demolished the vision of "weak and meek" she had of you. You have put forth a man of strong character in full control of himself. This is not something she has seen from you.

Ironically, you have become more attractive because of your ability to shove the BS right back down her throat. All by remaining quiet.

Stellar, stellar work my friend. Great job!

You will still have big bouts of loneliness and pain which is all normal. When you do re-read this thread. You are not the same person that started it. You're growing...

Well done!
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Old 18th August 2017, 3:39 PM   #38
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I don't know what I would do without you all, at a loss of words, such genuine people to take time everytime I post to write me. i've come to really respect myself again after all the advice. Most importantly I want to be happy again, for myself. I'm so thankful for you all and I really wish I could be actual real life friends haha-

1fish2fish, You think so? thank you, I'm leaving all of this in the past.. I hope you got new, BETTER workout equipment. I would really appreciate her giving my heart back! hahaaa..

Frigginlost, I have to say, your words really help me roll my shoulders back and realize I'm in my own skin. Not only did I appear weak to her, I was weak on the inside.. Going the route you said originally by dropping contact immediately has brought me some serious peace on the inside. I'll keep you updated and I hope this story starts to fizzle out, I hope I see the end of self pity and replace it with self confidence. She damaged my hull but I'll mend it all with a stronger metal this time. Thank you.
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Old 24th August 2017, 12:22 PM   #39
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So how was your weekend?

And what are your plans for this upcoming weekend?

I hope you've been letting yourself heal and have focused on yourself and not your ex.
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Old 24th August 2017, 3:55 PM   #40
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I was exactly in your shoe last week. But unfortunately, I'm the girl who did the begging, crying, and non stop texting. I finally decided to do NC for 4 days now. We shared a home together that we are moving out. He said he will put my stuff in storage until I get on my feet again. Which will create an opportunity for us to crossed path again. Because the breakup is so fresh, I still want him back. We been together for 1.5 years and left me when I finally got my health condition diagnosed. But we were fighting a lot prior and he said he fell out of love with me. So if I go NC, will it work the same way if the girl was doing the begging?
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Old 29th August 2017, 1:57 PM   #41
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I have an Update..
Its been about a month of my re-established No contact, she messaged a few times but I thought she was done after her text about the small cords I had left.

Two days ago suddenly She texted me she "Hey"
.. an hour later she sent,
"I miss you, Sorry I know I wont hear back but I do miss you"
It was closer to 1am on a Saturday, I think it may have been alcohol related.. I immediately felt a flood of emotion, Its been two days and I'm trying to calm myself down and rationalize whats going on. As soon as I read it I knew how hard it would be to maintain the no contact so I practiced as much discipline as I could, I tried to warn myself, "in a few days you're going to wish you replied" I'm glad I didn't, but I am certainly juggling those thoughts .. The no contact is helping me but it certainly got me thinking about her again. I remind myself that she told me she no longer loved me and that she said "If you need to hate me to move on, thats what you should do" ..if I hadn't of gone no contact she would have been fine. And now I feel angry in a way again.. Thats all she would send? She doesn't want me back, why would she send this to me.. Any help, friggin lost, or 1fish2fish would be greatly appreciated. I just need to make sense of my emotion to rationalize why I feel this way.. Telling someone you miss them is so deep and It felt good to read.. Cant help but feel it was just a ploy for a reply.. I just want to make sure i'm doing the right thing. I hope this will make things better in the long run, maybe even mend things in the far future? Thanks.

Before the last two days I had been doing great, the wedding weekend was amazing 1fish2fish and I kept a clean attitude, life was speeding again, still is friends.

Last edited by Growing_Changing; 29th August 2017 at 2:05 PM..
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Old 29th August 2017, 8:12 PM   #42
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I know that was really tough not responding to that breadcrumb.

So...does she miss YOU? Or does she miss the benefits of being with you? Big difference.

Missing someone doesn't change anything. Nothing in the relationship has changed or will change. My ex said the same thing to me last month - that he missed me. He didn't own his sh*t in our toxic relationship because he has zero self awareness (and is an alcoholic)...but he's lonely. Oh, boo f*cking hoo.

My bet it's the same with your ex. She's lonely, she was probably drinking, and her doormat of an ex bf is no longer a doormat and now refuses to be her emotional tampon because he's found his self respect.

"I miss you" means nothing.

(And this is why I've said all along to block her on your phone. Are you ready now? Stay strong! This is but a speedbump, and you are doing great!!)
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Old 31st August 2017, 10:48 AM   #43
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Originally Posted by 1fish2fish View Post
I know that was really tough not responding to that breadcrumb.

So...does she miss YOU? Or does she miss the benefits of being with you? Big difference.

Missing someone doesn't change anything. Nothing in the relationship has changed or will change. My ex said the same thing to me last month - that he missed me. He didn't own his sh*t in our toxic relationship because he has zero self awareness (and is an alcoholic)...but he's lonely. Oh, boo f*cking hoo.

My bet it's the same with your ex. She's lonely, she was probably drinking, and her doormat of an ex bf is no longer a doormat and now refuses to be her emotional tampon because he's found his self respect.

"I miss you" means nothing.

(And this is why I've said all along to block her on your phone. Are you ready now? Stay strong! This is but a speedbump, and you are doing great!!)

Thank you for this, I needed to read that. You're right, thanks for the insight and i'm going to push forward into no contact. I hope she'll see one day that she lost someone that truly cared for her.. I hope she sees the change I'm making for myself. She's was a great influence on me and I still have one grain of hope that one day, far far from now we'll see eye to eye again. batten down the hatches, here we go!
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Old 31st August 2017, 11:56 AM   #44
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... and I still have one grain of hope that one day, far far from now we'll see eye to eye again. batten down the hatches, here we go!
Be careful. That grain of hope is a powerful virus of self-deception which can leave you locked in a perpetual limbo where you never let your heart open fully to someone new.
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Old 31st August 2017, 12:47 PM   #45
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Be careful. That grain of hope is a powerful virus of self-deception which can leave you locked in a perpetual limbo where you never let your heart open fully to someone new.
Woah, you're right, I have to drive away and mean it, thats an unhealthy thought that should be adjacent with my actions.
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