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Do i have the right to phone his mother?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 12th August 2017, 8:12 PM   #16
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I think it is part of the bonding that occurred with a previous partner. It is a mental and physical entanglement. The bond will gradually unravel as time goes on but at the moment you are still feeling tied. I am sorry about the break-up. The pain of breaking up is probably messing up all your mental and physical feelings at the moment. A break-up can trigger all kinds of physical symptoms, like shaking, pounding heart, nausea, anxiety, depression, over-sensitivity. I think you'll start to feel better soon when the whole over-sensitivity starts to diminish.
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Old 12th August 2017, 11:24 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by Amas5750 View Post
Is it just me or does the idea of having sex with another person in the future revolting.

I am so grossed out by the idea that i started crying (yes, i know how psycho that sounds)

How could i ever trust another man to do that act again.

How do you guys feel about having sex again sometime in the future? It nauseated me and scares me.

You put a lot of pressure on your self. Have you read any life changing books?
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Old 15th August 2017, 5:14 AM   #18
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Hmmm , yeppa. Worries me too. The thing would be well one ,l just don't want anyone else and 2ndly, l just couldn't imagine anyone else even coming close anyway.
l'd hate to put that onto someone new one day and l wouldn't , but the thing is, anyone else will just be a let down .
l feel as though l'll just have to live in one of those non sexual type relationships from here and grow old.
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Old 15th August 2017, 1:09 PM   #19
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I think this will subside with time. Allow things to happen organically and always be mindful and diligent about your recovery, don't ever let up on those. The time will come when you will eventually end up being intimate with someone else and you will be fully in the moment without looking behind you or to the future.
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Old 18th August 2017, 3:04 PM   #20
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Lost vision for the future?

Perhaps someone can relate ..

One of the scariest things for me is a totally lost vision for my future.

I had it all plsnned out in my head before we broke up (or atleast some visions for the future)

Now i cannot picture my future
Its scary
I know im good at my job so i can see that in my future.

But i might even have to move to a less expensive city. Might settle for no husband etc.

My visions of my future were wiped. Now i struggle to see anything.

Anyone relate?
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Old 18th August 2017, 3:18 PM   #21
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We all have moments in our life when we seem to lose everything and have trouble reassembling our lives. Don't try to think of the future and all its potential problems yet. First take baby steps a day at a time to rebuild your life. Once you get some momentum, it will be easier to see a future again. Get two jobs if it would help. Do something to overcompensate for your loss and force something good out of the situation by doing so.
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Old 18th August 2017, 3:42 PM   #22
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You are depressed & parts of your life just got upended. Because you are in a negative head space it all seems bleak. It will get better & you will regain some clarity. It make take a few months. Hang in there.
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Old 18th August 2017, 11:49 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amas5750 View Post
Perhaps someone can relate ..

One of the scariest things for me is a totally lost vision for my future.

I had it all plsnned out in my head before we broke up (or atleast some visions for the future)

Now i cannot picture my future
Its scary
I know im good at my job so i can see that in my future.

But i might even have to move to a less expensive city. Might settle for no husband etc.

My visions of my future were wiped. Now i struggle to see anything.

Anyone relate?
I can relate it. I never "had it all" but I had more than I ever did in the last year and then suddenly I had so much less and my break-up was very public and all sorts of people from my past ended up knowing about it thanks to social media.

The me a year ago - could not face the world. But guess what, I'm facing the world - in small pieces but doing it.

I've already started my own retirement plan and maybe I'm getting ahead of myself but I want to make sure I can go to a darn good nursing home. Men will come and go, but I will always be there - and I am the only person who will for sure take care of me. Maybe someone else will come into the picture, maybe not. But I am here and I need to have a plan.

I think in a way it's empowering, you're making decisions for once for you. I made so many too many decisions to accommodate him that I wasn't really happy with. It's not wrong to make sacrifices for someone else - but they have to be worth it and they have to appreciate it. And it has to be worth it for you.

And sometimes we get so embedded into this "dream" and "vision" that we lose sight of the important things such as empowering ourselves. And someone who truly truly loves you will want you to empower yourself too. Sadly he told me many times he wanted that - but his actions spoke against it. He bribed me that his job would pay more if I just make all these sacrifices for him now and then later it would be better for us. I'm not believing that b.s. in the future.

It's always harder for a single woman to plan her own retirement, but you know what - I got more expensive gifts this year than ever, but it was not in the least bit worth my dignity. I would rather spend what I personally earn and live within means. That way no one can say anything about you.
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Old 19th August 2017, 11:51 AM   #24
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Take comfort in the fact that nearly anyone you date next will likely be a big improvement over the last one. Also, you have learned now to drop a man at the first sign of this not being a healthy person instead of trying to help them. Just drop them and move on and leave any help to family.
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Old 19th August 2017, 2:04 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Amas5750 View Post
Perhaps someone can relate ..

One of the scariest things for me is a totally lost vision for my future.

I had it all plsnned out in my head before we broke up (or atleast some visions for the future)

Now i cannot picture my future
Its scary
I know im good at my job so i can see that in my future.

But i might even have to move to a less expensive city. Might settle for no husband etc.

My visions of my future were wiped. Now i struggle to see anything.

Anyone relate?
yep. happens. it's happened with me on more than one occasion. Loss of many kinds can do this. Job, career, relationship, death of a loved one, health crisis....

It passes. Life moves....sometimes at it's pace, not ours. That's life. (not being uncompassionate by saying that....just my own observation of the nature of it...)
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Old 20th August 2017, 12:02 PM   #26
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I wouldn't contact the mother, she probably knows already and you'd be taking a lot on yourself then for no reason. He won't change until he decides himself. Both you and his mother will only make it worse.

as for the sex question - i'm a man and sex doesn't feel right and that's 11 months from my last break up! more time is needed I guess!
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