Lilly111 Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 We've been dating for a couple of months, spending lots of time together, seeing each other a lot, being very close emotionally and very affectionate, and having daily sex. Unfortunately, an unplanned pregnancy occurred and, as agreed by both parties, ended in termination. He told me to make a decision and that he will respect any and will stick around and "won't run away" nevertheless. I knew that he wanted an abortion, though. He was saying things like: "We'll get through this." Within a few days after termination he became emotionally distant and when I started talking about sex (now only protected, of course, and we discussed it in detail before), he was shocked and disgusted, saying things like "lust got him into trouble and he does not know when will be able to have sex again." I was instantly alarmed since I know that avoidance of intimacy is a first sign of a relationship end. I talked to him about it and he assured me that I "have nothing to worry and we're not breaking up." We continued to talk and he revealed that he, in fact, wants to break up and wants "to be alone" because he doesn't think he is cut out for a relationship and it would "benefit him to be on his own." By the end of a 2-hour talk he was even more determined, gave me the key back and was almost out of the door saying "I'm sorry for hurting you." I told him that I want to try to heal/save the relationship because clearly the unplanned pregnancy affected the relationship. He is a devoted Catholic. I know it was very hard for him (although he did not doubt termination much). But I was trying to tell him that we must forgive ourselves and stop blaming ourselves and that God forgives too and wants us to be happy. He agreed to "try" very reluctantly to see me tomorrow for our usual outdoor activity. But he believes that relationship "cannot be saved." I offered a third party involvement to help to sort out the issues (priest, psychologist, etc, but he refused). Also, I asked when he started contemplating the breakup and he said yesterday -- such a quick change of heart. The relationship was wonderful, fulfilling, I felt loved and cared so much and loved back. I do not believe that all that can and should be thrown away so quick. I would like to know what can possibly save the relationship? I know that emotions and feelings do change. And I refuse to give up so easily. How do I fight for our relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 I'm so sorry for you having to go through all this. However, it's only been a couple of months with him. Fighting for a marriage is one thing, but this has only been a couple of months. It's barely a relationship ....not to mention that he doesn't want to fight for it anyway. You can't save this on your own. Take time to grieve the end of having him in your life and the termination. Then get back out there when you're ready. Link to post Share on other sites
froggymom Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 My heart goes out to both of you. It is a very difficult and painful situation. Even though you wanted the termination, it is a loss and will take spiritual and psychological healing for each of you.I hope the relationship works out for you, but right now it is more important to get the help you need. Maybe suggest again going to see a priest and therapist together. If he still won't go then you go.I will be praying for each of you. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 I think you would be best to let him go, OP. I know it hurts a lot, and it's difficult for you too. However, trying to force him to stay will breed resentment and push him further away. Also, involving a third party is too much for a relationship that's only a few months old. It's hard, but you cannot fight for a relationship when one person doesn't want to fight the battle with you. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 He could be still reeling from what happened and just not ready to resume or he could be actually judging him for having the abortion even though he was onboard -- OR this thing could have scared him straight, so to speak, and he realized casual sex is nothing to play around with or something like that. He also may have simply decided it was a good time to bail and that he was going to soon all along. I'm sorry, though. I think you did the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
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