My ex-girlfriend lost feelings for me. Possible chance in future after time?

[Wisebutsodumb]

I'm going to keep the story short , save some time.

My Ex and I spent almost 2 years together. It was pretty much almost perfect , I took care of her above and beyond. She cheated on me and thought she loved someone else. I found out. I pursued her but after the cheating relationship became toxic. I have a feeling she cheated on me due to her fantasies not being desired in bed. It got dull, it was just good. The passion faded. Anyway she felt terrible obviously. Couldn't believe what she had done hated herself. After we broke up She met another guy and she has feelings for him now but the other guy doesn't want to be with her or is just using her. She doesn't know the reason her loss of attraction/feelings with me. She does know that she hates herself for it, she doesn't feel like she could get them back or doesn't even know how. I was the love of her life she said and she blew it. That she doesn't deserve me and she wants me to be happy and move on. That if she were to be with me she would feel selfish due to the fact i loved her enough to stay. She has blocked me from all social media so that i don't message her and hinder the progress of moving on because i always winded up messaging her. She did text me a few weeks ago to see how I was though.

 

I'm currently working on myself and just doing things for myself finally. Is it possible to rekindle with her in a few months(if she doesn't have a BF). Have people had any success, getting back with an Ex in a similar situation? Can feelings be regained? I know the errors in the relationship. I currently haven't spoken to her for about a month.

 

If possible, should I begin contact by a letter or text?

Edited July 14, 2017 by Wisebutsodumb

[SevenCity]

I'm sure others will say the same, but why do you want to be with a girl who cheated on you? She has been more then clear in her words and actions that she has no respect for you and does not love you.

 

There is a girl out there who will love you and NOT cheat on you. Your efforts are best served searching for her.

 

I would delete and block and never, ever talk to this girl again. She has betrayed you and will again in the future. Do you want to run the risk of getting a STD from her? Do you want to always wonder if there is another guy? What kind of life is that?

 

I know you love her and want her but you have to have respect for yourself and realize you are worth someone who is faithful and respects you.

 

This girl is not it. She has made that abundantly clear.

[dumbass2]

No, you should do nothing more. Anything now will be trying to force something that is not there. If they come back, it is usually after a long period of NC when the ex may miss you and regret breaking up and THEY initiate substantial contact with you. Only time away with no contact will tell. Wish I had better news, but she does want you to move on and just feels right now that you aren't the one for her long term. She's made it very clear and her actions so far back up her words. She knows how you feel, so if you want to write stuff down and never send it, that can help with your healing. Also, if she keeps contacting you with asking how you are, just tell her that unless she wants to try again right now that it is best that she not contact you so you can move on.

[Blanco]

You should take this time to work on your self-confidence. I know this is devastating for you, but right now, it sounds like the only "positive" thing she feels toward you is pity. That's not an ingredient for a quality relationship.

 

She's done with you romantically. Do not devalue yourself further by chasing after someone who has already betrayed you, told you they feel sorry for you, AND obstructed you from contacting them. You will only look more pathetic in their eyes.

[Spartakooty]

Plus the whole.."I don't deserve you.." Bull**** That's her way of letting you down easy. Not that fully cheating makes it easy;)

[Wisebutsodumb]

I am working on myself at the moment, i've been writing things and not sending them. I'm taking care of myself. I doubt she will text me again.(its been around a month) I know she was sincere and how she felt after what she did. Thank you everyone for the replies. Things I expected to hear. It all makes sense and i see it as well it just sucks how things go when you dont deserve it. I understand the relationship between us is dead but it would be nice to see or hear from her in the future... we definitely needed space from eachother

[preraph]

No. When someone tells you you deserve more, believe them. It's one of the more honest declarations a person can make and acknowledges that they themselves are not perfect but that they know it's not going to work and they feel bad about hurting you. In short, it's one of the kinder breakups, so take it and run instead of going back begging for more reasons, some of which might not be as easy to take.

[Wisebutsodumb]

No. When someone tells you you deserve more, believe them. It's one of the more honest declarations a person can make and acknowledges that they themselves are not perfect but that they know it's not going to work and they feel bad about hurting you. In short, it's one of the kinder breakups, so take it and run instead of going back begging for more reasons, some of which might not be as easy to take.

 

I know all the reasons , weren't many, and i'm done begging or things in that nature. Thank you.

[Goodguy05]

Dude I think she's done u a favour blocking and all. She messaged to check ur ok i wouldnt read too much into that message take it as that.

 

It's hard but and I know u love her however the cheating alone is a good reason to be done.

 

Having said that it's easy for me to give advice im not in ur shoes. In fact my own situation I hope the same sometimes just to see if she ever did come back but know it's not good. So much damage has been done breaking up its beyond repair.

 

We love them and accept less because of this doesn't mean it's good for us. I would look for strategies or ways to be able to let go even though the feelings are strong to say no that's gonna be hard for me and u. That's our challenge. If that was to happen

Edited July 15, 2017 by Goodguy05

[Wisebutsodumb]

Dude I think she's done u a favour blocking and all. She messaged to check ur ok i wouldnt read too much into that message take it as that.

 

It's hard but and I know u love her however the cheating alone is a good reason to be done.

 

Having said that it's easy for me to give advice im not in ur shoes. In fact my own situation I hope the same sometimes just to see if she ever did come back but know it's not good. So much damage has been done breaking up its beyond repair.

 

We love them and accept less because of this doesn't mean it's good for us. I would look for strategies or ways to be able to let go even though the feelings are strong to say no that's gonna be hard for me and u. That's our challenge. If that was to happen

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

100% she has done me a favor for blocking me. The only thing left open is text and email now but i haven't messaged her. I have made that mistake before. i went through the motions. It was a roller coaster ride of a relationship at the end with all the lies and my emotions and her swinging but she didnt know what she wanted and she went through motions as well. Tbh, i lost my myself and i understand why we broke up. Yes she cheated, but i lost myself and stopped being myself. Something happened in the relationship that she didnt like and she cheated. yes its the wrong thing to do but these things happen.

 

its true we love the people we are with despite there flaws. Do i accept less? No, i didn't but i wanted to revive the relationship that we had(you dont want to revive a relationship that is broken because that means something was wrong), but I wasn't in the mindset, so ultimately it would fail. I wanted things to be as they were, but you cant do that. you have to identify problems and work on them. I definitely needed space from her. Go on a few dates , do things for myself.

 

I would like for her to text me back but i know she wont , that's not how it works. The guy will always have to text , but not now. Right now i'm working on myself and finding myself again. Take that time for yourself , however long has it been.

 

I'm in the cross roads of mailing her a letter telling her i understand why this n this happened and talking about my revelation and apologizing a little for some things i did.

OR whether i should just text her casually and not even bring up anything.

 

If i relationship died , it died, you cant revive it. you can only make a new one.

 

Also i wont go out with her if she hasn't changed if that option comes up.

Edited July 15, 2017 by Wisebutsodumb

[Blanco]

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm in the cross roads of mailing her a letter telling her i understand why this n this happened and talking about my revelation and apologizing a little for some things i did.

 

That's not a crossroad; that's a dead-end. Seriously. The email/letter is such a tried and true failure of an idea that it's incredible we dumpees still consider it, or worse, actually act on it.

[Marc878]

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

100% she has done me a favor for blocking me. The only thing left open is text and email now but i haven't messaged her. I have made that mistake before. i went through the motions. It was a roller coaster ride of a relationship at the end with all the lies and my emotions and her swinging but she didnt know what she wanted and she went through motions as well. Tbh, i lost my myself and i understand why we broke up. Yes she cheated, but i lost myself and stopped being myself. Something happened in the relationship that she didnt like and she cheated. yes its the wrong thing to do but these things happen.

 

its true we love the people we are with despite there flaws. Do i accept less? No, i didn't but i wanted to revive the relationship that we had(you dont want to revive a relationship that is broken because that means something was wrong), but I wasn't in the mindset, so ultimately it would fail. I wanted things to be as they were, but you cant do that. you have to identify problems and work on them. I definitely needed space from her. Go on a few dates , do things for myself.

 

I would like for her to text me back but i know she wont , that's not how it works. The guy will always have to text , but not now. Right now i'm working on myself and finding myself again. Take that time for yourself , however long has it been.

 

I'm in the cross roads of mailing her a letter telling her i understand why this n this happened and talking about my revelation and apologizing a little for some things i did.

OR whether i should just text her casually and not even bring up anything.

 

Every dumpee wants to do the needy, clingy thing. It's the worst thing you can do. Along with wanting it to be their fault because (this wasn't her she just wouldn't do this to me). I got news for you. This was her and who she is.

 

If i relationship died , it died, you cant revive it. you can only make a new one.

 

Also i wont go out with her if she hasn't changed if that option comes up.

 

The all important stupid letter pouring you heart out!!! Don't do it. It will accomplish nothing.

 

Put your efforts into blocking everything and moving on like she has.

 

She's told you and shown you who she is. If you're smart you'll believe her.

[Wisebutsodumb]

The all important stupid letter pouring you heart out!!! Don't do it. It will accomplish nothing.

 

Put your efforts into blocking everything and moving on like she has.

 

She's told you and shown you who she is. If you're smart you'll believe her.

 

In the letter i am not pouring my heart out, i wrote that one months ago. haha.

This is more of revelation. In the letter i wont be speaking about my love for her, i wont be speaking about the cheating. Its about me, not her. Its about me since we split and lost contact. But idk if i should even send it. I feel like i would want to tell her in person if i ever saw her again.

Edited July 15, 2017 by Wisebutsodumb

[Marc878]

Write it for yourself then.

[FailedFirstLove]

In the letter i am not pouring my heart out, i wrote that one months ago. haha.

This is more of revelation. In the letter i wont be speaking about my love for her, i wont be speaking about the cheating. Its about me, not her. Its about me since we split and lost contact. But idk if i should even send it. I feel like i would want to tell her in person if i ever saw her again.

 

What do you expect to get out of sending the letter? What reaction do you want from her? Cause I can tell you now, it won't go how you want it to go. It would just push her away and annoy her.

 

If I've been completely honest with a guy and have someone else and they STILL continue it would piss me off.

The only chance you have is to back off cause that would show you have self respect for yourself and show that's she's really hurt you.

[Wisebutsodumb]

What do you expect to get out of sending the letter? What reaction do you want from her? Cause I can tell you now, it won't go how you want it to go. It would just push her away and annoy her.

 

If I've been completely honest with a guy and have someone else and they STILL continue it would piss me off.

The only chance you have is to back off cause that would show you have self respect for yourself and show that's she's really hurt you.

 

What do i expect, the ability to see her again , because i will ask to. The relationship with the other is not looking good and probably has ended before it started. I am backing off it has been a month and i don't plan to contact her anytime soon. She knows she hurt me and ****ed up.

 

In all honesty i want to build a new relationship with her but it takes two to tango and i need to work on myself as well as she but who knows as time passes my goals or ideas will change.

 

I want to better myself and work on myself before anything else.

 

Thank you for all the replies.

[preraph]

By all means work on yourself, whatever you feel you need to, but she's done. You don't block someone if you ever want to hear from them again. The more you don't respect this and grovel or make excuses to contact her, the more pathetic you will look in her eyes. It's not a good situation, and rarely is, but at least keep your dignity and just walk away.

[Been]

I've been in your shoes so I'm going to sound mean but remember I've been where you've been.

First she cheated on you. Not only that but looked you straight in the face while doing it and wasn't bothered by it UNTIL she got caught.

All that BS about your the love of my life is just a line bro-it doesn't mean anything. If someone was the love of your life you wouldn't even THINK of being with someone much less having sex behind the "love of your life"

And if you get back together your going to be looking over your shoulder because how do you trust someone like that? And why would you? Because sooner or latter they do it again. I've tried that approach abetting back together and now we will be even a better couple-you know what doesn't kill us makes us stronger? Sounds great. Doesn't work. Know why?Because it had to do more with her then me- I did what I was suppose to do in the relationship and she didn't. I tried to excuse her bad behaviour.

Don't send that letter. She already knows what she did. And your not going to get closure from someone who can lie to your face.

Keep working on yourself. Good things will come from that.

Keep running back to her or taking her back and you'll be on here posting you don't know why she did the latest mean things to you.

[Wisebutsodumb]

By all means work on yourself, whatever you feel you need to, but she's done. You don't block someone if you ever want to hear from them again. The more you don't respect this and grovel or make excuses to contact her, the more pathetic you will look in her eyes. It's not a good situation, and rarely is, but at least keep your dignity and just walk away.

 

I've been in your shoes so I'm going to sound mean but remember I've been where you've been.

First she cheated on you. Not only that but looked you straight in the face while doing it and wasn't bothered by it UNTIL she got caught.

All that BS about your the love of my life is just a line bro-it doesn't mean anything. If someone was the love of your life you wouldn't even THINK of being with someone much less having sex behind the "love of your life"

And if you get back together your going to be looking over your shoulder because how do you trust someone like that? And why would you? Because sooner or latter they do it again. I've tried that approach abetting back together and now we will be even a better couple-you know what doesn't kill us makes us stronger? Sounds great. Doesn't work. Know why?Because it had to do more with her then me- I did what I was suppose to do in the relationship and she didn't. I tried to excuse her bad behaviour.

Don't send that letter. She already knows what she did. And your not going to get closure from someone who can lie to your face.

Keep working on yourself. Good things will come from that.

Keep running back to her or taking her back and you'll be on here posting you don't know why she did the latest mean things to you.

 

 

She felt terrible in the action of it, when it happened.

She was bothered by it the entire time but she is a liar and has lied about **** in my face and got caught each time.

I'm respecting the decision of not contacting her more for myself then for her.

I was blocked from social media so I could get better.

I know i deserve better and she should be the on texting me.

I'm not going to send the letter.

If by any scarce chance we come back together, I wont be back here haha.

If that chance comes she would have to change, i told myself this. i wont put myself through it if she hasn't changed.

But there's a slim 1% chance of anything happening in this world.

 

I'm not holding onto anything anymore , i know it sounds like i am but i just cared for her so much. It will take time. Give time , time.

 

I'm listening to what everyone is saying and i'm agreeing i just have an issue with losing people out of my life especially ones I cared for so dearly. Im not down in the dumps, im much better than what i was a month or two ago.

 

Trust is something has to be earned.

 

I'm past the trying to get in contact. Urges to call or text. Checking up on her etc.

 

What I miss though is just having her company.

 

You know your with a person and you see it in there eyes when they truly love you. When they want nothing else in the world. Its a problem with her and not understanding her feeling , relationships , and just how **** is.

 

I know i should move on , but what a foul world we live in aye?

 

 

You guys are 100% right thank you. I got to kill it. I have to get to that over it period.

I cant hold onto anything. you guys are right.

Edited July 16, 2017 by Wisebutsodumb