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Dating a man that lives at home


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I am currently dating a 46 year old man that lives at home with his mother. He has full custody of his 5 year old son and bf's mother is raising his son. BF is a truck driver who is out on the road Monday through Friday. He's home on Most Fridays and goes back out on the road either Sunday or Monday.

 

We've been in a relationship for almost two years. When we met, he had his own apartment and was home on a daily basis. However, his son stayed with his mother during the week and his son came on the weekends. He often worked overtime on the weekends so I would babysit so his mom could have a break. I saw him almost everyday and on the weekends. The relationship was really going well.

About a year ago he borrowed $5000 from me to buy his own truck. He also decided to move in with his mother since his trucking business was just starting. Since he started living with his mother, he has changed.

 

I rarely see him and when I do it's typically with his son. They now come to my house and when they come I often get irritated. He doesn't supervise his son and does not consistently reinforce my house rules (like no jumping on my furniture or constantly going in my refrigerator). He asks me to bring my 3 year old grandson over so his son has a playmate. This is where things get crazy. His 5 year old son who is very tall for his age likes to play very rough with my 3 year old grandson, who is small or his age. He constantly throws him down, attacks him, and snatches every toy that he plays with. My grandson is very vocal and is constantly telling him to stop hitting him.

 

 

[M]y BF does nothing. I am the referee and BF doesn't say a word. He says boys will be boys. The last visit was very upsetting because my BF told me my grandson was a cry baby, in which I agreed. However, I also told him that his son is bullying him. He constantly snatches every toy out of his hand and doesn't want to share his toys. He also pushes him too hard and constantly attacks him. He got angry and left without saying a word. He laid in the bed all weekend while I played with the children and cooked them food.

 

Two days later was 4th of July and I attempted to plan a fun outing where the kids could enjoy some activities and he told me that he was going to stay in bed all day. I told him to call me if he changed his mind. I went out and enjoyed my day with my family. I never heard from him. The next day when we spoke he informed me that he and his son went to watch the fireworks at the mall about two miles from where I live.

 

I was livid. I began to remember how we have not spent one holiday together since we've been in a relationship. He always has an attitude about something and prefers to spend it with him and his son. He did this on Thanksgiving. I cooked and he went to Waffle House with his son. Not to mention that he never buys me anything. He's constantly buying himself very expensive electronics and his son video games but buys me nothing. I am resentful. I helped him increase his income and he doesn't even buy me gifts, not even holidays. But he looks for gifts on Holidays. He paid me back the $5000 and thinks that is enough I guess.

 

Also, he told me that he pays his mother a lot of money to take care of his son and she should be grateful. Actually, he thinks she should be doing it for free because kids are a gift. I found out that he only gives her $500 per month and that is for babysitting and for him living there. I think that's absurd considering the amount of money he is making and how much he was paying for his apartment. Not to mention that he drives her old truck. His car has been sitting for almost 1 1/2 years. His car is a 1999 Acura Legend in need of a paint job and lots of repair work. He had the nerve to tell me that I need to sale my 2011 Toyota Camry, which I purchased brand new and is paid off because he doesn't like the body style. He also told me I need to trade in my Escalade to a newer model.

 

Additionally, he plays too rough with his son. It always ends in the son crying for long periods of time. His son always comes and kisses him on the lips and hugs him, which just doesn't sit well with me. He sleeps with his son because he doesn't see him very much.

 

I broke up with him this past weekend because I just don't see a future. He is constantly accusing me of cheating and lying. He says I'm manipulative and cunning. He also went so far as to say he needs to be careful about who he has around his on and that I don't interact with his son so he doesn't think I like him. I feel that his son is not the problem, he is. He doesn't parent, he guilt-parents. His mother parents and sets boundaries, he doesn't. I miss him but I just don't see myself taking on his responsibilities with little help from him.

 

Any thoughts...

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Good riddance I say.

 

One thing we all learn sooner or later is that nobody is worth more than your mental health.

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Any thoughts... -- Just the same one you had -- I just don't see a future.

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Dating a man that lives with his mother. He is over 40 hand has full custody of his son, the son's mother is on drugs. But he works out of town all week so he's only home on the weekend. His mother is taking care of his son and his dog. I'm not sure if this is the right situation for me. I'm scared that in the future he will expect me to raise his son on my own, while he is away at work

Not sure about this situation.

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Dating a man that lives with his mother. He is over 40 hand has full custody of his son, the son's mother is on drugs. But he works out of town all week so he's only home on the weekend. His mother is taking care of his son and his dog. I'm not sure if this is the right situation for me. I'm scared that in the future he will expect me to raise his son on my own, while he is away at work

Not sure about this situation.

 

n the future he will expect me to raise his son on my own, while he is away at work -- Of course, he will. When you marry a man with children and sole custody, you marry his children too. Don't date people who have children if you don't want them.

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You broke up with him last weekend. Stay broken up. Aside from this issue, he doesn't even sound interested in you or the relationship.

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It's not that I don't want children, I just don't want to be a single parent. My children are teenagers and I've been a single parent. It's difficult.

 

If he works out of town all week, what is his responsibility?

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You broke up with him last weekend. Stay broken up. Aside from this issue, he doesn't even sound interested in you or the relationship.

 

You're right. That's the conclusion I came up with. I guess I just wanted 3rd party validation for something I already know.

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It's not that I don't want children, I just don't want to be a single parent. My children are teenagers and I've been a single parent. It's difficult.

 

If he works out of town all week, what is his responsibility?

 

Didn't you end it with him? This is a moot issue because the relationship is unhealthy for you.

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You're right. That's the conclusion I came up with. I guess I just wanted 3rd party validation for something I already know.

now you can put this on your dealbreaker list for the next man you meet.

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I don't see a future here either. He's gone a lot, which doesn't help. I think he just wants a girlfriend when he comes back into town. It sounds like he has handed over most of the child rearing to his mother as well. No telling what he's doing while on the road. If someone is out of town a lot, it just increases the chances of having someone on the side. Given his situation, I can see him living with his mom. That's probably the least of his problems.

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When you meet men that don't have compatible life styles with yours why do you go and date them anyway!

 

The first meeting is an interview. If the guy doesn't fit in your life you don't see him again no matter how cute and nice he is.

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When you meet men that don't have compatible life styles with yours why do you go and date them anyway!

 

The first meeting is an interview. If the guy doesn't fit in your life you don't see him again no matter how cute and nice he is.

 

Of course, it was not always the situation. It evolved into the current situation. Feelings developed.

 

This forum is for discussion, correct?

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Of course, it was not always the situation. It evolved into the current situation. Feelings developed.

 

This forum is for discussion, correct?

 

So about telling us how it was different before, how it evolved? How it was at first and what you are missing now? How long you've been dating, etc.

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Wow! I have just read your other thread in the break up section.

 

Please stay broken up.

 

The fact he lives with his mother is nothing compared to the list of other things NOT working out.

 

His son is wild and out of control. He is being raised by grand parents that have already raised their own children so they're not motivated into rasing this one correctly. This child is violent and out of control, that only would have me run away.

 

You are seeing this man's true color. He is unappreciative and selfish why continue this? There is nothing to save here. There is no *good times* to go back to.

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Gaeta, I couldn't agree with you more. I've concluded that he is selfish, self-absorbed, and self-centered.

 

However, I'm trying to get through this break up, since it is recent. What I failed to mention is that I broke up with him several times and kept going back. I don't want to go back this time. I really want to make sure that what I've been thinking is not totally off base.

 

Sometimes he's really great. Other times, not so great. I first broke up with him because of the accusations of infidelity and name calling. He got better but when I look at it, he didn't quite stop.

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One day he's great. One day he's a jerk. That's instability and behavior that's unreliable -- healthy relationship it is not.

 

Sometimes, instead of questioning their behavior, there comes a point where you need to start focusing internally and try to figure out what about you desires going back over and over again to a relationship that's been unfulfilling. This isn't about him anymore, it's time to focus on your own issues and reflecting on why you keep going back.

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Good! I'm glad you broke up with him. It sounds like a miserable existence and his son sounds like an undisciplined little jerk, and we both know whose fault that is. Don't look back. You are open to guys with kids and there are plenty of the out there looking for girlfriends. Find one who isn't an idiot.

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You definitely made the right decision. Never look back! You've already raised your kids and he won't even raise his despite labelling kids as a "gift"? What a massive turn off.

 

I would steer clear of anyone who is rough with little kids and who has no responsibility for himself. 46 yrs! He hasn't grown up yet and never will.

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I can relate to the resentment part..have u set some boundaries wth him or spoke wth him about ur boundaries? Ur expectations? The resentment part builds because usually we haven't laid our expectations and boundaries down and have kept quiet.

I'm not sure if it can work he seems very opportunistic and I think he's not aware how his behaviour impacts u and the relationship.

Try and right a lIst about everything I've discussed wth him about the relationship and how u feel and if it's a parent uve told him over and over again and he doesn't get it then he's not getting it or like i said he's just unaware of his own behaviour.

 

Maybe couple counselling as a last resort it seems u hav unfinished business and ur unsure if breaking up was the right thing so maybe get that clarity first.

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^ this guy has no idea whatsoever about boundaries.

 

It's done and I think new2this and her kids and grandson will ve much safer and better off without this lazy slob.

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Sometimes he's really great. Other times, not so great. I first broke up with him because of the accusations of infidelity and name calling. He got better but when I look at it, he didn't quite stop.

 

 

You probably fear being alone for the rest of your life and to never find someone else, like pretty much everyone fears when breaking up with someone. I promise you you will be just fine without him and you'll meet someone else but to meet someone better you need to make space. Block him and delete him. Do not respond to him under any circumstances.

 

Look at how he treats you, falsely accusing you of cheating and name calling, are you surprised at all his 5 yo son is as out of control? If you stay with this man you will end up living in hell.

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It's not that I don't want children, I just don't want to be a single parent. My children are teenagers and I've been a single parent. It's difficult.

 

If he works out of town all week, what is his responsibility?

 

Can you have more kids or do you want to have more kids. He's has his kid to raise and his mom is doing that. This is not a good situation your in. But you both have kids of your own so you both could work but his mom is involved.

 

So it's Him plus his mom, plus his kid, and then you plus your kids. If you think you could cope with that fact, then go for it. But he's free only on the weekend so he has to spend time with his kid then find time for you. Don't forget his mom also. If it was just him and his son I can see it working out for you both, but his mom is a part of the picture. Then you don't want to be his son mom. So you need to get out of this before you get too deep in it.

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