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Long distance relationship ended but with many doubts


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Hello everyone and thank you for your attention.

 

Recently me and my now exgirlfriend broke up after a long distance relationship. We were together 2 years in the same country and we had the most perfect relationship, but then she had to move to the other side of the world and been apart for one more year.

 

For the first 6 months apart, everything went nicely and I even visited her and everything felt right. But then, the day I left, she had a really hard time with me leaving and from that day things started to change. Two months later, she started to feel doubts about if the relationship was going to work out, so then we spoke about that and she felt a bit more confortable with it, as I was working on a way to break the distance. The next month, I already found a way to get back together, but that meant one more year of waiting for that day to come.

 

So, in the following months, everything started to get weird. She felt lonely and she was going to class with a guy in the same situation as hers, and I started to suspect about that so I confronted her. She told me that, in fact, she was starting to feel something but that would not get in the way of our relationship, even though I told her that if she felt it wasn't going to work, we could break up. I trusted her but on the following months I noticed her feelings were slowly getting worse, so I decided to get some holydays from work so I could visit her and set things straight.

 

I travelled there and the first hour after we met was a bit weird, but after that we were again as lovey-dovey as before and everything was going perfectly so I started to believe again in the relationship... And then, on the third day, I found out that she had started to date the other guy for the last month, casually, and only kissed once on one of the firsts days. As soon as I confronted her about that, she broke down and started to cry and begging me to stay with her, so I told her to make a decision: Stopping to see that guy or I would left.

 

She promised she would do that the next day, but when the night of the next day arrived... she was doubting about doing that, so I left to some friends house, meaning we had broken up. What I found out at that same time, is that she only has a small group of 3 friends over there, as she is really bad with meeting new people, and that leaving that guy would meant for her to be completely alone in the country, when she is having a really bad time as she told me before. At the same time, all of those friend were constantly trying to bomb her relationship with me by saying that how can she be waiting for me for that many months, even though we had already arranged a date in which the distance would be broken.

 

After 3 days of no contact, while I was still in the country, she contacted me and told me that she wanted to meet me to talk. We met and we spoke in a more relaxed way, speaking about what hurt me and what could we do. She doesn't want to come back to my country, of course, as living there is a great opportunity for her, but at the same time she doesn't want to lose me. But... even then, she says she is not positive that she can promise me that she will wait for 8 more months. After we spoke about that, we had dinner and everything was back to square one, with both of us saying how much we love each other and how we should be together. Then we had some "fun" but I decided it was for the best for me to go back to my friends house to sleep.

 

The following day was my last one in the country and we both decided to try to meet as friends for that last day. After we met, it was only 30 minutes until we started again saying how much we love the other one. We even rode the Ferris Wheel and she asked me take us pictures of us kissing for her to keep. After that, we headed back on the train and then we decided for her not to come to the airport to see me go, as she didn't want the drama from the other time to repeat.

 

And so, from that day, I haven't spoken to her again. It's been now 3 days and part of me is wishing for her to reach out to me and tell me she wants to go back, so I'm having trouble letting go. So I would like to hear your opinion on what I should do or what can I expect from her.

 

What I learnt from this is that she is a really indecise person that wants both to be with me but also to stay in that country, so she cannot decide and then goes with whatever happens to her. I've also seen that as she es feeling lonely and in a bad situation, the only people she trusts on advice are the 3 friends that are over there, even though it seems their influence is ruining her life (not speaking about our relationship right now, as she is trying to desperately stay on that country because it's her dream but she is not realizing that she is not going to be able right now and she is running out of money). Finally, I want to think that her feeling for me are real... and I'm still hoping that there is a way for us to be together.

 

Maybe I'm being delusional but I still wish there is a chance for our relationship to work out. Right now I started no contact with her for 3 days but I don't know if this is the right way to proceed, because she told me that right now she feels like not dating anyone so she can think about her life, but I know the other guy will soon try to take advantage of her loneliness and I don't want to lose our last chance for being absent.

 

Thank you for reading and I hope you can give me your best advice for this situation.

 

Edit: She told me countless times that she knows the relationship with the other guy is never going to work and that this last time I visited she found out that she loves me much more than him... but even then, she feels weak and she doesn't know if she will be able to promise me to wait.

Edited by Azert
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ExpatInItaly

OP, this girl is not a wise investment anymore. Especially for long-distance.

 

She was dating someone else behind your back. That is not the choice of someone who loves or even respects you. Her friends didn't make her do it; her loneliness didn't make her do it. Heck, even the other guy didn't make her do it. That is all on her. It takes a special kind of dishonest person to sink to that level.

 

Your mistake was assuming everything was back to normal after that talk. It wasn't. Unfortunately, her feelings for you had already changed to the point of her taking the huge gamble of cheating and then not cutting the other guy off. That doesn't go away with some "I love yous" and words about how you should be together, I'm afraid. You can see now the words were rather hollow.

 

I would not entertain the idea of reconciliation with her. She is interersted in someone else and with her previous deceptive behaviour coupled with the long distance, this is likely not going to work out well for you. I would instead cut her loose and focus on healing so you can one day meet a girl who is not "confused" about you and loves you enough to, you know, not date other men while claiming to be your girlfriend.

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Cut ur losses dude

 

She's only gonna fill u wth hurt and disappointment. She's already demonstrated that

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