! Broken up and half of my stuff is at his place

[broken2smallpieces]

My ex-boyfriend and I dated 3 years. We had a great chemistry in the beginning, but my parents got in the way. They did not approve of him and I had to fight my way to be with my ex when we started dating. After a year of dating, I decided to move out of my parents house and move in with my ex without letting my parents know about the facts. My parents found out soon enough and I decided to continue to live at my ex's place because I saw long-term potentials with him. However, my boyfriend decided to break up 3 years of relationship with me due to the fact that I was letting my parents borrow money for their business that they are trying to set up at this time. He thought that it was ridiculous for me to pull out my savings earlier than I was suppose to, and he got really angry about the penalty that I will be getting by not getting the full amount that I was suppose to. Anyways, this break-up conversation started on Thursday and I moved half of my stuff to my car. However, on Friday... he started talking to me and asking me what I am doing with my stuff. At that time, it seemed like he wanted me to stay, so I stopped moving my stuff to my car. Then Sunday arrives and he acts like nothing is wrong. I ask him what he would like me to do with my items that are packed up and he tells me later that night that things will not work out with me and him. He asked me to return his keys to him and I left his house with tears and regrets. At least half of my belongings are at his place. What do I do? It has been 10 days of NO contact and I would like to get my stuff back. As of right now, I do not have the strength to see him. I believe that I will ask him to take me back if I see him and I would like to give myself some respect. However, all of the items that are at his place has to be boxed by me since all of my stuff is everywhere at his place. The kitchen, pantry, closet, bathroom and etc. Please let me know what your thoughts are. I desperately need help.

[MsJayne]

Hmm, unfortunately there is no easy fix. You will have to go there and pack your belongings if you want to keep them. Do you have a supportive friend who would go with you? If not, perhaps you should contact your ex and ask if you can arrange a time to go collect your stuff, preferably when he's going out. It seems a bit weird that you broke up over you loaning your parents money, and I'm guessing there may be more to it than that, maybe he's a bit controlling? If he's a decent person he will contact you and invite you to go and collect your stuff. Whatever, the alternative is to kiss your belongings goodbye and learn the horrible lesson that many of us do when we're young and share a house with someone......

[Goodguy05]

My ex-boyfriend and I dated 3 years. We had a great chemistry in the beginning, but my parents got in the way. They did not approve of him and I had to fight my way to be with my ex when we started dating. After a year of dating, I decided to move out of my parents house and move in with my ex without letting my parents know about the facts. My parents found out soon enough and I decided to continue to live at my ex's place because I saw long-term potentials with him. However, my boyfriend decided to break up 3 years of relationship with me due to the fact that I was letting my parents borrow money for their business that they are trying to set up at this time. He thought that it was ridiculous for me to pull out my savings earlier than I was suppose to, and he got really angry about the penalty that I will be getting by not getting the full amount that I was suppose to. Anyways, this break-up conversation started on Thursday and I moved half of my stuff to my car. However, on Friday... he started talking to me and asking me what I am doing with my stuff. At that time, it seemed like he wanted me to stay, so I stopped moving my stuff to my car. Then Sunday arrives and he acts like nothing is wrong. I ask him what he would like me to do with my items that are packed up and he tells me later that night that things will not work out with me and him. He asked me to return his keys to him and I left his house with tears and regrets. At least half of my belongings are at his place. What do I do? It has been 10 days of NO contact and I would like to get my stuff back. As of right now, I do not have the strength to see him. I believe that I will ask him to take me back if I see him and I would like to give myself some respect. However, all of the items that are at his place has to be boxed by me since all of my stuff is everywhere at his place. The kitchen, pantry, closet, bathroom and etc. Please let me know what your thoughts are. I desperately need help.

 

Sorry to hear the sad news. Though easy fix to get your stuff get a friend to collect it and let him know ur friend will be picking up the items so u dont have to faced wth the possibility having to face him. Ur welcome ?

[PegNosePete]

I would like to get my stuff back. As of right now, I do not have the strength to see him.

Unfortunately these 2 statements are mutually exclusive. It is not possible for you to go to his place to pack all your things, without seeing him.

 

You could take a friend or family member to help you, and they could keep you on track?

[d0nnivain]

What do you want more -- your stuff or NC? You don't get the luxury of NC until you untangle your living arrangements.

 

If you really can't bear to see him make arrangements to have your BFF or your parents go get the rest of your stuff. Otherwise, write it off as a loss & get new stuff

[broken2smallpieces]

I do want my stuff because he still has all of my lingeries and at least half of my clothes. I only moved few items to my car as he did not gave me any heads up on breaking up. Sigh. Should I wait until he contacts me? Since I am in summer break, I can wait to get my items. However, I am trying to create a plan, so that I do not create any false hopes on getting back together.

[d0nnivain]

No you can't wait until he contacts you. You have to get your stuff out, sooner rather than later.

 

Today is Thursday. Get in touch. Make arrangements to pick up your stuff over the weekend. Bring somebody with you if you have to.

 

Get your stuff. Be polite. But get out of there.

[stillafool]

Have your parents collect your stuff. You won't have to see him. He probably already has your stuff packed up you just have to collect it.

[PegNosePete]

Yes do it sooner rather than later. This will only get worse.

 

Whatever you do, make sure you collect ALL your stuff. Don't leave anything. If there's some particularly important/sentimental items then make a list so you don't forget them. The last thing you want to do is to get home and realise you forgot X, Y and Z and have to go through the whole process all over again.

[preraph]

Tell your dad to go get your stuff.

[broken2smallpieces]

Thank you so much for your responses. Since this week is Father's Day weekend and I know his friends are coming in out of town, I will reach out to him during the week next week and gather my belongings. I just hope that I do not cry when I see him. What do I do if he starts talking to me? Has anyone gone through this before? Any tips before next week? I still have hopes of getting back together when everyone tells me that it's a bad idea.

Edited June 15, 2017 by broken2smallpieces

[stillafool]

Send someone else to collect your stuff or have someone go with you. If he talks to you give short to the point answers.

[PegNosePete]

What do I do if he starts talking to me?

You say "look I'm just here to collect my things, I don't want to talk about that right now" and carry on.

 

If someone else is there to back you up, it'll be a lot easier.

[d0nnivain]

I just hope that I do not cry when I see him. What do I do if he starts talking to me? Has anyone gone through this before? Any tips before next week? I still have hopes of getting back together when everyone tells me that it's a bad idea.

 

 

You can't get back together until you address & fix what broke you apart.

 

 

When you see him so what if you cry? You're sad. You are allowed to be upset.

 

 

If he starts talking to him, talk to him if you want to. If you don't want to talk to him say something like "Please don't talk to me. this is hard enough; you're making it worse."

 

 

You will have to talk if you hope to fix what's wrong & reconcile.

 

 

As for tips:

• Keep yourself busy.
  
• Surround yourself with positive people.
  
• Try to bring somebody with you for support.
  
• Make a list of everything that is at his place so you don't forget anything.
  
• Make a list of all his bad qualities & re-read it daily
  
• Make a list of all the ways you are better off without him & read that daily
  
• Have a plan of things you are going to do to have fun this summer & set that in motion
  
• Get rid of the mementos & the pictures. If you can't bear to throw them out, box them up, put the digital photos on a thumb drive. Tape the box tightly shut as in real p.i.t.a. to reopen & store it in a corner of the attic or garage. Don't open it for at least 1 year.
  

[Jsos91]

I actually just went through this a couple weeks ago. I was the one who was dumped and she had to come get her things. The weird part was, I totally surprised myself and didn't shed a tear. She was the one who was breaking down and asking if she would ever see me again and that she loved me. Just stay strong and have the pride to think you're not going to let him see you as a wreck. He's not worth it.