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Girlfriend wants a break but sees up together in the future


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To sum things up. I've been dating this girl for four months. We met in college, it's the summer now so our relationship turned long distance. It had only been a week but she said she just couldn't handle it.

 

She told me she wants to go on a break. A break as in we break up, we are not exclusive but there is a high chance we'll be together once we go back to school. She said It's because she's been miserable and simply cannot handle not being able to hold me, kiss me, etc. She said she needed that. To be fair I wasn't necessarily happy either. I wanted more contact from her and it didn't seem like she would budge.

 

We both Don't want to break up for good which is why we view this as temporary. She says she cannot promise anything, but with the way she feels now, I am the only one she wants to be with and has no intentions with being with someone else. She also hates the idea of me being with other girls so it's best if I don't tell her if I made out with someone.

 

I love this girl, i really do and she finally said it the first time yesterday. I was ecstatic but confused because how could you say you love someone right when you're about to break things up.

 

She says it's best if we go on break. When we're together it's amazing, when its ldr it's horrid. I don't plan on waiting for her, but she's the first girl I have ever loved. Not sure whether to stay in contact or go no contact. This was all brought up yesterday and I'm not sure how to react.

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She told me she wants to go on a break. A break as in we break up, we are not exclusive but there is a high chance we'll be together once we go back to school. She said It's because she's been miserable and simply cannot handle not being able to hold me, kiss me, etc. She said she needed that.
She probably does need that. That's what I needed when I was in college. I believe her.

 

However, I will point out to you that going on a break with you does not get her that.

 

Or does it?

 

Hmmm? See what I'm saying? If you can live with it, and you feel good about a similar kind of summer for yourself, then yeah, why not?

 

Just be sure that you know exactly what you're signing up for.

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Doesn't make much sense to me... She says she loves you, but she wants to take a break so that you are both "possibly" available to date other people.

 

It sounds to me like she plans to date other people this summer...

 

If you are ok with that, then you can certainly agree. Who knows, maybe you will get together again next year. Or, maybe not.

 

You are young, probably not a bad idea to date some other people. Just everybody, be clear about what you are doing so there are no misunderstandings...

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It's obvious; she wants to date and sleep with other men.

 

I'd never be fine with that personally. Fire her for even thinking of that and spend the rest of summer dating other chicks.

 

To not call her up and end it would be a very beta thing to do. And I was single for all of College and would not have wanted it any other way. Single as in I was not exclusive with any one girl oc.

Edited by Tolu2d
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To be fair, I believe she won't be dating much anytime soon. I'm her first real relationship and I was also the one to take her virginity. She doesn't let a lot of people into her life, especially guys. I'm not waiting for her though. I'm focusing on me. I've been in and out with girls that I'm kind of sick of it. Nothing is guaranteed so we'll have to see.

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To be fair, I believe she won't be dating much anytime soon. I'm her first real relationship and I was also the one to take her virginity. She doesn't let a lot of people into her life, especially guys. I'm not waiting for her though. I'm focusing on me. I've been in and out with girls that I'm kind of sick of it. Nothing is guaranteed so we'll have to see.

 

So why do you think she wants a "break" if not to date others? My guess is now she has lost her v, she realises she wants to try a few others.

 

Personally. I think you are both young, and should be meeting lots of people at this stage in your life.

 

I'd say it's cleaner to just end it. No need to make it dramatic or anything. Tbh she maybe wanting to do that anyway, but calling it a break to make it seem less severe.

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ExpatInItaly

This makes no sense.

 

If she really wanted to be with you, she'd stick out the long-distance and be with you. It's not as though the summer is an infinite length of time. She is being contradictory: she wants to be with you and nobody else, yet she she wants a break?

 

Nah. She likely has her eye on someone else local.

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doyathinkso

I'm afraid she has already lined up some new guy she wants to test-drive but wants to make sure she can do it guilt free.

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If she decides that she still wants to be with me after the summer, should I do it?

 

Honestly I can't keep going through these seasonal breaks. If it's this one time, sure but I can't agree upon something like this again.

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doyathinkso

Listen, you're young yet so I know it's hard to accept, but, there is No Such Thing as a 'break'. There is only a break-up.

 

Now, after having broken up with you and ridden the baloney-pony with other guys for a while and she then wants to pick up where she left off with you when it's convenient for her, well ..... Nah!

 

If she wants you back then she will have to start over again from scratch, but she won't be exactly the same girl as she was before now, will she?

 

So, let her go for now. Not exactly anything you can do about it, is there? However, IF she comes knocking at your door 6 months from now well the onus will be on Her to win You back. I hope by then you will already be happy with her replacement.

Edited by doyathinkso
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OP it's simple.

She has a BF back home and a BF at college.

just accept and enjoy it while in college.

 

What are you going to do after college?

move to her?

Her move to you?

Move somewhere else together?

 

unless it's two people at a local college living locally it usually doesn't last long.

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Gr8fuln2020
To sum things up. I've been dating this girl for four months. We met in college, it's the summer now so our relationship turned long distance. It had only been a week but she said she just couldn't handle it.

 

She told me she wants to go on a break. A break as in we break up, we are not exclusive but there is a high chance we'll be together once we go back to school. She said It's because she's been miserable and simply cannot handle not being able to hold me, kiss me, etc. She said she needed that. To be fair I wasn't necessarily happy either. I wanted more contact from her and it didn't seem like she would budge.

 

We both Don't want to break up for good which is why we view this as temporary. She says she cannot promise anything, but with the way she feels now, I am the only one she wants to be with and has no intentions with being with someone else. She also hates the idea of me being with other girls so it's best if I don't tell her if I made out with someone.

 

I love this girl, i really do and she finally said it the first time yesterday. I was ecstatic but confused because how could you say you love someone right when you're about to break things up.

 

She says it's best if we go on break. When we're together it's amazing, when its ldr it's horrid. I don't plan on waiting for her, but she's the first girl I have ever loved. Not sure whether to stay in contact or go no contact. This was all brought up yesterday and I'm not sure how to react.

 

Take a break? No, break it off! How far you two from one another? I guess it doesn't matter as you've already said that she doesn't want to bridge the gap....and she LOVES you?! Nah. There are strong emotions for sure, but not love.

 

Go date others, but don't wait for her unless there are plans to see one another during, what?, a 2-3 month break?

 

Anyway, she needs physical contact and she will find it with someone else. I suspect she'll find it with someone local and then when she returns to school, contact you again or find someone else.

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DoubleJeopardy

Bro, you need more respect for yourself. Do NOT allow this thing pretending to be a woman belittle you to a plan-b or safety. My ex did something similar and she's 33. Offered a break. I.E. she wants to test drive other men and their c0cks and then make a decision. NO THANKS.

 

Listen, do yourself a favor and work on your self imagine. You should not allow ANYONE to belittle to you a backup. Besides, she'll have no respect for you even if you say fine and go along with it. You will become friendzoned at best.

 

Pay no attention to her and move on to the next one. When you are around her, do not even let it appear that it bothers you. Just say hey and be on your way.

 

Listen to people who've already been through this..

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TheAntiHero

Breaks = I want to see someone else to see if I like; if I don't then I can come back to my place holder.

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GoodOnPaper
To be fair, I believe she won't be dating much anytime soon. I'm her first real relationship and I was also the one to take her virginity. She doesn't let a lot of people into her life, especially guys.

 

I was burned in similar fashion when I was in college and our relationship was a 2-year one and we had been talking engagement for several months. We started our "break" and when the inevitable official break-up came it was the most gutwrenching experience of my life. Of course she had met someone else but her number one reason for breaking up with me and pursuing the new relationship was precisely because I was her first boyfriend.

 

Obviously, individual situations can differ but keep your eyes open and don't feel guilty if you happen to meet someone you are attracted to and want to get to know better.

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OnlyHonesty
To be fair, I believe she won't be dating much anytime soon. I'm her first real relationship and I was also the one to take her virginity. She doesn't let a lot of people into her life, especially guys. I'm not waiting for her though. I'm focusing on me. I've been in and out with girls that I'm kind of sick of it. Nothing is guaranteed so we'll have to see.

 

 

Then you believe wrong. Think about it. If this was the case, she'd be remaining in long distance. She says she can't stand not being able to hold you. Having a break does not solve any of those problems.

 

What it does is give her a chance to do all of those things with someone else but keep you as a backup plan for security.

 

As far as I am concerned, you are either together, or you aren't together. Breaks are nonsense.

 

Ask yourself this question. If you knew a man that had very high self esteem, self respect, wisdom and knew he was very valuable, do you think he'd accept it if his gf said she wanted a temporary break?

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She's always been someone who is either very pessimistic about the future and someone who thinks about herself first. I knew she had doubts coming into long distance but I always thought she'd try a bit harder. I find the whole "break" thing a bit selfish but needless to say, I do love her. It will take time for me to get over her. Lots of time. Thank you for the responses though. As much as I'd like to believe her, and hope for a future together, it just seems to me that it's over.

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She just didn't want us to end up hating each other. The way we were in person and in long distance was completely different. She didn't want the love for me to deteriorate due to the frustration of an ldr. It's more than just physical intimacy but trying to keep the good and get rid of the bad. Not justifying this logic, but that's what I presume she meant by it all.

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ExpatInItaly
She just didn't want us to end up hating each other. The way we were in person and in long distance was completely different. She didn't want the love for me to deteriorate due to the frustration of an ldr. It's more than just physical intimacy but trying to keep the good and get rid of the bad. Not justifying this logic, but that's what I presume she meant by it all.

 

She talks in circles.

 

Allow me to translate: She didn't want you to hate her, presumably because she knew she was just not interested or invested enough to keep this going over the course of a few months.

 

As a woman, I can assure you she wouldn't risk losing you by calling a "break" if she was really as into you as she used to be. It's not complicated, really. We don't break up with guys we want, especially when the distance is temporary. Either that or she's already done something she shouldn't have, and knows it's not right to stay in a relationship with you. In any event, she's done the right thing if her heart and mind aren't in it.

 

The silver lining here is that this didn't drag through the summer, with you wondering where the heck your girlfriend was while you tried to keep the relationship alive until you see each other again. At least now you know where she stands so you can let go too. Don't worry about what may or may not happen come summer's end. You can cross that bridge if and when you come to it.

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To be fair, I believe she won't be dating much anytime soon. I'm her first real relationship and I was also the one to take her virginity. She doesn't let a lot of people into her life, especially guys. I'm not waiting for her though. I'm focusing on me. I've been in and out with girls that I'm kind of sick of it. Nothing is guaranteed so we'll have to see.

 

She has already found someone new. Otherwise she would never turn you loose. It would make no sense. I think she just didnt know any other way to break up with you.

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  • 5 weeks later...
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To keep things short, i'm on a break with my ex. After a few weeks into summer vacation it wasn't working out. She initiated it, didnt want to break up, neither did I so I decided to give the break a chance.

 

It's been a month since that day and I've only spoken to her once. We spoke on the phone for a good hour and the conversation was great. I was doing rather well while she particularly wasn't. Im glad she was transparent with me though, most wouldn't be.

 

Anyways, today marks one month since the start of the break and it just hit me like a train. For me, feeling down comes in waves and I actually couldn't stop crying. I'm a mess currently.

 

I want to text her, even though I know I shouldn't initiate contact. I don't know. I want to know she's doing better. I want to know that she's happy. I miss her. It's all coming down on me and I feel as though I should be transparent with my feelings as well.

 

Help!

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Glad you're talking. Next step is to work out if you should get back together or end it. Being on a break is just prolonged agony.

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PegNosePete
Help!

Well, since you ignored all the advice given so far I don't think you're going to follow "help" anyone offers. But for what it's worth I'll repeat what others said before.

 

She called this "break" because she wanted to test drive others. Or already had, and was retroactively seeking "permission". She wanted to test out another guy or guys, and then have you waiting in the wings in case it didn't work out. And for some strange reason, you accepted that. Now it seems that the object of her desire has rejected her advances, and she's sad and depressed because she can't have him but she doesn't want to settle for you either because there's still so many better options out there that she wants to try first. But she wants to keep you on the line in case they all reject her too.

 

You should dump her. Well I say dump but you're not even together right now anyway. So what you should do is simply not talk to her any more and not take her back. And don't let people treat you like that in the future.

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ExpatInItaly
Glad you're talking. Next step is to work out if you should get back together or end it. Being on a break is just prolonged agony.

 

This.

 

You two need to figure out if this over for good, OP. A month of silence indicates her interest is very low, but perhaps you need to hear her actually say it so you can let go.

 

Let us know how the conversation goes.

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