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desertsession

Hi all, first post here. Long winded break-up story ahead, partly for my own therapeutic needs, partly hoping that you’ll all make me feel wonderful somehow.

 

I’m 25, she’s 22. We’ve been together for nearly 7 years, so were 18 and 16 when we met. We’d been talking for a while before that, then we fell absolutely head over heels in love with each other.

 

For the first couple of years we were utterly inseparable, and after the ‘honeymoon phase’ I’d say we were a relatively normal couple. Three years in, it was time for her to go to university, and I decided to move from my hometown 2.5 hours away to be with her. I moved jobs and we got a flat together. Over the course of her first uni year, things went downhill properly for the first time. I struggled to make new friends in a new city, and would take this out on her. I was lazy around the flat, I became jealous and possessive and we would have shouting matches and sometimes fight. At the end of her first year, she told me she couldn’t do it anymore and that she was splitting up with me.

 

I was devastated. We moved back home, and I spent two months doing everything I could to win her back. I enjoyed treating her ‘right’ again and eventually, just before she went back to uni for her second year (this time, in a house with friends), we decided to give it another go.

 

HOWEVER, during the two-month separation, I found out that within a couple of weeks of us splitting, she had begun talking to another guy. She was at my house one day, and I read the messages on her phone. I confronted her, she walked out. I discovered through a friend that they had slept together, and when I confronted her again she admitted to it. She broke down, told me it was a mistake and that she’d been waiting to find the time to tell me.

 

I had a hard time accepting this. I think one of the reasons was that she had only ever been with me, and I found it tough to come to terms with the fact that someone else had been there. I also couldn’t comprehend how she could do it, as she’d always been loyal and never given me reason to think otherwise. I forgave her and we moved forwards, but I did still struggle with this from time to time. We would see the guy around town and it would make me feel s***.

 

So, the ‘second go’. She had two years remaining at uni, so we did a long-distance relationship during this time. Looking back, though it was hard not seeing each other so often, it actually worked fairly well. I would drive to see her every other weekend.

 

She finished uni last summer and moved home. We had another brief week-long ‘pause’ as we seemed to struggle to adjusting to being around each other often again. But at the end of this, we decided to move in together again, to see if we could do it this time.

 

We moved into a beautiful flat in November, in a lovely location. But things didn’t work out. For some reason, I have been quite reclusive over the last few months, preferring to do things alone and sometimes even looking forward to the nights she was out more than when she was home. We would not do that much together.

 

The shouting matches and fights never returned, which is of course a good thing. But again I was told I was not living up to ‘her standard’ of living with regards to the chores etc. I personally believe I was much better this time. Arguments never escalated, but instead of choosing to make her happy, I would for example, leave a chore and endure the small ‘telling off’ I’d get, and just shrug it off. This would of course mean, instead of spending a night together watching TV, we’d just do separate things.

 

Anyway, last weekend, I had somewhere to be. Made myself breakfast but didn’t ask her if she would like me to make any. This was ‘the final straw’ (we didn’t break up because of this, but guess it was another example of my selfishness) and she told me that it was over. I then came down with a very bad cold, and so we put off having ‘the talk’ for a few days. This time, when we had the talk, I didn’t beg and plead like usual. I became upset but sort of agreed that ‘things clearly weren’t working’. We agreed there were no hard feelings and that we’d like to break up as amicably and respectfully as possible.

 

Since this, I packed a bag and have stayed with my parents believing this was a respectful gesture, to give her some time and space and allow her to find somewhere new to live. I have surrounded myself with friends and told them about what’s going on, and they’ve been wonderful. Telling me what I should/shouldn’t do, to focus on myself and to realize that ‘if we are meant to be, you will be eventually, if not, not’. So despite feeling heartbroken that the relationship was over, I have been feeling somewhat positive that I am in a decent state of mind to deal with it.

 

Fast forward to yesterday. She had gone out the previous evening, and was in another city last night. Nosy old me took a look at the laptop, of which she’d changed the password. I managed to work out the new one and found messages which made it very clear that she’d stayed at a guy’s house, who she’d only met that night, and slept with him. In the messages between her and a friend, she sounded very pleased with herself and the friend was encouraging/congratulating it. This obviously has hurt me immensely, as I believed her regret last time and assumed that she would learn from the mistake this time, and allow us to break up in a more ‘calm collected’ manner.

 

I am not condoning my message-reading. It is no longer my business, and she has done nothing wrong. I just believe it’s a somewhat rash, and slightly disrespectful path to take, especially while we are still sort of sharing a flat.

 

I decided that when she returned home I would confront her. The city we live in is small, and things get round very quickly. I told her that I have been considerate and respectful during the last week but that I found out what happened and believed she should return to her parents (instead of me) – if she is not prepared to return the same level of respect. She initially tried to deny it, but then agreed to go.

 

So now I’m back in the flat wondering what to do, and where I go from here. I feel heartbroken at the loss of my ‘first love’ but angry about her rash actions. No matter how much I might want to I can’t hate her, and would still like to be as amicable as possible. I respect the girl I’ve spent so many years of my life with.

 

I have blocked her social media accounts as I intend to begin NC as soon as the last few belongings are exchanged etc. Is this a good idea?

 

If you read all of this, thank you.

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ExpatInItaly

Yes, No Contact is a good idea.

 

You've both outgrown this relationship. You shared a lot of years together but you've grown up and grown apart. It's time to let each other go.

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Well, sounds to me like this relationship wasn't even worth you doing your fair share of the chores and you were pretty calculated about it, too. That's massive disrespect, and every woman knows it, whether you get that or not.

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Well, sounds to me like this relationship wasn't even worth you doing your fair share of the chores and you were pretty calculated about it, too. That's massive disrespect, and every woman knows it, whether you get that or not.

 

Pre, usually I agree and respect your posts, but I really think more is going on here than chores.

 

Op, sounds like you were smothering her a bit. On her side, she wasn't able to communicate, and acted out with another dude.

 

Many issues here.

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This relationship is dead and gone. Move on and mature a bit before starting another. Any relationship should be balanced @ 50/50

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Yes very disrespectful I agree wth Bromeo on the issues side.

 

My ex was the same. 6 yrs breaks up starts dating at the same place we work . That shows a lack of disrespect to wat u had and u. Move on from this im sorry to say trash.

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desertsession

I can take the criticism, I know I have had my parts to play in this.

 

I assumed I would have a hard enough time dealing with the break up anyway, but the added complication of her sleeping with someone else already has just made this crushing. I don't know what to do with myself.

 

There have been a good number of times in the past few months where I have thought 'f**k it, I can't be bothered anymore' when we have upset or annoyed each other. So you'd think I might be relieved now, but I don't feel like that at all. I feel broken and also hurt by her.

 

I don't want us to be enemies. I hope she can apologise for her actions at the end. I have already said 'sorry it didn't work out and for my part to play in that'.

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ExpatInItaly

Break-ups rarely end in a neat and tidy way. It would be nice to hear an apology from her for her role in the demise of the relationship, of course, but I wouldn't hold your breath, for two reasons: A) It might never happen, or B) Even if she does say sorry, it won't really change anything or make you feel much better.

 

I agree that you could have done more in terms of chores, but this wasn't really about chores in the end. There were a lot of other problems and the imbalance in housework was the icing on the broken-relationship cake.

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Superchicken

First, Hey Bromeo, nice to see you living happily. Send me a PM on how you been doing. You can also see my pictures in my profile to see what I look like..

 

 

But, back to business, and that's of a young couple.

You guys where doomed from the start. High school sweethearts has a extremely low success rate.

 

 

Further, you were under the statistics hammer again, where long distance relationships also had a low success rate.

 

 

There's just no point in getting into a mud fight with your ex.

Dude, be the "Older" and wiser guy.

Understand you are both young, circumstances created situations, which, your ex took for granted, and did the "Jelly Flop" with a few (Yes few, she's a chick, and you would have done the same) guys.

 

 

I understand how you got to be so crappy towards her in chores, and being a little recluse in your feelings.

Its called betrayal. Its hard to shake off, and dude, I also wouldn't get images out of my mind if I find out my wife cheated.

So, you then didn't forgive her 100%.

Which doesn't make you a bad person.

 

 

You can tell her what you found, and tell her its the reason you were how you were, and that her "Spots", will remain permanently.

You should separate yourself from that sort of trash, as the smell tends to be overwhelming..

 

 

Good to hear your moving on. Another success story (This time, one for the guys, yeahhhh).

 

 

Ted.

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desertsession

Well then, tonight I feel pretty good! She returned this evening to collect the last of her things, I stayed out while she did so.

 

Now... To add to her little escapade on Friday night, I think she's tried to play a couple of cruel games with me. But they've made me feel much better, and certainly helped me with the continuation of NC!

 

I think me letting her know she'd been found out and telling her to leave made her feel like I had the upper hand. Her sleeping with somebody else while we were still separating belongings and furniture (and both legally named as the flat tenants) is a dick move, and if she thought she could get away with it, she was wrong.

 

So she's done 2 things to try and get a rise out of me, I feel. First, we used to wear matching silver rings with each other's name engraved inside. When I got back, she'd left hers where I store my keys. It belongs to her but she's clearly left it with me thinking it will hurt me.

 

Secondly, after I asked her to leave, I separated our washing from the wash bin so she could take hers home. I put mine in a bin bag intending to do the washing tonight. When I opened it tonight, I found the underwear that she'd been wearing on Friday night, when she slept with that guy.

 

Now... I could be wrong, and I could have made a genuine error when separating the washing - but I'm fairly confident that I didn't and I think she's put them in there for me to find - which is some form of horrible attempt at getting to me. If that's the case, the reaction she's looking for will not happen. In fact, I just think she's being pathetic.

 

She expects me to text, grovelling and saying I'm 'sorry for not being kind enough, or loving you enough' like I have before. If I do that, she'll feel completely justified for wanting to call it off. Instead, she's just made NC SO much easier, and she will wonder why I am not texting.

 

When she looks back at her behaviour this week, she's going to realise that I have acted like the far better person. I have stayed calm and I have been respectful and she has not.

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Well then, tonight I feel pretty good! She returned this evening to collect the last of her things, I stayed out while she did so.

 

Now... To add to her little escapade on Friday night, I think she's tried to play a couple of cruel games with me. But they've made me feel much better, and certainly helped me with the continuation of NC!

 

I think me letting her know she'd been found out and telling her to leave made her feel like I had the upper hand. Her sleeping with somebody else while we were still separating belongings and furniture (and both legally named as the flat tenants) is a dick move, and if she thought she could get away with it, she was wrong.

 

So she's done 2 things to try and get a rise out of me, I feel. First, we used to wear matching silver rings with each other's name engraved inside. When I got back, she'd left hers where I store my keys. It belongs to her but she's clearly left it with me thinking it will hurt me.

 

Secondly, after I asked her to leave, I separated our washing from the wash bin so she could take hers home. I put mine in a bin bag intending to do the washing tonight. When I opened it tonight, I found the underwear that she'd been wearing on Friday night, when she slept with that guy.

 

Now... I could be wrong, and I could have made a genuine error when separating the washing - but I'm fairly confident that I didn't and I think she's put them in there for me to find - which is some form of horrible attempt at getting to me. If that's the case, the reaction she's looking for will not happen. In fact, I just think she's being pathetic.

 

She expects me to text, grovelling and saying I'm 'sorry for not being kind enough, or loving you enough' like I have before. If I do that, she'll feel completely justified for wanting to call it off. Instead, she's just made NC SO much easier, and she will wonder why I am not texting.

 

When she looks back at her behaviour this week, she's going to realise that I have acted like the far better person. I have stayed calm and I have been respectful and she has not.

 

Dude, they don't think like that. She's flipped the you switch to off, and she won't realize you acted like anything. You are applying male logic to an emotional situation. I know, because I did it as well.

 

Months into my breakup, I went to my exs bar and told her I loved her, wanted to marry and make babies with her.

 

She made fun of me, and stood me up afterwards.

 

They don't say they are sorry, because they aren't. Best thing for you to do is realize she doesn't care (because she doesn't), and start learning to live life without her.

 

I'm not trying to be harsh, moreso put you in the strongest position moving forward.

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Well then, tonight I feel pretty good! She returned this evening to collect the last of her things, I stayed out while she did so.

 

Now... To add to her little escapade on Friday night, I think she's tried to play a couple of cruel games with me. But they've made me feel much better, and certainly helped me with the continuation of NC!

 

I think me letting her know she'd been found out and telling her to leave made her feel like I had the upper hand. Her sleeping with somebody else while we were still separating belongings and furniture (and both legally named as the flat tenants) is a dick move, and if she thought she could get away with it, she was wrong.

 

So she's done 2 things to try and get a rise out of me, I feel. First, we used to wear matching silver rings with each other's name engraved inside. When I got back, she'd left hers where I store my keys. It belongs to her but she's clearly left it with me thinking it will hurt me.

 

Silver's cheap. Trade them in for cash and buy a few pints.

 

Secondly, after I asked her to leave, I separated our washing from the wash bin so she could take hers home. I put mine in a bin bag intending to do the washing tonight. When I opened it tonight, I found the underwear that she'd been wearing on Friday night, when she slept with that guy.

Now... I could be wrong, and I could have made a genuine error when separating the washing - but I'm fairly confident that I didn't and I think she's put them in there for me to find - which is some form of horrible attempt at getting to me. If that's the case, the reaction she's looking for will not happen. In fact, I just think she's being pathetic.

 

She expects me to text, grovelling and saying I'm 'sorry for not being kind enough, or loving you enough' like I have before. If I do that, she'll feel completely justified for wanting to call it off. Instead, she's just made NC SO much easier, and she will wonder why I am not texting.

 

When she looks back at her behaviour this week, she's going to realise that I have acted like the far better person. I have stayed calm and I have been respectful and she has not.

Mail them to her, along with another slightly used pair two sizes smaller. Tell her your new girl got upset that her underwear was still in the house.
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desertsession

Oh man... New developments.

 

After work I went to the bank and enquired about the process of closing our joint account as, of course, we won't be needing it anymore. I was told it could be done there and then, so I moved the standing orders/direct debits across to my personal account along with approximately £60.

 

Within an hour, she had noticed and text me angrily asking why I'd done it, why I hadn't asked her permission, and why the bank had allowed me to do it without her permission. Again... I stayed 100% calm and explained that I went to enquire, but was told I could do it myself so decided to as I assumed it was going to be done within days anyway. I explained I would send half of the £60 and did so.

 

I couldn't understand the need for the outburst. She is acting CRAZY this week, the one night stand, getting so mad about a bank account. What's going on?

 

Later, she text again (NC clearly not going well, I am in 'limited contact' it seems, though I assure you all that I am responding in a calm manner and only discussing the points I am explaining here). She asked if she had any post. I said no, and asked when she would return the other set of keys to the flat, now that she's got all of her stuff... And this is where she really wound me up.

 

She said 'I'd rather keep them until my name is no longer on the tenancy'.

 

As far as I was aware, she was supposed to have called the lettings agency on Monday to remove her name from the tenancy.

 

'I was going to but had a lot on, I still want to be able to check for mail and it's still technically my flat'.

 

I explained that, having taken everything of hers, she had no reason to return and asked if she would be able to make the call tomorrow.

 

'Well after today I don't know what's going to happen with you and I'd rather know that I can access the flat if anything goes wrong. I wanted to speak to the letting agent about it on Thursday'.

 

'After today' I assume refers to me closing the bank account.

 

I explained that I'd done nothing wrong today, and that I'm being 100% transparent and honest and will continue to be so, but was unsure why her keeping a key was still necessary.

 

'It's just the principle that it's my flat and I have moved my things out but I officially am a tenant. You don't need 2 keys unless you're moving someone in during the next 2 weeks. End of'

 

And in response to me saying 'I assumed you were asking to be removed from the tenancy as soon as possible so that it was all sorted. Please can you try and do that tomorrow or Thursday'...

 

'No I am asking to be removed as of the end of the month. Believe it or not I have a job and other things to do so I can't just rush everything I need to work out my finances and get things in order before I start ringing everyone up'

 

Now, as I've already explained, before I discovered she'd had a one night stand at the weekend, I was prepared to stay at my parent's until she found somewhere else to live. However, she disrespected me by doing what she did while still 'officially a tenant' as she likes to put it. As far as I'm concerned, she gave up that right there and then.

 

What the hell do I do?

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n33dy b33h no more
Oh man... New developments.

 

After work I went to the bank and enquired about the process of closing our joint account as, of course, we won't be needing it anymore. I was told it could be done there and then, so I moved the standing orders/direct debits across to my personal account along with approximately £60.

 

Within an hour, she had noticed and text me angrily asking why I'd done it, why I hadn't asked her permission, and why the bank had allowed me to do it without her permission. Again... I stayed 100% calm and explained that I went to enquire, but was told I could do it myself so decided to as I assumed it was going to be done within days anyway. I explained I would send half of the £60 and did so.

 

I couldn't understand the need for the outburst. She is acting CRAZY this week, the one night stand, getting so mad about a bank account. What's going on?

 

Later, she text again (NC clearly not going well, I am in 'limited contact' it seems, though I assure you all that I am responding in a calm manner and only discussing the points I am explaining here). She asked if she had any post. I said no, and asked when she would return the other set of keys to the flat, now that she's got all of her stuff... And this is where she really wound me up.

 

She said 'I'd rather keep them until my name is no longer on the tenancy'.

 

As far as I was aware, she was supposed to have called the lettings agency on Monday to remove her name from the tenancy.

 

'I was going to but had a lot on, I still want to be able to check for mail and it's still technically my flat'.

 

I explained that, having taken everything of hers, she had no reason to return and asked if she would be able to make the call tomorrow.

 

'Well after today I don't know what's going to happen with you and I'd rather know that I can access the flat if anything goes wrong. I wanted to speak to the letting agent about it on Thursday'.

 

'After today' I assume refers to me closing the bank account.

 

I explained that I'd done nothing wrong today, and that I'm being 100% transparent and honest and will continue to be so, but was unsure why her keeping a key was still necessary.

 

'It's just the principle that it's my flat and I have moved my things out but I officially am a tenant. You don't need 2 keys unless you're moving someone in during the next 2 weeks. End of'

 

And in response to me saying 'I assumed you were asking to be removed from the tenancy as soon as possible so that it was all sorted. Please can you try and do that tomorrow or Thursday'...

 

'No I am asking to be removed as of the end of the month. Believe it or not I have a job and other things to do so I can't just rush everything I need to work out my finances and get things in order before I start ringing everyone up'

 

Now, as I've already explained, before I discovered she'd had a one night stand at the weekend, I was prepared to stay at my parent's until she found somewhere else to live. However, she disrespected me by doing what she did while still 'officially a tenant' as she likes to put it. As far as I'm concerned, she gave up that right there and then.

 

What the hell do I do?

How about:

 

Well, if you plan on acting like you're a tenant, then fork over your half of the rent and utilities for the remainder of your term. Otherwise, get off your arse and call the letting agency and ask for an application to become a stranger to me!
Assuming, of course, that she hasn't paid her fair share. If she has, then you've no complaints.

 

I can't tell if she's just a pain, or if she's trying to keep her lines of return open. If you're done, you need to push her away. If you're not, then you need to push her into action somehow.

 

That's what I think, but I've been acting like a N33DY B33CH, so I'm predisposed to some manly action.

 

Take it for what it's worth.

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desertsession

Well, she has paid her half of the rent and bills until the end of the month BUT she has moved out.

 

I don't WISH to break all ties with her, but because of her current behavior I feel that I need to tie up these loose ends as soon as possible so I can start moving forward.

 

I've tried and will continue to try to be fair and amicable, but she isn't, and it really hurts.

 

With regards to me being 'done' or not. With her current behavior I feel that I have no option but to accept I'm 'done'. Though I do, still, really hope that there's the possibility of reconciliation in the future.

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Superchicken

You've done everything a decent person should do.

You have given a lot of leeway, but, I would take some photos/video of the state of your apartment, just in case she or her unfortunate one nighter decides to trash the joint.

Look at putting a nannycam, or similar hidden camera in case they do break a few things.

I hope not, but so far, she has shown an instability in her mental path.

Women are very vindictive when bent backwards like she has.

We guys get pissed off, but women tend to try and get some back.

So be prepared.

Change the locks, in case she made duplicates.

 

 

Ted.

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desertsession

We have been exchanging messages regarding some of the 'admin' tasks left to do. I have been staying in control of these, removing her name from the bills and making steps to remove it from the tenancy agreement. She has, a couple of times, reacted badly to this as though she feels me being pro-active in the process is taking things out of her hands.

 

During these talks she said 'Can you stop speaking to me like a business colleague, we might not be on the best terms but you were my partner for 6 years’.

 

Bit rich...

 

Once the tenancy agreement is sorted I will be able to crack on with proper NC. I will be sending her a message, which is a bit more long winded, but to the effect of:

 

I respect you, I love you, and have made sure to keep up that respect and my conscience clear during this time. You haven't shown me the same respect back, and have acted in a way that only served to complicate things. You also showed a complete disregard for me by sleeping with somebody else after 1 week, despite still being, as you put it 'officially still a tenant' and after being ' my partner 6 years'. I'm not perfect, but I didn't deserve that and now I will be fully concentrating on myself. I've blocked you on social media to make it easier for myself, not out of spite. I hope we can make peace in the future when we've both had time to reflect. ​I am open to communication from you, as long as it's for the right reasons, and I will listen to anything you might have to say.

 

Am I taking the right approach? Is it likely that when her 'f**k it' attitude subsides she will feel guilty and regret treating me the way she has this last week?

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We have been exchanging messages regarding some of the 'admin' tasks left to do. I have been staying in control of these, removing her name from the bills and making steps to remove it from the tenancy agreement. She has, a couple of times, reacted badly to this as though she feels me being pro-active in the process is taking things out of her hands.

 

During these talks she said 'Can you stop speaking to me like a business colleague, we might not be on the best terms but you were my partner for 6 years’.

 

Bit rich...

 

Once the tenancy agreement is sorted I will be able to crack on with proper NC. I will be sending her a message, which is a bit more long winded, but to the effect of:

 

I respect you, I love you, and have made sure to keep up that respect and my conscience clear during this time. You haven't shown me the same respect back, and have acted in a way that only served to complicate things. You also showed a complete disregard for me by sleeping with somebody else after 1 week, despite still being, as you put it 'officially still a tenant' and after being ' my partner 6 years'. I'm not perfect, but I didn't deserve that and now I will be fully concentrating on myself. I've blocked you on social media to make it easier for myself, not out of spite. I hope we can make peace in the future when we've both had time to reflect. ​I am open to communication from you, as long as it's for the right reasons, and I will listen to anything you might have to say.

 

You'll never properly move on without going complete no contact. Skip the letter she's knows all that. It sounds like a lovesick schoolboy. Don't do the "friends" thing it'll just hold you back

 

Am I taking the right approach? Is it likely that when her 'f**k it' attitude subsides she will feel guilty and regret treating me the way she has this last week?

 

You're young this happened. Learn from it and move on. It's not the end of the world.

 

Plus never hitch your wagon to a cheater. You'll have huge regrets if you do.

 

Once everything's settled block everything.

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desertsession

So time for an update, it's been almost a month now.

 

I have to say, I'm feeling much better than I anticipated when all of this started - which is obviously good.

 

There was a music festival in my city during the weekend and I went to that, saw LOTS of my friends and basically let my hair down for two days straight. I sang and danced all weekend and it was incredible. She was also there, but I thankfully managed not to bump into her. I realised afterwards, that I would not have had nearly as much fun had we gone together as originally planned before the break-up. It is likely we would have disagreed or argued about which acts to see, whose friends to meet and little things like that. I am trying to remain balanced like this, when I reminisce about amazing times we had together, I usually remember something bad too.

 

Went to another city with a friend yesterday, a city I visited regularly with her. In fact, I don't think I've been there with anyone else before, so there were many places that I walked that jogged memories.

 

I have developed more of a feeling of disappointment than anything. I did a lot for this girl. I moved cities to be with her. I drove 5 hour round trips on weekends, driving straight from work to see her and not leaving until the last possible moment on a Sunday. I have probably, literally, driven 'around the world' for her. I helped her through university as best I could.

 

Yeah, I've had my shortcomings, who hasn't? Elements of laziness, complacency. It would be so easy for me to look at these now and think 'THAT WAS ALL I HAD TO DO' but that's just not how it works. She had her shortcomings too... Her main one, I'm beginning to realise, was that I was never 'good enough'.

 

But I'm not that bad. My friends have shown me that in the past month. I'm an alright guy, and I gave nearly 7 years of my life to somebody that I adored. If that's not 'good enough' then maybe somebody else will benefit from it, one day, when I'm ready again.

 

I still miss her every day, but I currently feel awake and as though a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. My main regret is the way she reacted in the immediate aftermath of the break-up. But it is what it is, and I can't change it.

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desertsession

Had some communication from her last night. Full NC is not 100% possible yet as there are still a few little bits of 'admin' to sort. However, I've been not contacting her. I will reply if it's required.

 

Conversation went as follows:

 

Hello do I have any mail?

 

I didn't reply to this for about 4 hours, as I was out with some friends.

 

Not been home, nope

 

Wonder where I got those tickets sent

 

Maybe they haven't been dispatched yet.

 

Ten minutes later...

 

I'
m
moving on Thursday
so
wll be changing council tax over if you haven't already (you might have
idk
)

 

I didn't reply to these as there were no questions. I intended to wait until the morning before letting her know I'd tell her if the tickets showed up, and that the council tax form requires her new address.

 

Nearly 2 hours later, my lack of a reply seemed to bother her...

 

Didn't realise I was THAT deplorable. Would be nice to get an idea of whether or not you have changed it. I'
m
hardly trying to have a deep conversation.

 

Whether you want to talk to me or not you need to be mature. I still have all of your paperwork, you obviously still owe me money and there are unfortunately still a few small things to sort. Then you don't have to speak to me ever again if that's what you decide to do.

 

I replied this morning:

 

I was sleeping. I'll let you know if and when your tickets arrive,

and no I haven't been able to change the council tax as the form asks for your new address. I know I owe you some money and you will have it!

 

I'
m
not even moaning about the money just saying that there are still things to sort. Great, sorry for not realising you would be sleeping at 10pm it's hardly you're usual bedtime.

 

You don't have to react like that if I don't get back to you straight away. I know some stuff needs sorting
so
I'
m
not going to ignore you,
so
if it happens again, trust you'll hear back from me. I don't have a reason to be a dick to you.

 

I didn't react in a nasty way, I just don't understand if you text me and I reply straight away why you wouldn't just get back to me, you were clearly expecting a reply. And it's not like I don't know that you carry your phone everywhere because I've seen you do it for 6 years!

 

As I said, I fell asleep. I'
m
more on about saying I need to be mature, when in my opinion, I've shown nothing but maturity.

 

Anyway, never mind, have a nice day!

 

Notice I tried to cut it off here.

 

I wasn't actually saying you weren't being, just that you need to make sure you are
so
things go smoothly. Not trying to argue. I have an eye infection and D*** Y*** has decided to stalk me again
so
I probably won't but I'll try
:lmao:
Hope you do too x

 

This was the first time she's volunteered anything about her life since the break up. D*** Y*** is a guy who used to message her at weird times during our relationship, she found it very unsettling. I'm not sure why she chose to include this. Is she trying to make me jealous? Obviously I'm not that keen on the idea of him 'stalking' her but... It's not my problem anymore, so I responded with just:

 

Well he's persistent

 

He's a f***ing psychopath

 

I didn't respond.

 

So yeah, I assume there's little to read into that exchange. It obviously began due to the need to sort some last little things out, but she lost her rag a little when she didn't get an immediate response. I stuck up for myself and she backtracked a little, then started volunteering some info about herself.

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desertsession

The mutual butterflies haven't flown for a while

A forearm's leopard print bow comes untied

and I guess you can't change your spots

Behavioural patterns extinguishing lanterns

and here I am trying to join up the dots

 

The loosening of stitches not sewn for some time

removes a finger's ornamental silver outline

and that's the slipping of the safety knot

Engraved initials are no longer official

and the gates to memory lane must be unlocked

 

You're the ghost on the settee

You're the devil in the details

You're the felling of the tree

You're the wind out of the sails

 

It doesn't matter what you're doing

'cause you won't be this man's ruin

 

Touch screen transmissions postponed and sidelined

It's not easy to refrain from that pastime

and when I'm trying to keep up the boycott

You ask if you're deplorable, it's certainly plausible

I shouldn't really say so, but no you're not

 

You're the hole in the head

You're the bend before the break

You're the space in the bed

You're the thud before the ache

 

It doesn't matter what you're doing

'cause you won't be this man's ruin

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desertsession

Was walking home with a friend last night when my phone rang.

 

The idea that it could be her didn't even cross my mind, but it was. I couldn't answer it. I wanted to hear her voice so much, but my head told me not to answer.

 

I text a short while later 'Sorry I missed your call, everything ok?'

 

She told me she's just moved into her new flat and has sorted through a folder of documents, some of which are mine, and has those and a spare set of keys to give me. She asked if I was around for her to do so.

 

I'd had a few beers by this point so decided it might not be the best idea, so I said I wasn't free but would be another night this week.

 

Today I've woken up feeling massively ill knowing that I'm going to have to see her for the first time in over a month at some point this week :sick:

 

What do I say? How do I act? Where do we meet?

 

And most importantly, why did she ring instead of just sending a text?

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PegNosePete

Some documents and some keys? Do you really need them back? If so send her a text, tell her to put them in a bubble wrap envelope in the post. You can send her a SAE so she's not out of pocket for postage if necessary.

 

If you can live without the documents, and presumably you have changed your locks anyway, then just tell her to shred / bin them.

 

And most importantly, why did she ring instead of just sending a text?

No, this is not most importantly. This is completely irrelevant.

 

She called you because she wanted an answer immediately rather than waiting for a text reply.

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