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Blocked by ex on everything


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iknownamouse

Hi guys,

 

Just a bit of history to the story; this girl and I were together for 18 months and our relationship was amazing. We loved each other a lot and there was some fighting but it was really good. We had a silly argument and ended up breaking up and I didn't appreciate at the time what we had. She wanted to get back together but I didn't, so we stayed apart. This is about a year and a half ago. T

 

After a year of the breakup, I realised I really miss her and decided to get back with her. We had some long chats, and she decided she really loved me but had exams coming up so wants to be just friends till after exams and then we can get back together. So I was like sure.

 

However a few weeks ago, at a party at which she also was; I ended up taking a girl home. She was understandably not very happy. I was very drunk and not thinking straight and really regret it. I really apologised to her. She wouldn't accept it and said she never wants to hear from me again and that I'm a cold hearted liar and a scumbag. Blocked me off everything. Stupidly I kept messaging her and she in the end said she never wants to hear from me again .

 

I really love this girl, we were perfect together and I really regret what I did. I really want her back and am willing to do anything, but it seems like there may not be much hope. I haven't contacted her for a couple of weeks now.

 

Should I just give up? She has exams coming up that I was helping her prepare for, I was the year above her at uni. Obviously can't help her anymore, but was considering sending her a good luck card and some flowers before her exam just because I do care. Would this be a bad idea

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To be fair, she did say that she would likely continue seeing you AFTER exams and you seemed have shot yourself in the foot when you went to that party. Stop messaging her, don't send flowers, don't send her the card. Let her breathe, give her some space. If she unblocks you give her some MORE time. It's likely that she may never unblock you though so now you have to lay in the bed that you made and try to move on.

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iknownamouse
To be fair, she did say that she would likely continue seeing you AFTER exams and you seemed have shot yourself in the foot when you went to that party. Stop messaging her, don't send flowers, don't send her the card. Let her breathe, give her some space. If she unblocks you give her some MORE time. It's likely that she may never unblock you though so now you have to lay in the bed that you made and try to move on.

 

Yes I realise, not my finest moment for sure. However technically it wasn't cheating, but I completely understand her anger and I do feel a lot of guilt. I am just finding it hard to contemplate never contacting her again, as she spoke about getting married and stuff in the future when we were together; and she's a girl I can defo see myself marrying. I feel like not contacting her is just giving up when I should be fighting to get her back.

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I'm sorry but read the threads on here.

 

Most people have a story about being messed around by an ex and you are that ex.

 

The selfish one who doesn't think about the other persons feelings and only what they want.

 

It took you a year to realize you missed her? The poor lass was probably just about over you then you came back into her life and filled her with hope again only to break her heart by sleeping with someone else.

 

Yes you were not official but sleeping with someone else while trying to reconcile a relationship hardly shows what a good honest and loyal person you are.

 

Personally I think you have blown it. I don't think the flowers and card is a bad idea but after that give the girl space, you have said all you can to her by the sounds of it.

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iknownamouse
I'm sorry but read the threads on here.

 

Most people have a story about being messed around by an ex and you are that ex.

 

The selfish one who doesn't think about the other persons feelings and only what they want.

 

It took you a year to realize you missed her? The poor lass was probably just about over you then you came back into her life and filled her with hope again only to break her heart by sleeping with someone else.

 

Yes you were not official but sleeping with someone else while trying to reconcile a relationship hardly shows what a good honest and loyal person you are.

 

Personally I think you have blown it. I don't think the flowers and card is a bad idea but after that give the girl space, you have said all you can to her by the sounds of it.

 

Yes I realise how bad I have acted in this whole situation though I do genuinely care for her, and it doesn't feel great to be that kind of person; don't know if I'll be able to forgive myself.

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Staying apart is probably the best thing for you. Put her in the rear view mirror & get on with your life.

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i'm not sure you blew it. don't give up. send her the card. wish her luck with the exams and tell her you will leave her alone until they are out of the way but that you would like a chance to speak to her after.

 

In my experience you sleeping with another girl is perfectly normal behaviour, you weren't in a relationship with the ex. she wanted to be friends. don't let her guilt trip you into thinking you did something wrong.

 

"You can't do right for doing wrong" - my friends dad stormed out the house one day when we were kids muttering this and I never knew what it meant, until I met my ex!

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No way dude he blew it.

 

Like he's not wanted to fix stuff and stick around when he had her, she's tried to keep him in her life and he's wanted none of it.

 

He's chased after her again a year later supposedly in love with her and she's quite sensibly set some evaluation time to gauge how serious his feelings are and if she can trust him with her heart again after he rejected it and broke it last time.

 

And then he took a chick home for sex in front of her. After confessing these supposed feelings. Which isn't something that happens in an instant so he was likely also flirting and on the pull in front of her too.

 

Omg this poor girl. He's hurt her horribly more than once. The blocking is to remove him from her world because it hurts. All that rejection and emotional face slaps about her importance and desirability to him. It actually doesn't matter at this point if she does have feelings for him because she doesn't believe his for her are anything much and she certainly doesn't trust him.

 

 

Like where is this going to go even if she lets him back in? A relationship with no trust and potentially lots of reasusrsmce or jealousy or fights because of it with a guy who isn't reliable or consistent and can't keep it in his pants? They are in college right not married with kids, what's the benefit for her here, she's got time to find someone who's capable of loving her enough not to leave in the first place let alone use alchohol as an excuse for carrying on with other women in front of her?

 

Please just leave her alone OP. You aren't good for her and I think there's a decent chance she's decided that too. I hope

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No way dude he blew it.

 

Like he's not wanted to fix stuff and stick around when he had her, she's tried to keep him in her life and he's wanted none of it.

 

He's chased after her again a year later supposedly in love with her and she's quite sensibly set some evaluation time to gauge how serious his feelings are and if she can trust him with her heart again after he rejected it and broke it last time.

 

And then he took a chick home for sex in front of her. After confessing these supposed feelings. Which isn't something that happens in an instant so he was likely also flirting and on the pull in front of her too.

 

Omg this poor girl. He's hurt her horribly more than once. The blocking is to remove him from her world because it hurts. All that rejection and emotional face slaps about her importance and desirability to him. It actually doesn't matter at this point if she does have feelings for him because she doesn't believe his for her are anything much and she certainly doesn't trust him.

 

 

Like where is this going to go even if she lets him back in? A relationship with no trust and potentially lots of reasusrsmce or jealousy or fights because of it with a guy who isn't reliable or consistent and can't keep it in his pants? They are in college right not married with kids, what's the benefit for her here, she's got time to find someone who's capable of loving her enough not to leave in the first place let alone use alchohol as an excuse for carrying on with other women in front of her?

 

Please just leave her alone OP. You aren't good for her and I think there's a decent chance she's decided that too. I hope

 

The breakup was mutual and it came after I put in a lot of effort for the relationship. Even she will admit to that, I fought really hard to keep us together but we ended up stupidly breaking up.

 

Yes I acted like a complete moron, but I don't think you can simplify things and say I don't love her enough. i have proved my love to her many times over the years, and even over these past 6 months since we restarted talking. Sleeping with a girl while we are friends, is incredibly disrespectful but it doesn't show that I don't love her. I know that I do love her.

 

You are quite right though, she probably has decided that I'm no good for her and I don't blame her. I'm still hopeful she'll give me one more chance, I know I can make things right.

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I know on paper he blew it but in love people hardly ever think with their heads! How many times have you seen women and men going back when they know they shouldn't? I'm not saying it will work out for both of them but I think a lot of women want their man to be a man and that's the sort of thing men do.

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iknownamouse

Also thank you for all your replies. I fully realise how I badly I've acted in the whole scenario. Even though it's not actually a break up, I am feeling the worst I've ever felt in my life. I really feel terrible for the way I have treated her, maybe letting go would make me feel better so I can start getting over it?

 

I just don't want to give up without giving it a proper chance. I wanted to get back together with her because we both knew we could sort out the issues from the first time really easily, it's depressing that we'll never have the chance to do that thanks to my silliness. Despite the odds being against me, I really hope she gives me one last undeserved chance

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If you truly love her and believe you will treat her properly then send the flowers and tell her you will give her space until after the exams and see how she feels about things after that.

 

To be honest you probably do still have a chance, it just depends on how strong headed she is I guess.

 

You have came on a forum where most people hurting are the ones on the opposite end of the stick so you can probably understand some of the comments you have received here.

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iknownamouse
If you truly love her and believe you will treat her properly then send the flowers and tell her you will give her space until after the exams and see how she feels about things after that.

 

To be honest you probably do still have a chance, it just depends on how strong headed she is I guess.

 

You have came on a forum where most people hurting are the ones on the opposite end of the stick so you can probably understand some of the comments you have received here.

 

Yea the comments are perfectly acceptable, didn't expect any sympathy haha. Thanks for your reply though, gives me a tiny bit of optimism that there is a tiny chance

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Hi guys,

 

Just a bit of history to the story; this girl and I were together for 18 months and our relationship was amazing. We loved each other a lot and there was some fighting but it was really good. We had a silly argument and ended up breaking up and I didn't appreciate at the time what we had. She wanted to get back together but I didn't, so we stayed apart. This is about a year and a half ago. T

 

After a year of the breakup, I realised I really miss her and decided to get back with her. We had some long chats, and she decided she really loved me but had exams coming up so wants to be just friends till after exams and then we can get back together. So I was like sure.

 

However a few weeks ago, at a party at which she also was; I ended up taking a girl home. She was understandably not very happy. I was very drunk and not thinking straight and really regret it. I really apologised to her. She wouldn't accept it and said she never wants to hear from me again and that I'm a cold hearted liar and a scumbag. Blocked me off everything. Stupidly I kept messaging her and she in the end said she never wants to hear from me again .

 

I really love this girl, we were perfect together and I really regret what I did. I really want her back and am willing to do anything, but it seems like there may not be much hope. I haven't contacted her for a couple of weeks now.

 

Should I just give up? She has exams coming up that I was helping her prepare for, I was the year above her at uni. Obviously can't help her anymore, but was considering sending her a good luck card and some flowers before her exam just because I do care. Would this be a bad idea

 

U had another shot wth her after breaking her heart damm dude and she sounds like a good girl too...looks like u may hav sabotaged it. If u might wss her I would have trust issues taking u back. It's true u haven't cheated but part or getting back wth her is demenstruating to her that u r dead on serious about reconciling not sleeping wth som chick that by the looks of it meant nothing to u. U hav a big lesson to learn hear it's called discipline

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iknownamouse
U had another shot wth her after breaking her heart damm dude and she sounds like a good girl too...looks like u may hav sabotaged it. If u might wss her I would have trust issues taking u back. It's true u haven't cheated but part or getting back wth her is demenstruating to her that u r dead on serious about reconciling not sleeping wth som chick that by the looks of it meant nothing to u. U hav a big lesson to learn hear it's called discipline

 

I know right, I don't know what I was thinking that night. I'm definitely paying the price for it now though. No word to describe the pain, made worse because I know I've only got myself to blame.

 

I've quit drinking and partying for good , as nothing good ever comes from it. I don't know if that'll help or not but I'm willing to do anything at this point

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Well, not like others, I would advice you to send those flowers, cards and keep doing this. Don't do it every day, of course, but be creative, let her know that you want her so much.

 

I think you have a 50\50 chance.

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iknownamouse
Well, not like others, I would advice you to send those flowers, cards and keep doing this. Don't do it every day, of course, but be creative, let her know that you want her so much.

 

I think you have a 50\50 chance.

 

Thank you, this gives me much needed hope.

 

Looking for another bit of advice sorry

 

She has 3 days of big exams in the middle of May and then a gap with 2 days of big exams in the middle of June. She is out of the country till the exams in May, I'm not sure when she comes back but I'm guessing it's the week before the exams.

 

I was initially going to send the flowers the week before the exams in May, but I'm worried that if she's trying to heal and I send her the flowers that it'll stress her out and distract her from her studies. Would it be better to send the flowers after the first set of exams in May? These are her final uni exams after 5 years of studying, so I'm a bit scared of ruining things for her

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Thank you, this gives me much needed hope.

 

Looking for another bit of advice sorry

 

She has 3 days of big exams in the middle of May and then a gap with 2 days of big exams in the middle of June. She is out of the country till the exams in May, I'm not sure when she comes back but I'm guessing it's the week before the exams.

 

I was initially going to send the flowers the week before the exams in May, but I'm worried that if she's trying to heal and I send her the flowers that it'll stress her out and distract her from her studies. Would it be better to send the flowers after the first set of exams in May? These are her final uni exams after 5 years of studying, so I'm a bit scared of ruining things for her

 

I have no scientific answer for that, but if I were you I wouldn't wait for making gestures, even next week. If you think the flowers are the big thing, keep it to May, but you can think of other gestures. I don't know, a mutual photo, a messenger with a candy...

 

Here's an idea i was just thinking about, if you have the money... You can send her 1 flower. the next week 2 flowers, and then 4 flowers, then 8, and so and so... when you get to 16 or 32, you can right in the funny note about you might have to buy the whole shop very soon. and maybe you should take a loan...

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iknownamouse
I have no scientific answer for that, but if I were you I wouldn't wait for making gestures, even next week. If you think the flowers are the big thing, keep it to May, but you can think of other gestures. I don't know, a mutual photo, a messenger with a candy...

 

Here's an idea i was just thinking about, if you have the money... You can send her 1 flower. the next week 2 flowers, and then 4 flowers, then 8, and so and so... when you get to 16 or 32, you can right in the funny note about you might have to buy the whole shop very soon. and maybe you should take a loan...

 

Thank you so much! The only reason why I'm a bit hesitant is because she said in her last communication with me that she wants me to leave her alone because my messages are causing her stress during her exam period. Though those messages were more along the lines of I'm so sorry and please forgive me.

 

Do you think I should go ahead and send her something sweet like you said during these next few weeks?

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Thank you so much! The only reason why I'm a bit hesitant is because she said in her last communication with me that she wants me to leave her alone because my messages are causing her stress during her exam period. Though those messages were more along the lines of I'm so sorry and please forgive me.

 

Do you think I should go ahead and send her something sweet like you said during these next few weeks?

 

A flower every week without a meaningful note, is not a big deal in a matter of stress. Stop with the "I'm sorry" and "Forgive me", this topic is exhausted. After few flowers with no texts (only your name) you will start with all kind expressions of love. The only thing that matters is that you love her. You can allow yourself to gradually be carried away. There is no "too much" for love. Don't stop even if she asks you to stop after 1-2 times.

 

Listen, I'm just giving you an idea, I don't know if it works or not. But analyzing what you said, I feel that she does love you, but feels insecure, and does not sure that you love her back.

 

Anyway, what have you got to lose?

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iknownamouse
A flower every week without a meaningful note, is not a big deal in a matter of stress. Stop with the "I'm sorry" and "Forgive me", this topic is exhausted. After few flowers with no texts (only your name) you will start with all kind expressions of love. The only thing that matters is that you love her. You can allow yourself to gradually be carried away. There is no "too much" for love. Don't stop even if she asks you to stop after 1-2 times.

 

Listen, I'm just giving you an idea, I don't know if it works or not. But analyzing what you said, I feel that she does love you, but feels insecure, and does not sure that you love her back.

 

Anyway, what have you got to lose?

 

Thanks so much for your advice, really appreciate it. I have nobody to discuss this with or to ask for help; so this means a lot.

 

I do like your idea, and will definitely try it. I would do it now but unfortunately she's in a different country till May, so I don't know if there's anything I can do via email?

 

And yes I've got nothing to lose, I've already lost her so anything right now is a bonus

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You dated her then dumped her. Then you decided you wanted to get back together. She said OK but AFTER her exams. Instead of waiting for her like she asked & like you agreed, you hooked up with another girl. In the face of that, this woman said she was no longer interested in reconciling.

 

 

Now when she has exams that she needs to do well on which will take all of her concentration, you want to annoy her by calling, texting & sending her flowers every day. At the very least you will be a distraction. Even when things were good, she told you to stay away until after exams. So why do you & everybody else who are encouraging you to send this flowers so keen on pissing her off?

 

 

If there is any prayer whatsoever, which I doubt, of you getting back together it will only be on her timeline which is AFTER her exams. You will shoot yourself in the foot (or worse) with your plan.

 

 

If you insist on bugging her before her exams send an "exam survival kit": #2 pencils, pens, highlighters, an eraser, some junk food, some caffeine, aspirin or Tylenol, etc. Show that you heard her about how important her exams are.

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Thanks so much for your advice, really appreciate it. I have nobody to discuss this with or to ask for help; so this means a lot.

 

I do like your idea, and will definitely try it. I would do it now but unfortunately she's in a different country till May, so I don't know if there's anything I can do via email?

 

And yes I've got nothing to lose, I've already lost her so anything right now is a bonus

 

You dated her then dumped her. Then you decided you wanted to get back together. She said OK but AFTER her exams. Instead of waiting for her like she asked & like you agreed, you hooked up with another girl. In the face of that, this woman said she was no longer interested in reconciling.

 

 

Now when she has exams that she needs to do well on which will take all of her concentration, you want to annoy her by calling, texting & sending her flowers every day. At the very least you will be a distraction. Even when things were good, she told you to stay away until after exams. So why do you & everybody else who are encouraging you to send this flowers so keen on pissing her off?

 

 

If there is any prayer whatsoever, which I doubt, of you getting back together it will only be on her timeline which is AFTER her exams. You will shoot yourself in the foot (or worse) with your plan.

 

 

If you insist on bugging her before her exams send an "exam survival kit": #2 pencils, pens, highlighters, an eraser, some junk food, some caffeine, aspirin or Tylenol, etc. Show that you heard her about how important her exams are.

 

 

 

I deeply encourage you to follow d0nnivain's advice in this situation.

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she told you to stay away until after exams. So why do you & everybody else who are encouraging you to send this flowers so keen on pissing her off?

 

First, she told him these words prior to her telling him to never contact her, and her blocking him. So his current status is "a dumpee". If he wants to obey he should not contact her after her exams too.

 

You may be right of course. Maybe he shouldn't contact her. But my long long experience taught me that sometimes when you insist contacting someone, even if she said she doesn't want you to, it pays off. You should of course do it gently and be respectful, and there is a thin line between being a stubborn and harassment, and he might get hurt, but still...

 

I think that "keeping yourself from being hurt" is not the only value people should follow. Sometimes "No guts, no glory" fits better to the situation.

 

Nobody really knows, especially random strangers from this forum, but it's wrong to say that insisting is always comes out bad. Sometimes you can win true love by persistent courtship.

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First, she told him these words prior to her telling him to never contact her, and her blocking him. So his current status is "a dumpee". If he wants to obey he should not contact her after her exams too.

 

You may be right of course. Maybe he shouldn't contact her. But my long long experience taught me that sometimes when you insist contacting someone, even if she said she doesn't want you to, it pays off. You should of course do it gently and be respectful, and there is a thin line between being a stubborn and harassment, and he might get hurt, but still...

 

I think that "keeping yourself from being hurt" is not the only value people should follow. Sometimes "No guts, no glory" fits better to the situation.

 

Nobody really knows, especially random strangers from this forum, but it's wrong to say that insisting is always comes out bad. Sometimes you can win true love by persistent courtship.

 

Her telling him to NOT contact her, blocking him on everything is a clear sign that the way to respect her is to leave her alone. This isn't a mind game she's playing. She doesn't want to be bothered.

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