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I pushed my ex away - huge mistake. Help!


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I'll try to summarize, I was going through a depression exactly last year (March 2016) and I pushed my ex away in the process (stupid me). a month later, i realized what a huge mistake i did and started trying to reinitiate contact. She wouldn't reply to many of my messages until I told her that we should meet because we need to talk and see if we can make things work again, she agreed and we met. She used that opportunity to break up with me but wanted to stay in contact with me because she cares about me. My ego would not let me beg or plead, there was nothing i could've said or done to get through to her on that night. I even asked if she wanted some time to think about it, but she said shes already made up her mind. She said goodbye and she left. I started NC a couple of weeks later. She messaged "Happy Birthday" on my birthday which happened to be a month later "replied with just thanks". She messaged wishing on a religious occasion "Which I thanked her again only". She messaged me on facebook in November of 2016 asking for a favor for a school project she was doing. Ignored the message and a few days later instead of closing her chat window on facebook, I called her by mistake but i ended the call right away. She thought I wanted to say something and apologized for not being on her computer and if I wanted to call her, I replied with two words "By Mistake", got right back into NC. 3 weeks ago I ran into her on a traffic light crossing (out of all the effing places :S) I told myself i was gonna pass right by her and not look her in the eye, as if she didn't exist, which I did, she started posting hurtful quotes on that night. Last week (which is exactly a week before her birthday) she unfriended me on facebook, but did not block me.

 

I'm trying to make sense of all of what is happening in the hopes of re attracting her. Of course, any move I make will make me look desperate as I was the dumpee. At the same time, if someone wanted to really move on they would unfriend and block completely, so why did she she just unfriend me?

 

Can she be testing me to see if I would remember her birthday (without the facebook reminder) and say something on that day? Need your help guys, and for the people who are going to say "you need to stop thinking about this and move on", I think i'm very emotionally stable at this point (its been a year) but I want to clear my conscious to say I've tried everything to make it work. This will help speed the healing and make me move on quicker in case its completely over.

 

Feel free to ask questions.

 

Note: she'll be 22 in a few days and i'll be 32 in 2 months.

Edited by John45
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You're looking too much into this I think.

 

You broke up a year ago and she said she's not interested in reconciliation. It's over. Sorry to say.

 

Your best bet is to continue NC but in that time don't worry about what she's doing. Worry about what you're doing.

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I guess your ship has sailed. If you guys havent made any effort or progress in the last year, its not going to happen now. Too much time has elapsed to go back to those feelings.

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You're actually doing the right thing to re attract her believe it or not, if you'd walked past her with a girl in your arm and ignored her, she'd probably be re attracted more. The best way to get dumped is always to say, 'let me know if you change your mind.'

 

If she calls you out on why you ignored her in the street, just tell her you were really busy with work stuff and had a lot to focus on. Keep it simple, no emotional complexities on your end and if she doesn't reach out to you in a romantic sense politely terminate the conversation. The only time to continue the conversation is if she reaches out to you, in which case your response is to make a date and then end the conversation.

 

You're not interested in friendship with her, that's not what you want. So don't settle for anything less than what you want.

 

Bear in mind her being re attracted doesn't mean that it would necessarily work out between you and her again.

 

It sounds like you're aware of what caused the dissolution of the relationship, your depression. Keep working on yourself and keep moving on. Meet other women and look after yourself. If she calls fine, if she doesn't also fine.

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Guys thank you all for your replies, I respect all the feedback I received including the ones that meant the ship has sailed. If the ship has really sailed, then I have to make it sail in my mind and heart as well, and knowing myself, the only way to do that is to make sure there's is absolutely nothing else I can attempt without looking desperate, and the only thing i can think of at this point is NC and leaving it to time. Unless anyone has any other suggestions.

 

@fromheart thank you for reassuring me on the approach i'm taking as I kept doubting myself for a long time on whether shes been trying to signal a reconciliation over the past year when i kept blowing her off every time. I will continue to maintain NC and will not wish her on her birthday.

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