breadbin Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 quick background - my ex for 2 years dumped me 5 months ago and after the 5 months I am seeing these random texts for what they are 'breadcrumbs'. It seems she probably still cares for me and still loves me but I suppose I fell apart after the break up and begged her to get back with me. Tried for 5 months to get her back because that is what I thought was the right thing to do. Anyway it hasn't worked so i put myself through hell for nothing. When we talked I would bring up the relationship and she would tell me she loves me and misses me and even that she made a mistake breaking up but when I asked her to take me back she wouldn't. I know I should have walked away from day 1 and done no contact but is it too late to do that now? We had been talking, we work together from time to time. We got on ok in work lately because I think I am finally getting used to the idea of not having her around. but I do want her back. She wants us to be at least friends but she still says things like how she wants to kiss me so bad and that she misses me so much. I think she wants me to cop on to myself and work on the things that need working on because she can't do it for me. The thing is, she texts me probably once a week and i actually got a 2 letter message 'hi'. Of course I replied with another text with a bit of news or something but it annoyed me when I read about dumpers using the breadcrumbs! I had no idea. She is probably just easing her guilt or checking how i am. It annoyed me though and I decided to take the advice on here and go no contact. She texted me paddys day - happy paddys day. Nothing else. I ignored it. She then sent me a barrage of texts 2 days later. ringing me and asking me was i ok, was i at work, am i not talking to her, and then nothing. Part of me is happy with it, but another part of me feels bad because we had been getting on ok, we didn't meet up or anything like that but got on great in work and we texted a bit. i'm just wondering should i text her and tell her i'm doing fine but i need time to get my head sorted. like i'm 5 months late with the no contact out of the blue. or should I just ignore her, try talk to her now again in work after all this? I really think I need to explain myself to her is that a wussy thing to do? I know she is a drama queen, and I know she is a bit of a control freak but I don't want to be fighting with her. especially her causing a scene in work! Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Go no contact and move on ! It's already been 5 months that's way more time needed to make up your mind about anything !! Even leaving the country to go into a third dimension 2 Link to post Share on other sites
klick09 Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 Yes, you should go no contact. And by that I mean NO CONTACT. Not low contact. No contact at all. And only but only talk after you have moved on, and healed. If you make a mistake (that I made) you will go back to square one. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 You don't need to explain yourself. You owe her exactly nothing. Be friendly at work if you have to talk to her but that's it. Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted March 20, 2017 Share Posted March 20, 2017 It's never too late to go NC. If you don't you'll be stuck in limbo forever. This must be taxing on your mental state, save yourself some heartache. Link to post Share on other sites
Author breadbin Posted March 21, 2017 Author Share Posted March 21, 2017 Yeah it's been hell but lately I've felt so much better. Not just cos the nc but probably time to move on. Head wrecking dealing with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Altair0770 Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 Go No Contact. That means do not respond to her text messages and remove everything around you that will remind you of her. Try to avoid her at work unless it's required for the job to communicate with her, but keep it ONLY ABOUT WORK. She broke up with you. Meaning she was completely okay with giving you up for the rest of her life and never seeing you again. That is the consequence of breaking up. That's what most people tend to ignore when pondering if they should end a relationship or not. Do not check her social media. Do not respond to emails/txts/phone calls. ANYTHING. *IF* you choose to, these are breadcrumbs. Unless she makes a definitive decision to reconcile, she has absolutely no right to know how you're doing, what's going on in your life, or ANYTHING like that. Also do *NOT* use "Mutual friends" to communicate with her. You're out of her life, she's out of yours. If you do respond to those breadcrumbs, respond polite and short. If she asks how you're doing, do *NOT* go into detail. Something like, "I'm fine, thanks for asking". You tried for 5 months. Now you flipped the switch and as far as she is concerned you don't have any interest in her, even if you actually do. Link to post Share on other sites
keiji Posted March 21, 2017 Share Posted March 21, 2017 If you've been friendly to each other so far, I think you should tell her you need to go NC. If she genuinely cares for you, she'll understand and will wait until you're ready to be friends with her. If she doesn't, that will mean she was only throwing breadcrumbs in your direction in order to boost her ego and therefore, you don't want a friend like that. It's never too late to go NC. It took four months for me, but it was the best decision I could make. As someone said in a previous post, she's had ample time to regret her decision, but she hasn't done it. It's time for you to let the past be the past once and for all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author breadbin Posted March 21, 2017 Author Share Posted March 21, 2017 She rang me a few times in work so I couldn't answer but I don't think I would have anyway. The thought of talking to her is losing its appeal. You're right all of you. 5 months is too long. A couple of weeks ago when I went about 2 weeks nc she rang me back and said 'i feel like I'm going through this on my own'. I had to remind her she was the one that ended it. Link to post Share on other sites
foofightingguy Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Sounds exactly like my situation, 5 months I tried to get back with her too. I had wished I started NC right from the getgo as well, but I have learned so much over the past few months on LS and reading. It's never too late to go FULL NC. Let her know your feelings, and you will not accept just being friends and start NC. If she cares or just needed time, she will reach out in the future, let it be weeks or months. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Yep, you played this totally wrong upfront like most. You chase they flee. Go dark and block everything. Media, phone or you'll just continue to get breadcrumbs 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author breadbin Posted March 22, 2017 Author Share Posted March 22, 2017 Yep, you played this totally wrong upfront like most. You chase they flee. Go dark and block everything. Media, phone or you'll just continue to get breadcrumbs aw I know that now! Thing is after this relationship I wonder was I ever in love before! I've never been so hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
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