GF of 6 years Ended Things

[Aaronjanderson.aja]

Hi everyone. Get ready for a long one. First, thank you for reading this. It's not really a question, I'm just looking for advice on my situation.

My girlfriend (we'll call her "Riva") and I were together for a total of 6 years. The first 2 years I wasn't good to her. I cheated on her early in the relationship and had a drug problem. 4 years ago, I made a lot of changes and we got back together. We were happy and worked through the distrust and suspicion.

We had a brief break 2.5 years ago because I was working full time and wanted to try and get our own place but she kept getting angry about having to work and go to school. I couldn't support us on my own and broke it off when Riva decided to just quit her job because she didn't understand that we needed to work together in order to live together. We got back together and she finished school (got her Associates, I paid for classes and books for the final year).

A little over a year ago Riva got a good full time job and shortly after that I lost mine (laid off). Until this time we're very happy (Riva comments all the time that she loves our relationship and always mentions how different I am).

Now we're in 2016 and I can't find good work. In April I lose my car so she helps to drive me to my part time job, and helps pay for my medication once. In June I had to move back in with my parents because my landlord sold the house I was staying in and we couldn't afford rent anywhere.

At first it wasn't too bad. Riva came over a lot, picked me up to take me to her house (she lives with her parents). She paid for our dates (but she NEVER wanted to just eat at home and wanted sushi at least twice a week). I paid when I could and bought her things when I could (she began telling me often that I never paid for anything or bought her things).

Around November she reminded me that she told me in January that if we weren't married by the end of 2016 that she would break up with me. We cried, I promised I would get a better job. Early December I got another part time job that paid me a little more because I couldn't find full-time work. She was happy and we stayed together through January.

During Dec-Jan we started having sex less, she would tell me it's because I didn't have my own car and lived with my family so "what do you expect?" We started fighting a lot because she didn't acknowledge any of my efforts to make her happy. Fixing her car, rearranging her room, cleaning her house, all sorts of little things. Riva still thanked me but when she'd get angry, she would completely forget about them and act like they never happened. As an example: "You didn't get my family anything for xmas last year, so I'm not getting yours anything this year" (we fought about that because I bought her entire family their gifts because she didn't have the money).

Early February we had a big fight because I couldn't borrow a car to go see her and she almost broke up with me when I told her (she had put her foot down on coming to get me about a month before). We decided to work things out because she knows I treat her well and that our 6 years are too much to throw away.

During all of this, her single friend moves in to her parents house and they go to parties a lot without me. So 2 weeks after our big fight about the car, she quits 2 jobs within 5 day's time and then on Friday goes to another party. As always, I tell her to be safe and have fun.

Riva texts me the morning after asking if we could talk. I call her and she's crying and she breaks up with me. Because she wants a "partner she can build a future with, not someone that she has to struggle with". An hour after that, I get a call for a great job opportunity and have now been hired.

Now we're to today. I have tried to talk to her and tell her about the job, Riva keeps saying that she's glad but needs at least 6 months before we even say hello again. I get angry and send her a long email a few days ago and she responds in anger. I asked her to meet me yesterday morning and after saying no, she blocked my phone number (she told me she was going to).

Am I crazy to want this girl back? This job can help us move on and get married but she's pulling away from me and tells me that our time together was full of disappointment and empty promises.

Sorry this is so long, but 6 years is a long time. I appreciate any and all feedback. Thank you.

[Marc878]

If you chase she'll just move even further away. It would appear she's found someone else dumped you and moved on. Which is what you should do.

 

Begging crying or pleading, writing long stupid letters pouring your heart out will just make you look weak and unnattractive.

 

You can't make her do anything. You should try and up your job skills or education so you're not without work again. Living with your parents isn't going to Go over well with other women.

[CheshireCat90]

You are definitely crazy for wanting her back . The next six months will be her time to party , live care free, have lots and lots of sex, and then you'll be here waiting with a good job to take your lovely princess back .

 

I respect you for trying to stay by a woman who wanted you at your absolute lowest ( infidelity and drugs) but it sounds like over time as you've gotten better and the circumstances of life piled up she did whatever she wanted, blamed and pressured you for something you couldn't reasonably control or manage , and clearly has an impulsive personality ( what adult just quits their job unless they are being abused or it causes unhealthiness in their life ?) .

 

I applaud you for trying to be honorable but your relationship sounds turbulent at best and you want to married to preserve that turbulence? You're going to work your ass off , save up for a $3000 + wedding ring , propose to her then have to come up with money for the wedding , also figure out how to budget and save up for an apartment within the first 6 months of your wedding ( you have to see that that fight is on the horizon after the wedding ) .

 

 

Maybe she gives you purpose and helps keep you away from addiction ? Is that why you still want to be with her ? It just sounds like an utter mess , you need to be by yourself , get your life in a stable place... like actually stable . You have money in the bank so that if / when this job ends you have the means to support yourself for a while. You have a place to live. you have a car to get around . Build yourself up to be self-sufficient . Not for Riva but for you because if you can't take care of yourself why would she or any other woman aside from your mother want you to be apart of your life ?

[Aaronjanderson.aja]

You are definitely crazy for wanting her back . The next six months will be her time to party , live care free, have lots and lots of sex, and then you'll be here waiting with a good job to take your lovely princess back .

 

Maybe she gives you purpose and helps keep you away from addiction ? Is that why you still want to be with her ? It just sounds like an utter mess , you need to be by yourself , get your life in a stable place... like actually stable . You have money in the bank so that if / when this job ends you have the means to support yourself for a while. You have a place to live. you have a car to get around . Build yourself up to be self-sufficient . Not for Riva but for you because if you can't take care of yourself why would she or any other woman aside from your mother want you to be apart of your life ?

 

Thanks for the response. I agree with everything that you're saying. These events that I listed out were spread across years of good times, which is what I tend to concentrate on. A major difference between Riva and me is that I always see the good in something and she always picks out the bad. There weren't many days that she would call me after work and have something good to say. Mostly she would just complain and talk about wanting to get another job, then that would turn in to her telling me she is tired of me living with my parents somehow.

I'm seeing NOW as my lowest point. I was able to work through the drug issue while maintaining a good life for us. My own place, and I was still able to pay for everything.

It was only after all that bad stuff that I was laid off and really started struggling.

 

You're right about her wanting to see other guys too. 2 weeks after we broke up she started a dating profile (one of my guy friends warned me she might be cheating, they didn't know we had broken up).

 

I guess I want her back because I don't have many friends, and it was nice to have her, even though things were rocky at the end - I always kept thinking that it was only temporary and we'd be happy once I got my act together. I hung out with her friends and her family so I'm totally on my own. Which is why I'm here.

 

I feel like it's unfair, I used to pick her up and pay for everything for 5 years and she only gave me like 8 months of the same. Aside from that, I never saw a future for myself until a couple years ago when I decided that I only wanted to be with her so I tied my ideal life to her.

 

I'm sure that once I gain some momentum with this job and get back on my feet, I won't be feeling so bad. We associate our self worth with those that we choose to spend our time with and once those people decide to move on, it can be pretty difficult. But I'll get there.

[CheshireCat90]

Thanks for the response. I agree with everything that you're saying. These events that I listed out were spread across years of good times, which is what I tend to concentrate on. A major difference between Riva and me is that I always see the good in something and she always picks out the bad. There weren't many days that she would call me after work and have something good to say. Mostly she would just complain and talk about wanting to get another job, then that would turn in to her telling me she is tired of me living with my parents somehow.

I'm seeing NOW as my lowest point. I was able to work through the drug issue while maintaining a good life for us. My own place, and I was still able to pay for everything.

It was only after all that bad stuff that I was laid off and really started struggling.

 

You're right about her wanting to see other guys too. 2 weeks after we broke up she started a dating profile (one of my guy friends warned me she might be cheating, they didn't know we had broken up).

 

I guess I want her back because I don't have many friends, and it was nice to have her, even though things were rocky at the end - I always kept thinking that it was only temporary and we'd be happy once I got my act together. I hung out with her friends and her family so I'm totally on my own. Which is why I'm here.

 

I feel like it's unfair, I used to pick her up and pay for everything for 5 years and she only gave me like 8 months of the same. Aside from that, I never saw a future for myself until a couple years ago when I decided that I only wanted to be with her so I tied my ideal life to her.

 

I'm sure that once I gain some momentum with this job and get back on my feet, I won't be feeling so bad. We associate our self worth with those that we choose to spend our time with and once those people decide to move on, it can be pretty difficult. But I'll get there.

 

You absolutely will dude stay strong, believe it or not there's a woman out there who'll absolutely adore you in a way Riva never could.....and like clockwork that's when Riva will show up to try to get back together. Stay strong, get stronger ,and thrive my friend.