Just suppose ...

[spiderowl]

.. an online friend of yours went no contact because they felt they could not just be friends with you. You hadn't met because somehow things had not worked out because of your different expectations and personalities. You had an idea they felt more for you - and you both had an amazing connection - but you were recently out of a long-term relationship and did not want commitment at this stage. You wanted to stay as friends but they decided they could not do that. In the end, they opted out and did not offer you a way back like 'I'm always here for you' or 'Get in touch if you change your mind'. If you decided later that you were genuinely interested in building a relationship with them, would you get in touch anyway, even without the offer of a way back?

[spiderowl]

Any thoughts?

[Altair0770]

I guess I'm a bit confused? Did you change your mind and want a relationship with them? Then you should reach out.

 

For me, if I want to date someone, I'm not going to settle for being just friends if I want something more. Once you enter that friendzone you aren't getting out as long as you stick around.

 

If you make your answer "no" to a relationship you cannot expect people to wait around for you to possibly change your mind.

[Bromeo]

Spider,

 

You lose nothing by reaching out and letting your intentions known. A wise friend told me recently that people who care don't let things like that slow them down or discourage them.

 

You were one of the first to comment on my thread when I desperately needed advice. Thank you for that.

 

Dave

[basil67]

You could reach out later - there's no reason not to. But be aware there's probably a good chance that they've moved on by then.

[spiderowl]

Sorry for the confusion, I was the one that opted out. I just wondered if he wanted to pursue something in future whether he would, given that I left no wording that would have invited him back.

 

It was just too confusing and difficult and I felt he was expecting more but friendzoning me at the same time.

[basil67]

Sorry for the confusion, I was the one that opted out. I just wondered if he wanted to pursue something in future whether he would, given that I left no wording that would have invited him back.

 

It was just too confusing and difficult and I felt he was expecting more but friendzoning me at the same time.

 

In that case simply reverse my advice. You should move on. If he changes his mind, he can contact you in the future but he may well find that it's too late. And the onus is not on you to leave the door open.

 

That said, there's also the possibility that 'not being ready' was just a tactful line and he simply wasn't sufficiently interested.

[spiderowl]

Thanks Basil, yes I didn't know if it was a tactful line or not but something didn't feel right. It was all far too intimate in terms of a mental connection for me to feel it was just a friendship. I simply could not continue.

[BC1980]

Sure, I'd try. You might not get a response, but I don't think it would hurt. Actually, I did something similar. I met a guy online right after my ex broke up with me. I had no business dating, but I talked to this guy for a few months before he asked me to meet him. I then ghosted on him because I freaked out at the idea of meeting him. I was still in love with my ex and talking to my ex. But a few months later, I had a change of heart and emailed him to see if he still wanted to meet. I got no response. So there ya go. I'd say it's worth a shot if the ending wasn't a really volatile ending with bad feelings.