Upsetandcrying Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 Three nights ago my boyfriend got furious with me. He wanted me to do some work for him on a project he is doing but I told him I couldn't do it because I wasn't feeling well and told him to do it himself. He snapped and got very upset saying what the f*** and that I was a bitch for not helping and couldn't do a simple thing. He went off and said I was a useless lazy human being. Then he said he had a friend who needed a roommate and that he was going to move there and I could go f*** myself and proceeded to yell at me for a good half hour. He then said a lot of hurtful things to me about how I was a miserable human and how much he loathed me. I told him I was sorry and that I wasn't feeling good and would've helped him if I felt better. It just made him angrier. I don't know where all his name calling came from and his anger. It took me off guard how mad he was. He said don't talk to me or look at me and went in the other room. When morning arrived, he left first thing without saying anything to me. He has not returned since. He didn't take any of his clothes except the ones on his back. When he didn't come back for the 2nd day in a row, I got a bit worried and tried calling and emailing but nada. I assume he moved in with his friend but even that friend won't respond to my calls asking if he was ok. I am so upset by all of this. Not only for him walking out and dissapearing but for him to refuse to have any contact or wanting to talk this out. I know he has been stressed lately with his job and his boss, but whenever we have fought in the past, he has never been this extreme to walk out and never disrespectful to me (name calling). My heart is heavy and I am crying daily. 2 years of my life with him seemed to have gone down the tubes instantly. What should I do? In addition to having my heart being ripped out, if he really did move out permanently, I cant afford to rent this apartment by myself and will have to vacate, adding more stress. The not knowing of his whereabouts and his cold heartedness is making me fubar. help! Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 It could be a build up of a lot unresolved issues and he had his breaking point. While name calling is never acceptable , but I guess he was done. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 Sorry he did that to you but it seems you dodged a bullet. If you can't afford the rent on your own, start making arrangements to get out before you get evicted. Talk with the landlord about at least you getting off the lease. Reach out to a mutual friend or his family about making arrangements to get his stuff out of the apartment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 What should you do? 1) Call your family and friends for emotional support through this necessary break up. Do not contact him ever again. 2) Ask them for financial assistance so you can get out of your lease and move in with someone else at least temporarily. 3) Look for a therapist (they have ones who work on a sliding fee scale) so you can work on your self-esteem and figure out why you have tolerated and accepted this ABUSE (yes, this was abusive behavior) from your boyfriend. 4) Focus on yourself and love yourself enough to never let another man treat you this way again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Hoosfoos Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 He is highly abusive and people don't change. You need to get out of this relationship as quickly as possible. Nothing, and I mean nothing, justifies his conduct towards you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 18, 2017 Share Posted March 18, 2017 Dear me, this is awful, OP. Have you seen anything like this before? Any strange changes in his behaviour leading up to this? This is a terrible extreme for him to have reached, and I don't blame you for being very, very hurt and distraught. I have to wonder if he picked this fight so that he would have an excuse to leave and blame it all on you. What types of problems had existed in the relationship prior to this blow-up? I agree with the others, what he's done here constitutes and emotional and verbal abuse and it is unacceptable. Please do contact your own friends and family for support through this. He is sooner or later going to have to do something about the apartment, but I would get myself out of there and away from him as soon as possible. He is a huge jerk to verbally abuse you, storm out and abandon you. These are not the actions of someone who is worthy of being in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Upsetandcrying Posted March 19, 2017 Author Share Posted March 19, 2017 I appreciate the advice & feedback to my situation. Prior to this, the only problems we've had was mainly financial and his friends who just take advantage of his goodwill. He has been irritable & stressed lately due to his long hours at work and his gripes about work and his boss. I can see why he may have taken my words in the wrong way but I can't see why it caused him to react so harshly. I've seen him get mad before but never like this where is calling me everything in the book and walking out and dissapearing into thin air for days. He still has not come by the apartment for his things but I would think he has to at some point since all his clothing and possessions of value are still here. I gave up on trying to call, text or email him as he won't reply. At one point on the first night he didn't come back I was so worried maybe he got into an accident or something bad happened since it is so out of character for him to not come back especially if he didn't take any of his things with him when he left. I even called the local hospitals and police and of course, nothing. It's very hurtful that our relationship is gone in basically a flash. I have been so upset, I haven't had an appetite and can't sleep at night. As for my apartment, I contacted my landlord and I am stuck in the lease unless the landlord can find a replacement tenant to take over. I will still be responsible for the rent until it is re-rented, advertising and pay a lease break penalty. So basically I have to figure out when/where to find a place to move to unexpectedly. I also have to somehow pay rent for my current place and the new one until the landlord finds a replacement. Geez, things can't be any worst right now for me...:( Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 I hope you don't take this guy back. I would break the lease and leave if I could stay somewhere else. Then wherever you go, try to pay it off in installments. You should focus on getting out of there as soon as you can, so that you can begin healing and getting over this cruel person. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 Do you have an understanding friend or family member who would let you crash at their place for a little bit, just to get you out of the apartment? I am really sorry this happened to you, OP. Even with financial and work stress, his reaction was horrible. It seems bizarre if he'd never shown any signs of being an utter jerk. This is compounded by the fact that he just took off without taking any of his clothes or other personal belongings he'd need if he planned on staying gone. I know he told you he'd be staying with a friend, but I have to wonder if that's true. You're making the right choice to stop reaching out. He clearly isn't going to respond right now. Whose name is on the lease? Link to post Share on other sites
Steffi Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 It sounds to me like a man who has not been able to communicate his emotions to you and has just exploded. The fact that he didn't take his clothes indicates he has not planned this. I would suspect he has gone into his man cave until he figures out how he feels. He will be back to either pick his clothes up or try and rekindle the relationship. It's up to you on how you feel about having him back; is this a relationship that can be rectified? Do you think you could be a couple who will talk through emotional issues with correct communication. If not then give him his clothes and say goodbye. Link to post Share on other sites
Simple Logic Posted March 19, 2017 Share Posted March 19, 2017 This sounds like a straw that broke the camel's back situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Upsetandcrying Posted March 21, 2017 Author Share Posted March 21, 2017 He has not come back to the apartment to pick up his clothes or belongings. He still has not returned his keys either. I still have not heard a peep out of him since the day he walked out which is about a week now. I agree, something snapped to make him that furious at me and for him to walk out. My friends I speak to say to keep up with the NC and let him have him space and in the meantime to keep on keepin on. I don't think my landlord is actively trying to find a replacement at all since he knows I am on the hook (lease) and isn't hustling. I have been having a tough time finding a new place but will keep trying. My friends who I confide in do not live in the same state so moving into their place is not a posibility. I haven't slept or eaten well since the start of this. My eyes are always swollen from crying and I have basically no appetite. I just cant understand how someone could turn off their feelings in an instant since we both went through a lot with each over the years. I know he must realize that I can't afford the rent by myself and he has put me in a stituation. It just breaks my heart into more pieces if that is imaginable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Upsetandcrying Posted March 22, 2017 Author Share Posted March 22, 2017 I forgot to add that since my misery is getting worst, I have reached out to a support group in town. I did try to reach out to a mutual friend about my boyfriend and all the stuff he's left behind, but he does not want to get involved Link to post Share on other sites
LilAddison Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 It sounds to me like a man who has not been able to communicate his emotions to you and has just exploded. The fact that he didn't take his clothes indicates he has not planned this. I would suspect he has gone into his man cave until he figures out how he feels. He will be back to either pick his clothes up or try and rekindle the relationship. It's up to you on how you feel about having him back; is this a relationship that can be rectified? Do you think you could be a couple who will talk through emotional issues with correct communication. If not then give him his clothes and say goodbye. +1 ^^^^^ If his behavior defies his normal character, then something is gnawing at him. You know how we (girls) lose our minds when our partner left their socks on the floor... But we're really mad because he seemed too nice/flirty with that waitress 3 weeks ago when you went out for dinner??? Guys do that too, but in a very different way and for more sane reasons (usually Lol) than we ladies do. His behavior may have been abusive in the moment, but humans are flawed creatures who do some very strange things. Give him a chance to cool off and see if he is approachable. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 +1 ^^^^^ If his behavior defies his normal character, then something is gnawing at him. You know how we (girls) lose our minds when our partner left their socks on the floor... But we're really mad because he seemed too nice/flirty with that waitress 3 weeks ago when you went out for dinner??? Guys do that too, but in a very different way and for more sane reasons (usually Lol) than we ladies do. His behavior may have been abusive in the moment, but humans are flawed creatures who do some very strange things. Give him a chance to cool off and see if he is approachable. Glad to see you admit that! Op - are both your names on the lease or just yours? When I read your initial post it seemed snippy to him and that may have been the final straw in the pressure cooker. Meaning I'm sure he was bottling up a lot inside. Men need time to cool off. As stated, give him the time and when he returns see what he wants to do and determine what you want to do. Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Forget this a-hole. He is seriously messed up to leave you like this. Can you move in with some family temporarily? Link to post Share on other sites
LilAddison Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 Glad to see you admit that! I've probably dated as many women as you have. Lol Trust me, I get what "Bat-sh*t crazy" is all about! Trust me, gay women are no better than straight women in this respect. They may even be worse! Haha Link to post Share on other sites
Author Upsetandcrying Posted March 22, 2017 Author Share Posted March 22, 2017 The bad part for me is the lease is just under my name. I am originally from another state so my close friends and relatives are nowhere near where I can move in or crash at temporarily. The not knowing of why he doesn't return the apartment keys or come to get his possessions is a mystery to me. His checkbook and bank card is still here so I would think that is one of the first things he would come back for. It's starting to feel that he is playing mind games with me by not picking up his things. Honestly, I am confused and I don't know what to think. He occassionally used to tell me how I was the love of his life, how good I treated him and how he wanted to grow old together. I guess it was all lies if he is able to walk out without a trace and leave me in a financial bind. I can see how if he was overly stressed and I broke the straw in the camel's back, but a week now of no contact is a long time. If he got mad in the past, he would cool off in a day but never this long. And never say mean stuff like he did to me. I just want my crying to stop. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Upsetandcrying Posted March 22, 2017 Author Share Posted March 22, 2017 I know I shouldn't have done this but after writing my last post, I went to check his Instagram page and all photos of me are now gone and he captioned a photo "single". I get the message loud and clear...he's not cooling off...its the END. A punch in my gut for sure. Since there's "NC", how should I handle with getting his set of the apartment keys back from him? And how do I handle all his posessions he has left here like clothes, books, his checkbook, etc....? This is going to be a long next few hours for me since I know I won't be able to sleep..... Hurting so bad my hands are shaking while typing this. Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted March 22, 2017 Share Posted March 22, 2017 I am originally from another state so my close friends and relatives are nowhere near where I can move in or crash at temporarily.. So are you saying that you would if you could, but you can't because they are far away? Is it your job that is keeping you there? Are you working your dream-job or on the way to your desired career? I don't know what your situation is, but I have had to financially start over before, and did it, but I had to leave my job which I was very happy with at that time. It seemed like my world was falling apart, and in a way, it was. But a better world came out of it later. And yes, he probably is playing mind games. The guy sounds like a sick mofo. Link to post Share on other sites
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