Socash Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 I've never really understood this. Why would you cut someome out of your life that use to be so meaningful to you? I have two exs I've dumped in the past. Things just weren't working out for what ever reason. After the breakup i would talk to them as much as they needed and reach out here and there to see how they are doing. I cared about them as freinds even after the break up. Even today years after we talk occasionally. I always would feel guilty and try to make the break up as easy as possible for them. My last ex broke things off because she fell out of love with me. She hasn't reached out at all in months. It doesn't seem like she cares at all. I understand she has moved on. Why wouldent you even show you have cared? I understand if the relationship was abusive why you would cut them out. If it wasn't why? I've seen this happen with other people as well. Anyone have stories they would like to share? Link to post Share on other sites
nowhereboy Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 Honestly I don't even know. My ex was keeping in contact at first but it's dwindled into nothing. Gives me the same feeling as you, she couldn't care a less anymore. Unsure how people can do this and I would never treat an ex like they never existed. It's a pretty selfish way to deal with things in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 Why not cut the dumper out of your life? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 There are a number of reasons a dumper might cut off contact: 1) They know the dumpee still has feelings and they don't want to give any false hope by keeping up contact (ie. No Contact) 2) They are dating someone else and don't want an ex hanging around in the wings, out of respect for their new partner (because let's face it, the dumpee often does still have feelings and a desire to reconcile for at least a little while after being dumped) 3) They need their own space to adjust to life without with dumpee remaining in touch. It's not always easy for a dumper to walk away either, even when they know it's the right choice. 4) The dumper genuinely doesn't have enough interest in the dumpee to try to maintain some sort of friendship. 5) The dumper did something they shouldn't have while still in the relationship, and cannot handle the guilt of knowing the truth while the dumpee is hurting from the split 6) A combination of the above or some other reason I haven't thought of yet People naturally drift apart over time after a break-up. Most exes don't remain in touch forever, so it's logical that contact slowly dwindles. The dumper really isn't the person a dumpee should be leaning on for healing after a break-up anyway. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Socash Posted March 4, 2017 Author Share Posted March 4, 2017 If you take some time sometimes you really see that the relationship was not going to work out. Holding anger against the dumper because the relized that first is not right. What im trying to get across is that anyone who has been dumped realizes how hard it is. So if you find yourself on the dumper side why would you not be able to relate? Also do you just not care anout this person at all? You spent months maybe years with them and now you want them out of your life for good? Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 There are a number of reasons a dumper might cut off contact: 1) They know the dumpee still has feelings and they don't want to give any false hope by keeping up contact (ie. No Contact) 2) They are dating someone else and don't want an ex hanging around in the wings, out of respect for their new partner (because let's face it, the dumpee often does still have feelings and a desire to reconcile for at least a little while after being dumped) 3) They need their own space to adjust to life without with dumpee remaining in touch. It's not always easy for a dumper to walk away either, even when they know it's the right choice. 4) The dumper genuinely doesn't have enough interest in the dumpee to try to maintain some sort of friendship. 5) The dumper did something they shouldn't have while still in the relationship, and cannot handle the guilt of knowing the truth while the dumpee is hurting from the split 6) A combination of the above or some other reason I haven't thought of yet People naturally drift apart over time after a break-up. Most exes don't remain in touch forever, so it's logical that contact slowly dwindles. The dumper really isn't the person a dumpee should be leaning on for healing after a break-up anyway. I think this pretty much covers all the bases. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 If you take some time sometimes you really see that the relationship was not going to work out. Holding anger against the dumper because the relized that first is not right. What im trying to get across is that anyone who has been dumped realizes how hard it is. So if you find yourself on the dumper side why would you not be able to relate? Also do you just not care anout this person at all? You spent months maybe years with them and now you want them out of your life for good? Staying in the dumpee's life isn't necessarily going to make the breakup any easier, though. It doesn't mean the dumper doesn't care; sometimes doing what is right is painful. Keeping ex as a friend - especially in the immediate aftermath of a split - can send all sorts of the wrong messages and that's not beneficial for anyone. I don't know how old you are OP, but in my experience over the years, I generally have less and less contact with exes to the point in which we no longer really communicate. It doesn't mean we didn't enjoy our previous relationships or that we're resentful of each other; I look back in fondness at time spent together with a couple exes. But I also don't really see a reason to put energy into maintaining a friendship with them. We've all moved on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Blanco Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 Dumpees who think they can handle the dumper remaining in their lives usually aren't being honest with themselves. They think by remaining present, the dumper will eventually wake up and realize they made a mistake. Unfortunately, it rarely seems to work out that way. What ends up happening is the dumpee will continue to keep a brave face around the dumper, pretending they are OK with a "friends" relationship, while feeling tormented inside. I'm not one of those people who thinks you need to cut contact off forever, but in the months following the demise of a relationship, it's best for both parties to just be strangers, truly recover from the breakup, and maybe, reconvene at a much later date where there isn't any desire from either side to resume the romantic relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted March 4, 2017 Share Posted March 4, 2017 If you stay in the dumpees life, you start getting accused of throwing out Breadcrumbs. Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted March 5, 2017 Share Posted March 5, 2017 (edited) If you stay in the dumpees life, you start getting accused of throwing out Breadcrumbs. because thats all they are. goes something like this: "I did not want you in my life BUT I would still like to check-in and see if your doing ok once per year" Edited March 5, 2017 by marky00 Link to post Share on other sites
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