Jump to content

Sending an anonymous gift will violate the NC?


Recommended Posts

I am currently on my NC. With replies from other members from my previous thread, I can approve that I am OK to move on. No more hard feeling with my Ex. As long as she is happy with her current boyfriend, I am happy. I cannot wait 3 years like my 1st Ex and waste so much time. Not gonna happen again!

 

I just got a gift from store... My mom will not use it. I gave her once, she put it in her drawyer until it expires. Lol I do not have any good friend girls to give and I do not want to thrash it. I recall my Ex love makeup and her BD is soon too. So I think this will be a good use for her.

 

I would like to send the gift at her home without providing any name - who cares. She wouldn't know that it was me because she only tell me her birthday once and I never care. In fact, I have good memory.

 

Is this breaking the NC rule? Just out of curiosity...

Link to post
Share on other sites

I also have a Christmas gift I bought for her still laying in my room. And no one from my friends could use this - UV lamp for nails. Anyone interested?

 

Yes it is a NC rule break. But what to do with this ?...

Link to post
Share on other sites

You're subconsciously looking for excuses to reach out and what's worse, expecting a reaction. That will bring you back to square one. Be strong and don't do it. It will backfire

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Give it to your sister, a favorite aunt, one of the receptionists at your dentist's office or where you have your car's oil changed, your helpful librarian, the friendly waitress at your favorite restaurant, etc. Failing that, donate it to Goodwill or put it up for sale on eBay, Etsy, or wherever. Or just toss it in the trash and be done with it.

 

No contact = You don't contact your ex, not even anonymously. You're simply bargaining to try and find excuses to reach out. The setback in your recovery won't be worth it.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, it's breaking NC, but the idea of NC is to get us over the hurdle of caring. If you don't care anymore, then you don't have to avoid them at all costs.

 

With this in mind, I think it's OK to send the item - but I wouldn't do it anonymously. (Anon gifts create problems for the recipient). I'd just put a simple note on it telling the story of how your mum couldn't use it and hoped that she may put it to good use. Tell her that if she can't use it, she should feel free to pass it on to someone who can. Then wish her well and don't write any affectionate terms when you sign off.

 

Don't send it as a birthday gift.

Link to post
Share on other sites
If you don't care anymore, then you don't have to avoid them at all costs.

But I think the fact the OP cared enough to make a thread about it, shows he does still care.

 

As mentioned above I think it's an excuse to reach out. Secretly he's hoping that she'll know it's from him and will respond.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

NC is about you healing. It's not about punishing her.

 

 

The fact that you want to send your EX a birthday gift shows you are not over her. She's not going to send you anything on your birthday.

 

 

Making it anonymous doesn't matter unless your motive is to stir up trouble between her & her new BF. Think about how you'd react if your new GF got a gift from an unknown person.

 

 

Send the item back to the store for a refund. Problem solved. Giving it to good will or the local homeless shelter is also an option. Giving it to her is a bad plan because then you will stew about her reaction & you are hoping to provoke her to call you to say thank you.

 

 

There are so very many strings on your "anonymous" gift. Stop game playing.

Link to post
Share on other sites

NC is a psychological process, designed to help us heal and focus on wellbeing. Any transgression sends you right back to day 1 of no contact.

 

Let us know what the gift is, so we can suggest where you can donate it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I also have a Christmas gift I bought for her still laying in my room. And no one from my friends could use this - UV lamp for nails. Anyone interested?

 

Yes it is a NC rule break. But what to do with this ?...

 

 

Sell it on e-bay or Craigslist.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Of course it is. The NC is for YOU, not for them.

 

You'd be better off gifting the box to a donation drive or selling it on ebay or something.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thanks guys for all your comments.

 

Yes, I still have her in mind, but I am ready to move on... I will meet new people next week and if I find any opportunity for a date, I will advance... The NC process is no longer needed for me. I am not gonna cry in my room. lol Yes, sometime I will be sad and the ONLY reason is because I dumped her for no reason and my subconscious told me that it was bad to make someone sad as I am sure she cried...

 

There are too many constraints on this girl that I should not waste my time. For instance, she is under 25 years old, so she is still not fully responsible to be engaged into a real commitment. Give her some time... If she is willing to return after all her experience (I only date her 4 months), then good, if not, then well, that is just too bad. I deserve someone that will really love me. I already wasted 5 years for my 1st Ex. That is a biggest lesson for me. How many 5 years can I have? Lesson learned.

 

For the gift, I think she is the proper person to have it. Like if someone can just give it to her on my behalf, then that will be nice, but I cannot rely to anyone because people have big mouth and no one know we dated...

 

Her tables is full of care items. lol Sending it anonymously because I do not want to be part of anything to her. If she doesn't not want it, then she can trash it (I wouldn't know and wouldn't care anyway). At least, I can convince my mind that I did a goodwill to someone that I loved. I think it is all about.

 

The gift was some creams for hands and some others product for skin care (small size). It worth $20.00 USD in store btw.

 

I agree sending it anonymously will create a wave, but I was about to put the sender as "Your Angel Sister" and put the recipient address as the address of her previous work place where she works with lots of women. This way, she cannot figure it out that it was me. Even if she does, I don't care... Really.

 

If my girlfriend received a gift from unknown or if I realized her Ex give it to her, I will be happy and wouldn't care. The important is more her... As long as she accepts it as token of friendship is OK.

 

Every relationship requires a understanding, trust and compromise. So, if her boyfriend is jealous or act badly, then she is not meant for him. Better get off earlier than later. Age for a women is important.

 

With that being said, I think I maintain the NC or no longer need to follow it. and I am sure if I date a new person, the NC will be useless because when I love someone, I will be loyal to the end.

Link to post
Share on other sites

An old workmate would not send an anonymous gift and sign the card "from your angel sister". Or is English is your second language and this is a poor translation?

 

She will probably guess it's you because nobody else in her life would send an anon gift. And then she'll wonder what game you're playing. And she will probably then only feel negativity towards you.

 

Either give it to her with an explanation or don't do it at all. But don't play games with other people's lives.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
An old workmate would not send an anonymous gift and sign the card "from your angel sister". Or is English is your second language and this is a poor translation?

 

She will probably guess it's you because nobody else in her life would send an anon gift. And then she'll wonder what game you're playing. And she will probably then only feel negativity towards you.

 

Either give it to her with an explanation or don't do it at all. But don't play games with other people's lives.

 

lol, I just think out of mind for the name.

 

I think she would try to look who send out the gift... And yes, this will create a game... My bad.

 

I will put my name instead. Whatever she does after even trash it or no longer my concern. I paid my debt to her for hurting her so I think this can be an good explanation to my s***pid subconscious.

 

But yes, you are right.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Cookiesandough

I wish my ex would send me makeup. But yeah it violates NC. It reminds me of a time I asked my friend if I should "accidently" drop something in my ex's yard when I was taking stuff out his house for him to remember me by. She said "my dog already does that" she's so sweet.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...