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NC probably WAY overdue but still unsure


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My ex broke up with me in October [Previous thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/597599-lost-what-do-i-do-2.html ] and I really want him back. He told me he was emotionally unavailable. We had four amazing months followed by 5 or 6 months of him pulling away and never really talking to me about what was wrong until he officially broke up with me.

 

I agreed to try and be friends and it's been torture on me. We work together which just makes everything harder. I've gone a little crazy a few times trying to get him t talk to me about if he ever thinks he would want to try again with me and his answer is always "I don't think we work but I don't know what's going to happen in the future but I will need time and space." While I understand the time and space and I don't understand why he can't tell me if getting back together is even something he may consider even if he can't guarantee it. Lately he's also made me feel like a burden to him. He's never said it to me directly but I can tell by the way he acts and talks to me. Because of that a few days ago I texted him and told him I felt like I had made a lot of mistakes (talking too much about the relationship) and I would let him be. He has reached out to me once since then but it was just the standard hey what's up kind of conversation.

 

Being just friends with him is really getting to me. I hate having to hold back my feelings and I hate that I have to pretend like none of this bothers me. I really tried but I don't know how much more I can take before I completely crack. I'm already a complete mess as it is.

 

The idea of NC has been drifting through my mind a lot. I know I come off as unstable to him and I know I can't be that way if I ever want to get back together with him. I know if I cut off the friendship it will hurt us both a lot. I know all he wants is an ego boost or to have me around when he's just bored. And I just want so much more than friendship.

 

So my question is do I go NC or do I continue to take a step back forcing him to contact me first? If I do go NC should I tell him? And if I go NC and he asks me in person why I haven't been talking with him what do I tell him? I really want him back and I know my chances are very slim. I made a lot of post break up mistakes and overall he's been very patient with me through it. I just don't know how much more I can take and what my next step should be.

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I know if I cut off the friendship it will hurt us both a lot. I know all he wants is an ego boost or to have me around when he's just bored. And I just want so much more than friendship.

 

You received great advice in your last thread but you chose a path that you felt right for you. Unfortunately, it hasn't worked out and for the past 5 months or so, you're still struggling with pain.

 

You're asking the same questions you asked the forum months ago. You know the answer, you just don't want to accept the reality of what you have with this man. Go back and read your past thread. You've been on a merry go round.

 

No, he will not hurt. Stop romanticizing what you have with him. If he is emotionally unavailable, it means he is emotionally disconnected. And based on the bold, how can he hurt when you acknowledge that he only wants you for an ego boost and attention?

 

It's a choice, Bev. You can choose to stay in pain or you can choose to self-preserve. No amount of advice can help you unless you start choosing to help yourself.

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You go NC to help heal yourself. This nonsense of trying to be friends is torture as you have figured out. It's like going on a diet & sitting in front of a hot fudge sundae everyday.

 

 

You don't have to tell him you are going NC. Just do it. Even if he notices, he'll be happy because you are right he does view you as unstable right now so he will welcome the fact that you faded away. No need to make an announcement.

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Go NC. I don't want to burst your bubble but here goes:

 

He is not going to decide to be in a relationship with you later. He just said "maybe" to be nice. Your chasing him for a relationship is really turning him off and no you cannot be his friend because you are in love with him. If he said he is emotionally unavailable he means that he is that way to you. I was always emotionally unavailable until I met my husband so in other words, people make their emotions available to someone they want. Don't waste anymore time on this man.

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He won't.

 

 

But in the highly unlikely event that he does you tell him the truth that you want him back & it's killing you to be his friend so if he ever cared about you he'll respect your decision to put distance between you two.

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Ok. So I go NC. So what do I do when he comes to me in person and asks why I haven't been talking to him? I will have to give him some kind of answer

 

You tell him that you cannot be friends because it hurts you and that you need to keep it professional. If he respects you, he will adhere. If he doesn't you know why and you need to enforce the boundary.

 

You haven't been able to do that, hence you still staying stuck in the same loop.

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Lostandconfused12

The only step you need to take is to move the hell on! Be emotionally unavailable to him, not to get him back, not to make him mad, but to be with someone who actually wants to see you. Hello!!! Wake up. Love yourself first, be you. Ignore his ass, don't contact him and if he contacts you IGNORE HIM like he did to you! Your brain is coming off if withdrawl. Kick him like a bad habit! He will ALWAYS be a part of you. But that's in the past now. Time to say goodbye. Take care of yourself, cry, but do not lose your dignity. Delete his number. One day you will forget his number if you have it memorized. Delete pictures delete everything. Out of sight out of mind. People DO NOT change.

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