Deadsoul95 Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 This is my first post ever, so I'm hoping to get some good advice that I can hold on to. My ex girlfriend and I only dated for nine months I know it's nothing compared to most users here but it was my first ever relationship I'm only 21 and she is 20. I loved her sincerely she meant the absolute world to me, I wouldn't spend a minute without thinking about us it was so beautiful I was on top of the moon I was fulfilled with life I had a great job, university was going well, it was just to perfect. around the eight-month mark i caught her messaging some guy who she works with I thought nothing of it at first, but she kept hiding away with her phone and started acting distant towards me, she changed her phone password I started getting the what if she is cheating thoughts this kept going on for about a month until I asked her what her problem is? she told that she has lost feelings towards me and she wants to break up.. I broke down literally I started crying and punching things when I got home I couldn't take it... I not once disrespected her or did anything bad to deserve this. It's been 3.5 months now I have handled NC pretty much perfectly I have blocked and deleted her on everything, we have not spoken since the breakup. But I did hear from one of my close buddies that she had sex with his friend after we broke up my heart sunk I was blind in tears for weeks.. Now I have crippling anxiety, I have intrusive thoughts every single day, I feel like I don't know myself anymore, I have no desire to do anything but to lay in bed and watch movies, my soul is on fire I'm dead but alive. I take Luvox 50mg everyday just to calm down... as I write this I'm down and broken. Please someone advice? I'm in need of help Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 I am sorry you are suffering so much. I can completely understand how you feel as can many others on here. Most people have been through a break-up that they did not initiate and it hurts like hell. It does literally shake the ground you walk on and can leave you suffering from depression and anxiety. This is a hard stage to go through but you will recover. Time does make a difference though it is hard to believe at the moment. You are probably wondering would all girls you fall in love with do this to you? They won't. Some people are unpredictable and might. Some would never dream of it. Unfortunately, you can't tell who beforehand. It is a real issue which does cause uncertainty and fear. What can we do? All we can do is to recover as best we can and then take the chance again when someone special appears. You are not alone in this. Many lovely people on here have been hurt in the same way. Dating is inherently uncertain. It is where people get to know each other. I don't know if you could have seen traits in her before that would suggest she was not committed but if you did, maybe take note and learn. The feelings of panic will fade I am sure. They are a reaction to the shock. Please keep posting here where people understand what you are going through. x 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Have you removed all the mementos from your life? Rearrange your living space to purge her from your life. Now sit down & write some lists: 1. all the things you want to do with your time 2. all the reasons she's bad for you 3. all the reasons you were bad together Take action on the 1st list. Reread the other two periodically. Try to remember that you will live to love again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Deadsoul95 Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 Spiderowl As I was reading your respond tears were dripping off my face, at least someone understands me.. I'm trembling in fear but I will hold on to every bit of your word but I don't think I can love again I never want this to happen again I rather be single all my life than go through despair. I appreciate your response thank you so much. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted February 20, 2017 Share Posted February 20, 2017 Deadsoul, I'm so sorry, I wish I could hug you. I have been there myself and it is physically painful. People do not realise until they are on the receiving end like this. At your age, I remember being very uncertain about what I wanted. I'm sure I treated guys abominably, having one date then no other, or not even responding if they tried to chat me up. I was immature and hopeless. I expect your girlfriend was too. You will find someone else you click with but I can understand that is not your priority at the moment. Please don't chase her and even if you think of doing, she will likely do the same again. She was obviously not as invested as you. It seems so unfair, I know. I wish people had labels on to say how trustworthy/invested they were, but they don't. Because a girl opts out does not mean you have done anything wrong. The next girl could fall madly in love with you and you could opt out. Matters of the heart are not controllable. You can at least know you loved her with honour and sincerity. Just think what great qualities you have. They are valuable and not to be taken lightly. Some lucky girl is going to find you in the future. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Deadsoul95 Posted February 20, 2017 Author Share Posted February 20, 2017 I'm actually smiling haha thank you so much :') 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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