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I ran into her... 2.5 year relationship


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In October I ended things (We we're both thinking it I just pulled the plug), I wanted to go on a break for a few weeks but that turned into a couple months because of her.... Come Christmas time I was a mess.. she agreed to go on a "trial period" to see how things would go.. things seemed to be going fantastic... at the end of two weeks for some reason I asked her if she had hooked up with anybody while we were separated she said yes and then asked if I did (she had found out and was testing me) I said yes with four girls over 3 months... things went downhill after that .... 2 days of no communication and then I asked if she wanted to stop talking and she said she just "wasn't into it anymore, and she feels bad" "I said I could sense that glad we gave it a shot, good luck" then two days later packed up everything and dropped it off at her house. I was having a hard time so I called her mom and apparently she was shocked that I did that.. and didn't tell her mom the part that she sent me a text stating she wasn't into it... anyways two weeks of no communication goes by... meantime I am having an extremely hard time... I get out of class one day and I run into her .. she gave me a hug ..I asked her if I could walk her to class and she said yes and started to ask about my classes and if they are going well...

 

I said yes and also noticed she was wearing the jewelry I got her in Italy ...and then as I was walking her to class I asked if there was anything we could to to work on us.. she said no.. I said but we gave it two/three weeks what did I do.. she goes "there's nothing you can do ".. anyways...I started to get fu*king teary eyed (she saw that) and then said sorry I have class I have to go.. I hope you feel better but I can't do this right now" as she was quickly walking away.... this was exactly one week ago today.

 

The day that happened .. directly after ..I sent her a text saying "I'm really sorry, I feel embarrassed I just thought we would have more time to work on us"

 

She never responded.

 

Now I'm back on 7 days no communication after my relapse.

 

Tell me what you think.

Did this make me look weak?

Does it mean anything that she was wearing the jewelry I got her?

 

 

Have I completely ruined my chances?

 

I'm really wanting to break no communication again and just talk. The chemistry we had is worth fighting for and I just want her to know my piece..I don't like this shi*... and I'm REALLY REALLY struggling with not texting her so please... help me .. anyone.

Edited by Deckzero0
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You would be wasting your time "saying your piece," "speaking your mind," or however you want to characterize begging her to reconsider her decision.

 

None of that will change her mind or reverse the outcome (i.e. your breakup). Please let it go. Right now you still have your dignity and self-respect. Maintain NC.

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You becoming teary-eyed wasn't a factor in her not responding, at least not in the way you think. If you are with someone for a long time, she's not going to be thinking "what a weakling!" if you tear up. She's going to be thinking, "I feel so bad, I can't handle knowing I hurt someone like that." So don't worry about that. She is human and she knows you're hurt.

 

Also, her wearing the jewelry you gave her likely doesn't really mean much. I have and still occasionally wear jewelry given to me by ex-boyfriends, simply because I like the pieces and they happen to go with certain outfits.

 

If anything, she was trying to be nice and keep it friendly by walking with you but she sees that you aren't over her (understandably) and she doesn't want to lead you on. Hence why she told you there is no fixing this. She knows your piece, and she doesn't feel the same way, sadly.

 

Her silence indicates you need to stop contacting her. Heck, she might have someone else on her radar, though I know you don't want to hear that. But how would you feel if you continued to try to talk to her and then found out she's interested in or has been on a date with another guy?

 

You got the answer you were looking for. Now you need to find your own closure, for yourself.

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She clearly found out about the 4 girls you slept with during your separation and said what she needed to to get the truth from you.

 

By the sounds of it this is not something you are going to be able to repair. She's done.

 

You broke up with her, slept with four women and then tried to get her back.

 

I wouldn't take back a guy who had done this as it looks like you broke up with her purely to go and sleep with other people (even if this isn't the case this is what it looks like) Once you had enough you tried to get back together.

 

She feels betrayed whether rightly or wrongly and finding out about the other women was the end for her. You saw the change immediately after you confessed. This was the turning point whatever chance you had prior to this has now gone up in smoke.

 

Accept it is over and move on.

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I have to agree wth 266696687...

 

Same as my ex dumps me and found out she's been out on dates if she was to com back if anything it's hurt me so bad it's really just pushed me away if anything. I couldn't handle it the trust is broken even more u ****ed up buddy big time risked ur soulmate for 3 meaningless Chix that had zero conn3ction live and learn buddy

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Jesus people, relax. Op is here asking for advice. He's not here to get cut to shreds. This forum is called loveshack, not beatdown.

 

Op, everyone's situation is different. My ex left me three times. I chased each time, and it ended badly about 7 months ago. Since then, I've dated multiple women. If mine wanted back, she'd have to accept this. Since she dumped me, I would have a much harder time accepting the mopes she's been with. Your ex sounds the same.

 

In your case, all you can do is clearly communicate that you would like to reconcile and address the issues, and walk away with your dignity intact.

 

It sucks, yes, but there isn't much else you can do.

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Sorry dude, but I agree with everyone else. I believe she's done. She's not interested in revisiting a relationship with you.

 

Which is going to be harder because you two go to school together. But, if you persist, it might spell some trouble for you.

 

 

Time to move on, dude.

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Nothing I do is fun anymore, I sulk all day. I think about it all the time. I'm sad... I had the feeling of "everything is right with the world" when I was in the relationship for 2.5 years.. but now.. everything is so boring and I literally want to do nothing. I have zero drive to go out and live life... it just doesn't hold the same value as it used to. I think about it 24/7.

 

God help me, everything is dull.

 

Someone please give me advice. Forcing myself to do things is next to impossible.

 

22M

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Nothing I do is fun anymore, I sulk all day. I think about it all the time. I'm sad... I had the feeling of "everything is right with the world" when I was in the relationship for 2.5 years.. but now.. everything is so boring and I literally want to do nothing. I have zero drive to go out and live life... it just doesn't hold the same value as it used to. I think about it 24/7.

 

God help me, everything is dull.

 

Someone please give me advice. Forcing myself to do things is next to impossible.

 

22M

 

It's only been 3.5 weeks since your breakup. It's going to take awhile before you start to feel like you can get back on your feet or find some normality in your daily life. You're grieving and likely going through some level of depression.

 

Be gentle and kind to yourself. You've just been wounded. If you don't feel like doing anything, don't be hard on yourself. Embrace the fact that you are hurting and that you need to take it slow.

 

Lean on your friends and family when you need support and care. You don't have to rush into distracting yourself or forcing yourself to get involved in activities. Small steps. Take a long walk one Saturday evening. Make plans with a friend to see a movie one night during the week. This way you're not trying to force yourself 24/7 to get into some kind of routine. While it may still feel like you're pushing yourself to get up and go, you're doing it in little steps.

 

I'm sorry you are hurting. It won't always be this way. Keep posting as it may help you as an outlet for your feelings.

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I've been there, and am currently am the dumper in a situation with my most recent ex. Last year, my ex of 2.5 years cheated on a trip and left me. It was brutal and I was sulking all day, barely functioning, and my self esteem was shot.

 

The best thing I can tell you to do, and that helped me the most, was to get exercise. Working out releases endorphins that will overpower that feeling like you've been punched in the gut. Get a workout buddy to go with, both to keep you company and to motivate you to get out.

 

It took me about 2 months of getting out with friends and working out to get back to feeling like my normal self again.

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It's been around a month since she decided she didn't want to try anymore... I've tried to talk to other girls.. but the chemistry and overall interest just isn't there. I feel so saturated and f*cked up.. my days consist of literally forcing myself to do things so I don't mope and dig myself further into the deep trench I already am in. I want to get out of this hole. At times while driving I feel as if someone is squeezing my heart/chest and I ache with pain. I am suffering... I can't even hold conversations with my own family members because I am so depressed.. everything is melancholy and grey in my world right now. I exercise regularly and I lift weights and newly implemented running to get the endorphins moving, but I work from 4pm-9pm and until that point I dwell. And even at work I sit because I am the only person who manages the store (by myself)...

Edited by Deckzero0
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Be patient and gentle with yourself.

 

A month out from a break-up isn't very long, relatively-speaking. You will need more time to start learning a new "normal", to get used to this next chapter.

 

There will be difficult weeks ahead. It's only been a few days since you last saw her, so you more or less hit the re-set button when that run-in occurred. Give yourself time.

 

I know you probably really don't feel like working out and running, but soon you will begin to the notice the pay-off, both physically and mentally. Keep at it. Try to come up with some new goals for yourself for the spring and summer. A fresh season can help change your perspective, especially when the nicer months are approaching.

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How you're feeling isn't unusual. I know it's hard but try to think of something good each day. If you're depressed and negative that will come through when you're talking to girls and it's going to push a lot of them (especially the good ones) away. Thinking of some good things instead of dwelling on the bad will help it pass.

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I remember when the first initial "break" started.. (because that's what I wanted, to be on a 2-3 week break) . I wrote her a letter .. stating how we can be good for eachother and it outlined things I wanted to do in order to do that.. learn new skills and tools when one of us is upset etc. she said she needed more time.. I remember sending her texts once every week or week and a half after that saying "I love you I miss you, have a wonderful day" and she once texted me back saying

 

"I wish this never would have happened"...

 

That statement is tattooed into my brain.

 

There was back and forth up until X-mas and then we tried for 3 weeks and then she simply said "I feel bad but I don't want to try anymore"

 

I am still devastated... in that 3 week time frame she talked about kids,talked about a life together .. how we'd be as parents etc.. seemed so solid and then BAM!!! She's gone.

In my opinion she got a taste of the single life... she is enjoying her independence.. I only know that because I snapped 5 days ago and gave it another shot. By sending a long text to her professing my love and desire to save us.. she just basically said she hopes the best for me but is enjoying finding her own way and enjoying being independent (I will post the text messages)

 

If I would of known then what I know now. Perhaps we would be living a full and adventurous life together.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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With every day that passes by, I miss you more and more. But at the same time I find myself slowly getting used to this new normal. I don't feel close or attached to you anymore like I once did, you let yourself slip away from me.. I wish we could have worked things out but I see you need to sew your wild oats and live single for a while. Something tells me you will realize what you had.. but by that time.. it won't be there anymore. I understand your love language now.. before I couldn't. But after so much time away from you I can see clearly and what I needed to do as your partner, just wish you wanted to work on this as much as I do, I don't miss what was.. I miss what could have been because of what I know now ..if that makes sense. I've learned a lot from this experience I shared with you.

 

I worry for you, your friends are such bad influences on you. I feel if you separated yourself from that toxic area in your life.. maybe you would finally see clearly the way I do. That high you get from the party lifestyle doesn't last long, but you are a new soul and need to experience that. Where as I am an old soul and see the beauty in the comfort and solitude we shared together as a couple. I feel sorry for you in a way to how blind the external forces of life made you. Someday you will see, but for now.. I need to work on my journey and myself, to be able to open my heart to someone else's love.

 

Right person, wrong time.

 

Peace.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I take back wat u said I didn't read ur whole thread I apologise u didn't f/up not at all remember she saw someone as well. I'm not clear why she broke up wether it was upon hearing about the 3 girls or something deeper. Did u guys hav alot of fights? Did u take her forgranted were there trust issues can u elaborate?

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With every day that passes by, I miss you more and more. But at the same time I find myself slowly getting used to this new normal. I don't feel close or attached to you anymore like I once did, you let yourself slip away from me.. I wish we could have worked things out but I see you need to sew your wild oats and live single for a while. Something tells me you will realize what you had.. but by that time.. it won't be there anymore. I understand your love language now.. before I couldn't. But after so much time away from you I can see clearly and what I needed to do as your partner, just wish you wanted to work on this as much as I do, I don't miss what was.. I miss what could have been because of what I know now ..if that makes sense. I've learned a lot from this experience I shared with you.

 

I worry for you, your friends are such bad influences on you. I feel if you separated yourself from that toxic area in your life.. maybe you would finally see clearly the way I do. That high you get from the party lifestyle doesn't last long, but you are a new soul and need to experience that. Where as I am an old soul and see the beauty in the comfort and solitude we shared together as a couple. I feel sorry for you in a way to how blind the external forces of life made you. Someday you will see, but for now.. I need to work on my journey and myself, to be able to open my heart to someone else's love.

 

Right person, wrong time.

 

Peace.[/quote

 

I can delete beautifilly written

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There's a silver lining in every dark cloud. Maybe you can start a relationship with one of the people that you slept with.

 

I won't get too deep into the psychological and biochemical effects of treating sex like fast food on relationships. Suffice it to say, that many people are learning that the hard way. Since society says that it's okay, it must be okay, right?

 

I say live and let live, but in my field of study, the cheapness of sex has been proven to be one of the greatest factors contributing to the weakness of relationships and breakdowns in intimacy between people in middle to long-term partnerships.

 

Sorry for the digression...

 

I feel for you, Deckzero0, but you need to start working on detaching yourself emotionally from her, because she certainly is doing that with you. Maybe next time, if you propose a "break", you may want to consider not appearing as if the "break" is so that you can get some strange on the side.

Edited by Grathblagg
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Ok this thread is old enough that I'll just focus on your recovery. OP, you've never mentioned any friends in any of your posts. Well, _your_ friends that is. I too am going through a difficult breakup and I find that my friends are my greatest asset. Not to talk to about the break up. But to talk and relate to anything but Her and the breakup. Try turning to your friends and if you don't have any, go seek some out.

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