Positiveone Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 (edited) Help me with this craziness.. I'm going insane thinking about it I initiated the break in October of 2016, I took 3 weeks and then wanted to try again.. she wanted more time after that.. I waited a couple months.. texted her again around Christmas time and then she agreed to try again.. we tried for 3 weeks and everything seemed fine, she slept over, we talked about the future, etc. the first week. Another week went by.. and then in the third week.. communication slowly started to taper down for a couple days.. I asked what what was wrong and she said she "feels bad but isn't into it anymore". Is she now the dumper in this situation? Am I the dumpee now? Thank you for any guidance, I'm (22M) she is (20F) Day 12 of NC (no communication) EDIT/: one thing I'd also like to add is that when she sent me this .."I'm not into it anymore" text after slow communication over two days.. I responded with "I could sense that, glad we both tried otherwise we wouldn't of known. Good luck" .. after that I got no response.. 2 another two days later I packed up all of her stuff in a box and dropped it off at her house. I was having a hard time the day after and ended up calling her mom (we have a close relationship) and talking with her about it.. apparently my now ex was extreamly surprised I dropped the box off at her house and called her mom in shock that I did so.. I associated this with the fact that I didn't fight back when she said she wasn't into it anymore I just basically agreed. (Which is not like me at all) I usually seek to understand.. this time around I was just exhausted. I had given this relationship my all. What do you think this "shock" on her part was about? Could I be accurate in my prediction? Also... I've been told she is going out to clubs more.. she has been partying with an older crowd and just in general drinking and partying more ( she doesn't do drugs but she runs with some girls who do.. girls who love attention). I don't know if this is a direct result of her just "not being into it and wanting to sew her oats" or because she is at that age.. Nonetheless... I am a responsible adult. We initially broke up because I was not and also because I wasn't interested in doing anything with or for her due to the lack of love and her nagative remarks all the time.. again powered through it and tried to communicate ..and also because she couldn't communicate and I was sick of her running away from issues... but I have since gotten my **** together and am doing everything I need to be doing to have success in the future. Job, school, etc. she knows how I feel. I am one to communicate and to solve issues in the relationship.. it was always 80-20.. never 50/50. She knows how I am and how much I love and care about her. My guess is that she will again come running back after this "wild" phase and then I will have to make a decision. Thank you again. P.s. What do you guys think of the whole partying thing?? Edited January 31, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 (edited) Yes, she dumped you this time, so you are now the dumpee. Edited January 29, 2017 by elaine567 Removed quote Link to post Share on other sites
umirano Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 You dumped her the first time, second time she dumped you. Does it matter? Doubt it. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Positiveone Posted January 29, 2017 Author Share Posted January 29, 2017 Yes, she dumped you this time, so you are now the dumpee. Thank you for clarifying. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Positiveone Posted January 29, 2017 Author Share Posted January 29, 2017 If you're reading this *** Please reply to this post.., don't be scared to give your two cents... Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 If you're reading this *** Please reply to this post.., don't be scared to give your two cents... best if you tell us what really went down Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 If you're reading this *** Please reply to this post.., don't be scared to give your two cents... It's hard to say without knowing what happened. But my guess is that you ended it because the relationship wasn't working. (I'm assuming you wouldn't end a perfectly good relationship) Both of you decided to try again, but she then ended it because the relationship still wasn't going to work. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 Feelings can change forever once someone is dumped. She might of thought it was a good idea to try again, but once you did that to her, it changed things. Her feelings weren't the same any more. You take that chance when you dump someone and regret it. When someone tells you they don't want to be with you any more, that stings. Best to try and work things out while still together. You can see how being dumped feels. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 She is. I think she lost feelings for you during the break. She moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
Jj66 Posted January 29, 2017 Share Posted January 29, 2017 Why does it matter what you call yourselves? She's now your ex. Move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 The person who is dumped tends to hurt a lot after being dumped. I guess she felt it worth trying again but still felt the pain of being dumped before. She probably also felt insecure in case you did it again. All in all, if she could not relax in the relationship, she probably felt she might as well end it. Sorry it happened but if you dump someone you can't magically expect things to be ok after that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Positiveone Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 Feelings can change forever once someone is dumped. She might of thought it was a good idea to try again, but once you did that to her, it changed things. Her feelings weren't the same any more. You take that chance when you dump someone and regret it. When someone tells you they don't want to be with you any more, that stings. Best to try and work things out while still together. You can see how being dumped feels. This was more of a mutual decision at the time.. I wanted to go 2-3 weeks and when I came back and wrote her a hand written letter of the things I need to do differently and the things we as a couple need to do differently.. she wasn't ready to get back then either.. it's almost as if even though I was the one who pulled the plug first (even though we were both thinking it)... she has always had the ball in her court. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Positiveone Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 Yes, she dumped you this time, so you are now the dumpee. Do the dumpee rules apply to me now? The whole no communication thing etc.?? Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I initiated the break in October of 2016, I took 3 weeks and then wanted to try again.. she wanted more time after that.. I waited a couple months.. texted her again around Christmas time and then she agreed to try again.. we tried for 3 weeks and everything seemed fine, she slept over, we talked about the future, etc. the first week. Another week went by.. and then in the third week.. communication slowly started to taper down for a couple days.. I asked what what was wrong and she said she "feels bad but isn't into it anymore". Is she now the dumper in this situation? Am I the dumpee now? Thank you for any guidance, I'm (22M) she is (20F) Day 12 of NC (no communication) EDIT/: one thing I'd also like to add is that when she sent me this .."I'm not into it anymore" text after slow communication over two days.. I responded with "I could sense that, glad we both tried otherwise we wouldn't of known. Good luck" .. after that I got no response.. 2 another two days later I packed up all of her stuff in a box and dropped it off at her house. I was having a hard time the day after and ended up calling her mom (we have a close relationship) and talking with her about it.. apparently my now ex was extreamly surprised I dropped the box off at her house and called her mom in shock that I did so.. I associated this with the fact that I didn't fight back when she said she wasn't into it anymore I just basically agreed. (Which is not like me at all) I usually seek to understand.. this time around I was just exhausted. I had given this relationship my all. What do you think this "shock" on her part was about? Could I be accurate in my prediction? Also... I've been told she is going out to clubs more.. she has been partying with an older crowd and just in general drinking and partying more ( she doesn't do drugs but she runs with some girls who do.. girls who love attention). I don't know if this is a direct result of her just "not being into it and wanting to sew her oats" or because she is at that age.. Nonetheless... I am a responsible adult. We initially broke up because I was not and also because I wasn't interested in doing anything with or for her due to the lack of love and her nagative remarks all the time.. again powered through it and tried to communicate ..and also because she couldn't communicate and I was sick of her running away from issues... but I have since gotten my **** together and am doing everything I need to be doing to have success in the future. Job, school, etc. she knows how I feel. I am one to communicate and to solve issues in the relationship.. it was always 80-20.. never 50/50. She knows how I am and how much I love and care about her. My guess is that she will again come running back after this "wild" phase and then I will have to make a decision. Thank you again. P.s. What do you guys think of the whole partying thing?? My guess is that she will again come running back after this "wild" phase -- If she does, you tell her that while she was running "wild", you were moving forward and focused on your life as an adult and preparing for your future without her . . . And, stop talking to her mother. She is not your mother. I don't care how close you are. All it will do is trigger negative emotions and be a reminder of what your Ex is or isn't doing which now is none of your business anymore. What do you think this "shock" on her part was about? -- She is shocked that you are letting her go so easily. She wants you to chase after her and profess your undying love, which you have done several times, I'm sure. She wants you to be a doormat so she can come and go as she pleases and use you to cushion the blow of poor decision-making and irresponsible behavior. Don't let her keep you on HOLD. Better yet, don't put yourself on HOLD. Don't let her be in control of what happens with YOUR LIFE. P.s. What do you guys think of the whole partying thing?? -- She's a 20 year old girl who wants to sow her wild oats and doesn't have a clue about having a real relationship and what's needed for that. She doesn't want to be tied down, but she wants you to be tied down. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Positiveone Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 My guess is that she will again come running back after this "wild" phase -- If she does, you tell her that while she was running "wild", you were moving forward and focused on your life as an adult and preparing for your future without her . . . And, stop talking to her mother. She is not your mother. I don't care how close you are. All it will do is trigger negative emotions and be a reminder of what your Ex is or isn't doing which now is none of your business anymore. What do you think this "shock" on her part was about? -- She is shocked that you are letting her go so easily. She wants you to chase after her and profess your undying love, which you have done several times, I'm sure. She wants you to be a doormat so she can come and go as she pleases and use you to cushion the blow of poor decision-making and irresponsible behavior. Don't let her keep you on HOLD. Better yet, don't put yourself on HOLD. Don't let her be in control of what happens with YOUR LIFE. P.s. What do you guys think of the whole partying thing?? -- She's a 20 year old girl who wants to sow her wild oats and doesn't have a clue about having a real relationship and what's needed for that. She doesn't want to be tied down, but she wants you to be tied down. I sincerely appreciate your comment, so much that I saved it in my phone to remember. You don't understand how much I needed to hear this. Thank you.. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 You now know why "breaks" don't work. You wanted a break. To her that was a break up. Then you wanted to get back together. She took you back but she already knew that you had been willing to walk away once. Hence the reconciliation didn't take. There really wasn't anything to fight for when she said she was done & you agreed. Her going out & partying with an older crowd is not your concern. She is no longer your GF. She's your EX & she can do whatever she likes. Focus on yourself. Lick your wounds from the end of this relationship. Don't worry about the labels (as in who is the dumper / dumpee). Know the relationship ended by mutual agreement & move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Positiveone Posted January 30, 2017 Author Share Posted January 30, 2017 (edited) I have these urges to text or call her mom, I am constantly wanting an update to see what she is doing and what she is feeling. She ended things on the 17th of January (this month) it's been almost two weeks of no communication but I really want to contact her mother.... help me. I am in constant hope that she will text me and want to work things out. This is driving me crazy. Edited January 30, 2017 by Positiveone Link to post Share on other sites
Sweetfish Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I have these urges to text or call her mom, I am constantly wanting an update to see what she is doing and what she is feeling. She ended things on the 17th of January (this month) it's been almost two weeks of no communication but I really want to contact her mother.... help me. I am in constant hope that she will text me and want to work things out. This is driving me crazy. No... 2x points for calling the mom. Thats even worse! Thats twice the damage... next time dont breakup with your girlfriend Link to post Share on other sites
BeStronger Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Don't do it. Text someone else instead. Post here. I'm in my almost first week of NC. We went from full contact in the 1 month that we broke up, to LC in the last remaining 3-4 days, to NC completely. It was difficult. It still is dont get me wrong. I have moments when I just feel like i can't get by. So i phone my best friends who have been nothing but wonderful to always listen to my stories. I read quotes. Empowering ones that tell me "if someone truly loves you, you never have to fight for a spot in their lives", "if he misses you, he'll call. if he thinks of you, he'll say something. Sometimes silence is the best answer" That is not to say i don't look at my phone wondering when it read "his name" again. Press on. Know you're not alone in this journey. I for one, am on this hard road to recovery. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Positiveone Posted January 31, 2017 Author Share Posted January 31, 2017 Don't do it. Text someone else instead. Post here. I'm in my almost first week of NC. We went from full contact in the 1 month that we broke up, to LC in the last remaining 3-4 days, to NC completely. It was difficult. It still is dont get me wrong. I have moments when I just feel like i can't get by. So i phone my best friends who have been nothing but wonderful to always listen to my stories. I read quotes. Empowering ones that tell me "if someone truly loves you, you never have to fight for a spot in their lives", "if he misses you, he'll call. if he thinks of you, he'll say something. Sometimes silence is the best answer" That is not to say i don't look at my phone wondering when it read "his name" again. Press on. Know you're not alone in this journey. I for one, am on this hard road to recovery. I'm lonely at night, When I'm laying in bed starring at the ceiling is when its the worst.. They've almost gotten worse than the mornings. It would be helpful to talk to someone in those times of lonesome. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 You're young and should be playing the field which is what she's doing. Move on quit wasting time on this. Link to post Share on other sites
BeStronger Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 I'm lonely at night, When I'm laying in bed starring at the ceiling is when its the worst.. They've almost gotten worse than the mornings. It would be helpful to talk to someone in those times of lonesome. I find mine the hardest when I'm working. It gets lonely when I'm in between typing emails, and wondering how he is. Talk to a close friend?It really helps pouring your heart out to someone. Link to post Share on other sites
GeorgeWP93 Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 I added an exs friend on Snapchat while drunk before I could even reach out to ask for some advice (she was a girl that I had given plenty of relationship advice before) I got called immature, childish and got a snapchat of them both with there fingers up at me and a load of abuse, needless to say it didn't help me ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Positiveone Posted January 31, 2017 Author Share Posted January 31, 2017 I texted her mom. F*ck. Link to post Share on other sites
Hopefuleddie Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 I am guessing, the reason for her surprise about you dropping off her stuff might be because she expected a little bit more communication from you. Men take things literally, so when she said when wasn't into it anymore, she might have not expected an 'abrupt' end. Link to post Share on other sites
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