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She Left Me After 5 Years, Do I Still Have A Chance?


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She left me in mid october. Here is my story :( it's very long, I'm sorry. Also, I'm writing this at 4 am, I'm tired and slightly tipsy.

 

Was with the girl of my dreams for 5 years, we met on a study abroad during our junior year of college and have lived together for just as long. We both believed we were each other'so sold mate, were planning on marriage (I had gotten her father's blessing), our family's were close, and the relationship was very serious.

 

Why she left: towards the last year, things got very rough at work and I went through a lot of psychological issues from severe stress, causing me to become withdrawn, frustrated constantly, agitated, low sex drive, depressed, and just not a positive and loving boyfriend. We would have fights, she would cry, I became all kinds of bad boyfriend. I don't blame her for leaving, I did go through therapy and medication but the progress was too little too late.

 

She moved out and two days later she was rebounding with someone already. I figure she was already talking to the guy before the split, would make the most sense.

 

Anyway as you can imagine there was a lot of drama, and I had no idea about the no contact thing. Back then she was still really in love with me and wanted to be around me, but little by little over the last 2 and a half months that went away.

 

She stopped seeing the rebound guy about 2 weeks or so later, and immediately went on a casual sex binge with anyone and everyone. She must have gone through a dozen or more guys, nothing I could do. Maybe she was rebelling, but mostly I think it was because she could not handle the extreme loneliness. She was an emotional wreck, not necessarily a girl living up the single life. She also has no friends, and little hobbies and is clinically depressed.

 

I tried just about everything and have been working on all the problems that caused her to leave me, but still when we were getting along quite well I would get sad and we would get into an argument no matter how positive I tried to be. This led her to become little by little more annoyed by me. We used to even cuddle while I was staying with her weeks ago before christmas, but that's completely gone now.

 

Anyway, fast forward to now: she started seeing a guy she had a lot in common with, however she made fun of him to me after the first time they met and banged (she doesn't do dates) because he asked if they were bf and gf now. He's Autistic and she thought is was bizarre yet sweet.

 

She continued seeing him plus other guys, and I tried to just let it be. Around Christmas I spent time with family, and texted her saying I would pick up the rest of my belongings but not to have the Autistic guy around. She had been having him around alot. She told me verbatim "trust me I would not want him around. I already am over him, it was a simple crush but I knew it wouldn't go anywhere, we simply aren't compatible. He gets black out drunk sun up to sun down and has issues with depression"

 

After hearing that i figured he too was just another rebound, so I got the last of my things and moved into my new apartment. The next day, she added me on instagram. She noticed a girl had been commenting and liking just about picture, and then she deleted me and started seeing the Autistic guy again the next day. I'm not sure if it was out of jealousy that she deleted me from IG and started seeing him, because we also had an argument before she deleted me again.

 

I kept to myself. In the meantime, she was going through severe emotional problems, took medical leave from work, and her mother took a vacation from work to be with her. She was taking the breakup worse than me even though she left me, so I became concerned and contacted her. Well, she closed out all her dating profiles, and started seeing the Autistic guy exclusively. I was confused, a week and a half ago she had told me they weren't even compatible and that he was a sloppy drunk and now she was only seeing him. She said "if you haven't noticed I've been changing my mind all the time. He's very sweet, I really enjoy his company but I'm conflicted because I'm obviously not ready for a relationship" and to leave her alone as she had no time to even process our split. So, I went No Contact finally. That was on New Years, within that amount of time she seemed to be doing better because her mom was there and it looked like she started growing closer to him. Yeah, I Facebook stalked. I don't think she realizes his Facebook isn't private, because this wasn't her trying to parade it or anything like that if anything she wouldn't want me to know a single thing. But, she is WAY into him, and Im 99% sure that when they arent talking to each other all day they are spending their time together. She even suggested on his fb that she take him to his favorite restarantula on his birthday, but he's a scorpio, his birthday is in about a year.

 

So, to me it looks like they are getting serious and she is getting better. They actually do have a lot in common, both artsy/creative/depressed/etc. But, at the same time, 2 weeks ago she didn't even want to see him again and was certain about it.

 

Yesterday I saw her at a coffee shop, and she looked pained to see me and couldn't quite look me in the eye but was friendly, laughed at a few jokes. I was very positive and only said good things, and said she looked happier. I tried to fish in a nonchalant way, but she said "no questions please" when I mentioned if things might be getting serious. I smiled, told her I was happy for her, and went in to hug but she clamped up and said she couldn't hug me, but she looked like she really wanted one. She let me in for a hug anyway and enjoyed it, I asked her if she could be friends but she said she wasn't ready, so I told her no problem.

 

So that's where I'm at. She still has no friends and ONLY sees him since her mother went back home. Is she actually going to fall for this guy? Or am I just freaking out. I feel totally afraid that she's going to just forget about me and fill her days with him and him alone, and not even need me. But, I also think it's possible she's living in a fantasy land, and this guy having so many issues including alcoholism is totally not going to work for her down the road. Oh, and out of no where she also blocked me from Instagram, let me just say she doesn't even use instagram and she still has my sister added. No pictures of him and her, nothing. She never posts anything, and I haven't been liking anything. I, on the other hand, do post pics here and there (not of me and other girls) just random posts.

 

Someone help me figure this out, I'm going crazy.. I want her back so much :(

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Im a bit confused. So this girl left you for another guy (who she made fun of) and you;re wondering if she's going to get back to you or not? where is your self respect and dignity?

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Im a bit confused. So this girl left you for another guy (who she made fun of) and you;re wondering if she's going to get back to you or not? where is your self respect and dignity?

 

No, the first guy she saw immediately after the break she stopped seeing already, she only saw him for a couple weeks after the break. The Autistic guy she is seeing exclusively now she's been seeing for like, a month or less.

 

I have self respect and dignity, but I also built a life around her and we planned on getting married, spending our lives together. At some point, you put love above ego. Doesn't make sense, but the heart wants what the heart wants.

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At some point, you put love above ego. Doesn't make sense, but the heart wants what the heart wants.

 

Sure, and we've all been there. Her heart doesn't want you, which is why she left you for someone else. Sorry to be harsh, but waiting for her isnt the right thing to do whatsoever. My advice to you would be to start NC and work on getting over her instead, which you will eventually.

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Yesterday I saw her at a coffee shop, and she looked pained to see me and couldn't quite look me in the eye but was friendly, laughed at a few jokes. I was very positive and only said good things, and said she looked happier. I tried to fish in a nonchalant way, but she said "no questions please" when I mentioned if things might be getting serious. I smiled, told her I was happy for her, and went in to hug but she clamped up and said she couldn't hug me, but she looked like she really wanted one. She let me in for a hug anyway and enjoyed it, I asked her if she could be friends but she said she wasn't ready, so I told her no problem.

 

So that's where I'm at. She still has no friends and ONLY sees him since her mother went back home. Is she actually going to fall for this guy? Or am I just freaking out. I feel totally afraid that she's going to just forget about me and fill her days with him and him alone, and not even need me. But, I also think it's possible she's living in a fantasy land, and this guy having so many issues including alcoholism is totally not going to work for her down the road. Oh, and out of no where she also blocked me from Instagram, let me just say she doesn't even use instagram and she still has my sister added. (

 

She's moved on which is what you need to do. Doing the stalking, watching, waiting will just keep you stuck in self imposed limbo.

 

Read your posts and pretend it's your brother or a close friend. What would you think?

 

Complete blocking and no contact will get you where you need to be.

 

Your current state makes you look weak and codependent. Not attractive to anyone.

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I guess it's possible, but *do I seriously not have a chance?

 

*She doesn't want you as a boyfriend, and she doesn't want you as a friend, so no, you don't have a chance.

 

Any further interaction with her will just cause you more pain.

 

You should now be thinking in terms of recovering from the pain of the breakup.

 

 

No contact

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete her from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.

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Itspointless

I am sorry to say but the girl of your dreams sounds like an unstable (and/or immature) mess. It seems her identity is currently build around being liked sexually. She wasn't ready for marriage, her behaviour is prove of it (as many people are not ready for it). Having said that being withdrawn and agitated never is a good ingredient for a happy relationship is well. I guess you have learned a lot!

 

Wish you luck, be kind to yourself.

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I guess it's possible, but do I seriously not have a chance?

 

 

You have a chance to enhance your life and become a better person. So the next relationship your in your twice as Bad ***

 

So for the next 2-4 months your going to be going thru some stages. Hurt and anger and confusion. Maybe crying and be in disbelief. That's fine. After the Apocalypse - brick by brick your going to build a stronger better you. :) That's how we roll and you should too:cool:

 

and your ex-gf will be a distance memory stuck in her same existence while you progress forward. :)

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