What do you think? Chance of Reconciliation???

[babyblue13]

I've spent countless time online looking up other people's stories to get some insight on my own. I've decided to finally share my story. I know that nobody can really say for sure what is going to happen, but it would be nice to get some insight from people who aren't emotionally invested in the situation, like my friends/family.

 

One of my best friends and I began dating in the summer. Neither of us intended for it to be anything but a summer fling, because we were going to start college at the end of August and be 500 miles away. Unfortunately, and I can only really speak for myself, I got way more invested than I intended. By the end of the summer, I found myself hoping he would be down for a long distance relationship. But ultimately that did not happen, and I knew that it wasn't in the cards for us.. we ended the summer on a good note. Agreeing that we would remain very close friends.

 

About a week after he left for school, I still had a couple days before I had to leave, and he texted me saying how much he had been missing me, how he took me for granted, etc. He drove an hour from his school to our town to come and spend time with me before I left. Again, we left off on a positive note and it was nice to know that he had realized how special what we had was during my absence.

 

The next few weeks we remained contact almost constantly, and he would continue to tell me that he loved me, even though I would remind him that doing that was making it harder for me. At one point we talked on the phone for four hours straight, and he told me he loved me and couldn't wait until I came back to visit in about six weeks.

 

The next six weeks were confusing, I felt him getting more distant. Some days he would text me normally and others he would reply with one word messages and seem completely unengaged. We got into a few arguments during this time, most notably when I called him out for not replying to me. He had said he was depressed and I was trying to help him, and he 'left me on read'. I told him that I was 'tired of the head games, shouldn't have to deal with them from 500 miles away like I did at home," etc. We didn't talk for a few days, and I eventually reached out and he said he was put off by me saying he played games during our relationship. I told him he was giving me mixed signals with the hot/cold. We made up, but I guess it had a damper on the relationship. Sometimes when we would talk he would be snarky and always disagree with whatever I had to say, but mostly I just dealt with it. Meanwhile, I had been dealing with my own severe depression while away from home.

 

Fast forward to when I went to visit, and I ran into him while visiting his friends at his school. He acted like I was almost a stranger, and I spent most of my time home being utterly heartbroken, reminiscing about how he had said he couldn't wait for me to come home. On my last night, after I had decided it was probably over, he texted me out of the blue. He said he was sorry, he had been having a really hard time in college, he thought I was mad at him, and he had caught feelings again for one of my 'friends' who had tried to get between us in the past and it had confused him. I told him that by going back to her, a girl who had never been, and would never be interested in him (her words), he had ripped my heart out. He spent the next hour or so begging me to meet, saying he loved me, apologizing, etc. I finally agreed to meet up with him, and he cried in my car and apologized profusely for hurting me. He said he woud try harder to stay in contact with me, and he was obviously genuinely sorry. Now, I'm not so sure if he was apologizing because he felt for me or he didn't want to live with the guilt. Anyway, I felt bad for him, sobbing in the carseat next to me. I missed him like crazy. And we ended up making out in the back of my car for a good two hours. At the end of it, I asked him where this left us, and he didn't give me a definitive answer. Reg flag.

 

The next few weeks back at school were incredibly hard, for many reasons, not just because he went back to the hot and cold. He would tell me he loved me to get me to send him nudes, and then not reply for hours/deliberately seem unengaged. He would tell me how special I was, that he didn't deserve me, that I made him tear up when I told him I wanted to make sure he was always okay, etc, but treat me like just another option. He'd say he couldn't wait to see me again, then act like he couldn't care less.

 

A few days before I was due to visit, he started to seemingly do things to send me messages. Sending me snapchats of girls in his dorm, cryptic tweets like "random texts out of nowhere are the best,", etc. Finally, I went back home for Thanksgiving. I asked him to hang out. We did for about two or so hours, and I could tell he was being more distant, saying things to push me away, kind of. At the end of the night, he basically said it was over and he didn't have feelings, but he still wanted to hang out and be friends. I was crushed. I tried to get more out of him, he didn't have much to say. He said there was no one else, we had just been through a lot and texting isn't the same, so he lost feelings. I told him I couldn't help but feel a little used, and asked him why he would string me along for all this time if he lost feelings. He said that his new roommates had told him "you have to have sex with her" about me, didn't really inquire about that anymore. The interesting thing is that I had been planning to transfer to the school he goes to (not because of him, because of many other factors that aren't important to the story) and he knew this. Maybe that scared him.

 

I went home and blocked him on everything, just for my own sake. I needed to avoid all traces of him to maintain my sanity. Since then, I've bounced back in forth from "I will never give him the opportunity to hurt me like this again" and "I hope he realizes how huge of a mistake this was and begs for forgiveness/me back". I did no contact for 3 weeks, and last week, to my HORRIBLE luck, I pocket dialed him (I know that seems unbelievable and deliberate, but I swear on my parents' lives). I hung up before it could go to voicemail. He called me back, left a voicemail saying, "i saw you called, i wanted to know if you needed anything or if it was just accidental" and another "sorry that voicemail sounded rude, call me back if you wanna talk". I texted him saying it was an accident, and he said don't worry about it. And then I couldn't take the weirdness of it, the idea that we were strangers (we had been so close) and I left him a voicemail telling him that me going MIA was for my own sake, I didn't have any resentment (not entirely true, but) and no hard feelings. He sent me a text back saying he got the voicemail, and was admittedly put off that I said he used me, said we couldn't hang out again, and blocked him on everything, but he understood it was 'coping mechanisms' and there were no hard feelings. I replied cheerfully just to be pleasant saying exactly, I just needed some space to get my head right, I still wanted to be friends just that it would take time, etc. He replied saying 'anytime' (in response to me saying 'thanks for being understanding').

 

I also texted him Merry Christmas and he said it back, but wasn't as responsive as his normal self/our normal conversations. So I took that is either he is upset w/ me or just really over talking to me. He is a very sensitive guy, too.

 

That was pretty much the last interaction we had. I have been really trying to get over him but to no avail. There have been other attractive, interesting guys who have tried to get me to hang out with them and I just can't shake the feeling that I cannot be emotionally available because I am still so hung up on my ex. I am trying to not get my hopes up but I just feel like, in time, something will happen and it's not over. I know how much I meant to him, despite his reluctance to show it sometimes. I think that is just because of his immaturity. He told me that he would read the letter I wrote him at the end of the summer and cry, but still not be responsive. Also, I am transferring back to the school he goes to. As much as I want to deny it, a part of me hopes that he will see me around and realize what he misses. All I ever wanted was to be good to him. I wanted him to see himself how I saw him. I just wanted to love him. That's all. He is a sensitive and insecure person, and he said I made him feel like his insecurities weren't true and that I really cared for him. I was so good to him, and we both know it.

 

I'm so sorry this was so long, but I think the details are necessary for people to give an opinion on what they think. Is there any chance of reconciliation? Will he come crawling back (not that I'd be ready to give myself up again, but it would be nice to know it isn't one sided)? Do you think, giving our recent interactions, he might not be over me? I mean he obviously cared enough to leave voicemails and express his frustrations.. Anyways, thank you so much for reading this. Any input you may have will inevitably help me. I need something besides my own thoughts to give me some clarity on this tiring situation.

 

Also, I can't stop worrying about him moving on to somebody else/ a past flame, so any input on that would be helpful. Overall, I just get the feeling he is really upset that I blocked him and stuff and I have heard through mutual friends that he has told them what happened (at least 3 other people we are both friends with), which is weird, because I only told my closest friends. More than anything I miss that I lost him as my best friend. I can't help feeling like it's impossible for me to go through all this pain, to want him back in my life, and him not feel the same? Like I just have a weird feeling that there's no way it's one sided. But that just may be be hanging on to a thread of hope. Okay, enough rambling. Thank you so so so much. For any input. It means more to me than you know.

[ElizabethIII]

Not a chance in hell.

 

It was never intended to be anything more than a fling.

 

You are at college 500 miles away from each other.

 

He has become more and more and more distant from you and that tells you everything you need to know. He treats you like a stranger but you wont leave it alone. You're obsessing over him and he is giving you nothing to indicate he wants you at all.

 

You actually told him you went MIA for your sanity?! You actually let him know you were losing it over him?! Never lose your dignity like that again! And that is why he comes back. He knows you're hung up on him because you have told him you are and that you will accept the crumbs he gives you. He sends you snapchats of other women in his dorm. He is nice to you to get you to send naked pics of yourself and then is distant again. He comes back to you when he has no one else and he knows you will always oblige him.

 

There is also nothing for him to "crawl back to". As far as I see it, you have never been in a real relationship and he was never up for a LDR. he did tell you that.

 

Forget about him.

Edited December 31, 2016 by ElizabethIII

[babyblue13]

Not a chance in hell.

 

It was never intended to be anything more than a fling.

 

You are at college 500 miles away from each other.

 

He has become more and more and more distant from you and that tells you everything you need to know. He treats you like a stranger but you wont leave it alone. You're obsessing over him and he is giving you nothing to indicate he wants you at all.

 

You actually told him you went MIA for your sanity?! You actually let him know you were losing it over him?! Never lose your dignity like that again! And that is why he comes back. He knows you're hung up on him because you have told him you are and that you will accept the crumbs he gives you. He sends you snapchats of other women in his dorm. He is nice to you to get you to send naked pics of yourself and then is distant again. He comes back to you when he has no one else and he knows you will always oblige him.

 

You are young, forget him, meet someone else, he doesnt want you.

 

I think there is some misunderstanding here. I am not obsessing over him, I have simply been responding to him over the past few months. 90% of our interactions/conversations, he has started. He is the one who would spring the "I love you" on me, and I would tell him that was confusing me.

 

I'm obsessing over it internally, sure, because I lost one of my best friends and someone I really cared about. But I have not begged for him back, that night he told me we should just be friends I told him I ultimately just wanted him to be happy and I hoped he had a good holiday.

 

I told him that I blocked him to get over him, and this was because I didn't want him thinking I was mad at him or resented him, because I know that's how he interpreted it and I still care about his feelings and didn't want him to be angry and have the bitterness outweigh the good times we had. He has no idea that I've lost it over him. As far as he knows, I've blocked him and gone on with my life. I don't know how this post made it seem that our interactions since then have made me seem desperate, (besides me accidentally calling him, which I justified because he has the same last name as my best friend so it was an easy mistake to make) but from my perspective that's not true. As far as he knows, we talked, I blocked him, we talked a few weeks later, said no hard feelings, I wished him a happy holiday, and that's that. Also, I'm pretty sure he's got wind that I'm talking to someone else.

 

But I totally understand where you're coming from. He's definitely been distancing himself, which is completely understandable given that I've been away for so long. But also, we are going to the same school in just three weeks. And we have tons of mutual friends. Which is why I was hoping that possibly, in time, we might be able to at least get back to friendship. But I dunno, you may have a lot more experience than I do, haha.

[ElizabethIII]

What you have described sounds like my idea of hell and not a relationship that has any chance of being a success. Mind games, depression on both sides, mixed messages, weeks of being distant and hot and cold.

 

He tells you he loves you to get you to send him nude pictures of yourself and then doesn't reply. That alone tells you all you need to know. You want him as a friend? A friend wouldnt do that to you.

 

I've been there when I was your age. Sadly I think you wont listen and will do anything to keep him in your life when he doesn't deserve a spot in it.

 

He does know you are hung up on him even though you havent told him. Your behavior tells him that. He can always get you back and he knows it. Never once have you cut him off and meant.

 

Your choice though.

[babyblue13]

See, logically, I know you're right. I know he doesn't deserve jack **** to do with me. I just can't help how much it sucks without him, but I know you're right. I was hoping that us not talking would help me realize that and get on with my life, but it's been five weeks and I still can't shake the feeling of missing him, not even a little bit. Hopefully we will remain distanced for enough time to me to really get some clarity. There's no choice for me to make. He made the choice. Now I just live my life and hope I get over him. What have I done in the past 5 weeks that shows I am still hung up on him, exactly? I'm confused as to where you're coming to this conclusion.

[ExpatInItaly]

Meh, a good relationship isn't this much work.

 

The right guy will not be hot and cold with you. He won't ask you for nudes and then give you the cold shoulder. He won't waffle on whether or not to be with you. He certainly won't tell you he likes one of your friends.

 

In short? He probably won't be back. And one day you will thank your lucky stars that he stayed away. He's not the one for you.

[ElizabethIII]

5 weeks isnt long. It will take longer than that to get over it. If you allow him in your life again you will go back to square one though so try not to.

 

It sounds like you miss an idea and he isnt physically present in your life.

 

Get involved in college life as much as you can. Leave him behind in 2016.