2 years after breakup yet the pain still linger

[raiasart]

It's been a whole year that i have not told anyone about this, and 2 years since it all fell apart.

 

Here's the simple story (heartbreak yet i love telling this as much as possible), so I just got out of a depression (school and family problems) around 2012. So, my friends made me join this event to comeback to my senses. And there she was, bright as light yet yelling so damn much (she was one of my bosses in that event event though she was younger than me) but still, she was amazing. however i didn't do anything since I thought "I need friends and fun not going to jeopardize it by a girl"

 

Long story short, at the end of the event we had an after party and our mutual friends have cornered us in the corner and started to match us up (Let's call my ex Rose) everyone was like "Rose, Raiasart had a crush on you since the beginning", "Raiasart, you're the only one rose keeps checking up on" and all, and then well we spent the whole night together (along with the party but mostly the two of us), but she got drunk faster then me yet told me to give a call tomorrow...

 

I thought that it was just a drunk thought, but no, on the 12th of September she replied my text and call.. and since that day we were inseparable.

 

Untul 2013 when I introduced her to my mom... my mom is very conservative in many ways after a couple of months knowing her, they had a very big difference that i couldn't help on reducing and they often clashed against each other.

 

I always felt caught in the middle, I love my mom to the end of the world (she raised me a single mom, my dad passed away when i was younger), yet Rose was my world (everyone knew that asking anything (advice, out, hangout) means asking the both of us (not the nagging type but the always cute together type i think LOL). Both blamed me of taking side from each other.

 

at the beginning of 2014 I told her "If it was up to me I will spend the rest of my life with you... but I can't force either of you to change for me". and on december 2014 she decided she couldn't bear with my mom anymore and left me... and the stupidest thing that day we broke up is asking her "If only this didn't happen, would you marry me?" and she said "Absolutely". and I think my heart got stuck on solely the answer...

 

and since that day, my life has been a complete roller coaster... thank God it hasn't affected my career life as i am able to separate professional life and personal life..

 

The thing is, I can't love, I am afraid to Commit, and every night she's the one in my thoughts.. I am afraid to go to bed early as i know i will lay down thinking of her so i get to bed late when i know as soon as i touch the pillow i'll go to sleep.

 

I'm not going to lie I tried dating people, but it's not that I am comparing them, but it's simply as I can't love them more that I still love Rose. And i feel guilty each time(Imagine having sex and she pops out of nowhere in your head, that's just evil), and end up ruining the relationship. I am afraid to commit as I fear the same thing will happen all over again..

 

I just got news that she'll be marrying her current boyfriend next year. I'm very happy for her as I love her too much to not want to see her happy.

 

But my heart is slowly dying little by little... I really don't know what to do, I know the whole move on and letting go advice..but it hasn't work for me.. Some said that I have to forgive my mom because it's because i feel angry at her. Some say that It's a process..

 

She had a reason the leave, but I didn't...

 

So I tried texting her like a stalking ex... it's her boy that replied me back (I got what i deserved there). I bought a birthday gift via my friend, and I asked him is he sends me a picture of her using my gift without the need of her ever knowing it was from me...

 

So it's kind of pathetic no?

 

I'm trying a method where i try to put positive thoughts about being away from her and being better to move on before bed and meditations.. hope it works tho..

 

any feedback, advice, stories, or support will be welcome as it is much needed...

 

Thank you

[umirano]

You already know the answers. Stop stalking her, go NC. This one isn't for you. Emancipate yourself from your mother. You're not her dating robot. You date the way you want, not under her leadership. If you don't take things into your own hand you will not succeed dating. Your life, your dating choices. You're not in the middle. This is your date/GF/fiance and everybody else better be cool about it.

Edited December 28, 2016 by umirano
grammar

[Been]

She was all into you and would have married you-and less the 2 years latter is gonna marry another man?Let that sink in.

[Slimtripper]

If you went no contact you'd be over it by now.

I dont know why people would want to hear about, speak about, look at, have anything to do with someone who breaks their heart.

You just prolong the agony. You need to get over this and make a proper effort to do that. Its just one person. Everyone on here thinks that one person is the greatest person in the universe.

That isn't possible is it? It doesn't make logical sense that this one person is your only way of finding happiness.

 

Go no contact, man up and start making an effort to move on.

And stop telling your story to everyone. It sounds like you must have told that 100 times. Its not a romance anyone should be hearing as it ended terribly!

[Satu]

The wound will never heal until you stop picking at it.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete her from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.

[kvolm2016]

I'm trying a method where i try to put positive thoughts about being away from her and being better to move on before bed and meditations.. hope it works tho..

 

any feedback, advice, stories, or support will be welcome as it is much needed...

 

Thank you

 

I am sorry for the lingering pain. Generally speaking though, you are in control of whether the pain continues to linger or is resolved. The problem with the method you are trying is that you are still thinking about her. It doesn't matter whether your thoughts are positive or negative ones, it just matters that you are still choosing to think about her. You also mentioned that your career has not been affected by this so it would seem that you have the ability to isolate your emotions when it comes to focusing on work. Maybe that same focus needs to be applied to moving on from thinking about her in your non-work time. What do you think?

[raiasart]

You already know the answers. Stop stalking her, go NC. This one isn't for you. Emancipate yourself from your mother. You're not her dating robot. You date the way you want, not under her leadership. If you don't take things into your own hand you will not succeed dating. Your life, your dating choices. You're not in the middle. This is your date/GF/fiance and everybody else better be cool about it.

 

Thanks for this, I needed someone to once again reiterate this to me.. And i have recently starting to talk to my mother to ask her to let me make this my own decision. It's quite hard when you're from a culture where parent control kid's relationships, but wish me luck on facing my mom. I need to get more control on this.

 

Thanks!

 

She was all into you and would have married you-and less the 2 years latter is gonna marry another man?Let that sink in.

 

yeah, that sank in to me I'm kind of a fool that needs someone pointing things that i already know..

[raiasart]

If you went no contact you'd be over it by now.

Go no contact, man up and start making an effort to move on.

And stop telling your story to everyone. It sounds like you must have told that 100 times. Its not a romance anyone should be hearing as it ended terribly!

 

The wound will never heal until you stop picking at it.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means she might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete her from all social media.

*No monitoring of her on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.

 

Thanks the two of you for the solutions, I always thought to do this, but I'm afraid this will seem to childish.. but i think you're right, the more i let things get to me the more i pick at my own pain...

 

I think i really do have to stop talking about this story, start closing down all means of knowing anything about her and go live on. I really need to let go of this story and I hope your advices will help me let go easier!

 

Thanks a lot

[raiasart]

Maybe that same focus needs to be applied to moving on from thinking about her in your non-work time. What do you think?

 

Couldn't agree more on this.. I am trying to focus much more on life, friends and myself during my non work time! but as much I try there's always that one moment of weakness (normally laying down on my bed).

 

Any suggestions on how to control this moments of weaknesses? I've been trying to meditate before bed every now and then. but maybe you have any methods i can try?

[Rya]

That's tough...all I can say is, every relationship fails until one doesn't. If she's marrying someoje else, then she was put in your life to teach you something, open your eyes to thing. She wasn't meant to be yours forever, and that's ok. The person you are meant to be with is out there, but you have take time to heal. Trust me, your heart will get tired of waiting and you will move on...it just takes time.

[kvolm2016]

Couldn't agree more on this.. I am trying to focus much more on life, friends and myself during my non work time! but as much I try there's always that one moment of weakness (normally laying down on my bed).

 

Any suggestions on how to control this moments of weaknesses? I've been trying to meditate before bed every now and then. but maybe you have any methods i can try?

 

If you only have that one moment of weakness remaining, then you are doing a good job of getting past this. And if you already know when that moment of weakness is going to happen you can definitely overcome it. If that moment of laying down on your bed is what triggers your thinking about her then a good solution is to change this pattern. What can you do differently so that this trigger doesn't happen?