No contact...did you ever hear from your ex?

[Kayley]

Just curious,

 

When you were NC did you hear from your ex?

 

I know the point of NC is not to contact them, to heal etc. and that's why I'm doing it. I'm just genuinely curious because so many people talk about their exes getting in touch during NC and not knowing what to do.

 

I suppose I wanted to know if I'm the only weird one whose just in NC to fight their own urges to reach out & has heard absolutely zero from their ex and doesn't ever expect to?

[VeveCakes]

I did hear from mine and I still do although I don't expect to now after our last chat.

 

Honestly it's better if you don't. It makes it soooo much easier. A lot of time when you do it isn't because they miss you, but because they want to ease their guilt or boost their ego. That is even worse.

 

Be happy you haven't heard anything. It doesn't mean he doesn't miss you. It just means he respects you enough to let you move on and heal.

[dumbass2]

Broke up with me and we stayed in contact for another few months before I went silent . She contacted me with a breadcrumb 3 months later and I jumped all over it. No, we did not get back and I shouldn't have replied to her. You want enough time to go by for things to get over before you ever think of communicating with an ex. Some suggest a year or more if ever. Seems about right after my experiences with break ups. NC IS for you to heal and get over them and if they contact you so soon after NC started, then you are asking for a wold of hurt if you respond. It's actually better if they don't. It doesn't mean that they never loved you or never had a great time, it means that they are mature enough to know what is best. Ones that contact are immature IMO and selfish and are just doing it for themselves and not thinking about the other person at all.

[Satu]

I engaged no contact with a fist of iron

 

 

There was not one tiny little hole that didn't get blocked, so no, I never heard anything.

 

Thankfully.

 

 

Take care.

[Slimtripper]

Every person who i broke up with i heard from at some point.

May take days, may take years. Every time though i had already moved on.

You're letting your mind ask a million what if questions at the moment which is natural. I always find the quicker i go out and meet new people the fast their memory disappears. Last time i was totally heartbroken and i slept with someone two weeks later and then spent a whole month crushing on them.

Saw that ex a few months later and had zero feelings at all.

 

So yes u may do, but do not contact them back unless they flat out tell u they want to give it another go.

[Chief1970]

Once I quit chasing my ex and established full no contact, she came looking for attention. 2-3 times a week she would come to were I worked.

[TheParadox7]

Yes, but only one of my exes have tried to contact me several times, and it was the last one I broke up with in 2014. I never answer him, though, since I have nothing to say to him. I just ignore his messages and block him every time.

[Frozensushi]

Past Ex's I've heard from a few months after via text, phone or e-mail. It was mostly them apologizing to me or whatever. They'd also open the door to rekindle.

 

These days, no. I've made it extremely difficult for them to contact me. I just use the power of blocking to my advantage. I need to be extreme, as I can be swayed rather easily when sentimentality rears its ugly head.

 

Thanks to loveshack and much introspection, there's no point in trying to "give it another shot". That might work years later, but the reasons you broke up in the first place still remain. Better to find someone more compatible than force a lost cause to succeed.

[Been]

9 times out of 10 they will try to contact you but the intentions usually are they are curious or want to say how sorry they were for whatever reason. What you need to know is when they try to contact you it's about THEM.

[TooRational]

I specifically asked my ex not to contact me when I started NC and so far she hasn't (5+ months). I let the door open by saying that we might be able to be friends later down the road but after a long time... So perhaps she'll try to contact me at some point but I'm not holding my breath.

 

It's much more likely that we'll bump into each other at some point anyway instead of one of us breaking NC. I'm honestly not sure how I'll react to that.

[DarrenB]

My most recent ex broke contact with me multiple times during our 'fresh' breakup period.

 

Obviously, she was playing games with me and making me feel a sense of false hope, which I assume encouraged her to move on even quicker and boost her ego a little more.

 

When I think of it, I should have taken the opportunity not to say anything at all, however when you still feel emotionally engaged with someone it's hard not to.

 

Closing into 4 months in, I couldn't really care even IF she wanted to contact me. Hearing from her and me reaching out is definitely not something on my agenda anymore.

 

I will say, for a lot of people they just want the entire situation to be clarified. Especially if it wasn't really a mutual breakup. I wouldn't suggest reaching out to gain closure but if you feel it's what will help you cope then you may as well just bite the bullet. But either way, it's much more beneficial just to move on and attempt to forget.

[Marco Valerio]

Yes they usually do. Dumpers out of selfishness and dumpees out of emotional neediness.

[DK_Casus]

I'm very thorough and determined when I go NC - and though we always have that little f*cking voice telling us "maybe she'll regret everything and come crawling back" - whether it would change anything or not - it hasn't happened to me.

 

I don't quite know what to make of it, but I'd rather have this - than break NC.

 

It is rather unsettling that these women who all claimed to be head over heels in love with me for years - can suddenly just stop and how they never seem to regret it in the slightest. But not being entirely sure is the price you pay for NC without compromise.

[fromheart]

Just curious,

 

When you were NC did you hear from your ex?

 

I know the point of NC is not to contact them, to heal etc. and that's why I'm doing it. I'm just genuinely curious because so many people talk about their exes getting in touch during NC and not knowing what to do.

 

I suppose I wanted to know if I'm the only weird one whose just in NC to fight their own urges to reach out & has heard absolutely zero from their ex and doesn't ever expect to?

 

When I've applied NC I always hear from exes. Years before, I used to chase if dumped and never heard from then again.

 

The 2 exes I heard from; the first let me know she was interested in me again. I'd worked on myself and realized that I wasn't interested in her in that way.

 

The 2nd I still had feelings for, however I sensed that her and I still would have to work more on ourselves, or we'd just get straight back to the point of breaking up again.

 

Ironically, or perhaps quite logically, I'm sure I'll hear from her again as though she can see that I like her, I have no 'need' for her anymore and am genuinely content to continue to move on, see other women and work on my self development.

 

I'm actually a relative newcomer to NC and applying the rule of walking away. Its started to make changes in my life, which is why I recommend it so strongly.

Edited November 25, 2016 by fromheart

[l8estnews]

Applied NC to some of my "friends" as well. It works wonders!

[BrokenHeartedMan89]

1-2 times a month for 4-5 months until I expressly told her that we're not friends, we're either together or I am not in her life. Not heard from her since, but she still stalks me on social media

[Been]

Like I said they will usually contact you. The reason in my opinion is they are curious as to how your getting along and what your doing. And they always have a knack for contacting you at the time you least expect it.

[Gus Grimly]

Like I said they will usually contact you. The reason in my opinion is they are curious as to how your getting along and what your doing. And they always have a knack for contacting you at the time you least expect it.

 

Don't forget the caveat of validational need. Even those who feel contempt for another, will thrive off the affirmation they receive from them.

[Kayley]

Tomorrow will be 4 weeks of NC & he hasn't made one single attempt to contact me which really hurts. I mean I've said since going NC I won't hear from him but there was a tiny bit of me that just really hoped that I was wrong. I don't want him back, I get little weak moments when I think that's exactly what I want but the majority of the time it's not. I still want to hear from though, I want confirmation that I meant something to him I suppose. I know people say it's easier not to hear from them but god, I'd just love something at this point. I don't even want a full converaation. Just something...

 

I'm not going to reach out because I was an idiot who chased him in the week after the break up. I made myself look crazy or desperate or whatever & reaching out again would probably confirm that to him. That's probably exactly why he hasn't contacted me but god....it hurts so much! I thought these feelings would have faded by now but no....

[staggerlee71]

I'm 5 months post BU. My dumper reached out for the first time about 2 months of NC. She has since text every couple of weeks. Last time was night before election. I don't respond to her. The effect is has on me is that I do enjoy knowing she is thinking of me. Her texts always include some bull about how much. The negative effect is it keeps her in the present. I don't want her back so it doesn't give me hope(it did in beginning) but I can tell you that if it does, that is the worst thing for you moving on.

 

Remember, NC and moving on is about eliminating neediness and centering yourself for your next relationship. Even if that comes through a reconciliation.

[Jimmyjackson]

Day 4 not a peep yet, however I do expect to hear from her at some point. She is still attracted to me and has feelings for me, emphasized by both her words and actions (see my thread for more info).

[Stercrazy]

Yes mine contacted me after a year or so. There was very little value and I believe she was just curious. My response was "Yup. All is well. Thanks. Take care." I doubt she'll ever contact again. I've moved on and enjoy being single.

[Whoahh25]

I did unfortunately, I had been seeing someone for about 4 months and he decided to pop back up. I haven't heard from him since which has been nice.

[Mi7522]

Was NC for 2 months and now we are ****ing again. Went on our first date last night and we'll see where it goes. We are gong away next weekend for some fun

[Kayley]

i am like 99% sure I don't want reconciliation. There is a tiny little bit of me that every so often thinks maybe I do but those thoughts usually don't last long so I don't think it's what I want. I just don't like how easily he's cut me out of his life. Like I never even existed. I very much doubt he will ever reach out. It's the selfish part of me that would like him to, so I know that I mattered. Maybe I don't at all anymore though, maybe I never did. Sometimes I think I can deal with those thoughts and I'll be okay if I never hear again and sometimes that is just torture. At this point hearing from him wouldn't give me false hopes because I'm very aware he doesn't want to be with me and I'm slowly getting to that head space myself.

 

I know NC is about moving on. I suppose I find it difficult because my relationship ended so abruptly and I'm still confused about it. Powering on with NC though hoping that in time those confusions will matter less in time.