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My girlfriend has ended our relationship.


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I have just returned from her house. She ended our 18 month relationship. We are in our 30s. She said she needs to try fix herself without having the pressure of a relationship and doesnt want to feel hurried into being 'well'. She is going to go to counselling. She has been before a few years ago. She said there is alot of things from the past she needs to face.

We both told each other how special we are to each other. We basically cried and hugged for an hour. She said she would rather end it now on good terms then later on bad terms.

I said I will respect her space but I wish things could be different.

I feel so bad for her facing this. She has told 1 or 2 close friends.

 

I dont want this to be about me or anything.

Would just like to hear if anyone else has been in this situation?

I really dont know what I can do.

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Give her the space that she needs and support her like a true friend. Maybe when she is able to fix herself mentally and physically then maybe see if the relationship can resume, just a thought. :)

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I'm sorry to hear about your break up, having said that. Realize that it is a break up, she made a decision. Now you need to give her space, and just do you. Follow the steps, she has friends so you don't need to be texting her if she is okay, she is a big girl and can handle it on her own.

 

I have had girls tell me a number of different things when we reach the end. The only thing that matters is the final decision. They gave up on the relationship. It doesn't mean they are a terrible person, but it does mean that you cannot change their position, if their thoughts change...it will be on their own accord.

 

You are probably an awesome person, and have a lot going for you. Keep your chin up and keep moving. I wish you all the best.

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At the end of the day, she's just not feeling it with you and wanted to end it. While there may be some truth to her "wanting to fix herself", she wouldn't of kicked you to the curb if she truly was in love with you. She'd want you near her side as she navigated through whatever she's trying to accomplish.

 

People lean on their partners they are in love with when in crisis. They don't run away from them.

 

If you have nothing to exchange, I'd simply vanish from her life. You owe her nothing now. She's fine with you being alone and then dating new women. That's exactly what you should do when you're ready.

 

In my mind, I'd wish her luck but block her on social media, your phone, etc.. It's time to focus on you, your healing and moving onto someone who won't run when times get hard for them.

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so so sorry. at least she had the decency to tell you face to face. my only suggestion is to "run the drill" and start by not calling her your girlfriend anymore.

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Whoa. I AM IN THIS EXACT SITUATION. Boyfriend broke up with me Thursday saying he needs time to get therapy and heal from his past. We both cried a lot and he said he loves me but he just can't be with me "right now." DUDE.

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I also don't agree with "she's not feeling it." Sometimes people love someone and know that they're not their best self for them and they can't be happy right then and know it's not fair to be unsure of their future. Sometimes people can get help and get back together. It sounds like she's in the same position as my ex and they just need time. I don't necessarily think you should wait.. do your thing and let her do hers. But it doesn't sound to me like she's closed the door completely. Don't text her or contact her. Let her miss you. Hopefully she will realize she made a mistake. But don't count on it for sure. Live your life and maybe she will come back or maybe you'll meet someone new.

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People don't enjoy hurting other people, and further, they like to consider themselves as full of compassion. That's why it is so hard to be honest when people break up. The common phrase is - "I need time to myself". It's better than just disappearing or cheating.

 

The thing is that the "I can't be in any relationship now" has a very little chance to be honest. Usualy "now" means "today" and "tommorow is another day". The only sure true is that she doesn't want you. So I advice you to move on as quickly as you can. It's over. It's done. Total caput! good luck.

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She told me she had barely left her apartment for 4 weeks before. She was loosing her hair and didnt want to go on medication again.

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She told me she had barely left her apartment for 4 weeks before. She was loosing her hair and didnt want to go on medication again.

 

She definitely needs time to heal form what she's going through. Its really best for her to not be in a relationship.

 

She's basically said that she's not well and things could get very difficult between her and you.

 

I have continued to be with a couple of ex partners after they clearly needed psychological help. It became really unpleasant.

 

Now, if a woman told me what you're ex has told you, I would greatly appreciate her honesty and accept that she is in no position for an intimate relationship.

 

Don't get friendzoned though. You still have romantic feelings for her, and must respect yourself first. Tell her that you can't be her friend as this is not what you are feeling, and go complete NC. That might seem cold but the strength you show, will actually help her more than if you became her 'buddy.'

 

It will also give you both a chance to reconcile IF she feels that way. But its essential that you move on for your own sake, and that means seeing other people also when you are ready.

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She definitely needs time to heal form what she's going through. Its really best for her to not be in a relationship.

 

She's basically said that she's not well and things could get very difficult between her and you.

 

I have continued to be with a couple of ex partners after they clearly needed psychological help. It became really unpleasant.

 

Now, if a woman told me what you're ex has told you, I would greatly appreciate her honesty and accept that she is in no position for an intimate relationship.

 

Don't get friendzoned though. You still have romantic feelings for her, and must respect yourself first. Tell her that you can't be her friend as this is not what you are feeling, and go complete NC. That might seem cold but the strength you show, will actually help her more than if you became her 'buddy.'

 

It will also give you both a chance to reconcile IF she feels that way. But its essential that you move on for your own sake, and that means seeing other people also when you are ready.

Thank you for your comments. I have begun to try see things from her point of view. It took a lot for her to meet up and tell me the truth. I really miss her and hope she gets well. I can seewwhat you are saying makes sense. I can't be her friend as I have romantic feelings for her. And that I need to keep the space I promised her. I am still at the stage of wanting to get back together. But I know that depends on what she feels in the future.

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The urge to contact her is nearly unbearable. I keep listing all the things I done wrong in my head. To the point where I want to cry.

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The urge to contact her is nearly unbearable. I keep listing all the things I done wrong in my head. To the point where I want to cry.

 

 

Stay strong and do not contact her. This really, really is the absolute best course of action to take right now.

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The urge to contact her is nearly unbearable. I keep listing all the things I done wrong in my head. To the point where I want to cry.

 

I am 4 months post breakup. Girlfriend of 18 months told me she cant give me her best as she is going through a lot. she is. Along with a handful of the most popular clichés. I went no contact.

 

I too wanted so bad to call her. I too obsessed with all the things I did wrong. I had moments of absolute sureness that a particular character trait did me in.

 

I am telling you this because its BS. Its natural for you to feel this way. What I am experiencing during no contact is I began to see me for who I am and if she doesn't like it, she can go F herself. I also looked seriously at what I could truly improve and am working on that.

 

Now its 4 months, and she has reached out about once a month. each time I have not responded except a thank you for a birthday wish. I am feeling better everyday. I still think of her but much less than that first month. Actually, her last text was the other night stating I will always be in her heart. I did not respond. I need more NC time. If she wants you back, she will let you know.

 

My point... It gets better, much easier. You will begin to see clarity on what you want, and what was wrong in the relationship. You will learn what you really need and what is good for you. You will see if she really was a good match. She chose to eliminate you from her life. Give it to her. Its what is best for both of you. She hasn't forgotten you but she sure as ****e is living her life not obsessing over you. Do the same. You will feel better in time. Lots of time so don't beat yourself up. Your ego and self esteem took hit. NC will help this heal. your not alone

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The urge to contact her is nearly unbearable. I keep listing all the things I done wrong in my head. To the point where I want to cry.

 

Listen, turning this over and over in your head and looking at things you may or may not have done wrong, serves no purpose. Finding/identifying things you've done wrong and being critical of yourself/blaming is basically emotional abuse. You would not accept emotional abuse from anyone else, would you? It's not right to do that to yourself either . . .

 

It's one thing to look at and evaluate things you could have done differently and focusing inward to manage possible "issues" you have for the future in new relationships. It's another to beat yourself up and blame yourself. That's a defeatist attitude. If you have "issues" like, being controlling, abusive, insecure without empirical reason, etc., acknowledge them and become proactive about finding ways to manage and deal with that going into the future. Acknowledge, forgive yourself and be proactive and gain insight for the future. You can't "fix" the past, but you sure can give yourself a better chance for the future.

 

And, go ahead and cry. Crying is a very cleansing and stress relieving act of kindness for yourself. There is nothing wrong with crying especially in the safety of your own space. Let yourself grieve and acknowledge your emotions in order to "let them out" and not end up carrying them around like an imaginary albatross around your neck.

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Redhead14 and staggerlee71 thank you for your comments.

It really is a roller coaster. I think when it gets too much I fantasize she will be my girlfriend again at some point. In fact sometimes I hope this so much. I try not to take it too personally as she really is having a tough time. This has been confirmed by friends. But also I realize she cut me out of he life.

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I’m so sorry about your breakup. It’s evident that you love and care for your girlfriend very much. While I can understand your pain, it’s great that you guys could have a clean break. Stay strong and give her the space she needs. Hugs to you!

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From my experience, do not chase her. I chased an ex for a year. Then went no contact. Within 90 days of no contact, my ex was knocking the door down. If she still has feelings for you, she will go out of her way to get your attention. But no contact makes them know that you are not plan B. The first time she calls or text ignore it. That way it's clear you are not the fall back.

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From my experience, do not chase her. I chased an ex for a year. Then went no contact. Within 90 days of no contact, my ex was knocking the door down. If she still has feelings for you, she will go out of her way to get your attention. But no contact makes them know that you are not plan B. The first time she calls or text ignore it. That way it's clear you are not the fall back.

 

hi

thank you for your comment. it remains to be seen if she tries to contact me.

i dont think she will. but i guess that will mean she didnt want to. i still very much so want to be with her

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I'm going through a bad patch. Really want to contact her. But I am stopping myself. I really am still struggling to accept her decision. And I can't help hoping we will get back together.

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Lifeissomething

OP sorry about your breakup, they're never easy.

 

Stay strong and don't contact her. I can't speak for the laws of nature, but in my limited scope your breakup is going to stick and you have to accept her decision. It would only make sense for the dumpee to expect/hope that a dumper that ended a relationship because of personal issues, will come back once said personal issues are resolved. Unfortunately, this rarely happens. As another poster wrote, usually when going through turmoil you want someone you love to support you through your problems, not to end it with them. I had trouble accepting this with my last breakup. It's been 16 months and she isn't coming back. Your ex made her choice, now it's about maintaining your dignity and pride.

 

Hang in there!

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OP sorry about your breakup, they're never easy.

 

Stay strong and don't contact her. I can't speak for the laws of nature, but in my limited scope your breakup is going to stick and you have to accept her decision. It would only make sense for the dumpee to expect/hope that a dumper that ended a relationship because of personal issues, will come back once said personal issues are resolved. Unfortunately, this rarely happens. As another poster wrote, usually when going through turmoil you want someone you love to support you through your problems, not to end it with them. I had trouble accepting this with my last breakup. It's been 16 months and she isn't coming back. Your ex made her choice, now it's about maintaining your dignity and pride.

 

Hang in there!

 

Thank you for your help and time. I am trying to stay strong. I still have hope she will come back to me. But I know deep down that this will not happen.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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I am thinking of breaking no contact to apologise for taking her for granted. I can see now that we wouldn't have worked out. But feel putting closure on it would help me move on.

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

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