emotionsmessmeup Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 ok.. i checked his email... and found pics of him with this girl.. her had a crush on him so he slept with her..same girl i was insecure about... and i screamed adn called him and i told him about my fwb too! GOD...! its all messed up...! Link to post Share on other sites
Conundrum Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 I am very sorry. But I hope you learned two very important lessons: 1.) You should not go checking other people's mail. Last I heard, that was illegal. 2.) Ignorance is bliss. I am very sorry this happened though. Best advice I can give you is to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 i thought i had.. i thought i did Link to post Share on other sites
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 i feel like i cant breathe..liek i will choke myself to death Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 EMMU this clearly shows that you are not fit to be in a FWB relationship right now. There is no formal reason for you to be upset by Mr. FWB, as it is a non-exclusive relationship. There is a reason, but that has to do with attachment. You are way too attached! The best thing for you would be to break the FWB off completely, and focus on yourself. And don't get involved with men for a while. Because they do mess you up at the moment. Accept that your relationship is over, and accept that you have serious issues. Work on your issues, as you deserve better than the pains you put yourself through. There is no shame in admitting that; do put in an effort to make yourself better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 u are confusing teh situation.. i am talking about my ex bf.. i saw pics...of my ex with another girl... Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Sorry for the confusion regarding the FWB situation. You write with so little words, that it is sometimes hard to distinsguish between the ex-boyfriend and the man you have an FWB with. And the fact that you told your FWB, clearly shows a major attachment. These things are left out of the bargain. It is sex without attachment, without emotional involvement. Talking about your ex clearly would not be allowed with that. It clearly proves that you are not over your ex, if you have such a strong reaction; and there is no shame in admitting that, but it is foolish to deny that. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Sorry misread again! See above post for explanation. Forget the second line. But why would you tell your ex boyfriend of your FWB? As to prove a point that you can f*ck too? One way or the other, it proves that you are either too attached to your ex, to your FWB, or both. You won't contest that, with regards to your ex boyfriend. If your FWB meant nothing to you, you would not have mentioned it to your ex boyfriend; in a moment of extreme hurt you would have to make a conscious effort to drag FWB in the picture, unless you wanted to prove the point that you can f*ck too. Sure you read his email account and called him, thus breaking No Contact AGAIN. Reading his email messages, is not something he will be appreciative of, and honestly, you should not be surprised if your ex boyfriend does not want to have anything to do with you. If you keep messing up, a restraining order might be on the way. But seriously, even though I misread your messages twice (!), seriously consider everything that goes on in your life, with regards to men. You have been in a relationship for 5 years. For most people it would take a long while to get over the loss of that relationship. You don't have to be Superwoman, but you don't need to inflict this pain upon yourself. And that is what you are doing, and after the event, you are trying desperately to believe that you are doing alright. Why did you look at his email messages? There was no need to, and the relationship had been over for months. Even if you had doubts about a certain girl, you made these doubts real; and can only do that intentionally if you are not over your bf. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 Yeah, I don't get it either. You can only "claim rights" on your exclusive boyfriend, not on your ex...or is it some new trend that ex BFs have to stay faithful too? As much as I understood, you found out that he was cheating on you, but you were also cheating on him? Or did you just inform him that you have a FWB after you broke up although he cheated on you while you were together? I don't get how anything related to a former relationship can be up-to-date. Please explain! Link to post Share on other sites
iwishiknewthen Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 wow. sighs. hard words from all. good intentions and good advise but........ you are on a good path. you know your emotions mess you up. thats a good sign : ) they did it to me too. sometimes we are too smart for our own good then become dumbfounded with our own actions. i am guessing you suspected something with your ex when u were together, and apparently still had feeling for him now, and you got curious and wanted to validate that he was not trustworthy when you guys were together by his following up with a relationship with this girl now? is that it? maybe you always suspected he wanted this girl or was secretly after her. he enjoyed the crush she had on him? and maybe you hoped there was still a chance with you guys, but when you discovered this information, you let your emotions mess you up by trying to get a rise out of him and told him about a FWB you had? am i getting this right? we make mistakes. young and old alike. i dont honestly know too many people whose emotions haven't run a muck with them, at one point in there lives. at this point you already know that he will probably never trust you again. but dont panic. he might ..who knows. i dont know what kind of a relationship you guys have now, but all you can do is apologize, own it, and tell him you let your old suspicions get the best of you and and the lingering feelings you had, made you lose your head momentarily. please please dont be too hard on yourself. i found something once too but it was when we were together and he never trusted me after that. but now you know. i dont know this whole situation of yours, but when i read you are so angry you want to choke yourself, i feel for you. look we are all human. the idea is to forgive yourself and ask him to forgive the invasion of his privacy too. if he cant he cant. but you can forgive you and have compassion for yourself. i'll bet youre really a good person. you are too hard on yourself. you want to get to the place where someday you will look back on this and say wow , i am glad i forgave myself and i wont look for trouble again. you can trust your judgment without delving. sometimes our judgment is off too. love makes us all nuts sometimes. if you feel the urge to cross those lines again..just remember the lesson in this time and go easy on yourself. good luck God bless. and next time remember these words "happy are those who are slow to anger" we dont have to yell out everything we feel. we can sought it out, think of the consequences and emember its not always a winning proposition to be right. Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 I didn't know this, when this happened all of sudden? Pls see the following points , 1. When you have broken up and started NC then there is no point brooding over the past and tracking your ex. 2.You knew the decisions due to which you broke off then what was the point in confronting him again. 3.Even if he slept with someone else or didn't sleep, how does it matter? there was to be no effect other than stress for you and see it happened. Even if he had remained celibate after breaking from you, was there any reconciliation in sight. 4.What was your objective of NC to move on or to get back to him later? 5.Lastly I know it makes one feel betrayed when you know that you have been dumped for someone else, the pain is felt at the time of dumpage and thats all. You should not try to relive your pain and when you came to know that this was the reason, it should have been made you more resolute to move on. 6.I know getting dumped due to someone else is painful and the other person should be honest to tell this but you know very few ppl in world are HONEST. Blunt honesty is better than flowery words but thats just me. take care Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 I'm with you girl. I sometimes wonder if my ex cheated on me or not during our 4 and 1/2 years relationship. But I don't care that much about him anymore. IT's a huge blow to your self esteem, that much I can tell. At least you know now and you have a very good reason for getting over him. VERY GOOD REASON!! I know that probably he's having a raw for your checking his email. HE could have changed the password - after a 6 years relationship, very little things are left unknown. Don't beat yourself up for "should have, would have, could have" stuff. You did see the pics, you did let him know and he WAS indeed a son of a b!tch to you for cheating. HE cheated. Didn't he? Those pics were from the time when you were together I hope, weren't they???? Please tell me they were not recent pics, girl... Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 I don't think that they were recent pics and that girl was the reason for EMMU getting dumped. Infact most of the time dumping happens when the other one finds someone else and starts cheating and later they are caught cheating or they dump before getting caught. I know dumpers will present plethora of reasons and like falling out of love or possessive or clingy but for me all these are bulls***. They are just trying to justify themself. The only genuine reason might be when there is no third person involved but it happens rarely and most of what we hear is just lack of honesty to accept it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted April 2, 2005 Author Share Posted April 2, 2005 recent pics..last weekend... but he was talking to her from back then. and oh...he got mad i could do a man with no strings attached... and i told him that coz i wanted him to know, i can **** around too. Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 Originally posted by emotionsmessmeup recent pics..last weekend... but he was talking to her from back then. and oh...he got mad i could do a man with no strings attached... and i told him that coz i wanted him to know, i can **** around too. Well done EMMU, Let a DUMPER face the music too Link to post Share on other sites
vickimonster Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 Hi sorry new here what is FWB?? Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 Originally posted by vickimonster Hi sorry new here what is FWB?? Welcome vicki, Pls follow this link http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t59584/ you will find all these stuff there. cheers Link to post Share on other sites
vickimonster Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 Thanks greenhorn. Emotinsmessmeup - I read my ex's emails, didn't find anything, but just reading it made me feel weird, so many mixed up emotions. I won't be doing it again. I hope you are feeling better, just remember you can't change the past, so there is no go looking back at it, just take a deep breath and face forward. The unknown in your future is scary, but we are here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted April 2, 2005 Author Share Posted April 2, 2005 What is wrong with the man. He just doesnt wanna do a no contact. He says i need to go out before I get back with you and "I promise" I will be back? When I think of a wife, I only think of you. I love you? I have never felt anything for anyone after you? We should talk normally...like friends...like we used to??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted April 2, 2005 Author Share Posted April 2, 2005 guys i know i can be frustrating...but i have never needed u all more... Link to post Share on other sites
confusingdays12345 Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 sounds like my situation...we finally decided that we can't talk...i realize that he is tormenting me by strinign me along and he realizes he isnt being fair. trust me it hurts so much...i dont know what to do....i feel like i've lost him now...at least befor ei knew what was going on...i'm so scared he is going to start dating one of his close female friends just to try to move on...or enter a rebound rleationship... i'm so scared, but there is nothing else i can do...u cant just sit and wait for him to make up his mind cause what if he makes his mind up that he deosnt want you Link to post Share on other sites
Author emotionsmessmeup Posted April 2, 2005 Author Share Posted April 2, 2005 I hope he stops loving me and doesnt talk to me ever coz................i dont wanna be tormented anymore tortured anymore... i want him to forget me and i wanna forget him. Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 EMMU, only a few days ago, you checked his email. He did not ask you to, and there was no law in force telling you you had to check his email. Then you proceeded to call him and told him you found out what went on. How can he keep up no contact if you are breaking it after a few days of No Contact? Drop his email address, remove his phonenumber from the memory of your phone, et cetera. Don't tempt yourself as you did a few days ago. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 There is no pill to make ALL the pain go away. YOu will let it go when you'll have enough of hurting. The process of healing starts when you feel you've had enough. When you don't hope for a miracle to save your relationship. When you want to get out of this mess. And then, day by day, you'll force yourself not to call him, not to think about him. The beginning is always the hardest, because you're breaking the routine. You accept that he's not in your life anymore. That you're not in his anymore either. And then you fight the erge to contact him everyday. Some days are easier, others are harder. None the less, each and everyone of them is a battle to fight. To win. There's no fantastic prise, no glory and party at the end of it. Maybe, maybe... at the end of your road, you'll be lucky enough to find yourself. I won't be here the next week, but know that I'm thinking about you and wishing you well. Hugs, Curly Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted April 3, 2005 Share Posted April 3, 2005 He does not want to do NC cause he wants you to be as a backup while he makes out with all the girls available to him. He wants to string you all along. In all of your post you have written "him'" & "he", how about " you" & "you" You decide what you want to do , every time you start NC and then back to square one. He doesn't pick the phone for you when he calls or does he ?? See the light of the day, do you want to be with someone who went on a relationship sabbatical to compare you with all those available to him Get out and get going. Link to post Share on other sites
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