simon_uk Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Boy!!!! Day 3 of NC and this is getting bad! Yesterday and the day before I had a happy cheery dispositon. I was feeling good about myself, I was feeling confident that it wasn't the end of the world and I was alos feeling love for her but in a positive way, i hope she is happy now, I don't blame her for leaving if she isn't happy etc, i wouldn't want her to be with me just to make me happy. But today i am getting real bad pangs of fear, anxiety, the need to call and tell her I love her etc etc. It is getting worse by the hour!!!! I know i did things wrong in the relationship and now i have to pay the price for my mistakes but does this get any easier? Better still any chance we will work things out? Obviously having no contact will have one of two effects. She will be happy, get on with her life and get over me or reminisce and miss me and maybe call or text. When women leave because they are not happy and think the other person didnt give them enough affection or time do they 'ever' come back? Right now i am feeling particularly bad thinking about when she said 'I love you, but I am not in love with you' Please help Simon Link to post Share on other sites
RoxStar Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Simon, Hang in there friend! It seems like hell but NC is the best way. Dont cave. Maintain your dignity! You will feel so much better in the end. Take a deep breath. Think some positive thoughts. This is the hardest part. The first few days of NC are the toughest. Call a friend instead of her. Go out for a walk or something. GET AWAY FROM THE PHONE! It will get better. This too shall pass. Link to post Share on other sites
sanne Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 haha simon, we're on identical NC schedules here. My days so far have been ok, usually in the morning I feel really down and crummy, but once I get up and get out of the house I tend to forget about things. Just keep a positive attitude, and whatever you do DONT CONTACT HER AT ALL. Keep in mind the longest me and my ex ever went without talking was 1 day, the longest we were ever broken up for was 3 days. I'm on day 3 of NC, if I can do it, trust me anyone can. Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Hang in there Simon I am rooting for you and I am glad Sanne is with us. take care guys Link to post Share on other sites
Author simon_uk Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 Thanks for the replies. I guess at the moment I am doing the NC for the wrong reasons. i am doing it to make her miss me, rather than to heal! I just really want to be with her and do all the things she wanted to do with me. Move in, get engaged, have babies! Sadly she doesn't want that anymore. Will she ever? I don't know!!! Love Simon Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Originally posted by simon_uk Thanks for the replies. I guess at the moment I am doing the NC for the wrong reasons. i am doing it to make her miss me, rather than to heal! I just really want to be with her and do all the things she wanted to do with me. Move in, get engaged, have babies! Sadly she doesn't want that anymore. Will she ever? I don't know!!! Love Simon Nothing wrong BOY it starts that way and later you get habituated and feel better.Do NC if she has to come she would come and if she hasnt then you are ok in NC. I can see myself in you..keep going.. bye Link to post Share on other sites
Author simon_uk Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 Thanks Greenhorn! God I hate these F&^*ing games.All through out relationship we played games, each to get the others attention and now we are apart Im still playing them! she has contacted me twice since the split, both times to ask me a favour! Wish she would just leave me the f%^& alone if she doesn't want me as her partner then leave me the f%^& alone! Thanks for the support guys! Simon Link to post Share on other sites
greenhorn Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 It is not good that she contacts you after the split, but you keep NC. Never think of being friend and stuff like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Butterflye Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Hey there Simon...all I can say is you REALLY have to hang on. You already know my situation and I had donr NC for 10 days, was feeling better, starting to feel a bit moe positive but also, like you, just worrying that me not contacting them would make it easier for them to get over me...so I caved. I texted him, told him i just want to be friends, that we should just talk. While at the time it was just what i wanted to say, he never replied! It's now three days later and he still hasn't replied...so now I'm having to start NC all over again and this time I REALLY have to stick to it. The point of the story...if you break NC and she doesn't reciprocate, you will feel sooo much worse and you will be really annoyed with yourself for caving in. It is so hard, i know how you feel, but if we don't back off they feel like we're stifling them, not giving them space, still being desperate and then we just push them further away. So stay strong, she will contact you. I can practically guarantee it...it may take time, but she will. This is our only guarantee and our strength to keep going (i know it's my only strength to start again and REALLY stick to it). And ofcourse we start it to try and get them back...it's natural. But I think NC helps in almost every way, now that i've had a few attempts of it, and starting to feel better with it (believe me...it DOES get easier). If we give them space, at the best, they miss us, want us back an we can get them back. At the worst, it makes us strong, helps us move on and in your case as well as mine, may allow us to at least in teh end stay in contact with them, become friends. And while you may not want to ju be friends, i always like to believe that if there is still something there, something will happen to help you two get back together. I call it my 'island' theory!! In essence, you are like an island...while she was on the island (with you), she loved it, it was amazing, but then the holiday ended and she left the island. She doesn't necessarily miss the island at first and she may think of the island and how wonderful it was, but she may not necessarily NEED to go back to the island, but then, she gets a free ticket to go back to visit the island (the arm of friendship) and she suddenly realises how much she loves the island and wants to live there forever!! The island theory Keep strong! Link to post Share on other sites
cubbbb Posted April 1, 2005 Share Posted April 1, 2005 Hey Simon and Sanne.. Hang in there. I am in EXACTLY the same spot. Day 3 of NC and everything! It can be brutal!! I can TOTALLY relate. Well it looks like we are in this together. Its comforting to know that your not alone, although I wouldn't wish heartbreak on anyone. We are probably in an addictive relationship much like an alcoholic. You know its not good for you, but you keep going back. I can't stop thinking about my ex.. With each passing breath she's there on my mind. One thing that I can assure you is that if you keep going back, it doesn't get better. (Atleast that was the case with me).. I started to get miserable when I was apart from her, but when I would go back I would still be miserable but for different reasons. We just have to break the addiction!! Just remember the reasons that your apart. Remember what DIDN'T make you happy in your relationship, rather than dwell on the good qualities of your relationship.. In the future you can look back about the good times, but I think its best at this point to focus on the negative qualities of the relationship because if you go back those negative qualities will probably still be there, only a little bit bigger this time. I've did the break up/reconcile routine about 7 times now. I've become a professional on this matter. LOL.. I'm going to really give it my all this time and do the NC. But OUCH, it sure does hurt doesn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author simon_uk Posted April 1, 2005 Author Share Posted April 1, 2005 Wow Butterflye Thanks so much for your post, I really love the Island Theory. it is so romantic and sweet. Thank you very much. I know you are right but I just cant bear not to be in contact with her, but i WILL be strong! I reckon she probably will contact me but only to ask a favour again and that is even worse!!!! Take Care Love Simon Link to post Share on other sites
romantic_fool Posted April 2, 2005 Share Posted April 2, 2005 As others have said, you have to be strong. I know it's very difficult but it's important to let her miss you. I'm in a similar position to you in many ways...desperately want ex back after 4 years together, scared that NC will result in her forgetting about me, her still calling me for advice and help and wanting to be friends. For a couple of months, I ignored the recommendations of my friends and maintained contact with her (a couple of times a week) thinking that I could rekindle her feelings but that had zero impact on her stance. In fact, I think I probably ended up looking more pathetic in her eyes and hence harming my position - the person she saw was very different to the person she fell in love with. Plus it just adds to the pain. So I've now gone 6 days with NC (when together in a LDR, we used to speak and email each other every day). I suspect she will call me this weekend to "catch up" but I will stick with it. When she knows that you are always there pining for her it lowers the value she places on you. A scarce thing is a more valued thing. Give her time and space to miss you and figure out who she is/what she wants from herself/what she wants from a partner. Then if you are part of the answer it will happen. Contact at this stage just muddies the waters and doesn't give her (or you) the opportunity to detach and work things out. Until she truly experiences life without you, she will not appreciate how much you may mean to her. A halfway "holding pattern" is not helpful for her or you - it just prolongs anguish and confusion. She knows you love her and care about her. She won't forget that readily. I'm rooting for you. Be disciplined, be patient and, above all, believe in yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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