Understanding what happens during "no contact" and what happens afterwards

[Cphoria43]

My ex-bf and I (both 27 YO) have been together for about 1.3 years and he was crazy about me. His instagram and Facebook were all pictures of me and him, he spent all his free time with me, he got a tattoo of my name on his chest and he gave me a promise ring that we would get married once he could afford a real engagement ring. He tells me I'm the hottest girl he's ever been with and has never been more attracted to anybody else before like this. That if there were 40 victoria secret models in a room, he would still rather be with me.

 

Well, 2.5 weeks ago, he broke up with me. He came home one day from work, sat down on the couch, I sat right next to him and told him we needed to discuss the moving-in together situation and if he could help me grab my things this weekend to move in together. He looked at me and said he was terrified about living together because we've been fighting so much and how I start all the fights. He wanted me to comfort him and tell him we were going to be fine but I told him that I shouldn't have to convince him to want to live with me. That if he isn't ready that I should just get my own place then. He got upset because he would rather me help him feel better about us than to say I'll get my own place. He puts me in a position where he is afraid to move in together and tells me he doesnt want to live together anymore and when I agree to say I'll get my own place, he gets sad.

 

I got so frustrated with the push and pull that I finally told him, we've been together for awhile now and this is the next step in our relationship and if he's terrified to live together, then why are we together? I told him we either move in together or we break up because I'm tired of trying to reach a solution you're happy with. I would have been fine living on my own..

 

He chose to break up with me, told me he doesn't love me anymore and how he's been saying it out of habit for the last couple of months. How he hasn't been happy with me for a long time and he's been thinking about breaking up for some time too. I was shocked. I asked him if he was sure that this is what he wanted. And he said yes. I didn't put up a fight. I packed my things in the middle of the night and packed my car with all my things from his place and wished him well. He would say things like, "we could be friends if you want. You can still call me if u need someone to talk to. And if you want to start dating other people, u know you can." I just couldn't register all that he was saying so I just acted very indifferent and agreed with the break up. I just didn't want to give up my dignity for the sake of this relationship. He's broken up with me once before and kicked me out of his house once. I moved back in with my parents and 2 days later he came to my parents house in hopes that he could bring me back to his city with him and find a job near where he lived. I told him he couldn't treat me like that and expect me to forget about what he did and move back in with him. I told him to give me some time to think about it and let me see if I could find a job where he lived. 2 weeks later, I finally found a job near where he lived.

 

So I got this new job in his city for him because he wanted to live together and would say things like "I can't stand being 100 miles away from the woman I love." I did this for him. He used to always ask me to be more confident about me and him living together but I wasn't. Even though I wasn't ready to live together, I took a leap of faith and made the actions to finally make it happen. So 1 week before I started my first day, he broke up with me which made me panic and had to find a new place within 6 days of starting my first day on the job!! He's such an *******!

 

I lucked out the night before I started work and moved into a new place. He KNOWS that I still live in this city and that I'm now working and on my own.

 

Anyways, its been 2.5 weeks. I've initiated "No Contact." Ive deleted him off Facebook, unfollowed him on instagram and I literally have not looked at his social media at all. (It's taken a lot of self control on my part) And this is what I've received from him so far.

 

1 week post-break up (night before I started my first day at work)-He texted me saying, "Hey your friend sent your clothes to my house. Your jacket and a white top."

(I contacted my girlfriend to pick up my things for me and communicate with him)

He texts me again saying that he talked to my friend and that he was going to give her my stuff. And he said "You can still call/text me if you need. But if you just want to go thru her, I understand."

(I did not respond)

 

2 weeks post-break up -He texted me AGAIN.

Situation: I posted a picture of me at the gym which is 5 minutes down the street from where he lives. 10 minutes later after posting a picture on instagram, he CALLS me. (I did not pick up)

1 minute later he messages me on Facebook incessantly saying, "You still have my baby pictures. Those are very important to me. You don't answer any of my calls or texts. We need to sort things out."

1 minute later again, he messages my BEST FRIEND on Facebook telling her, "When you see her, tell her I really need my baby/family baby pictures back, I would really appreciate it. I would love to give her her stuff to"

My opinion on this is that, he is going nuts over the fact that I'm not responding to him. And who wants their baby pictures in the middle of the night. He could have just texted me he wants his baby pictures back rather than incessantly call me, message me on Facebook and then message my best friend. It was so random.

 

The very next day, I decided to break no contact but straight-to-the-point business on returning each others things. I responded "Hey been busy with work! I don't have your baby pics with me. They are still at my parents house. I'll have it mailed to you. As far as my stuff, I can come get them if u can meet me at this place in a few hours."

 

Anyways he told me to just come park at his place and grab my things. So I did. I dressed up SO HOT because I had a date I was going to afterwards but as soon as I saw him, he handed me the box of my belongings, looked at me head to toe, and said "are you going out?" I said, "Yeah." Then he chuckled and smirked saying, "have fun!" (sarcastically) with a smirk, he went back into his place.

 

I dont understand why he had to act that way. He's the one that broke up with me... so he didn't have to be such an *******. Maybe he's pissed because I literally haven't begged for him back or anything.

 

The night before I came and picked up my things, my gf said she saw him with another girl and they were making out. I honestly wasn't that surprised. My ex was the type of guy that would give his other guy friend's advice on how to get over a girl. He would tell his best friend, "Just **** a bunch of bitches. Don't get attached and show her who's boss." He's really immature honestly. I just wouldn't give him any attention.

 

Well 2.5 weeks later, I'm having fun, going out a lot, hanging out with my friends, posting about it. Pretty much moving on loving my job, my new place, my new roommate, and this new single life. I met a really awesome guy the other night who is SO ATTRACTIVE! Its crazy how time can just make you realize more and more what you deserve the longer u go without your ex. Maybe that's just for girls, I don't know.

 

I was having Sunday mimosas with my roommate yesterday and decided to do an instagram story of us having drinks. This new feature on instagram can show you who's viewed it. Literally 5 minutes later after posting it, the first person to view it was my EX! LOL He's so pathetic. He still checks my social media. I literally laughed so hard. Because here I am not checking his social media, living my own life without needing to mess around with another guy too soon and making myself better. I already lost 5 lbs., working out, having fun at work and improving myself 100% all around.

 

Anyways, its only been 17 days. I can see my ex kinda giving away that he's being immature. I know he's already messed around with a few women but even him and I had this conversation before we broke up that it was going to be very hard for him to let go. It's probably for the best, but I kinda want to see if he comes running back.

Edited October 3, 2016 by Cphoria43

[ExpatInItaly]

While I agree that you're better off without him, you're both playing games. This isn't No Contact.

 

It's almost as though you're both provoking each other to see who will be the first to go running back.

 

If you truly want to move on, block/delete him in any way you can. Keeping the door open to see if he returns is really only hurting you and limiting your progress, in the end. I say that because you clearly still want to know that he's keeping any eye on you. You won't be able to truly let go of him and pursue other, better guys until this ex is inconsequential to you.

[HumanMachine]

Why don't you block your ex??

[VeveCakes]

 

I was having Sunday mimosas with my roommate yesterday and decided to do an instagram story of us having drinks. This new feature on instagram can show you who's viewed it. Literally 5 minutes later after posting it, the first person to view it was my EX! LOL He's so pathetic. He still checks my social media. I literally laughed so hard. Because here I am not checking his social media, living my own life without needing to mess around with another guy too soon and making myself better. I already lost 5 lbs., working out, having fun at work and improving myself 100% all around.

 

 

Im not judging you at all because if you read my thread I am very **** at NC, but checking who viewed as soon as you post to see if he is looking...isnt far off checking his social media. If you truly didnt care you wouldnt be loving that so much.

[aloneinaz]

We've all been where you are right now, especially if we were kicked to the curb. It's hard to not want revenge and to rub something into our now ex's face. Been there done that. It can be quite fun as well. As it was mentioned, it is an indication that we still care about the ex or we wouldn't bother doing it all.

 

What screws with a dumpers heads is when the dumpee simply vanishes from sight after the dumper ends it. They never hear from the dumpee again. The dumpee blocks them and anyone they may know from social media. That stings the dumper and makes them think they didn't mean that much to them anyway.

 

When you're ready to accept the fact that it's over and you need to meet the next great guy, block him on all social media and never engage with him again. That will send a strong message that you're over him and don't even want to bother with any further shenanigans.