Recent break up after long-term relationship and attending same wedding

[warpingmind]

My exboyfriend and I broke up for the second time 3 days ago from a 10 year relationship. He conviced me he felt differently and still loved me to get back to me about 3 months ago. A few weeks after we got back,he got into an internship at another city for 3 months, from which I saw him almost every week he had 2 days off.

I went to visit him there once, we had a mini beach vacation in his days off on another city. I really enjoyed those times. Fast forward to 3 days ago(after end of his internship and coming back) and after an initial "we're just talking" sentence he admited that he had found someone in the internship who wasn't indiferent to him. I told him I couldn't be with someone who wasn't 100% into me.

A friend in common to whom I talked to revealed to me that apparently,last December/January when he was feeling confused if he wanted to be with me for the long haul, he was confused because there was someone who wasn't indifferent to him(a different girl than this time).Our relationship should be based on trust and honesty like he preached in the beggining and he couldn't keep up with his word. It would have matter a great deal if he told me things right there and the thing I did some days before I could have done a few months back.

Apparently he felt like this since 2-3 weeks ago, to which he came by once on his day off and could had told me right there. But he said he wanted to comeback to be "sure" about things. Neverthless,he continued to throw his share of 'i love yous' and having sex with me and asking me to do this and that like it was nothing. And now I know because of a commong he also wanted to break up because he wanted to get on with this girl,but nothing serious (or so he says).

 

So, I'm here,writing this and feeling used and ridiculous for giving myself to him,knowing that I wasn't enough and regretting giving him a second chance. Besides that I'm dwelling with the fact that I have to make a decision if I can attend to our common friend wedding.

I'm doing no contact as it is the best thing to do, but if i decide to go I will eventually have to break it just to be cordial. On one hand I'd like to go not just for my friend,but to prove that I'm better than this and to surprise my ex as he isn't expecting me to go. On the other hand I'm afraid of breaking up into a million pieces and cry as I'm a quite emotional person.

What would you do in this situation and how would you go about being face to face with an ex just a week after breaking up?

[aloneinaz]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It's tough, especially after that length of time together. My advice is to accept that this R/S has endured two break ups now and in his mind, that R/S ran it's course. With that, the sooner you can mentally accept that it's over, the fastest you'll heal from it and move on.

 

We all know that R/S's run their course and flame out. Most of us have been on both sides of the equation. The challenge for us is to NOT take it personally. When someone decides to end a R/S with us, it's not an indictment that we're bad people or not good enough. There's a million reasons why folks reach that decision. Everyone gets dumped, even rich, beautiful celebrities. It's simply a risk we all accept when we date.

 

As far as the wedding? I'd go and have a great time. Hell, find a date for it, even if it's just a good looking friend of a friend who knows the story. Have some fun with it.

 

Then, after the wedding, you need to go strick NC so YOU can heal and move on to someone new. Don't let him keep contacting you to get his ego stroked thinking that you still covet him. Block his number or even better, change your phone number.

 

Once someone tells me they don't want me in their lives anymore, I give it to them. I vanish and block them everywhere. It's not to punish them necessarily but more importantly, it's to put them out of sight, out of mind for my healing. The last thing I'd do is stroke their ego in any fashion.