new info ex G/F not giving closure ...

[vavso]

Original post :

 

Ex G/F will not give me closure I am begging her to set mer free need advice Post: 1 | Quote:

 

My girlfriend says she is "giving it a go " with someone else after 2 years . I want her back but...I am asking her for closure but she will not say its over just stop calling and I cannot talk right now.she also avoids seeing me at the gym as we live near each other . Am I being kept as a just in case ???Does she still have feelings I am depressed Vavso

 

Updated info ... Since I last left this thread My girlfriend has "encountered me " at the gym after avoiding seeing me there for a month she knows exactly when I work out . Also another time on the street . We talked quite politely both times after I asked her about her seeing someone she corrected me by saying that she is "just dating " I let her know that I want her back and that I will not call her but she should call me some time. Everyone agrees this guy is not for her his additionally his wife died 11 months ago and he is unwilling to introduce his 20 and 23 year old daughters to her because they are not ready to meet a new woman in dads life . I know this bothers her as she would want a stable relationship with his familoy as she did mine. I could not give it becasue I was newly divorced but now over the pain.I told my ex G/ F i am traveling to italy this summer and said if we ever were to be together I wanted her with me . She replied lets take things one step at a time . I mailed her a letter a week before this asking her for closure and explaining what I wanted in our relationship if we got back together again asking for closure . She claimed not to have gotten it so I mailed her another copy as per her request.Her response to my letter was that it was "intense" whatever that means . Can anyone give me there opinion on these developments ..... if they are any or am I grasping at straws and pathetic. I think I am the "Back up" in case or when this guy dumps her or vice versa I will saythis guiy has been taking her traveling and suspect a trip cioming up end of april gut reaction but I am pretty convinced . Vavso

[Butterflye]

Hey Vavso,

 

I dont fully know the situation obviously, but it looks to me like she's avoiding you and avoiding giving u closure because she is in a way, and i don't mean to sound mean here, she's too selfish to want to help you deal with your feelings. If she truly cared for you, while she may want the relationship over, she would have been more than willing to talk to you, to try and help you understand the situation, tell you that she does still want to be friends e.t.c. She wouldn't just cut you out...i think maybe she just knows how much you care for her and she doesn't want to have to deal with any guilt or any remorse oveer any pain she's caused you, so she's trying to ignore you.

 

The fact that she told you she was 'dating' someone new, just seems as iff she's trying to tell you that she's moving on - especially if she made such a big point of saying it. However, despite all this, while i think it's selfish, maybe it's her way of coping, her way of dealing with the situation.

 

The 'intense' basically means she didn't really know what to say back.

 

I think maybe, if you give her some space, don't contact her and don't let her know that you will always be there for her. It hurts and you'll miss her and you'll want to call her and text her (believe me, i know), but you have to be strong. Try to keep your mind off her, and then maybe after a significant length of time, just text her to say 'hi, just figured i'd see how u are' - try and be casual. She may respond better to that than you asking her for closure, and then try and not get too emotional about the breakup around her. Suggest you meet up, jsu for a drink, for old times sake, a catch up basically as you do still want to be friends. If you want her back, i will say here, that as a woman, no woman is attracted to the easy. Maybe she'll bring it up herself, apologise, say what you need to hear, but dont push her. It sucks, but it will make you seem so much stronger and you won't feel so powerless.

[vavso]

First off I am a commercially licensed pilot looking for work which means most probably relocating She has 2 kids from a previous marriage so relocating without a commitment ( marriage) more than 50 miles from her ex is not happening. Keep in mind the last year of our relationship I was getting over my divorce so wasnt mr sentimental due to baggage Now i am over the divorce for the most part and she does not believe I am changing and can be the emotional /romantic man she needs I wrote her a letter explaining how i wanted to commit to her and the sacrifices I want to make.s parts of her response :

 

"the only thing is it's soooo late..RIGHT NOW I can not even think in that mode( about us giving it a go )

 

again go into what I though we had or wanted but NOW MAYBE ITS TOO LATE

 

I am dating a nice person and I like him and our relationship AT THIS POINT...... I am not at all giving that up.

 

I have zero faith in you

 

i don't ,TODAY, believe you can do it..

 

I am simple..you are too complicated with so little responsibility I do not get it but my kids are very important to me

 

I don't believe you

 

I am sorry but I know it won't work

 

 

The words I highlighted give me some sick sense of hope in the future tell me I am dreaming or pathetic

I must be stupid but it all seems like right now she feels it wont work leaving a future possibly open . This is screwed up first my divorce now this I am depressed. I have dated a # of girls but cannot get very comfortable with her hanging over me thanks Vavso

[amerikajin]

My girlfriend says she is "giving it a go " with someone else after 2 years . I want her back but...I am asking her for closure but she will not say its over just stop calling and I cannot talk right now.she also avoids seeing me at the gym as we live near each other . Am I being kept as a just in case ???Does she still have feelings I am depressed Vavso

 

Closure - that seems to be what everyone seems to think they're entitled to in a relationship. Screw closure. If the relationship was worth a damn you wouldn't have to worry about "closure". The closure comes when she says "I think we need to see other people," - that's your closure.

[LoveOneAnother]

Always trust your gut instinct. If you feel as though your the back up guy, my guess is that you probably are. If you really want to continue to pursue this. Just back off. Be interested, not desperate. Date other girls!!! That will get her attention.