I want him back, i want him back, I WANT HIM BACK!

[Butterflye]

Ok, well, i'm new here but I am completely screwed up mentally about this guy who has just dumped me. It's probably best to give a lo-down on the series of events in our, i do admit, short relationship.

 

We met in September 2004 and supposedly, when he first saw me, he liked me. The thing is, the same was similar for me and for me, that is very rare. Out of all he guys I have been out with, I never truly like them. I mean, I could quite easily be with or without them to be quite honest. Equally, most guys I'm with, I never expect it to go well. I always assume in a way that they will screw up - which most of them do. I'm not saying I act in a way to make them screw up, or push them to screw me over, but I always keep this bit of knowledge in the back of my head, as in a way, it acts as a protective shield.

 

Ok, so, we met in September and started kind of seeing each other, but after a few times of seeing him, i told him that I am not in for just a fling, that if anything is going to happen, i want to be his girlfriend. I figured it would be best to just get this out early. Anyway, he FREAKED. He completely couldn't deal with me after that. He wouldn't really call me or come round anymore and it was only me making any of the effort. Eventually, i made him talk to me and he said that he just wasn't ready for a relationship, so we broke up. We had been seeing each other for about a month when this happened.

 

After that, I was quite upset because he is a really good guy. Really funny and the kind of guy i've alwasy pictured for myself. However, I suppose I deep down I knew that the 'drama' between us wasn't over. We agreed to be friends, but i didn't really push it. I was moving on really, started seeing someone else (he didn't know about this) and was just becoming ok with being his friend. Then, after about 2 days of me seeing someone new, and three weeks after we'd broken up, he texted me saying how he missed me and wanted to give it another chance. I was a little surprised, but in a way, i suppose i was expecting this a little. We had a talk, and afterwards and agreed to give it another go. I equally told the new guy I'd just met that I couldn't go any further with him because I basically still have feelings for someone else and he was really understanding and we're still friends to this day.

 

So, the second time around, he was really attentive. All the things he had done wrong before - only really in the fact that he had pushed me away - he compensated for. On my part, I didn't push myself on him. I knew how much I liked him and how much I had tried before, so this time, I let him be the one to take the initiative. Things were really good and when it came to Christmas holidays (we are both at Uni), we went to our seperate home towns which are about 4hrs apart but still stayed in contact everyday.

 

This, I think made me a bit more comfortable, so I started, i realise, slipping into old routines. Constantly doing everything I could for him - in this i mean, just always being there for him no matter what i was doing etc, be it 4pm in the afternoon or 3am in the morning! I would always cook for him, always take him food whenever i went to see him, just basically, i put his feelings first.

 

After a while though, i started to realise i was doing this again, and i became a little annoyed at myself for this, as well as at certain things i was feeling about the realtionship, such as how we never really went on proper dates...it was always just us being at his place or mine; me not being able to fully relax around him because sometimes he reacts in such random ways to things. They were all minor things, but things bothering me nonetheless, so i decided to text him to tell him all this, but i made a point of telling him that i really liked what we have, i just want to make things better.

 

After this, he didn't reply to me for two days and when he did, he completely ignored my message and was just acting as normal, telling me about his day, asking about mine. (It is key to point that up until now, he seemed completely happy in the realtionship. Ofcourse, i cannot tell what he was FEELING)

 

Ayway, that evening, i asked him outright about the text i'd sent him and he said he got it, but didn't understand parts of it. Anything i tried to explain them, but he would dismiss them and tell me he didn't have time for this - basically, he thought i was being petty. He tried to move the conversaton on, but i was so annoyed that he would just ignore me like that, i said i couldn't talk to him anymore for now.

 

We didn't talk to each other then for five days, until we saw each other out. We didn't really talk then, but we said hi at the evening before everyone went home. I did invite him back to mine, but he refused so when i got home, i texted him and asked him what was going on. His response basically said how he didn't really know what to say, and i sensed major deja-vu from the first time around break-up, so i asked him what he wants. He hinted then he wanted to break up, but he said he didn't want to do it over text. I was now upset though and said i'd rather know now, so he said i knew the answer and yes, he wanted to break up and he was doing it now rather than later because in about 2 months he would have a placement which would mean he'd be in a different country then and it would just get harder and harder and he wishes he'd met me earlier and i deserve someone who can commit to me how he wishes he could. He basically tried to say he was trying to the best for both of us in the long run.

 

To say i was upset doesn't culminate what i felt. I always knew he would be going away but i honestly thought that if we thought it was worth a shot we could give the long-distance relationship a go when it came to that and if it didn't work, it didn't work. He could come back a year later and if we still cared for each other, we could see if we wanted to make another go of it. I know the second time around we were only together for three months, but I have never, NEVER felt like that over a guy before. He was one of those people for me, that you meet and just KNOW that they are going to be or mean something very significant for you.

 

After the breakup, i tried to get him to just talk to me, but he refused to return my texts, so i equally too, gave up. Then, three weeks later, i learnt from a friend that he was 'fed up' with being single. and how he did want to contact me, but now he just felt too guilty. The next day, i decided to msn him, thinking i'd be the strong one again for the both of us. I did, and i acted really calmly and cool, and he couldn't take it and basically he ended the conversation saying he doesn't understand how i can be like this, he doesn't deserve it and how he appreciates me making the first move and while i may have gotten over it he hasn't and he still needs more time.

 

After this, we've stayed in minimal contact and while he has apologised for treating me so badly at the end, the 'talk' he has been saying we'll have hasn't happened yet, though he promises it will..partly again because he can't deal with it yet. I on the other hand have been really honest with him. I sent him two emails basically just saying how i felt hurt by his actions of ignoring me towards the end, and how i do still want him back, but i also care for him and want to be his friend. I know i've freaked him out and he thinks i'm too 'up/down' and i realise i've taken this way more to heart than i should, and i'm now giving him the space he needs, but i can't help but want him back.

 

I never feel this way over guys, EVER! I have never had such a whirl of emotions where one minute i just want him back and the next i'm so angry at him for putting me through all this and he's having the easy ride because it's obviously easier for him not having to face up to me. I've done all the classic things, tried to justify that he only broke up with me becuase he was freaked out that he was starting to really care for me, but i cannot know this for sure. The other part of me is just scared that he simply just didn't like me enough. (Any guys have any input here!!!)

 

But basically that's it. I still really want him back and i don't know what to do. Should i give him space? Should i tell him i can only be his girlfriend, not his friend. Should i force him to talk to me? Should I let him know I still care and basically still want him back? What?!?! I've never had to go through a break-up i truly didn't want to happen. Completely new at this! And definaltely NOT used to this!!

 

Equally, if you know any tips on how to get someone back, just some advice, i'd love to know. I really care for this guy and when we were together it was really great and i think he feels the same too. I'm not in this for revenge or petty reasons, i wnat him back because i truly belive we are good together and haven't seen properly where this could go yet.

[Butterflye]

I'm just worried that everything is against me. He can be really determined and i'm worried that by me trying to tell him how i want him back that i've just pushed him away. Also, i forgot to mention how his last girlfriend really screwed him up. He was with her all of last year (well, all of laast school year sept 2003 till i'm guessing may/june of 2004) and he was meant to be living with her this year except she dumped him. I don't really know any other details and i'm worried that in a way i was just his rebound.

 

I know in a way that he still thinks i'm attractive but i dont know if this is enough and i'm worried that if i pressurise him i'll just push him further away. He can be very determined and he is very reasoned, thinks more with his head than his heart, which is why sometimes i think he only dumped me because of exams - so he could concentrate - and also because from september, he'll be on a year placement in a different country. I feel i'm losing him because obviously, the likelihood of him wanting me back before he goes away for a year is so slim.

 

Should i just try and get over him, be his friend - he's said that he does want to remain good friends with me...ijust don't think he can do that yet. He still needs space and i know he hates 'clogging up his mind' with al this...like he can't deal with me...and then, next year, when he gets back, see if i still want him and see where things go?? But how do i do that? How do i get him back?

 

We were definaltely good together when we were, how can i make him remember this? How can i make him not so scared to actually just be with me? He thinks i want so much more than i do - major commitment etc - and while obviously, i want commitment in the way that i don't want him to see other people when he's with me...i'm not very demanding in what i want in relationships. I have to admit i'm quite boyish in that sense. All i need is just maybe a text a day jsut to say hi...to say you still remember me!

 

How can i make him not so scared to jsut be with me!!??