Jump to content

Things I've learned


Recommended Posts

pretty soon, I'll have been on this forum for a year... Oddly enough, today makes a year that we broke-up.

 

Honestly, if you're new... The first thing I would do, is listen to the people who tell you to go no contact, yes, you may LOVE talking to the person, you may connect with them very well, but there's a reason why you guys broke up..

 

Especially if he/she broke up with you, it doesn't matter what they say... if you ever hear the words, "I just want to be single, I probably won't be in a relationship for awhile" usually that just means they don't want to be WITH YOU..

 

Also, trying to be friends with them is horrible... even if you have no feelings for them anymore, because a lot of the time, you'll care more about the friendship than they will.

 

ESPECIALLY if you're young, I wouldn't worry about it too much, it sucks... but someone else made this great point...it's like having friends from high school, and over time, you and those people just go your separate ways.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
, but there's a reason why you guys broke up..

 

 

Fair enough.

 

 

But I see that sentence on here all the time. Of course there is a reason, normally someone loses feelings.

 

 

But its a bit ironic because then everyone on here says people change.

 

 

If people change, then the reason you broke up no longer exists. U catch my drift?

 

 

From my experience the physical attraction with exes usually continues to exist. Its the emotional stuff that the problem which maybe just maybe might reset after a long period of time.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Fair enough.

But it's a bit ironic because then everyone on here says people change.

 

People's core personality, habits and ways don't change. They simply don't. If your core personalities cause incompatibility in a R/S, what would change a year from now?

 

 

 

From my experience the physical attraction with exes usually continues to exist.

 

I disagree. Every R/S that I ended, the attraction to them had faded significantly as well. I honestly would of cared less had they jumped into bed with a new guy the next day. I was done and never went back.

 

The only people who are still attracted to their ex are the ones who were kicked to the curb and didn't want the R/S to end.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
People's core personality, habits and ways don't change. They simply don't. If your core personalities cause incompatibility in a R/S, what would change a year from now?

 

 

 

 

 

I disagree. Every R/S that I ended, the attraction to them had faded significantly as well. I honestly would of cared less had they jumped into bed with a new guy the next day. I was done and never went back.

 

The only people who are still attracted to their ex are the ones who were kicked to the curb and didn't want the R/S to end.

 

 

From what I've noticed, including personal experience, this is true...

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
The only people who are still attracted to their ex are the ones who were kicked to the curb and didn't want the R/S to end.

My Ex and I had many breakup/makeup cycles during the R/S. Every time we broke up, I'd hit Tinder/OKCupid and immediately meet many new women. It didn't take me long to get a date soon after the break-up. Most of the women I met who were interested in me, were all pretty awesome. None of them came with the baggage my Ex did and we hit it off big-time.

 

So here's the messed up part. There was one in particular. We were on our 3rd date. We went to see her friend play at this club. She let me know she wanted to date me exclusively. I was really into this girl too. The night went on, I met all her friends and it was great. Out of nowhere, I get a text from my Ex, who I had not heard from in 3 weeks. "I miss you. I need you. Come over"!

 

I didn't even think twice. I just left, got in my car and reunited with my Ex. I never said goodbye to my amazing date. Never even gave her a thought. All I could think about was getting over to my Ex's place as fast as I could. In the end, all my Ex wanted was a booty call, because 2 weeks later we were broken up again and I was back at square one.

 

If I would have stuck to the "No Contact" rule, I believe that:

  1. I wouldn't have jumped back into a toxic R/S.
  2. I wouldn't have suffered another 5 months of hell.
  3. I wouldn't have been extremely rude and disrespectful to my date. (Jerk)
  4. I wouldn't have proved to my Ex what a lapdog I truly was.
  5. I wouldn't have lost my self-respect.

 

This really proves 2 things to me. A: That NC is very important after a breakup. As stated above, there's a reason we broke up, and that reason will continue where we left off. B: That rebounds are unfair to the other person. I was obviously not over my Ex, I really had no business dating right away.

 

I see now that uncompromised NC is really the only avenue to getting out.

Link to post
Share on other sites

 

 

The only people who are still attracted to their ex are the ones who were kicked to the curb and didn't want the R/S to end.

 

Well I have only been dumper a couple of times co can't verify.

 

 

1 ex I was quite cool with the breakup , actually was fine seeing her with a boyfriend a month or so later.

 

 

And from what I recall we had sex about 6 months or so after the BU (maybe later). Yes it was wrong I know but she made a pass at me and I relented.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...