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Broke up with my ex now I want him back!


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So I broke up with my ex 6 months ago, I was with him for 4 years, the reason I ended things was because I was bored tbh I had a new group of friends I started going out more and I guess I got carried away, I started seeing someone new and felt like I didn't need him anymore. He would message me 24/7 begging to get back together and I would just ignore him (now I look back that was a bit harsh) The excitement shortly died of going out all the time and I realised I missed my ex so I decided to contact him after he stopped messaging me for a few days, he told me he started seeing someone else and all of a sudden this panic set in where I just thought '**** what have I done' I told him fair enough and stopped messaging him but then a few days later he told me he ended things because he still had feelings for me (yay) He showed me the conversation to prove he had ended it. We would talk a lot and he told me he wasn't ready to get back together yet but he has plans for us.

 

Then Last week he told me he was seeing someone again and that he would still like to be friends, I was so confused I didn't understand what the hell is going on in his head, that day he also put that he was going on holiday so I don't know if that had a connection. I was on Facebook and I then saw pics on his friends page of him and this girl looking very cosy there were quite a few going back to APRIL!! I was so angry so me being me decided to message her I told her what had being going on and even sent her screenshots, she was so abusive towards me and was with him he joined in and they both started calling me names I was sooo hurt! I probably shouldn't have messaged her but I was so angry. He must still have feelings for me if he's been messaging me and calling whilst being with her?

 

He hasn't spoken to me since and I just called his phone it sounds like he is abroad wtf as it has the international tone, i don't know if he is trying to get me back for hurting him, if he genuinely likes this girl or if he just wanted to go on a lads holiday before summer ends and new I wouldn't approve. I know we can't read his mind but I'm so down and going crazy I need some advice :(

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Okay so let me get this straight, you broke up with him because you're ''bored''?

 

and now that he has moved on and isnt obsessing about you anymore you want him back? I dont mean to be harsh but seems to me like you need an ego boost. Leave him alone.

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have to agree with Nadine.

 

 

this is pretty classic actually. dumpee begs and pleads, gets ignored...just the way the dumper likes it.

 

 

Then the dumpee pulls the pin, starts dating and the dumper second guesses. Pretty messed up given the fact that heartbreak happens amongst all this BS.

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He may take you back but he will never treat you the way he did before. You jumped off of your pedestal out of boredom and wanting to be with other men. Now he feels he can pretty much treat you anyway he wants to because he doesn't have the same level of respect for you that he had before. Not only that but he has another girl involved that he is putting over you. It doesn't look good for you.

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I probably should have been more clear it wasn't really like that, he did mess me around a lot and I was 100% faithful for 4 years but I did get fed up with his behaviour

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interesting point stillafool

 

 

Even my ex who I winge about on here daily, I must say that even though I'm so messed up about her, even if one day I fully recovered and we rekindled or w/e, I don't think I could ever show her that unconditional love ever again. Its weird, its like she is on the pedestal in terms of being unattainable but she is off the pedestal for just being a bad person. This is why love is not enough, they must also be decent human beings who empathise that certain actions hurt people.

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GorillaTheater
I probably should have been more clear it wasn't really like that, he did mess me around a lot and I was 100% faithful for 4 years but I did get fed up with his behaviour

 

 

Which begs the question of why you want him back. Maybe both of you are better off apart.

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I probably should have been more clear it wasn't really like that, he did mess me around a lot and I was 100% faithful for 4 years but I did get fed up with his behaviour

 

Ok. Well you guys still broke up, he is moving forward and now some of the break up shock is hitting you. You want what you can't have. He's showing you that he doesn't need you to be happy, and it's driving you insane.

 

Let it go, OP. You guys broke it off for a reason. Move on like he has.

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this all smacks of ego !!!!

 

 

like, who will WIN !!!!

 

 

I think this is why recons are usually not successful or even attempted. All this white noise of pointless stuff going on post-breakup, you almost forget the reasons for the breakup. hard to reconcile when you can't even remember properly what led to the breakup.

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I probably should have been more clear it wasn't really like that, he did mess me around a lot and I was 100% faithful for 4 years but I did get fed up with his behaviour

 

Listen, you have to know you're being selfish here. It was absolutely HORRIBLE that you messaged his GF or girl he's dating?! Neither deserved that from you.

 

Seriously, leave him alone. You kicked his butt to the curb when you got "bored".. No one can fault you for not feeling it anymore. It happens all the time. But, as is usually the case when the dumped vanished from the dumper and no longer stroked their ego, the dumper gets curious. Maybe they are in a cold streak. Maybe they haven't found the grass was greener. They have some lousy dates or a short, terrible R/S. So what do they do? They reappear and try to settle and fall back to what was once comfortable.

 

It sounds like this guy was carrying a grudge and only screwed w/your head by playing with you. You should've understood this was what his intentions were and just vanished from him. But, you took it to a horrible level of spite which was way uncool in most folks opinions.

 

I had a gal who ended our R/S and I vanished from her life the next day after getting my things back. She never heard a word from me.. What did she do? She explored if the grass was greener. Had a short R/S with another guy that was horrific. It only lasted a couple of months. Now, the holidays were coming and she didn't want to be alone during them. So, she started chasing me again after 6 months, begging for me to come back to her. Um yea, she was told not no but HELL NO. I'd moved on and found a MUCH better GF and would NEVER of considered going back to her again.

 

Maybe your ex has done the same. Seriously, leave him alone and find someone else who will rock your world. People should NEVER try to recycle a failed relationship because it's doesn't work. 99% of the time time, they only try because they are lonely, on a dry streak and try to take the easy path to having SOMEONE in their lives.

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I'm in a really bad place at the moment, I ended a relationship with someone and I shouldn't have, I was confused and thought I would be better off alone but I'm not. He has found someone new and I cannot expect him to come back but I can't get him out of my head, I love the boy and I made a terrible mistake by leaving him. He's all I think about I don't eat I can't sleep I feel sick and now he has found someone better. I've tried begging him back but he doesn't want to know and I fully understand I hate myself right now. I've come to terms with the fact he's happy with someone else but how do I move on from this? It's so bloody hard especially when I created this whole mess. Just picturing him with someone else makes me feel sick and I cannot focus he's been in my life since I was 16 (I am now 23) what have I done :(

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This is a tough lesson learned, OP.

 

You let him go to date others. That was fine, totally the right thing to do if you were no longer into him.

 

You can't really blame him for giving up and moving on. He was honest and told you he was seeing someone else. You messaging the new girlfriend was completely out of line, and it doesn't really matter that you were angry. It was not your place.

 

All you can really do now is remember the reasons you broke up with him in the first place. If he messed you around while dating, then it's better you're not back together anyway.

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Ask yourself this question.

 

 

Would you be feeling this way if he didn't move on so fast and find a new gf?

 

 

answer = probably not.

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I don't know maybe I would maybe I wouldn't but either way I'm hurting and I can't get him out my head it's so stupid because he didn't even treat me that nicely. I wish I could just forget him.

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If he was messing around while in a relationship with you, then this is for the best. From your other thread, I think you're circling back to him because you have no options and your ego is very hurt that he's pulled you down from your pedestal. Hopefully you'll get past those feelings soon and realize that you don't really love him, in the true sense.

 

Stop contacting him. Try and distract yourself. Focus on moving on. You'll get through this. The negative feelings will be there but one day at a time -- it'll pass.

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As a dumper, you sometimes need to look a little further ahead than the simple act of breaking up.

 

 

Of course, normally dumpers just dump coz they aren't feeling it but they are doing that with the mentality that the dumpee is going to sob in the corner for 2 months.

 

 

When your dumping, you need to forsee the fact that the heart you break may one day get strong. You might get some surprises.

 

 

Sounds like he is the real dumper here but.

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Welcome to Loveshack, Blondie.

 

You will get over it, but I understand how hard it is for you at the moment.

 

Telling your story is very therapeutic.

 

You can do that by posting here, writing your thoughts down in a journal, or talking to a trusted person.

 

 

Here's a checklist for you, quoted from my journal:

 

 

Are you eating healthily?

 

Are you drinking enough water?

 

Are you exercising?

 

Are you spending time with other people, family and friends?

 

Are you getting out of the house enough?

 

Are you avoiding drugs and alcohol?

 

Are you doing fun stuff, just for enjoyment?

 

If you are on any prescription medications, are you taking them as prescribed?

 

Are you keeping up with your responsibilities?

 

 

The key to recovery is taking care of yourself.

 

The more you do that, the quicker and easier the recovery will be.

 

 

Keep posting.

 

 

Take care.

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Is it really that you want him, or that you only want what you now can't have? Think back to how you were when you ended the relationship. What's honestly changed to now make him so desirable? I would say the fact he's moved on and no longer wanting you is what makes him desirable.

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interesting point stillafool

 

 

Even my ex who I winge about on here daily, I must say that even though I'm so messed up about her, even if one day I fully recovered and we rekindled or w/e, I don't think I could ever show her that unconditional love ever again. Its weird, its like she is on the pedestal in terms of being unattainable but she is off the pedestal for just being a bad person. This is why love is not enough, they must also be decent human beings who empathise that certain actions hurt people.

 

Most men put their women on a pedestal. Her job is to stay there, or at least that's my job.;)

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He was your first love and therefore your first heartbreak. Everyone goes through it. It is rare that first loves end up together. It is healthy to explore relationships with different people before settling down to marry. This was probably inevitable. You will be okay. Keep yourself extremely busy and get out of the house and definitely off FB.

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Hey Blondie25

 

Really sorry to hear you're going through this right now.

 

Something I picked up on reading your post is that you feel like you did wrong by dumping this guy in the first place, and then again for messaging this girl in anger.

 

Firstly, you didn't do anything wrong when you left him. At the time you must have been feeling like the relationship wasn't going anywhere and we all have the right to get out of a relationship we don't want to be in anymore. Ignoring him afterwards although may sound harsh, is actually pretty normal for a dumper. Not saying if this part is right or wrong, I guess that's different for each person. My dumper has done the same to me, though to be fair I haven't messaged her so she's had no messages to ignore / not respond to. If I had sent messages to her, yeah it would have hurt to not get a reply but at the end of the day NC is a good thing for the dumpee. So on the bright side, you sorta did him a favour in cutting communication and giving him that time to heal. Even though you weren't doing it for his benefit, the silver lining is it would have helped him move on.

 

Secondly it looks like you may be feeling guilty for messaging this girl on social media. Yeah, you shouldn't have done that but again don't beat yourself up about it. We've all done things we aren't proud of when we've been hurt. If I were in your position I would send a message to both him and her apologising for the behaviour, assuring them it won't happen again, then just wish them both well. Not saying you have to or should do that, and I'm sure there are people here that will disagree with sending an apology. It's just what I would do as thats the sort of person I am, so its really up to you if you message or not.

 

Now the hard part, not going to give you a mean comment but it's probably not going to be what you want to hear. Essentially you're right, we can't read this guys mind but his actions are speaking volumes at the moment. He's told you he's seeing someone and he's ignoring your calls. This to me says it all really, he's found someone else and he's putting his efforts into her now.

 

I doubt he is doing this to get back at you. When you messaged him it probably confused him and I imagine it brought up a lot of old feelings which is probably why he said he'd get back together with you. He's clearly had another girl showing interest in him and it looks like he's decided to make a go of it with her instead. I can't imagine it was malicious, I would like to think he just took a step back and assessed his feelings.

 

The best thing for you now imo is to send them an apology for the social media outburst, wish them well, then go NC and focus on healing. Alternatively just go straight into NC and focus on healing (do whats right for you).

 

If you are to get another chance with this guy then its going to have to come from him.

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If you are to get another chance with this guy then its going to have to come from him.

 

Exactly.

 

And considering what I read, he most likely won't try anything. First he told you that he wasn't looking for a second chance, when he told you about the new girl. Then you messed up my messaging her (the relationship is between you and him. She has nothing to do with you guys. Next time keep third parties outside the situation). The guy is confusing too. Overall, it doesn't look good.

 

I agree with The_Good_Me and if I were you, I'd send an apology and proceed with NC. Heal and improve yourself, focus on you. It sucks, but you'll get through it.

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