Did you look at your exes social media for a long time after the breakup?

[Kkristine]

Did it hurt you or help you move on?

 

What finally helped you move on?

 

My story:

 

I was cheated on by my ex of 4 years in June. His new girlfriend also cheated on her boyfriend to be with him. Our breakup was very traumatizing.

 

They are still together. If I didn't look at social media, I would've never know this. In a way though, it's baby steps for me. Looking has completely removed that false hope I had for about a month. I also think they seem to be a perfect match, as they look like they have a lot in common. We never really did.

 

At this point though, I really need to stop looking. His sister is getting married at the end of October, and his entire family is going to be there. I never even met some of his family members, as they live across the country. I was supposed to go. I assume his new girlfriend will be going. Hopefully I've completely moved on by then, but I keep telling myself that I BADLY need to get to a point before the wedding where I no longer care. Seeing wedding pictures will really throw me off balance.

 

However, I know how I am. Even if I was dating someone else at that time, I know I would still want to look.

 

Social media really can be your worst enemy. The first time I went through a breakup, I was 18. We were together for a year. He went to a different school, and I had no way of knowing what he was up to. Those were the days...

Edited August 18, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[ExpatInItaly]

Honestly, I don't.

 

When I break up with someone, they are removed from my social media. That also applies to longer-term relationships.

 

I do so because seeing their updates would be painful and I would prefer to have no news of them anymore. I know it would delay my healing and removing them from FB has worked well for me.

[NIGHT1985]

You don't need to contact your ex or look at their social media period. Trust me. I would of never known how serious my ex and her new guy were if I would of just cut her out completely. Checking up on our ex's serves us no purpose, except for more pain and delaying the healing process

[dragonfire13]

Honestly, social media is such torture when dealing with things post break up. I know exactly what you mean when you look back at a time when this wasn't an issue.

 

As much as I can advise you not to look, I know it's hard to resist the temptation especially with open profiles - I've been guilty of it myself when I'm feeling bored and curious.

 

It really is emotional self-cutting thing though, seeing your ex moving on and being happy especially when you're still hurt and missing them.

 

Best thing I can advise it to try and keep and busy as possible so you have less time to spend on social media. Also, just know that one day you will meet someone wonderful and when you do, that urge to cyber-stalk your ex will subside.

 

As hard as it is, wish them well as a couple and know that you deserve so much better than someone who cheated on you.

[stillafool]

Most people do and it is the most unhealthy thing you can do when going through a break up.

[Kkristine]

Please ignore this post, as I accidentally double-posted. Can someone delete this one? Thank you!

[Michelle ma Belle]

Thankfully I have never dated anyone who had a hard on for social media, and that's including all the younger men I've been with!

 

And even if they did, I know myself well enough to know that poking around such places after a breakup only prolongs the pain regardless of who ended things and even if the break-up was amicable. It serves absolutely zero purpose.

 

The only solutions as already mentioned is to keep yourself busy. It's okay to lock yourself up in your room for a day or two and cry it out but then get up and get on with your life! Baby steps. NC and time are the only cures for heartbreak.

 

Good luck.

[Kkristine]

That's wonderful to see that it has worked for you. Gives me that much more motivation to just forget about it all, and move on.

[Kkristine]

Honestly, I don't.

 

When I break up with someone, they are removed from my social media. That also applies to longer-term relationships.

 

I do so because seeing their updates would be painful and I would prefer to have no news of them anymore. I know it would delay my healing and removing them from FB has worked well for me.

 

That's wonderful to see that it has worked for you. Gives me that much more motivation to just forget about it all, and move on.

[Kkristine]

Honestly, I don't.

 

When I break up with someone, they are removed from my social media. That also applies to longer-term relationships.

 

I do so because seeing their updates would be painful and I would prefer to have no news of them anymore. I know it would delay my healing and removing them from FB has worked well for me.

 

Honestly, social media is such torture when dealing with things post break up. I know exactly what you mean when you look back at a time when this wasn't an issue.

 

As much as I can advise you not to look, I know it's hard to resist the temptation especially with open profiles - I've been guilty of it myself when I'm feeling bored and curious.

 

It really is emotional self-cutting thing though, seeing your ex moving on and being happy especially when you're still hurt and missing them.

 

Best thing I can advise it to try and keep and busy as possible so you have less time to spend on social media. Also, just know that one day you will meet someone wonderful and when you do, that urge to cyber-stalk your ex will subside.

 

As hard as it is, wish them well as a couple and know that you deserve so much better than someone who cheated on you.

 

This is what I keep trying to tell myself! Thank you.

[Kkristine]

Thankfully I have never dated anyone who had a hard on for social media, and that's including all the younger men I've been with!

 

And even if they did, I know myself well enough to know that poking around such places after a breakup only prolongs the pain regardless of who ended things and even if the break-up was amicable. It serves absolutely zero purpose.

 

The only solutions as already mentioned is to keep yourself busy. It's okay to lock yourself up in your room for a day or two and cry it out but then get up and get on with your life! Baby steps. NC and time are the only cures for heartbreak.

 

Good luck.

 

I have realized that time really is the only cure.

 

What really got me to thinking about deleting social media from my life for good was this:

 

My ex reactivated his Facebook, after years of being off of it. He deleted all of our pictures, has a happy "selfie" of himself up. He had lost a ton of weight throughout this last year (for the wedding), and everyone was commenting on how great he looked! Makes me happy for him; makes me sad.

 

I also found out through his Facebook that he transferred jobs to be with this woman publicly, since he was her manager. Makes me feel even more replaced because that's how we met, when I was just a little old entry level girl. He said he had the biggest crush on me, and always gave me good schedules and easy tasks to complete. I was the one to change jobs though.

 

Gotta keep busy, and move on!

[stillafool]

Yes, definitely stay off of social media. Why do you want to be in pain?

[Rng]

It was insta-block on all lines of communication for me during my breakup. I have to say, I have made considerable progress because of it. By keeping around reminders, pictures, and staying connected on social media, you're only hurting yourself and recovery time.

 

At about a month of NC, I'm still not over what happened and I still think about it, but I am not nearly as torn up about the situation as I was.

 

Pro Tip: Stay busy and dive into a new hobby, or a few, that really interest you. If your mind is busy, the thoughts of your ex will be pushed to the back and eventually fade.

[losangelena]

For some reason, I followed my ex on Instagram for like six months after our break up. I felt so much better once I unfollowed. I didn't realize what a huge difference it would make. Like night and day.

[ChickiePops]

I left Facebook after my last break up. I've started a new account purely for work but all exes are blocked. I've never looked back, I'm MUCH happier without social media.

[springy]

I logged off of FB for an entire year after a very painful breakup. Smartest thing I ever did.

[Ocino]

I think people do it looking for any trace of a sign that they still matter in some way to their ex. If you do matter, I don't think it's going to show up on social media. Every time I've done it I feel so much worse, sometimes very sick. I totally advise against it. The times when the temptation become strongest is when you're bored, not when you're sad. But then you soon get sad once you see a pic of them looking 100% happy. It really really sucks and you'll just wish you never did it.

 

I agree with forgetting your ex exists and that includes social media. I just got dumped recently and I'm not in a place to wish that bitch well at all. I hope she rots. But at the same time I'm just trying to be indifferent. I pray for the day when I forget she exists. Ugh.

[BC1980]

I didn't because my ex was not on social media. Something I have noticed here- people who seem to have a lot of difficulty moving on are the ones who still look at their exes on social media.

[Lees_uk]

Day 1 after she dumped me I packed her stuff and posted it to the friend she requested (we are LDR from somewhere extremely remote with no sensible postal service but she is currently visiting UK for 2 weeks, presumably staying with them and their family rather than me).

 

Day 2 I unfriended her on all social media. It hurts like hell as we have no mutual friends or other contact whatsoever. I hope it is for the best because I still love her deeply, we broke up because she couldn't cope with the pain of not being with me in a place with limited internet service versus having the job of a lifetime for the next 12 months.

 

I am gutted. I would do anything to know how she is, even if it hurts. But I cannot.

[TexasGuy12]

I've posted about my very recent breakup on here, so if you need a term of reference for how awful I was doing, you can check out my original thread.

 

During my first period of NC, I checked her social media everyday. It was awful! She tweets a lot, so if she didn't tweet, I'd assume she was out sleeping with her new guy. When she tweeted a lot and didn't tweet or like anything that showed she was also having a tough time, I'd wonder how this wasn't affecting her. When she posted a pic of her and her gf at a party, it hurt to see her again. This ultimately led to me reaching out with a long diatribe of an email.

 

During this period of NC, I have her completely blocked on social media. I am handling this 100 times better, and there's no doubt in my mind that a large part of that is because I have absolutely no idea what she's up to.

 

At first I didn't unfollow her, as i didn't want her to see that as a sign of weakness. I wanted her to think that it didn't bother me to see her stuff, and I relied on my self control not to look. Bad idea. Every time I had a sad period or had something negative happen in my day, it would push me over the edge and I didn't look. Even though on Twitter, you can still look at her tweets when she's blocked if you click the button, I still have not done so. It's another barrier that makes it easier not to look, and I'm doing so well that I don't want to know what she's up to.

 

Plus if she wants to reach out to me, she'll find a way. I don't need to leave the lines of communication on social media to give her an opportunity to do so.

 

So, don't look! Take it from me, someone who's going through exactly what you're going through.

[asphyxis]

I did up until 2 weeks ago. I thought blocking would hinder rekindlement if he ever tried. Surprisingly, I'm shocked he never blocked me. That's what he's done with all his previous relationships he's said. I feel much better than I did before since we have A TON of mutual Facebook friends, so I was always seeing him in my feed even though I removed him from Facebook.

 

It's normal to want to look and see what's going on with them, but it hinders the healing process. Block and maintain NC. If they want to talk, they will find a way to talk to you. Believe me.

[Kkristine]

I did up until 2 weeks ago. I thought blocking would hinder rekindlement if he ever tried. Surprisingly, I'm shocked he never blocked me. That's what he's done with all his previous relationships he's said. I feel much better than I did before since we have A TON of mutual Facebook friends, so I was always seeing him in my feed even though I removed him from Facebook.

 

It's normal to want to look and see what's going on with them, but it hinders the healing process. Block and maintain NC. If they want to talk, they will find a way to talk to you. Believe me.

 

That ^^^ actually really helps. While I think he is a very stubborn person, if he truly wanted to get in touch with me he would. Even if it were to just apologize. Watching their relationship grow on social media is irrelevant.

[Kkristine]

I've posted about my very recent breakup on here, so if you need a term of reference for how awful I was doing, you can check out my original thread.

 

During my first period of NC, I checked her social media everyday. It was awful! She tweets a lot, so if she didn't tweet, I'd assume she was out sleeping with her new guy. When she tweeted a lot and didn't tweet or like anything that showed she was also having a tough time, I'd wonder how this wasn't affecting her. When she posted a pic of her and her gf at a party, it hurt to see her again. This ultimately led to me reaching out with a long diatribe of an email.

 

During this period of NC, I have her completely blocked on social media. I am handling this 100 times better, and there's no doubt in my mind that a large part of that is because I have absolutely no idea what she's up to.

 

At first I didn't unfollow her, as i didn't want her to see that as a sign of weakness. I wanted her to think that it didn't bother me to see her stuff, and I relied on my self control not to look. Bad idea. Every time I had a sad period or had something negative happen in my day, it would push me over the edge and I didn't look. Even though on Twitter, you can still look at her tweets when she's blocked if you click the button, I still have not done so. It's another barrier that makes it easier not to look, and I'm doing so well that I don't want to know what she's up to.

 

Plus if she wants to reach out to me, she'll find a way. I don't need to leave the lines of communication on social media to give her an opportunity to do so.

 

So, don't look! Take it from me, someone who's going through exactly what you're going through.

 

I've been doing to same thing. I overanalyze EVERYTHING that is posted. "Oh, she hasn't tweeted in a while, but she did re-tweet something sad, maybe he's not with her anymore!"

 

It's nice to know that avoiding it really does work!

[Trinity_84]

One thing my ex asked me while we were breaking up was to not unfriend him on Facebook. I didn't for a couple of weeks, while I thought a reconciliation was possible. Once I realized it was over, it was the first thing I did.

 

I have checked his profile maybe twice since the BU 6 months ago. The first time I did I was drunk and ended up sending a friendly message. The second time I saw something that upset me, so I haven't checked since.

 

We still have some friends in common on FB so his comments pop up from time to time, but in his picture he looks so awful it makes me almost sad for him and it reminds me why I broke up with him.

Edited August 20, 2016 by Trinity_84

[TexasGuy12]

So I was browsing on Twitter and accidentally saw a picture of my ex - not even a picture she posted, but her Twitter profile picture, because someone else mentioned her in a Tweet. Just seeing her picture made my heart sink in a way that it hasn't all week.

 

So please, please, please - take the advice of someone who's been where you are now. DO NOT LOOK! DON'T DO IT. You are SO SO SO much better off not even knowing that they exist, having no clue what they are up to.