I thought I moved on. I thought I was finally happy. Why am I living the pain again?

[Mira222]

He was my first true love, it didn't last long, just a couple of months but oh my god those were like years of heaven to us. We were so happy, so in love, he was excited and actually wanted an engagement but I thought we should wait. Everything was going so damn perfect and I could tell he loves me, it showed not just in his words and eyes, in every single piece of him. He treated me like a princess and he was so happy and grateful for this relationship. We felt like we finally found our soulmates.

 

And the usual scenario happened, he woke up some day and decided that he doesn't know what he wants, that it doesn't feel right and that he don't know what to do ... etc. I felt so broken, like my world is falling down, I never begged or asked him to stay, just said that I love him abd that if he's willing to see what went wrong and work on it then am in. But if he just *doesn't feel it anymore* then fine, let it be a breakup. He said good luck with your life and I never loved anyone the way I loved you and all this ****.

 

Anyways, this was 3 months ago, I went through some REALLY tough time at the beginning, do I even have to tell you guys how it feels like? Am sure we are all heartbroken here and we know what that feels like.

 

He never texted or called neither have I. Neither of us did anything, like what we lived and felt never existed.

 

I was there for myself, I gave myself the time to grieve, I cried so hard, let it all out in poetry and music. I decided to pick myself up, to love and appreciate it. I know I deserve better, and I know this will pass someday. My life completely changed after that, this breakup by far has been the worst and the best thing that has ever happened to me. I truly began to love myself more, to appreciate the little moments of happiness and the laughters i share with ny friends. I learnt how to make myself happy on my own and not wait for anyone else. I practiced my hobbies and became a dedicated runner. Everything was getting better, he never left my mind but i knew I was healing. I was growing and I was learning. I never hated or blamed him, always wished him luck and decided to focus on the fact that I had a great time in this relationship and I was able to know what loving and being loved is all about, he treated me like a princess and always loved and appreciated me more than I ever dreamt of. And for this experience am really thankful.

 

It's just that, I was going really well, I thought I moved on, but now all of a sudden I can't stop thinking about him ... I just miss him so much. I don't want him back and I would never get back to someone who just let me go like this in a blink of an eye without any reason at all. I will never forget how I felt, how that was the worst feeling i have ever had in my entire life. But I just can't help but missing him, can't help but loving him, can't help but wondering how the hell is he not missing me. I don't want him, I just want to stop missing him, I want to completely forget about him and I want those repalses to stop ....

[Darien 76]

Hi Mira,

I was just reading your post and looking for some strength to get through my own days. You're not alone and I just wanted to say that your strength to move on is very admirable.

[HumanMachine]

Go out with friends, party, travel, date, pick up a new hobby.. Anything to keep your mind off this guy.

 

You'll get there.

[heartfeltlove]

If you look up how breaking up with someone is like getting over a drug addiction, you will see that they are almost the same.

Quitting drugs is not difficult to begin with. in fact, most drug addicts are able to stop their drug intake very easily. However, at some point a short while in, they hit "The Wall". And all the craving, the desire the need, comes back in with a vengeance. They get seriously difficult withdrawal symptoms and it's like going through hell again. I think you just hit the wall. The danger for drug addicts is that, if there is no support network, or they're not in rehab, they are all too easily tempted to take drugs again. And there is nobody there to help them or stop them. What a lucky thing for you that you found this forum. This is your rehab...so the members here can help to coax you and encourage you to move on, and get well soon.

[Redhead14]

He was my first true love, it didn't last long, just a couple of months but oh my god those were like years of heaven to us. We were so happy, so in love, he was excited and actually wanted an engagement but I thought we should wait. Everything was going so damn perfect and I could tell he loves me, it showed not just in his words and eyes, in every single piece of him. He treated me like a princess and he was so happy and grateful for this relationship. We felt like we finally found our soulmates.

 

And the usual scenario happened, he woke up some day and decided that he doesn't know what he wants, that it doesn't feel right and that he don't know what to do ... etc. I felt so broken, like my world is falling down, I never begged or asked him to stay, just said that I love him abd that if he's willing to see what went wrong and work on it then am in. But if he just *doesn't feel it anymore* then fine, let it be a breakup. He said good luck with your life and I never loved anyone the way I loved you and all this ****.

 

Anyways, this was 3 months ago, I went through some REALLY tough time at the beginning, do I even have to tell you guys how it feels like? Am sure we are all heartbroken here and we know what that feels like.

 

He never texted or called neither have I. Neither of us did anything, like what we lived and felt never existed.

 

I was there for myself, I gave myself the time to grieve, I cried so hard, let it all out in poetry and music. I decided to pick myself up, to love and appreciate it. I know I deserve better, and I know this will pass someday. My life completely changed after that, this breakup by far has been the worst and the best thing that has ever happened to me. I truly began to love myself more, to appreciate the little moments of happiness and the laughters i share with ny friends. I learnt how to make myself happy on my own and not wait for anyone else. I practiced my hobbies and became a dedicated runner. Everything was getting better, he never left my mind but i knew I was healing. I was growing and I was learning. I never hated or blamed him, always wished him luck and decided to focus on the fact that I had a great time in this relationship and I was able to know what loving and being loved is all about, he treated me like a princess and always loved and appreciated me more than I ever dreamt of. And for this experience am really thankful.

 

It's just that, I was going really well, I thought I moved on, but now all of a sudden I can't stop thinking about him ... I just miss him so much. I don't want him back and I would never get back to someone who just let me go like this in a blink of an eye without any reason at all. I will never forget how I felt, how that was the worst feeling i have ever had in my entire life. But I just can't help but missing him, can't help but loving him, can't help but wondering how the hell is he not missing me. I don't want him, I just want to stop missing him, I want to completely forget about him and I want those repalses to stop ....

 

You may have been "triggered" by something -- you saw or heard something that reminded your subconscious. Sometimes it's just the way the light falls that triggers people. There's not a lot you can do about it, except that when it happens, you simply have to dig down deep and gather resolve to push it away. Go out, turn on some loud music, turn the TV up, call a friend, make car repair appointments, hair/nail appointments to try to break the loop.

[Mira222]

Hi Mira,

I was just reading your post and looking for some strength to get through my own days. You're not alone and I just wanted to say that your strength to move on is very admirable.

 

Thank you so much Darien, it's a battle we have to win against ourselves. You too stay strong, I know we can make it.

[Mira222]

If you look up how breaking up with someone is like getting over a drug addiction, you will see that they are almost the same.

Quitting drugs is not difficult to begin with. in fact, most drug addicts are able to stop their drug intake very easily. However, at some point a short while in, they hit "The Wall". And all the craving, the desire the need, comes back in with a vengeance. They get seriously difficult withdrawal symptoms and it's like going through hell again. I think you just hit the wall. The danger for drug addicts is that, if there is no support network, or they're not in rehab, they are all too easily tempted to take drugs again. And there is nobody there to help them or stop them. What a lucky thing for you that you found this forum. This is your rehab...so the members here can help to coax you and encourage you to move on, and get well soon.

 

Thank you so much for this. I don't know what drug addiction is like but I'm quite sure it's the closest thing to breaking up with someone you love. I truly hope this is just a relapse that will pass soon. I have gone a very long way and I don't even have the energy to start all over again. I will get through this, I am a strong girl who knows what she deserves, I will make it.