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Still living together - how to NC?


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Hello,

 

My girlfriend of almost 4 years (we're both 27) moved to my hometown 4 months ago, where I started working on the family business a year earlier - I was previously living in her city, and that's where we got together. She came only because of me, although she managed to relocate and keep her job at the bank she works for.

 

We were so in love and had anticipated this for so long that I never believed we wouldn't work out, but it seems there were some deeply rooted issues in our relationship that came to the surface after she moved were. She wants to leave, but can only do so in October - 3 months from now -, and we're in the process of moving to our new apartment.

 

I still love her and believe our story's not over yet, but we broke up and got together so many times this month that I feel she's exhausted, and fear this time it's the end.

 

We still have to live the next three months together, and I'm desperate for advice. I know we can't move on while living together but the alternative - her moving to another place and living alone - is unbearable to me. I feel extremely guilty for bringing her to a place she dislikes and is unable to leave, and also for potentially damaging her career because of it. But to live with her and not be able to touch her and kiss her is also tough. What do you think I should do?

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You ask advice to do NC while living together but the rest of it reads to me in between the lines that you truly don't want to do true NC.

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You ask advice to do NC while living together but the rest of it reads to me in between the lines that you truly don't want to do true NC.

 

You're right, I don't. I just feel that she's through with it and want to minimize the suffering of us both. I'm tired of the emotional rollercoaster aswell.

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You're right, I don't. I just feel that she's through with it and want to minimize the suffering of us both. I'm tired of the emotional rollercoaster aswell.

 

No way to do NC when you live under the same roof. Limited contact at most. The only way to eliminate suffering is for one of you to move out.

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One of you needs to move out asap.

 

Living together in the aftermath of a breakup is all negatives, no positives.

 

Let her go.

 

 

Take care.

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We still have to live the next three months together, and I'm desperate for advice. I know we can't move on while living together but the alternative - her moving to another place and living alone - is unbearable to me. ?

 

So her moving is an option? You just don't want it because you have hope? If so, you're not truly invested in NC. If you were, hard as it is, you'd be willing to separate and live elsewhere if it's a possibility.

 

I honestly have never broken up with a person that I live with or even work with, so usually NC is straightforward. If I lived with someone though, and moving was an option, I'd do that, as I can't even imagine how to begin healing while living together.

 

Talk to her about what she wants to do. It's not a crime not to be ready for NC but being honest about this is important in deciding how to proceed.

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