Jump to content

So it happened. GF with Bipolar cheated and left me.


Recommended Posts

She left to Athens last friday and yesterday i received message that she had terrible hangover while drinking too much wine and getting known to locals.

 

She cheated.

 

Then she sends all kinds of text messages to me like "I can't control this sickness, my head is out of order. You deserve someone better and all i do is hurt everyone around me etc."

 

I didn't respond and few hour later came another text "Are you ok? I am not ok. My heart beats like crazy, i feel terrible and awful etc". I did not read the message fully. I coudn't give a rats behind anymore.

 

Then few hour later, another text: "I know i don't deserve a response from you but i want you to know that i care about you very much. I am worried about you". What a load of BS.

 

Again i didnt read the full message and did not respond.

 

Few hours later my phone rings. She is calling me!! She hasn't called me in 3 months and NOW she calls me from ATHENS. I didn't respond. Didn't send any good nights messages or good morning messages.

 

This is the exact same pattern she did on me before. She dumped me once at new years eve, and the same thing happened then. She dumps me, few days later started the phonecalls and "im so sorry i love you i care about you". I was stupid even then. Yes.

 

I was in a pretty, pretty dark place last night. I had too much alcohol and i basically passed out to bed. Not my proudest moment. Also i was mad at everything and everyone, so here comes the overreactive nature again.

I had so much adrenaline in my body. I should've gone to ER to get some medicine for my state. But i did not break anything etc. I just went completely berserk.

 

 

My plan is to go to doctor and ask for emergency medication IF something like this happens again i can take a pill and cool down. At least some kind of therapy. I wonder it myself too why i take so much abuse from other people.

 

I am pretty cool and easygoing usually but when i get angry i really do get angry and that scares me so much. So much negative thoughts. It really didn't help when brain just imagines a vision where some greek guy is bangin my GF.

 

But i forgot, she cares so much about me and just wants me to be well :lmao:

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2

Good work with the NC. Brilliant.

Now, just keep it up, and make sure you don't relent and give in.

 

Yup, see your doc, and more than (or in addition to) meds, get some counselling.

 

Your emotions may not be a bad thing.

Manifesting them, may not be a bad thing.

Controlling and channelling them though, would be great.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Good work with the NC. Brilliant.

Now, just keep it up, and make sure you don't relent and give in.

 

Yup, see your doc, and more than (or in addition to) meds, get some counselling.

 

Your emotions may not be a bad thing.

Manifesting them, may not be a bad thing.

Controlling and channelling them though, would be great.

 

Yes, i was proud not answering to her. I really wanted to send something like "drop dead" or something evil. But i didn't.

 

What makes me sad is she blames her illness. It's known that people with bipolar have problems with their actions...but to blame it on sickness?

 

If you know you hurt people because of your sickness, you should get help.

 

Anyway, i try to talk with her face to face when she comes back (if she comes) from Athens.

 

I already sent a long message to her mother because i really do care about this woman. I told her mother about her behaviour and how she is acting towards her kids and forgetting to take her own medicine etc.

 

I don't want anything bad for that person. I do love her.

 

I am just too tired to care anymore. I need to concentrate on myself now.

Link to post
Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2
Yes, i was proud not answering to her. I really wanted to send something like "drop dead" or something evil. But i didn't.

 

What makes me sad is she blames her illness. It's known that people with bipolar have problems with their actions...but to blame it on sickness?

 

If you know you hurt people because of your sickness, you should get help.

I have a relative-by-marriage who is also bipolar and in spite of being under a psychiatrist AND taking medications religiously, they STILL find it easy to blame their condition "I couldn't help it, I'm bipolar, my psychiatrist says it's understandable". They project any personal responsibility onto their condition and expect others to accept this, make allowances and excuses for them, and forgive everything, because they're not in their right mind....

Ha bloody ha. Not on. Sorry, not accepting it.

We have now not spoken for around 10 years. And that's fine.

 

 

 

Anyway, i try to talk with her face to face when she comes back (if she comes) from Athens.
I would really, really REALLY advise you against doing this, totally.

If you are maintaining NC now, don't open that door when she gets back. That's just subjecting yourself to yet more trouble, heartbreak and unhappy, angry confusion.

 

If you know an iron is on, and the hotplate burns, are you going to keep tapping the hotplate - or unplug the damn thing?

 

I already sent a long message to her mother because i really do care about this woman. I told her mother about her behaviour and how she is acting towards her kids and forgetting to take her own medicine etc.
Good. Then let her mother take care of it. She is her next-of-kin. As such, being family, she has a direct connection and some responsibility. You don 't.

 

I don't want anything bad for that person. I do love her.

 

I am just too tired to care anymore. I need to concentrate on myself now.

Correct.

Which is exactly why you should NOT see her when she returns.

Seriously, don't.

Link to post
Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly

There's no sense meeting her when she comes back.

 

I have a feeling you're not done with her, sadly. The fact that you want to try to meet her face-to-face indicates that.

 

You need to delete her number. And never talk to her again. Period.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

She sent me some messages she tried to send me last night. "did you get my whatsapp messages?" No i didn't because i blocked her. Anyway now i caved and let her send me the messages and said i did not want to talk with her last night because it would have just lead into a huge fight. And i don't want to fight over phone into foreign country.

 

message 1:

 

"How are you? I know you hate me right now and i am a shi**y person...Remember to take care of yourself."

 

Message 2:

 

"I am reading this book (about bipolarity) and trying to understand my head. I am not really like this...now i just have to see how i do or will i end up in a mental ward soon..."

 

Message 3:

 

"I am going to sleep. All i can do is sit and feel anxious. I feel so terrible when i think how much you are in pain....i think of you. I would have loved to hear you (note: when she tried to call me). But i understand how angry and dissapointed you are. Maybe we don't have anything anymore and i just bring your stuff at your place or somewhere. Try to sleep."

 

This i received just now:

 

"...my heart is not calming down before i get medicine at home. Pretty rough when your heart beats 100 times a minute...well, at least i get what i deserved but i am afraid about everything right now. I have been thinking if boys should move away since i am such bad at parenting..."

 

How about reading that kind of book when you got diagnosed 2 years ago?! It's never too late, but still.'

I somehow feel bad for her. I can only imagine how terrible it must feel when you realize what you have done.

 

I should've not contacted her. Just let her sulk and feel terrible >:)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Try an experiment - terminate contact for a month, meaning completely block any form of contact means, and see how you feel. Dealing with a mentally ill person can induce psychological unhealthiness of its own. If she wasn't your GF, rather someone on the street, what would you do? Her actions have put her back on the street, IMO, one of the billions. No one will ever care more about your mental and physical health than you do. Do what's best for you.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

She wouldn't have been able to cheat on you if you had taken the advice of many in your last thread to dump her because she physically hurt her child.

 

Obviously there's nothing you can do about that now, but this is just another example slapping you in the face that this woman doesn't love you. She doesn't even respect you.

 

My question is, why don't you respect you?

 

Short of physically assaulting you, this woman is running out of ways to demonstrate that she has no respect for you. Forgiving her for this on top of everything you've tolerated is only going to reinforce the idea to her that she can treat you however she wishes.

 

Maybe listen to the people here this time, instead of pushing back and pretending that we're the bad guys here who are just picking on you, when the real issue is her. And to a certain extent, you, too.

 

Follow carhill's advice and block any means this woman has to contact you. Facebook, phone, email, carrier pigeon. Be done with this nonsense. You keep saying you can be happy alone. Time to put your money where your mouth is.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2
....now i caved and let her send me the messages and said i did not want to talk with her last night because it would have just lead into a huge fight. And i don't want to fight over phone into foreign country.

......I should've not contacted her. Just let her sulk and feel terrible >:)

 

So let me get this straight: If we all advise, urge and suggest you do NOT contact or respond to her - you go right ahead and do it.

 

So, what would happen if we changed tactic and told you instead to welcome her with open arms and maintain a connection with her for as long, and as strong as possible?

 

Would you drop off her radar, disappear from her life and ghost her?

 

No?

 

What will it take for you to stop beating yourself in this masochistic way?

 

You have opened the door again to being used abused, trodden on and taken for a sap, and doing the same old thing over and over again.

 

You have to give yourself a chance to heal, move on and be whole again.

And constantly dealing with her, is absolutely NOT the right way to go about it!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

She started to create her web again...trying to lure me in...

 

But there is some positives here. She finally understands she is a bad parent and is thinking giving kids away.

 

And she actually read that book about her illness. That is also a good thing.

But she blames the illness for everything..

 

AAAND, now she just sent me a facepic of her lying in bed and wishing good night. She hasn't done that in months. "Good night. Sorry about the pic. I miss you...i probably shouldn't but...but..." and moments after "i am sorry about everything..."

 

Is she TRULY sorry, or is this her illness speaking?

 

I talked with my sister and we are trying to come up with something so we could get me talking with therapist. Even my sister and father wondered why i take so much abuse and why i tolerate it so much. Because i don't enjoy it, it has to do something with my childhood/teen years. Maybe because when my mother died, and i saw how my father tried everything in his power to save her. So maybe there is a strange connection there.

 

I did not go any therapy when my mother passed away. That's one possible thing i came up with. Possible.

 

But i really need to keep my head cool now...

Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't worry about what she's dojng or why she's doing it. If either of you is serious about fixing yourselves, the first step is to be completely single and stop trying to blend your baggage with someone else's baggage

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77

It would be simply callous to lay the blame on only one of you for the drama-laden Greek tragedy that is going on between the two you but it's fair to say that this particular relationship is very toxic to the both of you. Neither of you is bringing the best out of each other, which is essentially what a successful relationship should be.

 

Stop wondering about her state of mind and focus on yours; in all fairness, she could probably do with being given the exact same advice.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Yesterday i felt quite ok. But today i am having a very bad day. I saw horrible nightmares about all of this. I even saw dreams about her banging another dude few days before she left. Those are horrible dreams to have.

 

And she doesn't care about me... she did not even say if she's on her way home, maybe i should not even care.

 

Funny, how she says she misses me but then doesn't say anything like "i am on way to airport now" or anything. So she just said to make herself feel better "if i say like this, i am sorry and feel better for everything".

 

I really need to get to a therapist. Only problem is that they cost money and i don't have money. And the lines to public health are almost a year long....

Link to post
Share on other sites

At the very least, you can begin some semblance of healing by simply cutting contact completely from this woman. No amount of therapy is going to help if you're still communicating with this trainwreck.

 

 

Hopefully you've noticed that not many people are participating in this thread. I think people are a little burnt out on offering advice for you and then you reporting back that you took the path of least resistance once again.

 

In case that doesn't make sense, staying in touch with this woman is the path of least resistance.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
I coudn't give a rats behind anymore.

 

Good. Excellent state. Keep returning there. ;)

 

I am pretty cool and easygoing usually but when i get angry i really do get angry and that scares me so much. So much negative thoughts.

 

You know what, anger is a completely normal response and you should not fear it. When you suppress it then it becomes a monster within that lurks and does what you're experiencing. Feel your anger in the moment (doesn't mean you need to act it out) but feel it, then you don't feed that monster and create a demon in your life. You have plenty of reason to be angry and it's time to recognise this instead of trying to be nice to everyone, support others etc. **** that. It's time to support you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I went to my GF's place last night.

 

We talked, and then i was obviously pissed, and she did not want to listen to me what i had to say, about how i feel etc. so i grabbed her shoulders anmd moved her in front of me and said in a firm tone "NOW....listen to me." I did noy yell, i did not call her names. I simply got pissed because i was hurt, she hurt me and now she didn't even want to listen what i had to say. I feel bad for that but i am human.

 

Anyway, after that we talked and aat one point she started crying. Said she was sorry about everything, and how she once again has hurt person close to him.

 

Anyway, we talked, we hugged, she even smiled once. She gave me the slippers she bought me as souvenir, i left them at her place since i have no use for them at my home.

 

But then i got home...and few hours after i left. Messages.

 

"You have to be honest. HAVE YOU CALLED THE SOCIAL WORKERS because they called me today?!?! It really is NONE of your business how i raise my kids. You have no idea what it takes and how hard they are to raise!"

 

Well it isn't. But if i see that she can't even handle herself. I had to say to her "HAve you ever thought that you can't handle the kids and yourself..." She should be darn happy i even care about her kids!!! I really do!

 

"You should also go to a therapist (she is right) to get some anger management lessons so in next relationship you don't get angry and if you ever happen to have kids so you manage them".

 

SO. Now it's MY FAULT for being angry and pissed. SHE did the bad thing here. I did not yell at her. I did grab her shoulders and moved her in front of me. But 99% of the time we sat on couch and talked. I was calm, she was calm. I do understand i should not touch anyone. I did not lose it, i just wanted her to listen. I felt so disrespected, she had cheated on me, hurt me, giving me all these mixed messages and did not want even to listen what i had to say.

 

And now she blames me for everything. Now i am the bad guy here. I give up.

 

Im going to take all the stuff she has given me and bring everything back to her.

 

This is going too far. I don't care anymore if she is sick or not. I have not deserved this. I have done nothing wrong to her in the whole relationship.

 

She was worried "you're going to hate me the rest of your life..." I said no. But i guess she really wants me to.

 

She wants to fight with me. She is just pushing and pushing and pushing until i lose it so she finds an excuse maybe to sue me, or just a perfect reason to break up (there is a reason already). For some reason she wants to have a fight. For some reason she wants me to hate her. Because this is how i will hate her.

 

I really don't wonder anymore why her ex's send those kinds of messages to her. She has probably put them through hell as well. This is not even hell. This is purgatory. a Nightmare and when you wake you up you realize you'd rather see that nightmare again than be in real life trying to hande this situation.

 

Going to hit the gym. I need to let my anger out in a good way.

Edited by Protec
Link to post
Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2

Here is where you made your biggest-ever mistake:

I went to my GF's place last night....

 

May I ask, respectfully - why don't you listen to advice?

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Why are you involving yourself in this drama? *throws hands up in the air*. I agree with the others, you're just addicted to it at this stage. There is nothing anyone can say that will talk sense into you. You sound co-dependant and hell bent on being in a relationship with a disaster of a partner. But I guess it keeps your life interesting.....:roll eyes:

 

And when I said feel your anger I did NOT mean....take it over to her house. I meant use it to see that this is no-win situation and propel yourself into no contact and commit to doing something useful for you.

Edited by Buddhist
  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

How long can you do this for Protec?

 

Why did you go over?

 

Why?

 

You are repeating yourself.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
Here is where you made your biggest-ever mistake:

 

May I ask, respectfully - why don't you listen to advice?

 

I don't know anymore. I had so much anxiety last evening, my heart was going burst out from my chest. I didn't know how i should be. So i went to her place.

 

Talking with her helped me. I felt better after that. That's why i went there.

I wanted to get answers. But afterwards as she sent those messages, i felt like crap.

 

i called her today(wanted to ask about those messages last night) and she was just worried about her fishes and told me she had a terrible nightmare. So i guess she doesn't really give rats ass about me.

 

All that "i miss you..." stuff was just a manipulation to make herself feel better. And the crying last night, probably just another manipulation attempt. To make herself feel better. She's like it never happened.

 

She really is

heartless

 

Now i need to take all the stuff she has given me back to her. Maybe i drop them on her porch. No note saying "thanks for everything." No, "i will always love you", nothing.

 

That's what i need to do. But where on earth do i find the strenght to do it?!

 

Or maybe i just hand them on her hand. Maybe i just pop up, hand the stuff and "bye".

 

I dunno. Now i need to relax. I just came from gym and i actually feel great.

I really missed going to gym. I've been sick a lot lately, probably because of all this stress. And very tired mentally.

 

I will give up on alcohol, currently i weigh 96kg's. I've gained 6 kilos since i met her. No wonder. So i need to concentrate on my physical and mental wellbeing.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Link to post
Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2

AGAIN!! You called her again!! My goodness, what the heck is wrong with this picture!!?

 

ONE: Ask a friend to take all the stuff back.

TWO: Keep away from her!

 

Delete her number, block it off your phone, and quit plunging your whole arm into the fire, let alone your hand!

 

Fort goodness' sake man, you know, people here are going to stop giving a rat's behind about you, if you deliberately choose to NOT help yourself!

 

People are going to stop responding, if all you keep doing is kicking our help back in our faces!

 

Even if you were in therapy, I doubt it would help, because the therapist would strongly advise one thing - and you'd promptly go out and do the total opposite!

 

I'm almost of the mind that you should go out and get a new phone , put a whole new number on it, and NOT put any of her details on it, at all.

I would advise all this if I thought it would do any good, but for one problem:

The big problem would be, that in all probability, you have memorised all her details and changing your 'phone would be pointless.

 

You really have to exercise a little bit of will-power, even if you hand your 'phone to someone else to keep for a while.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara
I don't know anymore. I had so much anxiety last evening, my heart was going burst out from my chest. I didn't know how i should be. So i went to her place.

 

Talking with her helped me. I felt better after that. That's why i went there

 

You sound like an addict. You keep reaching out to her to ease your discomfort but it is only a temporary fix. Dropping off her things sounds like another excuse to feed that addiction to get her attention.

 

This cycle will keep repeating until you are able to separate yourself from this toxic situation. These types of relationships can leave you with baggage and emotional scars that could negatively impact any relationships you have in the future.

 

I hope you find the courage to let go before this destroys you and ruins your chance at finding a happy and healthy relationship.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

The anxiety is growing again. There is not simply enough things to do to keep the anxiety away. I was at the gym today, it helped. I have played videogames, it kinda helps. I have no idea how to fight this anxiety away.

 

It's like a hole inside my chest and it keeps growing and growing. Heart starts to beat faster. And all my mind can do is imagine her having fun and being happy with her darn fishes and kids. While i am alone at home, suffering.

 

If i wouldn't have this feeling i would be allright. But I have no clue how to fight this off.

Link to post
Share on other sites
ManyDissapoint

You need to remove this person from your life. The longest journey starts with this step. The pain is temporary. It is hard in the beginning. Start exercising. Go for jogs and lift weights. When you feel the urge to talk to her, lift more weights. Do not tolerate people who disrespect you in your life. Time to be a man.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...