Miserable Ex making me feel miserable

[LovelyDoll206]

So my ex has always been a miserable person, it took me a long time to see that. He would go on and on to everyone about his sob stories about his mother abandoning him, his stepmom and stepdad gave up on him, how he was put into foster care and how he was once homeless. He is 23 now, we met when we were in our late teens and he is still mad about his childhood and always brings it up for him to have excuse why it's okay for him to feel sorry for his self.

 

I lost my mother at 17, never grew up with a real father. My mother was my everything. It took a while for me to be okay, but eventually I was. I always carry my mother's positive spirit with me, still do things with love, try and live positive and happy and never use the loss of my mother as a sob cry cry story but moreso in a positive light and let people know you can still be happy after facing a huge family loss.

 

I have done pretty well for myself and still strive to continue going. I have came along way! Back when I was with my ex, his miserable problems became my mine too. He was never ever happy and always kept wishing for me than what he had which he was already blessed with a lot and came along way out of homelessness. He was never happy for me when I came up on a success, be it little or big, he would just say "Cool". And no matter all the positive things I had done or am doing he would always remind me that I still have more things to do. For every positive outlook I had on something, he would think of a negative right away and just crush every dream I have. I became miserable, negative and depressed.

 

Now, that we have seperated. He sees me doing well for myself. He got jealous of the fact that I'm able to take my sister on a trip for her post-graduation. Isn't that something that should be admired? He's mad that I have flexibility and great income. He told me that I should take a "real job" only for me to downplay myself so he can say he makes more money than me. He brags all the time about what he has and how I don't have it because I don't flaunt it like it does so I must not have it. He went as far as saying I am uninvited to a mutal friend's son's birthday party and if I show up he will embarass me in front of everyone and say really nasty things about me. Now the mutual friend says no matter what he says I am still invited and that he has no business saying that I'm not to a party that isn't even his! He also said something negative about my mother. Along the lines of if my mother was so great like friends and family say she is, why am I such a poor reflection, she must not be the woman everyone says she is. He has never even met my mother!!! It's been a couple of days after the fight but all that he said has gotten to me. I was soooooo happy and doing so many wonderful things, always active and productive. Now I feel so sad and miserable inside :'( Why are people like this?!

[MsJayne]

It's called 'projection'. He's projecting his own unhappiness, insecurities, fear of failure, on to you. It peeves the hell out of him that you're doing well in life and moving forward. As far as threatening to badmouth you at a friends party, really? He doesn't realise that it will have no reflection on you and people will just see him as a weak, pathetic creep for doing that? He's a loser, I'm glad you got rid of him. Now get rid of him altogether, don't even give this jerk the privilege of your friendship.

[basil67]

This guy is toxic. Ideally, you'd remove him from your life. But as he is in contact with other friends of yours, you can probably only unfriend him on social media and block him from 1:1 contact with you.

 

It's good that the host of the party has your back. If this guy continues to undermine you in ways like this, always make sure the host is aware. Hopefully, he'll get dumped from the group if he keeps it up. And if he continues to undermine you and the group doesn't drop him, you may want to rethink who you have as friends.

 

At any rate, don't feel bad about unfriending him and blocking him - someone who uninvites you to a party should not be treated as a friend.