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I am the dumbest person ever! (kinda long)


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I hope that my sharing this experience and whatever responses that I get will help someone else--I know that just sharing this will help me!

 

I met this chick about 10 months ago in my regular watering hole. She is SMOKING hot, built, dark hair, and she is close to my age and has no children and has never been married. When we met, I was just chatting with her and she said that she was not looking for a relationship or anything. I said, "I don't recall offering, but thanks for the tip."

 

We ended up talking a while longer, and she said, "Whatever you're doing, it's working." So she gave me her number and asked me to call her. I did. We talked a few times briefly, and one night she asked me to meet her at another bar. I did. It was fine, but no big deal. Our communications then degenerated into phone tag. She would always call very late into the night when I was sleeping, or whatever. When I called twice and she didn't call me back, I said "Screw it" and didn't call her anymore. No big deal. I wasn't hurt or anything. At this point, I wasn't all torqued out over her or anything.

 

A few months went by, and on my way home at 3:00 in the morning, I decided to call her. I passed the bar where I had last seen her, and figured I'd call her in the middle of the night and see how she liked it. I expected her voice mail, but lo! she answered. We ended up talking for a couple hours (Mistake #1).

 

The next day, she called me and we again talked for a long, long time. She mentioned that her birthday party was coming up, and she really wanted me to go. I felt weird about the whole thing, simply because I don't know any of her friends or anything and that's always weird, but she said I could bring a friend, so I went.

 

My friend and her best friend immediately hit it off, so good for him! The birthday girl and I were getting along fine as well, and I was a hit with her friends. That isn't that unusual, as I am very social and popular almost everywhere (not to sound arrogant...).

 

As the party was winding down, she and I were sitting in my car, and her friends were begging us to go inside and eat a late night snack. We ended up kissing in the car, and decided just to split. We went back to my place, and spent all night and most of the next day in bed. We didn't have sex (I got to third), but that was fine with me. When I dropped her off at her car, we kissed goodbye and I went home to sleep.

 

And now, the madness begins....

 

She calls me from work the next day and asks me to promise her that I'll never try to "get on her" again. She says that it isn't a usual thing for her to make out with her friends. I told her I would never promise that. I said, if we go out and I am dropping her off I wouldn't try anything, but if the vibe was there I was certainly going to pursue it. She said that she could live with that and would never bring it up again. I didn't think too much of it at the time (Mistake #2).

 

I had to go out of town for a couple days, and my cell doesn't work where I was . When I get back into town, there are 10 or twelve messages, all from her. I don't remember them all, but the one that stands out was, "Oh, so now that I am addicted to your personality you are ignoring me!" which was said in a light-hearted way. So I called her, and she was ecstatic to hear from me. We talked for a while, and made plans to get together on our days off (they are the same, oddly). In the meantime, she began to call me five times a day. At one point she asked if that was too much and if it bothered me, and I said no. (Mistake #3).

 

Oh, and she left her watch at my house. We rendezvoused at the place where we met, and talked for a while and then she said she had to leave. It was all fine, and I gave her the watch. She then hugged me and left.

 

The next day, she called and said, "Last night didn't go well, so we should just stay phone buddies." Huh? That threw me for a loop, and the next four times she called I tried to clarify what she meant but she just dodged it. Sure enough, we ended up haging out again and it was as if she never said that. Yeah, I hung out with her again (Mistake #4). While we were hanging out, the little voice in my head screamed "Run! Get away from her immediately!" So I ignored my instincts and kept hanging out with her (Mistake #5).

 

As I am getting to know her, she is telling me all about her past. She is a very sexual person, which is some ways rules and in others is filthy and off-putting. She would call me and tell if she masturbated, ask me how often I do and what I think about, how much she used to love sex but now she doesn't have a sex drive, and on and on. From her descriptions, she and I would have a great time in the sack, but she even goes farther than I would about some things. She wants to have two men, for example. She also loves porn. All of this stuff is, of course, piquing my interest and both repelling me and attracting me simultaneously (Mistake #6).

 

This goes on for a few months. She said once that we couldn't have sex because if we did we would be a couple and that wouldn't be cool. She referred to our sleeping together often, and how it was never going to happen and that she didn't want me waiting and hoping for that to happen. I told her that I wasn't (Mistake #7), but that I wasn't going to rule anything out, I wanted to just let the relationship go in whatever direction it was going to go in. I have had several of these before, and in all but one instance I slept with them and two became serious girlfriends, so this didn't particularly surprise me (Mistake #7). Also, she asked me how well endowed I am, and told me she had a dream that I was HUGE. She mentioned several times that our relationship was different from other male-female friendshipos she had because we have a sexual component also.

 

Anyway, she would bring up that aspect of our relationship frequently, but would also say things like, "If we do end up being together, you know it will be forever" and things like that. I reached a point where I didn't know if I was coming or going. Beyond that, she can be paranoid, and has some serious emotional issues, for which she was perscribed medication. She took various meds for ten years (and was hospitalized for a time). A few years ago she decided that she wasn't going to take any of them anymore (that was before she met me). She is gernerally down all the time, and complains about it a lot. She also told me that the last two times she tried to have sex she didn't feel anything. Am I running for the hills? Nope. (I am an idiot #1).

 

We went to a concert together, and she began acting like a slut. I had never seen her like that before, and it really bothered me. So much so, I made the decision right then that I wasn't going to hang out with her anymore. Did I stick to my guns after that and tell her so? Nope (I am an idiot #2).

 

One day on the phone she told me that she loved me, and that she honestly felt that God sent me to her. She isn't a deeply spiritual person per se, and I am an atheist but I took that as a compliment and also found it a little weird. If God sent me to you, wouldn't you do whatever you could to keep me around? Actually, I can answer my own question because she HAS kept me around. (I am an idiot#3). We get the vibe sometimes and then she'll kill it.

 

Well, we were hanging out one night and I was feeling fed up with the whole thing. She asked me what I got out of our relationship and I said, "Absolutely nothing." She then said that if that was true, I shouldn't hang out with her. I told her that was my thinking exactly. We then had a marathon talk, and I told her that if she had anything to say to me she should say it now, because I wasn't going to talk to her again. She kept making adjustments to our situation like suggesting once a day calling rules, etc. She said that I was great, and that she didn't like it when I said that if she got a boyfriend we wouldn't be friends anymore (that also goes for my getting a girlfriend). I told her that if she thought she could find someone with whom she could connect better than we do why is she wasting her time with me? She should be out trying to find him. This alarmed her a little, and she emphatically stated that she has been up front with me the whole time and that I have known her feelings all the way along. That isn't true, as she is the absolute queen of Mixed Messages, but I let it slide. She also said that this talk felt like a "boyfriend/girlfriend breakup thing". Duh. As she got out of the car, she said, "Well, I guess we'll just let things go on as they are, I'll call you tomorrow." I told her not to, and that I would call her--meaning I wouldn't ever again.

 

My sister told me to not ever call her again after that. My little sister rules! Anyway, the chick in question called me three times over the next ten days, and I didn't call her back. Finally, she called and left a message that was angry, saying, "I am deleting your number and never talking to you again! You are just like all the others (!?) and I hate thinking of you like that!" So what do I do? I call her back. (I should be horsewhipped #1).

 

So things go back to the way they were. GREAT. (Mistake #8). There are instances where she skeeves me out, and I told her about the serious one, and she kind of blew it off.

 

Every time we hang out it's fun sometimes, lame most of the time, and sucks lots of the time. In fact, we'll be having fun and just before I leave she'll say something that has me feeling like **** for days afterward. It's horrible. She'll say things like when I get a realtionship it's sad that we won't be as close. She then immediately mentions me getting a girlfriend having the same effect, and that she wants me to be with someone who can give me everything, and that she is sorry for all her hang ups and whatever. SHe also said that when and if I do have a real relationship it won't be as intimate as ours is(!). GREAT.

 

A few weeks ago, we went out drinking and went back to her place. She rubbed my back a while, and then I proceeded to give her a foot massage. I went up her calves, and was really getting into it, as was she. I asked her to put different pants on becuse I couldn't get as high on her leg as I wanted, and she did. Then it got even steamier, and I began kissing her legs and feet and REALLY getting into it. She began to moan and that spurned me on further. I began rubbing her through her pants, and all was fine when she said, "Wow, it's like we're having sex." Duh!

 

She stops me, and says that when she sleeps with friends it gets weird. At this point we are way more than friends but only a little less than lovers. All my friends refer to her as my sexless girlfriend, and of course don't understand what I am doing at all. She then says that she never wanted that from me, and she shouldn't have let it go as far as it did. I am, of course, wigged out at this point, but the next day she calls as if all is totally fine between us. I act the same way. (Shoot me #1).

 

She is also bothered by the fact that wherever we go, people think we are a couple. I don't say anything to anybody, nor do I hang all over her. It is all based on the way we interact, I guess. But it happens all the time.

 

We are hanging out another time and as I am getting ready to leave she says, "We aren't going to hang out like this anymore! I can feel it!" I have no idea what that means and tell her so, and leave. The next day, no call. I call her the day after, and get the impression that she is dodging my phone call. So I don't call her again either. It was a rough couple of days, but thanks to my sister and some long drives for work I was feeling really good until my day off. She calls as if nothing happened. I didn't answer the phone, and her last message was, "I know we haven't been talking like usual, but call me!" The next day she calls, and I answer the phone. She is all happy to talk to me and invites herself over. We hang out and she acts as if the previous conversation never happened. She said at one point when I wasn't calling her back she thought that I was mad (I was), but that she really wanted to talk to me. She then began to compliment me on hope funny I am, how smart I am, how popular I am, and blah blah blah. All things I already know, of course. People tell me that all the time. As she leaves, she tells me that she really missed me and it was great to see me. Back to before. GREAT. (Please kill me #1).

 

Phew! Sorry for the length! A few nights ago we are hanging out, and she says that one night she and I are going to go out and that she's going to meet some guy and "it'll just be sex" and then she'll be back (whatever that means). She also said that it could be me who does that, too. In all honesty, I have had sex with other women while I have known her, and she knows that, but I never hit on other women around her and it isn't like I look for it or anything. It just sort of happened. I told her that she could do whatever she wanted, just as long as she didn't do it around me. I don't hit on girls when I am out with any women that I know, and they don't hit on men--even though we aren't dating. It is just unseemly. I told her that. I also told her that I thought she was filthy, and she said that she wished she could be filthy again.

 

Of course, her little comment wigged me out, and I felt like crap when I was home later. The next day I had to help her with some errands and work on her car, so I go and get her out of bed and we spend that day together. As usual after comments like that, she compliments me, and says that I rock, and is all huggy, and whatever. She also told me still more sexual stuff. I was at a party last summer, and some guy gave me a porn video catalog, and she grabbed it and thumbed through it. She saw a sex toy and and began to ooh and aah and talk about how nice some of the toys were. In the house I showed her a weird web page about "human to equine transformation" that some chick made, and she said, "grab my mane and ride me and I won't even try to be a horse!" or something like that. Lots and lots of sex talk during the day. Great for me. It feels weird even writing this now. Gawd.

 

So she calls as usual and mentions leaving the catalog at my house (I told her she could have it). I told her it wasn't all that great, as it is just promos for videos with little actual porno in it, beyond the toy ads. She said that she didn't want it then. She went on to say that she felt great yesterday, and wishes she felt like that always but doesn't. She sleeps all the tie and wouldn't go out at all, really, if she didn't go out with me. She wasn't wearing a bra, which drives me crazy, so I had to try to concentrate on looking at her face. I mentioned that we would get the vibe sometimes and that she'd kill it, and that she herself said we have a sexual chemistry, and she said that went away after I didn't talk to her for that ten days (which isn't true, but there it is).

 

So here I sit. I want to get out, but I am not sure how to do it. I don't want to be mean, and I don't really have any hard feelings, I am just tired of feeling skeeved out all the time. The fact is that I am not sure I even like her very much, it is just that I want to sleep with her so bad--which would probably be a huge mistake also (not that any mistakes have stopped me in the past). It's one of those things where I have put all this time in anyway, and it could be right around the corner, so if I just stick it out then it'll all be gravy. But I have had the feeling several times that if we did start having sex once it became routine I'd be looking for any exit I could find, and it would be worse than it is now.

 

I know I did all this to myself, and the good thing is that I am using the experience to learn about myself, which is great. There has got to be something going on with me that allowed all of this to happen in the first place.

 

So, fire away on any ideas of what to say or how to do it so I can rid myself of this and move on with my life! I hope one day I can get the idea of sleeping with her out of my head, and not regret never getting to. I am so stupid....

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Man, just say NO! Be strong, ignore her and leave her alone. She sounds like a crazy person and I just can't believe you've been putting up with her this long!

 

"ALL FOR THE NOOKIE" !?! (That you didn't get!)

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I don't know who's crazier...her or you! I am leaning toward you at this point, since she sounds like a deranged undercover whore who may not know better, but you sound pretty normal, primarily because you KNOW how wrong all of this was!!!

 

I was intrigued to read a posting called "biggest idiot on earth" and kept thinking to myself...there is no way...

Well, its up for discussion.

 

Okay, in all honesty, I appreciate your honesty. I have heard of people doing crazy things for love, but if you don't love this girl, please run the other way. I would hate for this to escalate into anything violent or scary for you. Certainly you can find another smoking hot chick out there who isn't a total psycho.

 

I wish you luck...and listen more to your little sister!!!

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dude get out know i mean it man......i went thru something like this i just think the girl i dealt with was more mental then yours but still it looks like there on the same page which can't be good for you

reading this i thought you were talking about her

 

i met a girl she was all mental and suicidal and crazed and i don't even know but she was out there and i like you was thinking about the nookie but when she let me get to third and we stopped then the next day she was telling me how i should marry her and we were going to have kids i ran the other way.

 

dude run away fast as you can change #'s do something

cause if you finally do have the nookie your going to be worse off than you ever thought ........she'll start giving you the line "i can't live without you" .........and calling you at all times crying asking you why that was all you wanted

 

 

it isn't good just trust me and run end this as ASAP.

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