Atlfalcon9000 Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 Hello everyone, about a year ago I met and befriended the most amazing girl. We met in our last year of college and became pretty great friends. The best part was that I knew, after countless late night conversations and hysterical laughter, that this was the girl that I needed to be with. She initially didn't have any interest in me and made it known countless times that she just wanted to be friends. I did a pretty good job with not overwhelming her in my attempt to woo her while still being a good friend to her. A few months (as the intimacy in our conversations deepened and the hours spent together increased), I had finally "won" her out and had gotten her to fall for me. This was about 6 months after we met. From that point on, everything was magical. It just seemed like everything we did together and talked about just made us grow deeper and deeper in love with each other. We became transparent with one another, developing similar values while understanding each other on a whole new level of intimacy. We dated for about 8 months and then came graduation. What I didn't mention was that she was an international student from Asia while we were attending university together in california. The stress of post-grad life was stressful to think about and was something that we initially got through together by talking about our future plans for ourselves and with each other. We agreed that we would try our hardest to make things work day by day. However, this is when things got icky. We were so accustomed to the freedom and convenience of the college life that we didn't really think about how the real world would actually affect our relationship. It's been about two months since she went back home and things have already become shaky. I'm preparing to go to grad school and she's working a job at a company full time and it has become increasingly difficult to keep in contact. We both know what our priorities are but I believed that we would also keep each other a priority without compromising school and work. Recently, she has been telling me that she felt suffocated with the mundane text messages and phone calls, which I don't blame her for. I realize now that it is my fault for expecting her to text with me constantly. With so much clinginess, its inevitable that we'd run out of things to talk about. When I ask her if we would be better off just being friends so we could focus on ourselves, she says she doesn't want that because she doesn't want to lose me. She isn't interested in anyone else and when we talk/skype, she's completely genuine when she tells me that she loves me. We agreed to take a break for a week but she still wants me to call her at least once every other day, and I agreed that I wouldn't text her anymore. After consulting other articles, most people say that when someone wants to "take a break" the relationship is practically over, but why do I have this hope that we could still make it work? Someone tell me I'm being obsessive and need to snap out of it!! lol I'm just a little lost on what the right thing to do is at this point. Even with complete trust and love, it just seems like the distance and time is taking the win on this one. With her career and with me going back to school soon, I probably won't be able to see her for quite a while. When I ask her what she wants, she says she doesn't know. That usually means I should end it right? Seeing that we have no actual short term or long term goal for each other as of yet and are just "going with the flow". She is everything to me and I know that even though we haven't even dated for a year, we are both perfect for each other... I'm just trying to be realistic about what the right thing to do is. I love this girl, she is my heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 This situation sounds really tough. Obviously only she can decide what is right for her, but it doesn't mean you have to give up right now. If you really want to be with her, give it some more time, but prepare yourself for the possibility that it might not work out. If it begins to cause problems in your life, you'll know what to do. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
PocketBlues Posted January 21, 2016 Share Posted January 21, 2016 Hi, I think long distance relationships only work if there is a real clear chance for the couple to be together. Until we create devices able to connect our brains, text messages and phone calls won't cut it. The fact that you are not experiencing things together, that you are not feeling each others body often enough, will make the relationship fade. If you want to be with this girl you need to come up with an actual plan. How are you going to be together? What can you do? You have to help her find a way to live where you are. Find a job. Maybe book a flight for her to come see you or for you to see her. If you want to be with her it needs to be your priority. Waiting for things to work out by itself won't do much. In the mean time, if you want to keep the connection, you have to do more than just chatting. Try for instance to watch movies together, or even better, pick up a good series to watch. Then you count 1, 2, 3 and play it together while on Skype. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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