healthyhopes Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 Please see this post here for earlier info... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/559056-i-want-him-boyfriend Before we were fwb, we had a "text-lationship" which I was ok with. At some points I didn't like it as I like progression in my friendships, and in other points I found I really didn't want to meet him at all. I think he was stringing me along, but I was stringing him along equally at this point. Whenever we sat each other in person, I had made efforts to avoid eye-contact or interaction, so I feel as if I may have perpetuated this. Later I initiated fwb... you can guess what happened from there. After I caught feelings, I told him that I wanted a relationship, and he said that the chances of anything happening between us was "very low" and that he still wanted me as a friend. It sounded as if he was stringing me and my attention along. Lately, whenever I see him he is blatantly looking for my attention (saying things outloud that would pique my attention, acting very loud and showy around me), and attempting to see whether I look at him or not. It is absolutely opaque and mind-boggling. He hasn't, however, attempted an actual conversation with me yet (though he did talk to me once or twice, but I brushed him off) Every time he reaches out I either ignore him or act very nonchalant, as if I don't care. I am livid. At first I was sad, and grief stricken... but now I am absolutely pissed. All I see is ego. I know this isn't entirerly who he is, though he is overly-confident and more self-centered than others, but I would like to think I was more than just an ego rub (though I do realize that is all that i was now) However, I also can't get him off my mind, no matter what I do. Somewhere in the back of my head I am thinking of reconciliation, and I can't toss this thought no matter what. I want to be seen as something of higher value (though I know no contact is the best way to do this...) so -what can I do to get him out of my head (I don't want him there!! But I can't stop thinking about him! I've tried everything!) (entire no-contact is not possible as we are in a class together) -the original plan was to contact him in a month and see if there was a way I could be actual friends with him (no text-lationship, no fwb. Just inviting him out and seeing what happens). Do you think this is a sound plan? Or is this the last vestiges of crazy-making? Link to post Share on other sites
Samhain Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 First of all "text-lationship" sounds incredibly immature. I'm not sure if it's a sweeping new phenomena or just something very young people do to avoid having adult conversations. Don't invite him out at all. Stay away from him. Anyone who ever says the chances of us having anything are very low" but still has sex with you is "very low" too. FWB is supposed to be a mutual agreement between two people who want the same thing. Continuing to prod at someone (no pun intended) when they've made it clear they want more, is kinda crappy. But, you really made it that easy. He wants nothing from you but sex. And you are belittling yourself by allowing that, just because it's the "only" way you can have him. Have some self respect, please. The fact you are even thinking of contacting him in a month, to ask for a friendship says it all.. You know he won't contact you, so you have to wait a month to beg his friendship. Do yourself a favor, because in a couple of years time you will look back and hate yourself for this, stay away from him. Work on your self esteem, and learn how to know when you deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 2, 2015 Share Posted December 2, 2015 No, I don't think it's a sound plan. He didn't string you along; he told you chances of anything more were very low. So you knew what you were getting into. Now he's just looking for that ego-stroke again. I don't see why you would want to be friends with someone who isn't interested in you, when you are. This will not help you and will likely only cause more pain for you. Keep your distance. As the other poster said, your future self will thank you for it. Link to post Share on other sites
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