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Broke up with him four times...


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So I am struggling with my breakup. I dated this man for two and a half years. A great guy, a good guy, wanted nothing more than to spend his life with me. I thought I did, too, but there were issues, mostly money and sex, and I turned into a total shrew. I broke up with him four times. The time before last, he begged me back, said he wanted to marry me. It was very difficult. He said he would make some changes, and he did, but they just weren’t enough. I couldn’t get back the feeling that I had had for him. It didn’t matter what he did, I just couldn’t get back that feeling. So I ended it this past Sunday, and it’s over for good, I believe. He’s done, he says, and said that he told me that if this happens again, it’s over. I completely understand how he feels, but now I feel lost and scared and what did I do kind of thing. This man wanted to be with me forever. I’m not young. I’m 60 and he’s 57, so it’s not easy to meet people. We had a lot in common, have a lot of the same friends. I’m a complete wreck and anxiety-ridden. I wonder what is wrong with me???

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Well..

 

I am believer that just as you can fall out of love with someone, you can fall back into love with someone.

 

My Ex of 10 years told me at lunch a few weeks ago that she almost broke up with her boyfriend due to losing the spark but she took a step back and with a bit of effort from herself, she said the spark came back.

 

I think if u have truly loved someone, even when you apparently fall out of love... there is always a potential to love that person again.

 

You sound pretty convinced that you have zero feelings. Well maybe you never loved him and then that might make sense.

 

Whats made it difficult here (as it was my last relationship), he has tried to step up his game and he knows it...yet apparently that wasn't enough for you. The fact he was trying is going to make the break-up tougher on both ends for sure.

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Thanks for your thoughtful response. I just don't know what to do at this point, because for the first time, he is saying leave me alone. He says he's done. And now I'm wondering if I really screwed up.

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You need some time to get your thoughts together. When you are ready, and when your are sure, reach out to him and say sorry.... If he truly loves you like you said, he will accept you back.... but make sure this time around you know what you want in your life. If it's him, then its worth trying and asking for a chance.

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60 years old, and you're still thinking like a friggin' teenager. It's true, isn't it? Only our bodies get old; the mind gets stuck at a much younger age.

 

I don't have to tell you that if you weren't happy with him, then you weren't happy him. End of story.

 

At 60, I'd think you're comfortable enough with yourself that living the rest of your life unmarried is not that big a deal. In some ways, it has to be preferable, and certainly, it has to be preferable than being stuck with someone when you're not all in.

 

Snap out of it. When faced with reality, you made a choice. It wasn't a frivolous choice, I'm sure, so rest easy. You did the right thing. Now leave him alone so he can find himself a nice 45 year-old "hottie". Sorta just kidding. Sorta. Anyway, whether he does or not, it has no bearing on you now.

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Lol, Mightycpa, LOVE your response. Yes, I still think like a teenager, and happy about it - some of the time, lol.

 

All that you said was refreshing and hit home for me. Thank you!!

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