Freaking out when girlfriend suggested breakup drove her away

[eightninevision]

My ex-GF is the young (24 y/o), pretty damn hot, shallow type. When she sat me down to talk about her confusing feelings about our relationship two months ago, I basically lost it, cried, told her I'd be crushed if we broke up. Then she took the plunge and dumped me the next day. She was definitely on the border prior to that conversation, saying things like "this is the most confused I've ever been, I don't want to make a mistake." I feel like I made it so easy for her by appearing weak.

 

Then I deleted her on social media after she dumped me, which she said was "immature" and I know she saw it as another sign of weakness and caring a lot, boosting her ego further.

 

Basically, now that I'm in a slightly better spot, I want to call her out and be like "I know you seeing me get emotional and me deleting you on social media when we broke up turned you off and that's BS." Just to see what she says. She's the emotionless "Ice Queen" hot girl type who is turned off by anything "feminine" in a man. She thought I cared so much that she assumed she can do better. This is how young, hot, arrogant chicks are, IMHO. I was blind to it because she had been doting on my the day before and I trusted her to take my feelings differently.

 

In other words, she had started playing a game long before I did, and I got burned even worse for it. Had I known that she's a heartless, fickle person I wouldn't have opened up like I did. Now I'm regretting inflating her ego and wish I could say something...anything...to bring her down to earth.

 

I'm probably not going to say anything, even though there's A LOT I'd like to say. I'm assuming you'll all say that deflating her ego is best achieved by not contacting her. Woof, life sucks sometimes.

[basil67]

She's shallow, arrogant with a huge ego and an Ice Queen attitude. Why did you even date her? Surely you can do better than this.

[eightninevision]

She's shallow, arrogant with a huge ego and an Ice Queen attitude. Why did you even date her? Surely you can do better than this.

 

She was different when I was courting her (she was courting me in fact). And when we were together. Up until the moment I cried when she suggested it might not work out. I remember her crying a bit, then I was choking up, then saw her straighten up and look slightly confused and stopped crying. Then I stopped...then when I started crying again further in the conversation she stopped crying and looked confused. She walked out the door and never turned back, despite having been ALL OVER me the previous 7 months.

 

When I deleted her on social media she said it was "like a 12 year old." She took it as a sign that I am weak and that she's too good for me, I know this for a damn near fact.

 

Part of the problem is that I knew all of this about her, but ignored it because she was behaving differently towards me and I have a savior complex. I thought I was bringing the best out.

 

Anyway, in regards to deflating her enormous ego, I'm assuming never talking to her again is the only route.

[basil67]

Part of the problem is that I knew all of this about her, but ignored it because she was behaving differently towards me and I have a savior complex. I thought I was bringing the best out.

.

 

So the takeaway from this is to look at how a partner acts towards and around others and realise that they will treat us the same way eventually. A person's behaviour towards everyone needs to be considered when deciding if they are worth dating.

 

And beat that saviour complex out of yourself. You can't save anyone - they can only save themselves.

[Glass Hut]

How long did you date this?

[Woggle]

Why do you want to be with such a woman?

[eightninevision]

Well, honestly it was a ton of fun when we were together (7 months) and we never fought. We had a lot of long-term plans that just vanished over night.

 

She behaved as an arrogant Ice Queen to dudes at bars, etc. Not to me. Until the day she dumped me. Then I became a dude at the bar.

[anika99]

If she is truly the heartless cold shallow person you describe her to be then she is not going to care about anything you have to say now. As a matter of fact, she will likely see this kind of conversation as yet another display of weakness.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I'm really confused. Why are you calling this girl "shallow" "arrogant" and an "ice queen"? And everybody else on here going along with it??

 

Sitting you down to talk about her confusing feelings isn't shallow or arrogant. It's good.

 

This might sound harsh if a person has conflicting feelings and then the other person unleashes on them emotionally it's not hard to figure out that that might push the conflicted person out the door completely. If you "call her on her BS" she's just going to be more sure she did the right thing by ending your relationship.

 

I understand that your feelings are hurt and maybe the only way you can deal with it is to villianize her. I guess that's okay if that's what you need to do. But I wish you wouldn't. :(

[eightninevision]

I'm really confused. Why are you calling this girl "shallow" "arrogant" and an "ice queen"? And everybody else on here going along with it??

 

Sitting you down to talk about her confusing feelings isn't shallow or arrogant. It's good.

 

This might sound harsh if a person has conflicting feelings and then the other person unleashes on them emotionally it's not hard to figure out that that might push the conflicted person out the door completely. If you "call her on her BS" she's just going to be more sure she did the right thing by ending your relationship.

 

I understand that your feelings are hurt and maybe the only way you can deal with it is to villianize her. I guess that's okay if that's what you need to do. But I wish you wouldn't. :(

 

 

So ignoring whether or not she's an arrogant ice queen, you're the first to actually comment on the real question here. When she told me about her conflicting feelings I didn't unleash on her, I cried (controllably) and told her I loved her. That's when she ditched completely. In that same convo, prior to me saying I loved her, I had said I understood the desire to breakup and accepted it. At that point she was like oh wait, Idk if I want to.

 

So it seems it was all a game and she wanted to see if I would be crushed by her leaving me. When I showed that I was, she was satisfied.

[eightninevision]

If she is truly the heartless cold shallow person you describe her to be then she is not going to care about anything you have to say now. As a matter of fact, she will likely see this kind of conversation as yet another display of weakness.

 

This I agree with. She has been extremely short in our convos since the breakup and has said things that make it seem like she thinks she's truly better than me. "im not going to coddle you. I'm not going to give you false hope." those statements might be true but it comes from a young girl who just before the breakup was head over heels for me, the only explanation is that my behavior made her think she has greater value than me.

 

And further displays of "weakness" (aka telling her I still love her or that I want to try again) will only confirm it in her mind.

 

She has self described "mommy problems" and was barely emotional during the breakup. Completely unable to express her feelings other than "I'm confused, it happened overnight, and I have no feelings for you now."

 

A sudden change in direction like that can only be explained by her being put off by my availability.

[htmshsj]

My ex-GF is the young (24 y/o), pretty damn hot, shallow type. When she sat me down to talk about her confusing feelings about our relationship two months ago, I basically lost it, cried, told her I'd be crushed if we broke up. Then she took the plunge and dumped me the next day. She was definitely on the border prior to that conversation, saying things like "this is the most confused I've ever been, I don't want to make a mistake." I feel like I made it so easy for her by appearing weak.

 

Then I deleted her on social media after she dumped me, which she said was "immature" and I know she saw it as another sign of weakness and caring a lot, boosting her ego further.

 

Basically, now that I'm in a slightly better spot, I want to call her out and be like "I know you seeing me get emotional and me deleting you on social media when we broke up turned you off and that's BS." Just to see what she says. She's the emotionless "Ice Queen" hot girl type who is turned off by anything "feminine" in a man. She thought I cared so much that she assumed she can do better. This is how young, hot, arrogant chicks are, IMHO. I was blind to it because she had been doting on my the day before and I trusted her to take my feelings differently.

 

In other words, she had started playing a game long before I did, and I got burned even worse for it. Had I known that she's a heartless, fickle person I wouldn't have opened up like I did. Now I'm regretting inflating her ego and wish I could say something...anything...to bring her down to earth.

 

I'm probably not going to say anything, even though there's A LOT I'd like to say. I'm assuming you'll all say that deflating her ego is best achieved by not contacting her. Woof, life sucks sometimes.

 

 

It doesn't sound like she has many good qualities other than being young and hot. Just let it go and date someone who is a good person. You'll have a better relationship that way. And if she's super hot, consider it a bonus.

Edited November 22, 2015 by htmshsj

[bubbaganoosh]

Sooner or later she's going to run into a guy with the same kind of ego, dump her and cool her ass off. Then maybe she'll find out that she ain't all that.

 

As far as you. You learned a lesson. Let it go and move on. Chalk it up as a lesson and learn from it.

[eightninevision]

Sooner or later she's going to run into a guy with the same kind of ego, dump her and cool her ass off. Then maybe she'll find out that she ain't all that.

 

As far as you. You learned a lesson. Let it go and move on. Chalk it up as a lesson and learn from it.

 

Thanks for coming at be with this, this is more the type of thing I wanted to hear. She's only had two serious boyfriends, myself and one other dude. For privacy I'm not going to say too much about either of us, but we are both what society considers "super successful" - he's a star athlete at a top college, I'm in a top grad program that is going to lead to a great career.

 

Furthermore she has also been with (not dated) an NBA player while he was in college and an NFL player while he was in college. So in her mind, she is just the **** being able to get all of these so called "studs" but she's in for a rude awakening at some point I believe when she realizes I was the only one that would have actually committed to her long term (I was super attracted to her sense of humor, interests and attitude up until the breakup), and by that point I'll be long gone. These other guys just use her as a sex doll.

 

Her loss, as they say, but the rub is that by the time she realizes it (if she does) it will be too late.

[Greekboy]

Mate this is exactly what happened to me, I did the typical begging and pleading as well but only because when I told her we should take a break she immediately started saying that she'll miss me etc. 3 weeks later and after trying to sort things out she switched off and turned into a completely indifferent person towards me.

 

Let me guess, no signs of remorse or even a single apology?

Talking to you as if you never existed and you werent a significant part of her life?

 

Been there mate! I even had an encounter with her a month ago when she was cute and all smiles as if nothing happened between us. ( I mistakenly took it as a positive sign and decided to talk to her which led to nothing but her getting the satisfaction of being over me)

 

To sum it up, I know it is difficult because there is something special about some people and the way they make us feel but you need to run fast. I'm still recovering from all this and it is the by far the hardest situation I've ever faced. Go NC and erase her from your memory, she doesn't deserve you.

 

On a positive note she is the one that will have to live with herself for the rest of her life, not you

[eightninevision]

Mate this is exactly what happened to me, I did the typical begging and pleading as well but only because when I told her we should take a break she immediately started saying that she'll miss me etc. 3 weeks later and after trying to sort things out she switched off and turned into a completely indifferent person towards me.

 

Let me guess, no signs of remorse or even a single apology?

Talking to you as if you never existed and you werent a significant part of her life?

 

Been there mate! I even had an encounter with her a month ago when she was cute and all smiles as if nothing happened between us. ( I mistakenly took it as a positive sign and decided to talk to her which led to nothing but her getting the satisfaction of being over me)

 

To sum it up, I know it is difficult because there is something special about some people and the way they make us feel but you need to run fast. I'm still recovering from all this and it is the by far the hardest situation I've ever faced. Go NC and erase her from your memory, she doesn't deserve you.

 

On a positive note she is the one that will have to live with herself for the rest of her life, not you

 

WOW that is scary accurate. I even said that at one point are the breakup, "how can you go from saying I love you and sending me winter break plans to nothing over night?" she just responded "my feelings have changed"

 

I took this girl (didn't pay but accompanied) to wine country and South America within the first 4 months of dating. Her dad would text her to say how much he loved me. My friends said after the breakup "Oh she'll be back, she's not just gonna walk away on you."

 

So all of that, and her attitude just before the breakup left me thinking all she needed to know was that I loved her. Nope. Offers of my love have been accepted with open arms and reciprocated with "I feel nothing for you anymore."

 

It's truly the most painful and confusing thing I can remember going through. We made plans for me to finish grad school and move to where she's moving. All on her suggestion. I was never happier.

[Greekboy]

WOW that is scary accurate. I even said that at one point are the breakup, "how can you go from saying I love you and sending me winter break plans to nothing over night?" she just responded "my feelings have changed"

 

I took this girl (didn't pay but accompanied) to wine country and South America within the first 4 months of dating. Her dad would text her to say how much he loved me. My friends said after the breakup "Oh she'll be back, she's not just gonna walk away on you."

 

So all of that, and her attitude just before the breakup left me thinking all she needed to know was that I loved her. Nope. Offers of my love have been accepted with open arms and reciprocated with "I feel nothing for you anymore."

 

It's truly the most painful and confusing thing I can remember going through. We made plans for me to finish grad school and move to where she's moving. All on her suggestion. I was never happier.

 

I feel you man, she introduced me to her family as someone special too! Both friends and family were so happy that we were together.

 

It was similar for me as well, 2 weeks before we broke up she was all cute and crazy about me. And then she delivered the I have no feelings for you line and I was never really in love with you. Mad eh?

 

I think we both need to take this as a learning experience and never put anyone on a pedestal and get emotionally attached during the early stages of the relationship.

 

Painful and confusing is exactly how I would describe this. Going from idolisation to total devaluation within a timeframe of 7 months? That is no normal behaviour my friend.

 

Stay strong and we'll get through this. PM me if you feel like talking about it:)

[eightninevision]

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