Broken up, back together, broken up.. Shed some light?

[thatguyoverthere555]

I really need to get this off of my chest guys and get some advice.

 

I was in a relationship with a woman a decade older than me for over 4 years. We were so happy and in love for the longest time. Her kids loved me as their dad and I loved them as my own. I thought we would end up married to each other.

 

Back in the summer, we had a big fight. We were both going through a lot of life changes. Me with my career, a close friend passing away, past issues I hadn't dealt with yet.. Her starting a business, etc. It all just got too much. We grew apart and we had sex less and less. We break up and I move out at the end of the month. We still kept in touch and we could tell that there were still feelings there. We would go out on the weekends and hang out and still see each other twice a week or so. Two times I poured my heart out to her and let her know that I still loved her but she always said that we were moving backwards if we got back together. She always held on to 'in a year' we will see where we are and if we still have a spark.

 

I go no contact for a month. I needed to heal and couldn't deal with seeing her date and be with other guys. I met a really cool girl that I'd been hanging out with but didn't want to get too serious too fast as I was still dealing with the past breakup. Fast forward to this month. We start talking through the week and meet up on the weekend. We get really drunk and dance, kiss, hold each other just like old times. We end up hooking up and she unexpectedly pours her whole heart out to me. Tells me she wants to get married. That she never stopped loving me from the first day that we got together. She can't imagine life without me. She thinks about me every single day. There's a hole in her heart that only I can fill.. etc. Asks if I want her to be my girlfriend again. I say yes but we need to work on a few things. We spend the whole weekend together and it was amazing..

 

The week comes and she starts getting distant until we talk a few days later. She says that she doesn't know what she wants and that we both need time to grow. That I haven't had enough life experience and that we jumped into everything too fast. That she's not ready to settle down and needs to figure herself out. Shouldn't a woman her age and in her position want stability? We have a great time together, care for each other and our sex life had been incredible.

 

I'm so hurt guys. Why would she say all of these things and not mean them? When you're drunk, the truth comes out.. But you don't lie about things so I know it came from somewhere deep in her heart. I was doing so well with starting to move on and now I'm right back to square one. She wants to be friends and keep in touch, and honestly I do too as I don't want her out of my life. I don't know if I can handle that unfortunately. This has been the hardest 5 months of my life. I know I need to cut contact but can anyone shed some light on how she could say all of these heart felt things and just change her mind again? Where should I go from here?

[thatguyoverthere555]

Anyone? I need some outside perspective. She invited me to come to her house and eat dinner the other night. We had a good time. Is she still confused and where do I go from here? I'm thinking about laying it all on the line because I can't get her out of my head. Let her know that I'm willing to take it slow if she is and rebuild what we have. If she still doesn't want to go on a date to see where we stand I don't think I can talk to her for a good while. I think it scared her that we jumped into all of this so quickly. I just need some clarity.

[mrwigand]

Hey, I'm so sorry that you're going through something this painful and confusing.

 

I don't know what's going on in her head, but this isn't good for you--this whole business of still spending time together even though your relationship is in question. It's torturing you, and it's not fair.

 

I know it hurts, but it's best to move on. This isn't going to get better. She doesn't know what she wants, but she also doesn't want to let you go. That's not fair to you, but you have to make the decision to stop this so you can heal.

 

Good luck.