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GIGS - BACK TO GIGS? so


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Hi everyone. I have been a long time lurker of this website, and it really helped me through my breakup A LOT and everyone on here has totally been right of what (my ex) she would end up doing.

OKAY HERE IS MY STORY AND ILL TRY TO MAKE IT SHORT AS POSSIBLE:

 

 

OKAY. we were eachothers first relationship since we were 16 our relationship ended when we were 20. so were together just little under 4 years.

- our relationship was great we loved eachother a lot even up to the point she went on her lame ass trip

- we broke up about 4 months ago in the summer when we were home from university

- basically she went on this trip and "cheated" on me physically and emotionally she cuddled, slept in the same bed, and even held hands but she told me that there was nothing more than that (I doubt that)

- she comes back and shes acting really cold, kind of getting mad at me for the stupidest things and taking her anger out on me? idk I took this **** because I missed her and we were fighting about our issues etc. but we decided to make it work

- she wasn't acting herself she was acting extremely obnoxious, but I was just waiting for it to ween out

- she planned on being out of town for the next 3 days or so (to the city with the guy she cheated on me with)

-so the next day I confronted her about how she was acting shady and what not, she still wasn't owning up to it until I had to ask her if she fell for anyone on her trip and then she said YEAH but it didn't mean anything she told me it was just a crush and some flirting

- I was obviously pissed so I left home

- a couple hours later she texts me saying she is inlove with me and that she will do anything to make it up to me and that she didn't realize how ****ed up she was acting and that she respects any decision I make (this is before I find out about the cuddling etc)

- I don't respond because I don't want to the make a decision that was based off of anger or even attachment etc

- i say "ill text you when i feel like i can" I don't respond for two days while she is out of the city with this dude clearly

- then i get a text "we need to talk"

- so we meet the next day and she dumps me saying that the relationship became too comfortable etc just a lot of bull****, and i asked her "what about your text" and she said that she didn't mean it and that she was backtracking and grasping or wtv

- she said "our options are that we break up or go on a break and see other people"

- i said fine to the break but i said that it couldn't involve the guy she fell for on the trip

- MAGICALLY the option of a break goes away lol and she dumps me and doesn't want to try and was like blaming this on me sort of?

- so we breakup i am pissed off that she betrayed me and she was acting so damn ****ty and not herself but i accepted it and went home

- then not even an hour later she texts me how she loves me so much and she ****ed up etc. and i don't respond to any of these because she was clearly backtracking again and became scared i hardly respond to any of her texts for a month

- she started a relationship with this guy the day after we broke up

- i stay NO CONTACT

- she keeps texting me that she still wants to talk and that she wants to be friends and that we were meant to be bestfriends etc. and i don't respond

- also side note she always discussed about having an open relationship near the end of relationship i kept saying NO but i said maybe sometime

- this was REALLY looking like gigs to me

- after a month i gave in and said i would meet and talk to her

- we met up and it did not go well we were both yelling and blaming eachother for stuff and this is when i find out about the cuddling etc. and so i was rightfully pissed off. i told her she was immature and selfish and self-absorbed etc. (i was really angry) STILL no apology

- she ends up getting up and leaving

- i start no contact immedialely again and i move back to the city where our universities are

- i start moving on

- then i get an email two weeks later from our meetup of a huge apology (finally) and she said things like she made the biggest mistake of her life etc. and that she destroyed the best thing she had

- i don't respond to the email and just accepted the apology and continued moving on

- she texts me a day later asking if i got the email i said "ya" and then she said that she stills completely in love with me and to please meet with her

- LONG STORY SHORT: she keeps texting me for the next two months, sending me lists of why we should try again, how badly she wants to be with me again, and made poems about me, and how she thinks that "im the one" etc. she really wants to meet with me again and that she changed (all while she is with the gigs guy)

- i keep telling her that its not agood idea etc and basically telling her NO

- especially after reading everything about GIGS i knew nothing would have changed, and that she would just do this all over again and that she needed time to grow up etc. she keeps pestering to meet with me in person so my fam and friends think its a good idea that i do that and tell her that i cant be with her right now but maybe sometime in the future

- we meet it was like nothing REALLY changed we were laughing and talking about our lives

- we get into the conversation and she is crying and apologizing and that she would do anything to be with me again ETC the whole deal

- i said that i love her, but i think it is important to live our lives without eachother and to experience and grow up and that we can try maybe in like a year or so etc (especially when i read online that this must needs to happen before reconciliation and honestly it was obvious that nothing changed on her part)

- she always said that i was the best to be with physically and emotionally etc

- she says that im making a "mistake" etc. and starts kind of getting mad at me? then she gets up and leaves

- and i asked if she wants a hug she said no, i asked if she wanted to walk together outside and she said no (i understood though because i did reject her (rightfully so) and she was going through a hard time as well)

- AND the next day she is back to her love dovey relationship with her GIGS guy and making it vocal on social media etc.

 

 

WHAT THE **** IS GOING ON? i am so annoyed because the slightest bit in me thought maybe she would change? and that maybe take the time off to do herself? do you think that they will last?

uhg i am back to NO-Contact but i cant help but stalk her on social media and it gets me so pissed off.

i do want to try sometime in the future if that make sense at the time, but seriously what are your guys opinions? does she still have gigs? do you think this relationship will last even though she told me she is so inlove with me and that she would drop him to be with me? im so confused

ALSO doesn't help that it is CUFFING season

Edited by holysteer
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This girl is a total mess. As long as you keep (even minimum) contact with her, you're strongly affected by her mess. She doesn't care about you for a bit, she's only using you as a fuel to provide her internal chaos.

 

Yes. people can change (rarely), but it will take her 20 years to change... Would you wait so long suffering in misery? Are you nuts? Block her completely and move on.

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Honestly, it was unlikely you'd have stayed together forever. Relationships that start when you're so young usually don't, because people grow and change and want to experience other people before settling down.

 

Time to cut the cord for good on this one. She didn't love or respect you enough to stay faithful (and I also doubt very strongly that holding hands and cuddling was the extent of it) and you will eventually find a woman who would never dream of doing that to you. This girl isn't The One.

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Honestly, it was unlikely you'd have stayed together forever. Relationships that start when you're so young usually don't, because people grow and change and want to experience other people before settling down.

 

Time to cut the cord for good on this one. She didn't love or respect you enough to stay faithful (and I also doubt very strongly that holding hands and cuddling was the extent of it) and you will eventually find a woman who would never dream of doing that to you. This girl isn't The One.

 

i know it was unlikely that we were going to stay together however i never though she would ever do something this ****ed up to me. god i never knew i was dating such a confused ****ing mess. if anything i learned from this experience but holy hell does it ever still just suck and get me so annoyed

i know i have to cut the cord completely but it is so hard when this person was once my life for four consecutive years just sucks that she has turned into a person i really dont think i like anymore and all of it just really really sucks

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I hear ya man. Definitely one of the hardest things to watch in life is someone you care so much for leave. Or change so drastically that you have to leave for yourself. She really doesnt seem to grasp some things in life yet, and with her age I do believe she feels like some freedom is more important than a loving relationship. I commend your NC so far, but definitely cut that social media stuff out. I have pretty much shifted my social media time to these forums, and it has made a big difference in how I feel. I no longer scroll through instagram worrying what the next picture might be. Or what she has favorited in twitter. It's better this way.

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Oh boy is this a carbon copy of my Ex. Over and over again this would profess her undying love for and confess that she made the biggest mistake of her life. the next day she is back to being an evil witch i never once would have believed her capable of. I do understand people breakup but the manner at which your Ex handled it was terrible. same as mine.

 

Like me, sooner or later you will learn that being nice and civil, choosing to belief what an Ex that has one so many terrible things say is detrimental.

 

They will not change and if they do it will take years brother.

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i know it was unlikely that we were going to stay together however i never though she would ever do something this ****ed up to me. god i never knew i was dating such a confused ****ing mess. if anything i learned from this experience but holy hell does it ever still just suck and get me so annoyed

i know i have to cut the cord completely but it is so hard when this person was once my life for four consecutive years just sucks that she has turned into a person i really dont think i like anymore and all of it just really really sucks

 

Tell her just what you wrote above and this time stick with the NC and move on. She's shown you what life will be like with her. Maybe it took four years for it to come out but now it's out in the open and you can clearly see it. Move on.

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Thanks guys all of this helps and im going to try my best not to look at her social media or limit it a lot as a start.

I know it is stupid to wonder but i cant help it, do you think that they will last???? i dont want to know cuz i wanted to get with her because she did temporarily break it off with him to try again with me but i said no because i knew he was obviously in the picture and she still had feeling for him and cuz nothing changed on her part (he is also so gross and unappealing lol)

 

But im just curious obviously abd obviously dont want them to work out, what are your ideas? Opinions?

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Thanks guys all of this helps and im going to try my best not to look at her social media or limit it a lot as a start.

I know it is stupid to wonder but i cant help it, do you think that they will last???? i dont want to know cuz i wanted to get with her because she did temporarily break it off with him to try again with me but i said no because i knew he was obviously in the picture and she still had feeling for him and cuz nothing changed on her part (he is also so gross and unappealing lol)

 

But im just curious obviously abd obviously dont want them to work out, what are your ideas? Opinions?

 

Who knows if they will or not. No one on here can answer your question as to if it will or not. She may find things about him that are appealing to her. She found things about you that were not appealing to her. Best thing is to disappear from her life. She will not forget any time soon, so get to strict NC and work on yourself. You never know, she may reappear down the road and maybe then you will have a clearer picture of things and can decide if you'd even still want her back, but you can't be hoping right now because you're too emotional and will take her back in a second. It can't work that way for things to have a shot long term. Understand that getting back right now or anytime soon will have pretty much a zero percent chance of working.

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Who knows if they will or not. No one on here can answer your question as to if it will or not. She may find things about him that are appealing to her. She found things about you that were not appealing to her. Best thing is to disappear from her life. She will not forget any time soon, so get to strict NC and work on yourself. You never know, she may reappear down the road and maybe then you will have a clearer picture of things and can decide if you'd even still want her back, but you can't be hoping right now because you're too emotional and will take her back in a second. It can't work that way for things to have a shot long term. Understand that getting back right now or anytime soon will have pretty much a zero percent chance of working.

You see i know that i need to dissapear and im working pretty hard on NC in terms of social media. However, i dont want to get with her if you read my story you can see that she tried to get back with me for a solid 2 months but i said NO politely but also because i knew the other guy was still in the picture and i knew that her "gigs" and i knew it would be just stupid to get back with her. So no inwouldnt and i havent gotten back with her within a second although i know what you are trying to say.

I know its stupid to hang up on the idea of whether or not they will work out but i just want peoples opinions.

And i know that no one can really answer my question but idk i am curious as to what people think from their own experiences or from what they witnessed

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